MANNERS AND RULES
OF
GOOD SOCIETY

MANNERS AND RULES
OF
GOOD SOCIETY
OR SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED

BY A MEMBER

OF THE ARISTOCRACY

THIRTY-EIGHTH EDITION

LONDON

FREDERICK WARNE AND CO.

AND NEW YORK

1916

(All rights reserved)

Printed in Great Britain

PREFACE

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"Manners and Rules of Good Society" contains all the information comprised in the original work, "Manners and Tone of Good Society," but with considerable additions. In a volume of this nature it is necessary to make constant revisions, and this is periodically done to keep it up to date, that it may be depended upon as being not only the most reliable, but also the newest book of etiquette.

A comparison of the number of chapters and their subjects with those of the early editions would best demonstrate how the work has grown, not merely in bulk, but in importance also. This extension has allowed many subjects to be more exhaustively treated than heretofore, and it now includes every rule and point that could possibly be comprehended in its title.

The work throughout its many editions has commended itself to the attention of thousands of readers, and it is hoped the present edition will be received by society in general with the marked success of its predecessors.

CONTENTS

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• CHAPTER PAGE
• INTRODUCTORY REMARKS [ix]

• THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE [1]
• INTRODUCTIONS [6]
• LEAVING CARDS [19]
• PAYING CALLS [32]
• PRECEDENCY [44]
• THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES [53]
• POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES [61]
• POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS [65]
• THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES [68]
• PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS [73]
• PRESENTATIONS AT LEVÉES AND ATTENDING LEVÉES [82]
• BALLS AND STATE BALLS [87]
• DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT [99]
• DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE [116]
• EVENING PARTIES [122]
• WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS [128]
• WEDDING RECEPTIONS [143]
• WEDDING EXPENSES [146]
• AFTERNOON "AT HOMES" [151]
• "AT HOME" DAYS [159]
• COLONIAL ETIQUETTE [161]
• INDIAN ETIQUETTE [164]
• GARDEN-PARTIES [166]
• TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES [171]
• EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES [174]
• LUNCHEONS [176]
• BREAKFASTS [183]
• PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES [186]
• JUVENILE PARTIES [190]
• WRITTEN INVITATIONS [195]
• REFUSING INVITATIONS [200]
• WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING [202]
• BOWING [206]
• THE COCKADE [209]
• COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS [211]
• HUNTING AND SHOOTING [219]
• SHAKING HANDS [225]
• CHAPERONS AND DÉBUTANTES [228]
• PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE [229]
• HOSTESSES [234]
• THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC BALLS [239]
• PERIODS OF MOURNING [242]
• ENGAGED [250]
• SILVER WEDDINGS [253]
• SUBSCRIPTION DANCES [256]
• GIVING PRESENTS [259]
• CHRISTENING PARTIES [261]
• INDEX [265]

INTRODUCTORY REMARKS

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The title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of its contents. The Usages of Good Society relate not only to good manners and to good breeding, but also to the proper etiquette to be observed on every occasion.

Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely explained, but the most comprehensive instructions are given in each chapter respecting every form or phase of the subject under discussion that it may be clearly understood what is done, or what is not done, in good society, and also how what is done in good society should be done. It is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women the consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they may happen to move, and causes them to be considered well bred by all with whom they may come in contact.

A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter, but in the eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect, and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is committed; the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently not on an equal footing with it. This society resents, and is not slow in making its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender.

Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest assistance to one unused to society, do not suffice of themselves; and although counting for much, cannot supply the want of the actual knowledge of what is customary in society. Where tact and innate refinement do not exist—and this is not seldom the case, as they are gifts bestowed upon the few rather than upon the many—then a thorough acquaintance with the social observances in force in society becomes more than ever necessary, and especially to those who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their way in the world.

Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated lives, or who have hitherto moved in other spheres than those wherein well-bred people move, will gather all the information necessary from these pages to render them thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of society.

This work will be found of equal service to both men and women, as in each chapter the points of social etiquette to be observed by both sexes have been fully considered.

Those having the charge of young ladies previous to their introduction into society, either mothers, chaperons, or governesses, will also derive much useful and practical information from the perusal of this work, while to those thoroughly versed in the usages of society it cannot fail to commend itself, containing as it does many useful and valuable hints on social questions.

MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY

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CHAPTER I

THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE

What is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It is a poor one in itself, and falls very far short of its wide application. It has an old-fashioned ring about it, savouring of stiffness, primness, and punctiliousness, which renders it distasteful to many possessing advanced ideas; and yet the word etiquette is not so very old either, as Johnson did not include it in his dictionary, and Walker apologises for introducing it into his, and according to the authorities he quotes, it is supposed to be derived from stichos, stichus, stichetus, sticketta, and from thence to etiquette. But whether derived from the Latin or the French—and many incline to the latter opinion—there is no doubt that could a new word be found to replace this much abused one, it would be a welcome addition to our vocabulary. The word has unfortunately become associated in our minds with forms, ceremonies, and observances, in an exaggerated degree; and it has been so constantly misused and misinterpreted and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt have been most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it. The true meaning of etiquette can hardly be described in dictionary parlance; it embraces the whole gamut of good manners, good breeding, and true politeness. One of the reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word "etiquette" into disrepute, is the manner in which the subject has been handled by incompetent people, who, having but a very hazy and obscure knowledge, if any knowledge at all, yet profess to write guides to polite manners—rambling and incoherent guides, which not only provoke a smile from those better informed, but mislead and bewilder any one rash enough to consult them, without previous inquiry as to whether they are safe to follow. A little caution on this head would insure the most correct and reliable work being secured amongst so much that is unreliable. Some people read everything that is written on the subject of etiquette, not only those who are ignorant and wish to learn something of its laws, but those who are thoroughly well versed in them and who, one might suppose, had nothing to learn; still these latter like to see what is written, to feel the satisfaction of being supported in their own knowledge by a well-informed writer; or of finding amusement in the absurdities gravely advanced by some one writing from another sphere than that where savoir vivre reigns. Others attach a very narrow meaning to the word etiquette, and neither accept it nor understand it in its true sense; they have an idea that its rules influence and govern society in general. Rules of etiquette are from their point of view but trammels and shackles; let them be cast off or burst through, say they; let every one do as he likes; let all behave as they like; we are in a free country, why should we not wipe our mouths upon the tablecloth if we please? Others again, devour books of etiquette on the quiet; they are very much in want of instruction as every one knows, but they have not the courage to confess that they are awake of this want, and are trying to pick up some knowledge of this kind to be useful to them; as their aim is to rise in the social scale, they would not let their friends know for worlds about this new study, but they know it, and find that they have improved, that they do not commit as many gaucheries as heretofore; still, they have caught the letter rather than the spirit of etiquette, they have read the rules it prescribes, and act up to them as far as their memories serve them; but they have failed in one essential particular of understanding that courtesy, consideration towards others, and unselfishness, are the sources of true politeness from which etiquette springs.

There is an idea amongst some few people who have mixed little in the world, and moved but in one fixed groove, that the more exalted the sphere, the more perfect the manners. It is needless to attempt to refute such a fallacy as this, for examples of the most perfect manner are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast of long lineage and high birth, but also amongst those who lay claim to neither.

Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the refinement, polish, and culture of years, of centuries. Wealth and luxury, and contact with all that is beautiful in art and nature, have in all ages exercised a powerful influence on the manners of men; we do not say on the times, as unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the many but were confined to the strictly few; but in these modern days the many have come, and still come, within the charmed circle; the ring broadens, ever widens; it is not now as in olden days that "their lot forbade." On the contrary, the possession of wealth or of talent is the open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. The word etiquette is too narrow for all it embraces; it must be viewed in a double light, and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true politeness, but the conventionalities of society give the finish and completeness to the whole, the colour, as it were, to the picture. In some the conventional spirit is uppermost and they have at best but a surface polish. In others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed full play, and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left undone in their intercourse with their fellows, and these graces of kindly politeness linger in the memory, trivial though they may have been, years after one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady, and one says of him, "What a charming man he was, how courteous and considerate, and how kind!" and of her, "She was the sweetest and prettiest-mannered woman I ever met."

It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and unaffectedly charming without a shadow of self-consciousness or effort. To assume a would-be charming manner for the moment, with the desire to be unusually pleasing to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit easy enough to be altogether natural; it conveys the idea of being put on for the occasion, and, like all other imitations, it hardly ever pleases and seldom deceives. Etiquette and true politeness would have us go further than this, and our manners of to-day should be our manners of to-morrow, and not variable according to place and persons. The world is quick to note these uncertain demeanours, and every one's measure is readily taken and retained.

The rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth working of society at large. Take, for example, the etiquette of precedency, in force both in public and in private: on every public occasion, and in every private circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is as necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest public gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her place as far as claim can be laid to place. Mistakes in the matter of precedency are not only committed by those who have enjoyed few social advantages, but by those also who have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for instance, when married from the schoolroom, as it were, often make grave mistakes on the question of precedency, if they do not ignore it altogether.

The etiquette of card leaving and that of paying calls are indisputably necessary and only the very ignorant would attempt to gainsay their utility; without these aids to order and method all intercourse between friends and acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic; as it is there is little excuse when the right thing is not done, and any departure from the simple rules laid down on these heads, is the best possible proof of the standing, position, and associations of the one at fault.

Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common-sense would be pronounced reasonable, proper, and sensible; and there is strictly speaking no question of etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon which a like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous, arbitrary or tyrannical, and taken collectively the rules are but social obligations due from one person to another. Why should we not be a well-mannered people? Why should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our demeanour and bearing? Why should we not seek to charm if we can? Why should we not cultivate and encourage in ourselves consideration, thoughtfulness, and graciousness towards others in the smallest details of daily life?

[CHAPTER II]

INTRODUCTIONS

There are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious introductions, premeditated introductions and unpremeditated introductions; but, in all cases, introductions should never be indiscriminately made—that is to say, without a previous knowledge on the part of those making them as to whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to appreciate each other, or the reverse, or unless they have expressed a desire to become acquainted. For instance, a lady should not introduce two of her acquaintances residing in a country town or watering-place, moving in different circles, unless they have each expressed such a desire.

An Undesired Introduction, if made, compels the one to whom it is the most unwelcome, to treat the other with marked coldness, or to continue an acquaintance that is distasteful.

Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction will be received—whether the meditated introduction is a spontaneous desire on the part of a lady or gentleman, or whether one person expressed a wish to make the acquaintance of another person and expressed that wish to a mutual friend—the received rule is to consult the wishes of both persons on the subject before making the introduction.

When a Difference of Rank exists between two persons, it would be sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person of highest rank alone.

A person about to make an introduction, should say to the one lady, but not in the hearing of the other, "Mrs. A——, may I introduce Mrs. B—— to you?" or some such formula, according to the degree of intimacy existing between herself and Mrs. A. (See "The Art of Conversing.")

When two ladies are of equal rank, the wishes of the person with whom the person making the introduction is least intimate should be consulted.

In the case of one person having expressed a wish to make the acquaintance of another, there remains but the wishes of one person to ascertain.

Acquiescence having been given, the introduction should be made.

In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank should be introduced to the lady of highest rank; in no case should the lady of highest rank be introduced to the lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should always be strictly observed.

A Gentleman should always be introduced to a Lady, whatever his rank may be, without reference to her rank, whatever it may be. This rule is invariable, and is based upon the privilege of the sex—"place aux dames."

It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to whether he will be introduced to a lady or not, although at a ball it is usual to do so when the introduction is made for a special object, viz., that of obtaining a partner for a lady; and as a gentleman may be either unable or unwilling to ask the lady to dance, it is incumbent to ascertain beforehand whether the introduction is desired or not, otherwise the introduction would be of no avail for the purpose, and prove a disappointment to the lady.

"Would you like to be introduced to Miss A——?" or some such polite phrase (see "The Art of Conversing"), is the sort of formula by which to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room; as ball-room introductions are understood to mean an intention on the part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper.

In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, rather than to avoid the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective of whatever sets in society to which they belong. It is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in society his acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without offending any in their several circles.

With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is a lady with regard to the acquaintanceships which she forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on which acquaintanceships between men are established, subject, in a certain measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject to wide exceptions.

It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or an acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the received rule to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in particular; but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other, unless some special reason exists for so doing—some reason that would commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as to the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish would appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the request might meet with a refusal, and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined.

When Introductions are made between Ladies, an unmarried lady should be introduced to a married lady, unless the unmarried lady is of a higher rank than the married lady, when the rule is reversed.

The correct formula in use when making introductions is "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first, as she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank, "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial which name is mentioned first; but there generally exists sufficient difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight distinction in favour of the one or of the other, which the person making the introduction should take into consideration.

When the introduction has been made, the ladies should bow to each other, and either lady should make a slight remark.

It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to shake hands, but only to bow; but there are very many exceptions to this rule.

When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should she offer to shake hands, it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her part.

When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each other, they would be expected to shake hands, instead of bowing only.

The relations of an engaged couple should, on being introduced, shake hands with both bride and bridegroom elect, as should the intimate friends of an engaged couple; as also should the relations of the two families on being introduced to each other.

It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to shake hands, in every case, when a gentleman is introduced to her.

A lady should shake hands with every one introduced to her in her own house—that is to say, whether the person is brought by a mutual friend, or is present by invitation obtained through a mutual friend.

At Dinner-parties, both small and large, the hostess should use her own discretion as to the introductions she thinks proper to make. It is not customary to make general introductions at a dinner-party; but in sending guests down to dinner, who are strangers to each other, the host or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady whom he is to take down to dinner. It would be quite unnecessary to ask the lady's permission before doing so. It would be sufficient to make the introduction a few moments before dinner was announced, and the usual formula is, "Mrs. A., Mr. B. will take you in to dinner." A bow is the recognition of this introduction.

When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to each other, a host or hostess should introduce one or two of the principal guests to each other, when time allows of its being done before dinner is served; such introductions are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town dinner-parties.

A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies to each other in the drawing-room after dinner if the opportunity offers, and she considers it advisable to do so.

As a rule, a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each other in the dining-room after dinner, as they address each other as a matter of course on such occasions.

A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each other, at five-o'clock teas, garden-parties, small "at homes," etc.—that is to say, gentlemen to ladies—for the purpose of their taking the ladies to the tea-room. In this case also, the introduction should be made without previously consulting the lady; and a gentleman, knowing the reason of the introduction, should at once proffer the expected civility.

At these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion as to any general introductions she thinks proper to make, and should introduce any gentleman to any lady without previously consulting the lady if she thinks the introduction will prove agreeable to her.

When introducing ladies to each other, she should give married ladies, and ladies of rank, the option of the introduction; but should introduce young unmarried ladies to each other if she thinks proper.

When Callers arrive simultaneously, the hostess should introduce them directly or indirectly to each other, if there is no social reason to the contrary.

When a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire each other's acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the introduction is not altogether a suitable one, agreeable to both persons, she should not make it, but converse with each visitor in turn, at the same time not allowing the conversation to become too general.

At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each other's acquaintanceship, could be present at the house of a mutual acquaintance without coming into direct contact with one another, providing the host and hostess possessed sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to effect a rapprochement between them.

At Country-house Parties, the hostess should introduce the principal ladies to one another on the first day of their arrival; but if it is a large party, introductions should not be generally made, but should be made according to the judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being guests in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction, and it rests with the guests thus brought together whether the acquaintanceship ripens into subsequent intimacy or not.

The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas and "at homes." The guests converse with each other if inclined to do so. The act of so conversing would not constitute an acquaintanceship, although it might, under some circumstances, establish a bowing acquaintanceship, especially between gentlemen.

Ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging a few remarks at afternoon tea, or at a garden-party, unless there were some particular social link between them to warrant their so doing, in which case the lady of highest rank should take the initiative.

Introductions at Public Balls.—It is erroneous to suppose that it is the duty of stewards to make introductions at public balls; it is the exception, and not the rule, for stewards to introduce persons to each other who are strangers to themselves.

Society objects, and the stewards object, to making promiscuous introductions, on the following grounds: first, as regards the chaperon, whether mother or relative, who has the charge of a young lady; then as regards a young lady herself; and last, but not least, as regards the position occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally looks and feels displeased when a steward who is a stranger to herself offers to introduce a man who is evidently a stranger to him, which fact she gathers by his saying, "This gentleman wishes to be introduced to your daughter," or by his asking the stranger his name before making the introduction. A chaperon is responsible for the acquaintances a young lady forms while under her charge at a ball, and if amongst her own friends and acquaintances she cannot find partners for her, she would prefer that she spent a comparatively dull evening than that she should run the risk of forming undesirable acquaintances.

Young ladies have not always the discretion possessed by their elders, or sufficient knowledge of the world to do the right thing. Thus, some young ladies would either coldly decline the introductions, or if the introductions were made, would as coldly decline to dance, whilst others, anxious to dance, would accept both the introductions and the partners, and take their chance as to whether their brothers would like to see them dancing with strangers thus introduced. A steward himself particularly dislikes to be made responsible for a man he does not know; and whether a chaperon and a young lady are old friends of his, or whether they are merely new acquaintances, they equally trust to his not introducing men to them whom they would not care to know, and of whom he knows nothing save that they have solicited an introduction to them.

Very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they merely know by sight and by name for the purpose of introducing a stranger; they prefer to decline to make the introduction, on the plea of not having the honour of the lady's acquaintance.

Stewards consider that the position of a young man must be a peculiar one, and his presence at a ball somewhat of an anomaly, if he does not possess an acquaintance in the room, through whom he can become known to one or other of the stewards, or through whom he can be introduced to any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance.

When a gentleman is introduced to a young lady at a public ball, it generally means that he is introduced to her as a partner, and that though he may not ask her for the next dance, he will for a subsequent one, or that he will at least offer to take her in to supper, or, if earlier in the evening, to give her some tea, or if she declines these civilities, that he will continue a conversation with her until the next dance commences, or until a dance is over. When a gentleman does neither of these things, but walks away as soon as the introduction is made, it is a proof how little he desired it, and that doubtless the option was not given him of refusing it.

Good-natured friends of both sexes know how difficult it is to get partners for well-dressed, well-mannered, good-looking girls at a ball, unless they are more than ordinarily attractive in some way or other, in which case they are popular and sought after, and the only difficulty rests with the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best apportion the dances so as to satisfy their numerous partners, or persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which they have promised to, etc.

It is a well-known fact in the ball-going world that the majority of young men insist upon being introduced to the most popular girls in a ball-room, and refuse being introduced to one who does not appear to have plenty of partners.

Public balls are in reality made up of a number of small parties and different sets, each set or party being entirely independent of the other.

At county balls the county people take large house-parties, and each house-party does or does not mingle with other house-parties, according to standing or inclination.

If three large house-parties join forces at a ball they form a very imposing majority; but there are other sets in the same ball-room, dancing to the same band and adjourning to the same supper-room, equally apart and equally distinct.

At balls held at watering-places, although the residents do not take large house-parties, yet they join forces with those residents with whom they are acquainted, reinforced by friends who come down purposely to be present at the ball. Thus, on the face of it, a steward's introductions cannot fail to be ill-received, in whatever set he may be coerced into making them; and it is well understood that introductions, to prove acceptable, should only be made through friends and acquaintances, and even then with tact and judgment.

As the stewards of a ball are usually the most influential gentlemen in the place, it naturally follows that they are acquainted with many, if not with all, of the principal people present, therefore when they make introductions it is not by virtue of their office, but simply as a matter of friendship, and through being personally acquainted with those introduced by them.

Introductions out of doors are rather a matter of inclination than not, as, for instance, when a lady is walking with another lady to whom she is on a visit she should introduce any friends to her hostess she might happen to meet, and her hostess should do likewise if time and opportunity offer for so doing; should any reason exist for not making an introduction on the part of either lady, it should be explained when they are again alone, as were either of the ladies to exclude the other from the conversation it would be considered discourteous towards the one excluded. When two ladies accidentally meet when out walking, and are subsequently joined by two or more ladies, introductions should not be made by either of the ladies, unless some special reason exists for so doing. A lady, as a rule, should not introduce gentlemen to each other unless one of them is her host, when it would be correct to do so.

How to act on the Occasion of an Introduction is determined almost entirely upon the reason for its being made, and by whom and to whom the person is introduced. Even the locale has something to do with it, and thus a variety of issues are raised, upon which an instantaneous judgment has to be given. The mind has to travel with lightning rapidity over the ground to arrive at a correct course of action; but the mind does not always respond to the call made upon it: it hesitates, and acts not upon the outcome of reflection, but upon the spur of the moment.

The Received Rule is not to shake hands, but merely to bow on being introduced; but this rule under certain circumstances would not meet the case; it would disappoint the one introducing and the one introduced. For instance if a relative of the former is the person introduced a bow would be a very chilling response to the introduction made; to shake hands, on the contrary, would be the correct thing to do, and both persons should offer at the same moment this cordial recognition. On the other hand, if a casual introduction is made without any premeditation, and those introduced are totally unknown to each other, an exchange of bows is all that is required of them.

Amongst the Exceptions for not merely bowing on being introduced are the introductions made between young ladies and elderly ones, and between young ladies themselves. An elderly lady, as a general rule, shakes hands with a girl introduced to her with the idea of being cordial and kind, not to say condescending, and girls generally shake hands with each other in place of bowing, as acquaintanceships formed by them have not the importance that attaches to those of older ladies; besides, a greater readiness to make friends is the privilege and characteristic of youth.

Men take very much the Same View as regards introductions as do women—that is to say, if an introduction is made by a relative of the man introduced, the men would shake hands and not merely bow. This holds equally good where intimate friends are concerned: they almost rank on the footing of relations, and a cordial reception is given to an introduction thus made. When casual introductions are made of necessity rather than of intention men do not shake hands. When "I think you have met A." or "I think you know Mr. A." is said—the one by a host and the other by a hostess—nothing further is required from either than a bow and a smile of acquiescence accepting the introduction and a disclaimer is not expected if "Mr. A." is not actually known. The uncertainty is an excuse for making the introduction.

Ladies do not rise from their Seats on being introduced either at an "At Home" or before dinner is announced, or after dinner, or when calling when people are introduced to them, or when they themselves are introduced. Half an exception occurs, it is true, at crowded "at homes," when to rise and talk to the lady introduced is almost a necessity: there is no vacant seat for her to take, and, therefore, if both do not stand, conversation is at a deadlock, as the few first conventional remarks made by either are lost in the general buzz going on around; also, it is awkward and ungraceful for a lady to bend over one seated for the purpose of saying a few platitudes. "Introductory remarks," or remarks following upon introductions, have too often a melancholy ring of commonplaceness about them and are distinctly trite. How can they be otherwise? To venture out of the commonplace into originality would be suspicious of eccentricity, and no one wishes to be considered a little odd.

Before and after Dinner, when Introductions are made between ladies it is to those seated near to each other, and, therefore, there would be no occasion to rise, as there might be at an "at home." There is no question of a lady rising from her seat when a man is introduced to her, unless that man is her host, when she should rise and shake hands with him, or a clerical dignity—a bishop for instance, if opportunity allows of it, and on a semi-official occasion. This question does not trouble men, as they are usually found standing, or they are brought up to a person to be introduced, and even if a man ventures upon sitting down at an "at home," or before dinner is announced, he springs to his feet with alacrity when any approach is made in the matter of introducing him to a fellow guest.

Introductions often have to be made at Afternoon Calls, supposing that two or three callers only are present and the hostess feels that she must render the talk general by making some kind of introduction, direct or indirect, as she thinks best. The ladies thus introduced remain seated and bow. They do not shake hands even under the exceptional conditions previously referred to, but they would at once join in the talk that passes for conversation, and on departure would shake hands with the relative in question after having shaken hands with the hostess and having expressed pleasure at meeting this near relative—mother or sister, or whoever she may happen to be.

Introductions between Callers made under enforced circumstances have not much bearing on future acquaintance. Those introduced pass so short a time in each other's company, and know practically nothing of each other's surroundings, that they are uncertain whether at future meetings they ought to recollect that such introductions have taken place, and whether they should bow or forget. Actually it would be correct to bow if the opportunity is given so to do, but unless the wish to bestow recognition is mutual it is of little avail if grudgingly given, and it would be worse still were it withheld. Some people have short memories for faces, and others are short-sighted, and both these drawbacks have to be reckoned with when expecting recognition from a person to whom one has been thus introduced.

[CHAPTER III]

LEAVING CARDS

The etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and intimacies, to regulate and decide whom they will, and whom they will not visit, whom they will admit into their friendship, and whom they will keep on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish further to cultivate and whose to discontinue.

It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but imperfectly understood, and that many erroneous impressions prevail respecting the actual use of visiting cards: The object of leaving cards is to signify that a call has been made, due civility shown, and a like civility expected in return.

Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most important of social observances, as it is the ground-work or nucleus in general society of all acquaintanceships. Leaving cards, according to etiquette, is the first step towards forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of acquaintances, and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure step in the opposite direction. The following is the received code of card-leaving in all its details according to the etiquette observed in good society by both ladies and gentlemen, and should be faithfully followed.

A Lady's Visiting Card should be printed in small, clear copper-plate script, and free from any kind of embellishment as regards ornamental or Old English letters. It should not be a thin card, and should be three inches and five eighths in width, and slightly under two and a half in depth.

The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of the card, and her address in the left-hand corner. If she has a second address, it should be printed in the opposite corner of the card. If the second address is but a temporary one, it is usually written and not printed.

A married lady should never use her christian name on a card; but she should use her husband's christian name before her surname if his father or elder brother is living.

It is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and wives to have their names printed on the same card, although at watering-places, the practice of having the two names on the same card, "Mr. and Mrs. Dash," is still occasionally followed; but even when these cards are used, a lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their own.

A lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting book, in which to enter the names of her acquaintances, and the date when their cards were left upon her, with the dates of her return cards left upon them, that she might know whether a card were due to her from them, or whether it were due to them from her.

A lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum book sufficient for the purpose; a line should be drawn down the centre of every page, dividing it into two columns, the one column for the names, and the opposite column for the dates of the calls made and returned.

Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of a house; a wife should leave cards for her husband, as well as for herself; and a daughter for her father. The master of a house has little or no card-leaving to do, beyond leaving cards upon his bachelor friends.

In the country it is otherwise, and those who return home are called upon by their friends and acquaintances in the first instance, unless under exceptional circumstances.

Ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their acquaintances and friends to intimate that they have returned.

Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not be sent by post, although in town, when the distance is considerable, it is tacitly allowed; but, as a rule, ladies invariably leave their cards themselves. On arriving in town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance often send their visiting cards to their various friends and acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer.

The Routine of Card-leaving.—As regards the routine of card-leaving. When driving, a lady should desire her footman to inquire if the mistress of the house at which she is calling is "at home." If not "at home," and it is a first call, she should hand him three cards—one of her own, and two of her husband's. Her card is left for the mistress of the house, and her husband's cards for both master and mistress.

If not a first call a lady should leave one only of her husband's cards if his acquaintance with her friend's husband is an intimate one and they are in the habit of meeting frequently. If, on the contrary, they know each other but slightly, and meet but seldom, then two of his cards should be left. This, however, not on every occasion of calling.

When a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand the three cards to her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ——." This ensures the cards being left at the right address, and is the correct formula for the occasion.

When a lady is walking, and finds the mistress of the house at which she calls is "not at home," she should act as above.

When a lady intends making a call she should ask if "Mrs. —— is at home?" And if the answer is in the affirmative, she should, after making the call, leave two of her husband's cards on the hall table, and neither put them in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be very incorrect; but she might on reaching the hall hand them to the man-servant silently, or she might send them in by her own servant when seated in her carriage, saying, "For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not leave her own card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the house, the reason for doing so no longer exists.[1]

When a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and the mistress of the house is at home, the husband should leave one of his cards only, for the absent master of the house; when the master of the house is at home also, a card in that case should not be left.

When the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter or daughters, the lady leaving cards should turn down one corner of her visiting card—the right-hand corner generally—to include the daughter or daughters in the call. This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card signifies that other ladies of the family besides the hostess are included in the call. A foreigner turns down the end of a card instead of one corner only, which has not the same signification. It is to denote that he has left it in person.

A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for the daughters of the house, but she not unfrequently leaves his card for the grown-up sons of the house.

When a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is the guest of some one with whom she is unacquainted, she should only leave cards for her friend and not for her friend's hostess; but if she is slightly acquainted with her friend's hostess, she should leave cards upon her on the occasion of her first visit to her friend, but it would not be necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if they were of frequent occurrence.

Young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own; their names should be printed beneath that of their mother on her card. In the case of there being no mother living, the daughter's name should be printed beneath that of her father on the usual lady's visiting card, but never on the smaller cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are taken out into society by relatives or friends, their names should be written in pencil under the names of the ladies chaperoning them on their visiting cards.

Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards of their own, but until a young lady has attained what is termed a certain age, it argues no little independence of action to have a card of her own; but when she no longer requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of her own, being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own acquaintances.

When a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her parents, and wishes to call on ladies with whom the lady she is staying with is unacquainted, she should leave her mother's card on which her own name is also printed, and should draw a pencil through her mother's name to intimate that she was not with her on that occasion.

Cards should always be returned within a week if possible, or ten days at latest, after they have been left, but to do so within a week is more courteous. And care must be taken to return the "call" or "cards" according to the etiquette observed by the person making the call or leaving the card; that is to say, that a "call" must not be returned by a card only, or a "card" by a "call." This is a point ladies should be very punctilious about.

Should a lady of higher rank return a card by a "call," asking if the mistress of the house were "at home," her so doing would be in strict etiquette; and should she return a "call" by a card only, it should be understood that she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest; and should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself, who had only left a card upon her, her doing so would be a breach of etiquette.

In large establishments the hall porter enters the names of all callers in a book expressly kept for the purpose, while some ladies merely desire their servant to sort the cards left for them.

The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards are intended should never be written on the cards left at a house. The only case in which it should be done would be when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman staying at a crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their receiving them, their names should be written on them thus: "For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite an exceptional case, otherwise to do so would be extremely vulgar.

Leaving Cards after Entertainments.—Visiting cards should be left after the following entertainments: balls, receptions, private theatricals, amateur concerts, and dinners, by those who have been invited, whether the invitations have been accepted or not, and should be left the day after the entertainment if possible, and certainly within the week according to the rules of card-leaving already described. On these occasions cards should be left without inquiry as to whether the hostess is at home, although after a dinner-party it is the rule to ask if she is at home, as to dine at a house denotes a greater intimacy than being present at a large gathering. If the hostess were not at home, cards should be left.

If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment, whether the invitation came through a mutual friend or direct from the hostess herself, the hostess being but a slight acquaintance of her own, besides leaving cards on her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave cards on her the following season, or, if residing in the same town, within a reasonable time of the entertainment; but if these cards are not acknowledged by cards being left in return, she should of course understand that the acquaintance is to proceed no further.

A lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom she has but recently been introduced at a dinner-party or afternoon tea; for instance, she must meet her several times in society, and feel sure that her acquaintance is desired, before venturing to leave cards. If two ladies are of equal rank, tact will be their best guide as to the advisability of leaving cards or not upon each other; the lady of superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If either of the ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance by asking the other to call upon her, the suggestion should come from the lady of highest rank; if of equal rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the suggestion. But in either case the call should be paid within the week.

Leaving Cards upon New-comers.—In the country the residents should be the first to leave cards on the new-comers, after ascertaining the position which the new-comers occupy in society.

Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave cards or call according as they intend to be ceremonious or friendly, and the return visits should be paid in like manner, a card for a card, a call for a call.

It is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers, although having no previous acquaintance with them, or introductions to them.

New-comers, even if of higher rank, should not call on residents in the first instance, but should wait until the residents have taken the initiative. If residents do not wish to continue the acquaintance after the first meeting, it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not calling again, and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue the acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving cards only. Calling on new-comers in the country should not be done indiscriminately, and due consideration should be paid to individual status in society.

The lady of highest social position in the circle to which the new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility of calling first on the new-comers. By new-comers is expressed persons who intend to reside in a county or town for a long, or even for a short period, and who are not casual visitors in the place.

The custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely confined to county society, and does not apply to residents in large towns and populous watering-places.

In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from the metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of residents calling on new-comers.

Cards "To Inquire."—Cards to inquire after friends during their illness should be left in person, and should not be sent by post; but they may be sent by a servant. On a lady's visiting card should be written above the printed name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind inquiries," written above the printed name, is the usual mode of returning thanks, and is all-sufficient for the purpose.

P.P.C. Cards.—Formerly P.P.C. cards were left within a week of departure, or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one.

The letters P.P.C. for pour prendre congé, written at the lower corner of visiting cards, indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood. P.P.C. cards may be left in person or sent by a servant; they can also be sent by post. The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered.

In the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that period it would be unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount to an actual departure. Short absences render it unnecessary to leave P.P.C. cards. Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide are thoroughly recognized, and no leave-taking is obligatory. P.P.C. cards are now seldom if ever left in town.

Business Calls.—When a lady makes a strictly business call upon either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to be taken to his master or mistress, but on no other occasion should she do so.

Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.—A gentleman's card should be thin—thick cards are not in good taste—and not glazed, and of the usual narrow width, i.e. one and a half inches in depth, and three inches in width; his name should be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr. Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian name to distinguish him from his father or elder brother. To have "Francis Smith" printed on the card without the prefix of "Mr." would be in bad taste.

Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military or professional titles necessarily precede the surname of the person bearing them, and are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain Smith," "Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc.

As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title that is not used on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable Henry Smith's" card should bear the words "Mr. Henry Smith" only.

A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George Smith," and a Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A gentleman's address should be printed in the left hand corner of the card. If a member of a club, it is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the place of the address, and the regiment to which they belong at the right hand.

Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, without ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters look old-fashioned on a card, and are but little used; and ornamental capital letters are never used, and are out of date. The lettering should be as plain and as free from any sort of embellishment as it well can be.

The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.—To bachelors card-leaving is an irksome routine of etiquette, and is, therefore, in a measure often neglected, by reason of their having little or no leisure at command during the afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood and accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor has his way to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he has already made, he should follow the rules of card-leaving.

Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on the master and mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are aware that the family have arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has been away, he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of the house and one for its master.

A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, even though he may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress of the house. A gentleman should not leave a card for the young daughters of the house, or for any young relative of its mistress who might be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom he is acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling, he should leave two cards for them, one for the wife and one for the husband, and should tell the servant for whom they are intended.

As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a gentleman should not leave his card upon a married lady, or the mistress of a house, to whom he has been introduced, however gracious or agreeable she has been to him, unless she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her. This rule holds good, whether the introduction has taken place at a dinner-party, at a ball, at an "at home," at a country-house gathering, or elsewhere; he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further acquaintance, she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house, in which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as convenient, and he should also leave a card for the master of the house, the lady's husband or father (as the case may be), even if he had not made his acquaintance when making that of the lady.

A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has been introduced, but upon her mother or the relative with whom she is residing.

When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight, they should occasionally leave cards upon each other, especially when they do not move in the same circle, and are not otherwise likely to meet; it generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is the one to leave his card first, always supposing that the strength of the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. The one of highest rank should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the other; if the rank be equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls first.

The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards acquaintances, have little or no application as regards intimate friends; friendship overrules etiquette.

When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very little card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned.

Leaving Cards after Entertainments.—In the event of a gentleman receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance, or from a new acquaintance, or through some mutual friend, he should leave his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the entertainment, one for the mistress and one for the master of the house, whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between friends this rule is greatly relaxed.

It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the hostess, after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them, whether it be a dinner-party, or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has been present or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges him to pay them this civility, although great latitude as regards time is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule.

If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards are left the greater the politeness shown.

If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment.

When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more than four during the year.

Memorial Cards are out of date in society, and consequently should not be sent to either relatives or friends.

A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her cards should be printed as during his lifetime.

[CHAPTER IV]

PAYING CALLS

Ladies stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as regards both paying and receiving calls. Ignorance or neglect of the rules which regulate paying calls, brings many inconveniences in its train; for instance, when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an acquaintance, she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded from entertainments given by the said acquaintance.

When a call has not been made within a reasonable time, a coldness is apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other. Some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently, while with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to be subsequently dropped altogether.

The first principle of calling is, that those who are the first to arrive in town should be the first to call upon their acquaintances to intimate their return.

"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being made before dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon calls," as they should only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock.

Calls made in the morning—that is before one o'clock—would not come under the denomination of "morning calls," as they can only be made by intimate friends and not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls, which calls are regulated in a great measure—as to the hour of calling—by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who calls and the person called upon. From three to four o'clock is the ceremonious hour for calling; from four to five o'clock is the semi-ceremonious hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly friendly and without ceremony hour.

If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance, she should say to her servant, "Ask if Mrs. A—— is at home."

When a lady is walking, she should ask the same question herself.

When the answer is in the negative, she should leave one of her own cards and one of her husband's, and should say to the servant, "For Mr. and Mrs. A——."

When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should enter the house without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room.

The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the way to the drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor may be to a house, it is still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way, and announce him or her to his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with, except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends.

At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor should give his or her name to the servant, "Mr. A——" or "Mrs. A——," should the servant be unacquainted with it.

If the visitor calling bears the title of "Honourable" it should not be mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name, neither should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor.

All titles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them, thus: "The Duke and Duchess of A——," "The Marquis and Marchioness of B——," "The Earl and Countess of C——," "Viscount and Viscountess D——," "Lord and Lady E——," etc.; but a marchioness, a countess, or a viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would style herself "Lady A——" only.

A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the servant when the mistress of the house is at home.

A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing visitors. The servant, on opening the drawing-room door, should stand inside the doorway, he should not stand behind the door, but well into the room; facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say, "Mr. A——," or "Mrs. A——."

When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor arrives, the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance.

Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his mistress will be, or where she is, or what she is doing, etc. Visitors are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances, and should not enter into conversation with them.

Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and stick in his hand with him into the drawing-room, and held them until he had seen the mistress of the house and shaken hands with her. He either placed them on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, according as to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, until he took his leave. Many middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fashion in a degree, and take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal calls.

The newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when calling. To do this is now very general, as hats are in the way if tea is going on; besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of them.

At "at homes," small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, etc., the rule is the same, and hats are left in the hall by invited guests.

A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the drawing-room, but leave it in the hall.

When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or keep them on as they please, it is immaterial which they do, but when a call is made when tea is going on, it is more usual to take them off.

When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is announced—and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be found there on the afternoons when she intends being "at home" should visitors call—she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with her visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, or to "take a seat," but she might say, "Where will you sit?" or, "Will you sit here?" or something to this effect; and should at once sit down and expect her visitor to do the same, as near to herself as possible.

Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not a tête-à-tête, and a tête-à-tête between two persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and savoir vivre to be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy woman is without repose, without dignity, and without savoir vivre.

A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of albums, photographs, books, illustrated newspapers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic efforts of the members of the family, and the like; conversation being all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial displays.

If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the conversation should turn on light topics of the hour.[2]

People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above adventitious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of conversation to make the short quarter of an hour—which is the limit of a ceremonious call—pass pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should not offer her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. No refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning visitors; they are not supposed to require them.

In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers, and to order tea for the ladies, even though the call is made rather early in the afternoon, and a little before the hour for having tea.

Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four; but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room, or if the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea, she should naturally offer her visitor tea.

When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers, "tea" is placed on a small table—a silver tray being generally used for the purpose. The hostess should pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman is present, he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor, otherwise the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and cream, without asking whether her visitors will have either, unless she is preparing the cups of tea herself, in which case she should ask the question.

When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes after the first visitor, the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she conveniently can. When the second visitor is a lady, the hostess should rise and shake hands with her, and then seat herself; the first visitor, if a lady, should not rise; if a gentleman, he should do so.

A hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is announced; this gives her an opportunity of talking to him for a few moments on his first entering the room. The second visitor should at once seat him or herself near to the hostess.

She should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some especial reason for not doing so. She could, however, in the course of conversation merely mention the name of each caller, so that each may become aware of the name of the other. This is now often done when formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses tact, and a facility and readiness of speech, she should skilfully draw both callers into the conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon in "The Art of Conversing"). The hostess should not take this latter course unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate each other.

When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, the hostess should converse equally with both visitors, and the lady who was the first to arrive should be the first to leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen minutes. When only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few moments, whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not be imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host is present he should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall; this also is an optional civility, and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the lady is held by host and hostess.

When two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands with the departing visitor; but unless a person of greater consideration than the visitor who still remained seated, she should not accompany her to the drawing-room door.

One visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take her leave. When visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise and shake hands. When one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise, even if unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; he should not remain seated when the hostess is standing.

When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, have slightly conversed with each other during a morning call, they should not shake hands with each other on leaving, but should merely bow. When they have not spoken to each other, they should not bow.

When they have been formally introduced they should still only bow, unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through previous knowledge of each other.

When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but he should not accompany her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor should bow to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him.

When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and before crossing the room with her, she should ring the drawing-room bell, that the servant may be in readiness in the hall to open the door. She should ring the bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would be thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving.

In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she may ring for her motor-car to come round. When the hostess is in reach of the bell, she should ring it for her; when a gentleman is present, he should do so. On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, "My motor-car, please!"

When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one with whom she herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly acquainted, she should in both cases ask if her friend is at home, and not if the mistress of the house is at home; and having paid her visit, on leaving the house she should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with her, but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her.

When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if convenient, she should, when her guest expected visitors, absent herself from the drawing-room at that particular time, unless the expected visitors are mutual friends of herself and guest.

If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, a formal introduction should be made, but the mistress of the house, after a very few minutes, should make some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not return until after the departure of the visitor. It would be inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself unless at her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentleman, and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the house should remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her.

When the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of any particular friend of her guest, from whom she expected a visit, when the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave, the guest should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she should then ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that Mrs. A. is in the drawing-room, which message the hostess would understand to mean that her presence is desired, and the introduction would then be made on her appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could become the basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies having had the option of refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed; whereas a forced introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually appreciated each other.

In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the neighbourhood, who are unknown to her hostess; if otherwise, the hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by leaving them together when the call is made.

When a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving callers, she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them, according to the rank of either (see [Chapter II.]).

When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany her mother.

Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady of the house, pay their calls together. A family party, of father and mother and daughter, or daughters, rarely call in town together, save under very exceptional circumstances; but in the country a family party of three or four would, as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette to do so.

A considerable difference exists with regard to "Sunday calls," or calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on Sundays; it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it would rather be considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to do so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a special day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen—more especially gentlemen—extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock on Sundays.

When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only, and not with their father or mother, she should call on the daughters, who should at once introduce her to their mother on the next occasion of calling. If the mother is not present, the lady calling should leave cards for her; and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the absence of their mother, whether from indisposition or any other cause, cards should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling (see [Chapter III.]).

In all cases, when "morning calls" are made, and the lady called on is not at home, cards should be left according to the etiquette described in [Chapter II.], an etiquette which should be strictly observed; when the lady called on is "at home," cards should be left for the gentlemen of the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, which cannot be too punctiliously followed.

A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether she intends to be "at home" to visitors or not during the afternoon.

"Not at home" is the understood formula expressive of not wishing to see visitors.

"Not at home" is not intended to imply an untruth, but rather to signify that for some reason, or reasons, it is not desirable to see visitors; and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula of "Not at home" is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that a servant is able to give a direct answer at once of "Not at home" when the query is put to him. If a servant is not sure as to whether his mistress wishes to see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her either sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while "He will see if his mistress is 'at home,'" perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory answer that she is "Not at home"; in which case the intimation is almost received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of visitors.

If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the servant can mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer to ascertain if his mistress will see the caller; and the caller should use her own discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not; but unless the visit is one of importance, it would be best in such a case only to leave cards.

When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted to say that his mistress is "engaged with a lady," or "with a gentleman," but should usher the second caller into the drawing-room, as he has previously done the first caller. He should not inquire as to whether his mistress will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress, as ignorant servants are too apt to do.

It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only is given. To offer coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an English one.

"Morning" callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have tea; and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a large afternoon tea, or afternoon "at home," etc. (See chapter on "Afternoon 'At Homes'" [p. 151.])

The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When callers are present at 4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at that hour. It should be placed upon a small table, which is first covered with a white linen or damask tea-cloth. The tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to the china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should be brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot cakes, an uncut cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin bread-and-butter should be placed near to the tea-table. Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile upon the tea-tray, they being in general use. The hostess or her daughter should pour out the tea.

Apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is the newer fashion of what might be termed "a round-table tea," at which hostess and guests sit, but this style is more usual at country houses than in town houses at present, on account of the space required, if for no other reason. The tea is served in a smaller drawing-room, upon a large round or oval table, which is covered with a white table-cloth, upon which the tea-tray with all its contents is placed. Cakes, hot and cold, sandwiches, pastry, fruit, jam, bread-and-butter, biscuits, dry toast, etc., are given, and the visitors seated at the table help themselves to what they require. The hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as when guests are not seated in this way. Dessert plates and dessert knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the small tea-plates, to be taken as required.

[CHAPTER V]

PRECEDENCY

The order of precedency due to each individual according to rank is a matter of great importance at official banquets and at ceremonious dinner-parties, when its correct observance should be strictly adhered to.

As regards Precedency amongst Royal Personages, the Sovereign takes precedence of all others in the realm; the King takes precedence of Queen Mary. The Prince of Wales takes precedence of the Duke of Connaught. Queen Alexandra takes precedence of the Royal Princesses. The Royal Princesses take precedence of their husbands, Prince Christian and the Duke of Argyll.

The Precedency accorded to Foreign Royal Personages in this country very much depends upon their individual rank. Imperial Highnesses and Royal Highnesses take precedence of Serene Highnesses.

The Precedency accorded to Eastern Princes is generally synonymous with that accorded to Serene Highnesses; but in some instances the claims of individual precedency are so difficult to define, that in official cases it is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to the amount of precedency to be allowed.

As regards General Precedency, archbishops, ambassadors, The Lord High Chancellor, The Prime Minister, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Lord President of the Council, and Lord Privy Seal, take precedence of dukes; dukes take precedence of earls, and so on throughout the various degrees of nobility.

Foreign Ministers and Envoys take precedence next after dukes, in the order of their seniority of service in England. In all cases where precedency is to be established between persons of equal rank it is necessary to refer to a Peerage for date of creation of title, as this actually decides all precedency.

For Precedency due to Baronets and their wives a Baronetage should be consulted.

For Precedency due to Knights and their wives a Knightage should be consulted in reference to each order of knighthood.

For the Precedency due to the Legal Profession a Law List should be consulted when it is not defined by office or birth.

For the Precedency due to the Clergy a Clergy List should be consulted when superior preferment or birth does not define it.

For the Precedency due to Officers in the army and navy an Army List and a Navy List should be consulted to determine the precedency due to each in the separate Services.

Officers should be sent in to Dinner according to the dates of commission, but no branch of the Army takes precedence over the other as regards rank of officers; that is to say, a colonel of 1901, of say, a West India regiment, would precede a colonel of Guards, artillery or cavalry of 1902 promotion. Drawn up on a brigade parade, the cavalry take the right of the line; thus: Artillery, Royal Engineers, footguards and regular regiments, regiments and West India regiments, in the order named in the Army List.

As regards Precedency between Officers of the combined Services a table of "Relative Rank and Precedency in the Army and Navy" should be consulted, as a captain in the navy after three years' service ranks with a colonel in the army, a lieutenant of the navy of eight years' standing ranks with a major in the army, and a lieutenant under that standing in the navy, ranks with a captain in the army, etc.

Consulate officers also take precedence according to seniority of service in England and date of official arrival. The Foreign Office List of the current year should be consulted for date in each instance.

As regards the Precedence due to Widows bearing titles who have married again: The widow of a peer married to a commoner retains her title by courtesy, and the precedency due to the title is accorded to her.

When the Widow of a Duke marries a person of lower rank than that of her late husband, she still retains her precedency.

The Daughter of a Peer if married to a baronet or a commoner retains her precedency, but if married to a baron her precedency is merged in that of her husband.

The Widow of a Baronet married to a commoner retains her title by right and not by courtesy.

The Widow of a Knight married to a commoner retains her title by courtesy only, but the precedency due to the widow of a knight is accorded to her.

When the Daughter of a Duke marries a peer she takes the precedency due to the rank of her husband; if she marries a commoner, precedency is accorded to her due to the daughter of a duke.

Age confers no Precedency on either sex. Equals in rank from the highest to the lowest take precedence according to the creation of their title and not as regards the age of the person bearing the title. As, for instance, a youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke, if the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that of the aged duke. The same rule applies equally to baronets and knights.

When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date of their respective patents of nobility decides the order of precedency due to them.

A host or hostess should always consult a "Peerage" or a "Baronetage" if in doubt as to the precedence due to expected guests bearing titles; wealth or social position are not taken into account in this matter, it being strictly a question of date.

The Precedence due to Ladies of Equal Rank takes effect in the same manner. Thus, a young wife of a baronet takes precedence over the elderly wife of a baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears an earlier date.

When the Claims to Precedency of Persons of Equal Rank clash, the claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour of those of a lady, should the persons be of opposite sexes. Thus, if two couples of superior rank to the other guests were present at a dinner-party, the host should take down the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which case the lady second in rank should go in to dinner before her husband, although the gentleman taking her down to dinner were of lower rank than her husband.

Esquires, and the Wives of Esquires, take precedence according to their social position. Members of Parliament have no precedence, though it is often accorded to them as a matter of courtesy, especially in the county which they represent; the wives of members of Parliament are likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of their husbands being members of Parliament.

The High Sheriff of a County takes precedence over all other gentlemen in the county, of whatever rank, save the lord-lieutenant, according to the Royal warrant issued by His late Majesty King Edward, giving precedence to lord-lieutenants of counties before high sheriffs.

The High Sheriff out of his particular county has no precedence, neither has a lord-lieutenant; and the wives of either lords-lieutenants or high sheriffs take no precedence on account of their husbands' official dignity.

An Assize Judge takes precedence over the high sheriff as the assize judge represents the Sovereign of the Realm.

Clergymen, Barristers-at-Law, officers in the army and navy take precedence over esquires on account of such rank; and in each profession precedence should be accorded them according to dignity, date of ordination, date of call, and date of commission in their several professions, assuming that the rank is equal.

High Clerical and Legal Dignitaries take special precedence; for instance, the Archbishop of Canterbury takes precedence of all dukes, and the Lord Chancellor takes precedence of the Archbishop of York, who also takes precedence of dukes; bishops take precedence of all barons, whatever their date of creation. The Lord Chief Justice, the Master of the Rolls, when not peers, and all judges of the High Court of Justice in their various divisions, take precedence after Privy Councillors and before baronets and all knights, save the Knights of the Garter.

The Relative Rank between Officers of the Army and Navy and doctors of divinity is somewhat difficult to determine as regards the precedence to be given them at a dinner-party. "Dod" places "esquires by office, which, of course, includes all officers of the army and navy," next before the younger sons of knights and before doctors in divinity, who follow next in order; while "Lodge" places "officers of the navy and army" after the younger sons of knights bachelor, clergymen, and barristers-at-law.

Precedency at Dinner-Parties.—When royalty is present at a dinner-party, a prince of blood royal takes precedence of a princess, and leads the way with the hostess, the host following next with the princess. On the other hand, a princess of the blood royal takes precedence of a foreign prince—her husband—and leads the way with the host.

The Host should take down the Lady of Highest Rank, and lead the way with her to the dining-room. The guests should follow the host in couples according to the degree of precedence due to them, and the hostess should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest rank present.

When a Greater Number of Gentlemen than ladies are present at a dinner-party, as is often the case, these gentlemen should follow the hostess to the dining-room and not precede her.

When a Widow or Maiden Lady is Hostess, and there is no gentleman of the family present to act as host, the gentleman second in rank should take down the lady of highest rank, leading the way with her to the dining-room, the hostess following last, with the gentleman of highest rank.

In the Case of either a Husband's Sister or a wife's sister being required to act as hostess, precedence should be given to the wife's sister.

An Eldest Son's Wife should take precedence of her husband's sisters in his father's house.

As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host or hostess, it should give way in favour of that due to the guests not related to the host or hostess, although their relatives might be, perhaps, of higher rank than the guests themselves.

Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second host, taking down a lady second or third in rank; but the daughters of the house should always be taken down to dinner after the other ladies present, and in no case before them.

No precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman by virtue of a mother's rank.

No precedence is accorded to brides in society, though occasionally in the country old-fashioned people consider it due to a bride to send her in to dinner with the host on the occasion of her first dining at a house within three months of her marriage.

Table of General Precedency

GENTLEMEN

• The King.
• The Prince of Wales.
• The Sovereign's younger sons.
• The Sovereign's grandsons.
• The Sovereign's brothers.
• The Sovereign's uncles.
• The Sovereign's nephews.
• Ambassadors.
• Archbishop of Canterbury.
• Lord High Chancellor.
• Archbishop of York.
• The Prime Minister.
• Lord Chancellor of Ireland.
• Lord President of the Council.
• Lord Privy Seal.
• Dukes who may happen to hold either of these five offices—
• 1. Lord Great Chamberlain.
• 2. Earl Marshal.
• 3. Lord Steward.
• 4. Lord Chamberlain.
• 5. Master of the Horse.
• Dukes in order of their patents of creation—
• 1. Dukes of England.
• 2. " " Scotland.
• 3. Dukes of Great Britain.
• 4. " " Ireland created before the Union.
• 5. Dukes created since the Union.
• Eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.
• Marquesses who may hold either of the Offices of State named above.
• Marquesses in same order as Dukes.
• Dukes' eldest sons.
• Earls holding either of the five Offices of State.
• Earls in same order as Dukes.
• Younger sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.
• Marquesses' eldest sons.
• Dukes' younger sons.
• Viscounts who may hold either of the five Offices of State.
• Viscounts in same order as Dukes.
• Earls' eldest sons.
• Marquesses' younger sons.
• Bishop of London.
• " Durham.
• " Winchester.
• Other English Bishops in order of their consecration.
• Moderator of the Church of Scotland.
• Barons holding either of the five Offices of State.
• Barons who may be Secretaries of State or Irish Secretary.
• Barons in same order as Dukes.
• The Speaker of the House of Commons.
• Treasurer of the Household.
• Comptroller of the Household.
• Vice-Chamberlain of the Household.
• Secretaries of State below the rank of Barons.
• Viscounts' eldest sons.
• Earls' younger sons.
• Barons' eldest sons.
• Commoners who are Knights of the Garter.
• Privy Councillors of rank lower than the foregoing, according to date they were sworn in.
• Chancellor of the Exchequer.
• " " " Duchy of Lancaster.
• Lord Chief Justice of England.
• Master of the Rolls.
• Lords Justices of Appeal and President of Probate Court.
• Judges of the High Court of Justice.
• Viscounts' younger sons.
• Barons' " "
• Sons of Life Peers.
• Baronets according to dates of patents.
• Knights Grand Cross of Bath.
• Knights Grand Commanders, Star of India.
• Knights Grand Cross of St. Michael and St. George.
• Knights Grand Commanders of Indian Empire.
• Knights Grand Cross of Royal Victorian Order.
• Knights Commanders of above Orders in same sequence.
• Knights Bachelors of above Orders in same sequence.
• Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order.
• Judges of County Courts in England and Ireland, and Judges of the City of London Court.
• Masters in Lunacy.
• Companions of Orders of Bath, Star of India, SS. Michael and George, and Indian Empire in same sequence.
• Members of 4th class of Royal Victorian Order.
• Companions of Distinguished Service Order.
• Eldest sons of younger sons of Peers.
• Baronets' eldest sons.
• Knights' eldest sons, in order of their fathers.
• Members of 5th class of Royal Victorian Order.
• Younger sons of Peers' younger sons.
• Baronets' younger sons.
• Knights' younger sons, in order of their fathers.
• Naval, Military, and other Esquires by Office.
• Gentlemen entitled to bear Coat Armour.

LADIES

• The Queen.
• The Queen Mother.
• The Sovereign's daughters.
• Wives of Sovereign's younger sons.
• Sovereign's granddaughters.
• Wives of Sovereign's grandsons.
• Sovereign's sisters.
• Wives of Sovereign's brothers.
• Sovereign's aunts.
• Wives of Sovereign's uncles.
• Sovereign's nieces.
• Wives of Sovereign's nephews.
• Duchesses (in same order as Dukes).
• Wives of eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.
• Marchionesses.
• Wives of eldest sons of Dukes.
• Daughters of Dukes.
• Countesses.
• Wives of younger sons of Royal Dukes.
• Wives of eldest sons of Marquesses.
• Daughters of Marquesses.
• Wives of younger sons of Dukes.
• Viscountesses.
• Wives of eldest sons of Earls.
• Daughters of Earls.
• Wives of younger sons of Marquesses.
• Baronesses.
• Wives of eldest sons of Viscounts.
• Daughters of Viscounts.
• Wives of younger sons of Earls.
• Wives of eldest sons of Barons.
• Daughters of Barons.
• Maids of Honour.
• Wives of younger sons of Viscounts.
• Wives of younger sons of Barons.
• Daughters and sons' wives of Life Peers.
• Wives of Baronets.
• Daughters of Baronets.
• Wives of eldest sons of Knights.
• Daughters of Knights.
• Wives of younger sons of Peers' younger sons.
• Wives of younger sons of Baronets.
• Wives of younger sons of Knights.
• Wives of Esquires.
• Wives of Gentlemen.

[CHAPTER VI]

THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES

The colloquial application of titles differs materially from the application of titles when not used colloquially, and many persons are in doubt as to whether they should or should not make use colloquially of titles in full.

His Majesty the King should be addressed as "Sir" by all those who come in social contact with him; and by all others as "Your Majesty."

Her Majesty Queen Mary should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty."

Her Majesty Queen Alexandra should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty."

The Prince of Wales, the Duke of Connaught, and all princes of the blood royal, should be addressed by the upper classes as "Sir."

The princesses of the blood royal, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes. The wives of the princes of the blood royal should also be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes.

All crowned heads visiting England should be addressed as "Sir" by those socially known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. The Royal ladies, their wives, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by those personally known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others.

A foreign prince bearing the title of Serene Highness should be addressed as "Prince," and not as "Sir," by the aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.

A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene highness, should be styled "Princess" when addressed colloquially by the upper classes, but not as "Ma'am"; and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.

An English duke should be addressed as "Duke" by the aristocracy and gentry, and not as "Your Grace" by members of either of these classes. All other classes should address him colloquially as "Your Grace."

An English duchess should be addressed as "Duchess" by all persons conversing with her belonging to the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" by all other classes.

A marquess, colloquially, should be addressed as "Lord A."

A marchioness should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes. It would be a mistake to address an English marquess as "Marquess," or a marchioness as "Marchioness," colloquially speaking. All other classes should address them either as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship," "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship."

An earl should be addressed as "Lord B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

A countess should be addressed as "Lady B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

A viscount should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

A viscountess should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your ladyship" by all other classes.

A baron should be addressed as "Lord D." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

A baroness should be addressed as "Lady D." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

In strictly official or business intercourse a marquess, an earl, a viscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or marquis, should be addressed as "My Lord."

The eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lord John E." or "Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. Persons well acquainted with them would address them colloquially by their title and christian name, as "Lord John" or "Lord Charles." The same remark applies to their wives, who are often colloquially addressed as "Lady Alfred" or "Lady Edward."

The wives of the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lady John E." or "Lady Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The daughters of a duke should be addressed as "Lady Mary A." or "Lady Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and as "Lady Mary" and "Lady Elizabeth" by those intimate with them, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lord Henry B." and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Henry B." and "Lady Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Florence B." and "Lady Sarah B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.

The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The daughters of an earl should be addressed as "Lady Blanche" and "Lady Evelyn" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The younger sons of earls, and both eldest and younger sons of viscounts and barons, only bear the courtesy title of honourable. The daughters of viscounts and barons also bear the courtesy title of honourable. This title should never be used colloquially, "The Hon. Cecil Blank," "The Hon. Mrs. Cecil Blank," and "The Hon. Mary Blank," should be styled "Mr., Mrs., and Miss Mary Blank."

Baronets should be addressed by their full title and surname, as Sir John Blank, by the upper classes, and by their titles and christian names only by all other classes.

Baronets' wives should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.," according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, not as "Lady John Blank"—to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife of the younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that of a baronet's wife only—and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

The wives of knights should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.," according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.

In addressing Foreigners of Rank colloquially, the received rule is to address them by their individual titles and surnames.

A prince or princess should be addressed by their full title: thus, "Prince Munich," or "Princess Munich," by the upper classes. Persons intimate with them usually address them as "Prince" or "Princess," as the case may be.

In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the reigning head of the house, his christian name is generally used after his title when addressing him: thus, "Prince Louis," in lieu of "Prince" only. The same remark applies to the unmarried daughters of princes. They also should be addressed by their christian name, in addition to their title of "Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene" or "Your Imperial Highness," according to their birth and title, by all other classes.

A French duke should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Rouen," by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Duc" by all other classes.

A French duchess should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Rouen" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Duchesse" by all other classes.

A marquis should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Marquis" by all other classes.

A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame la Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Marquise" by all other classes.

A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Comte" by all other classes.

A comtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Comtesse" by all other classes.

A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Vicomte" by all other classes.

A vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame; thus, "Madame de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Vicomtesse" by all other classes.

A baron should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Baron" by all other classes.

A baronne should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Baronne" by all other classes.

A young unmarried lady should be addressed as "Mademoiselle d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Mademoiselle" by all other classes.

In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the surname is seldom used colloquially, the title and surname being used without the prefix of "Von." Thus, "Count von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count Ausberg" in conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte."

Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title and surname, and not by their title only, and the prefix "Von" should be omitted; but in the case of a French or Italian title the "de" or "de la" before the surname should on no account be omitted.

When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they would, in conversation, probably address them by their surnames; but only thorough intimacy and friendship warrants this familiarity.

As regards addressing the Clergy, an archbishop should be addressed colloquially as "Archbishop" by the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" by the clergy and all other classes.

A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and all other classes.

A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," by the upper classes, and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy.

An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon Blank," and a canon as "Canon Blank."

The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be respectively addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. C." They take no title from the spiritual rank of their husbands.

Officers in the Army should be respectively addressed as "General A.," "Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain D.," and not as "General," "Colonel," or "Major," except by their very intimate friends.

The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," "Mrs. C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never be addressed as "Mrs. General A.," "Mrs. Colonel B.," "Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D."

A lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only, as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever his surname might be, or speak of him without the prefix of "Mr."

The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as "Mr. Brown," or "My husband," except to intimate friends, when the christian name only is frequently used, and to address him by his christian name only.

A wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither should a husband address his wife by the initial letter of his surname.

When intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their names it is by way of pleasantry only, and such cases, of course, do not come within the rules of etiquette.

Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of them, by the name attached to their title, in place of using their christian or family name. Thus, the "Earl of Blankshire" would be styled "Blankshire" by his wife, without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would be "Blankshire," without the addition of any christian name.

Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."

The wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."

The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," colloquially, and the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," unless the Lord Mayor during office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood, when he should be addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as "Lady A."

CHAPTER VII

POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES

General society is now very frequently brought into contact with royalty—members of the Royal Family of England and members of various royal families of Europe.

With His Majesty this association is of frequent occurrence as regards the general public, and persons possessing special interest are constantly brought into communication with him.

Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid aside by His Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, or when receiving visits from the same.

The geniality of the English princes and princesses is everywhere acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court etiquette are frequently relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the nobility and gentry.

The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts—Austria, Russia, Greece, etc.—is seldom waived, and is adhered to with much punctilio. So much so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our shores, that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their company, in town or country, at dinner, ball, or country-house party.

On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally visit England are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general.

When royal personages visit London for a few weeks, whether located at palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette for any person who is personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their Court or cabinet, or who has been presented at their Court, to leave cards on them and write their names in their visiting books. Persons still higher in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, and invite them to stay at their princely mansions.

When such visits are paid, the principal neighbours are usually invited to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or reception, and on the invitation card is written, "To meet H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ——," or "Her Serene Highness the Grand Duchess of ——," etc.; but a hostess exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues.

If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, then the circle is necessarily restricted to a favoured few.

The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the royal visitors, even if calls are due.

The principal people of a county who happen to be present at an entertainment, either dinner or dance, are usually presented to the royal guests by the host or hostess, permission to do so having been first solicited.

When the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction, it would only be necessary to say, "May I present Lord A., or General B., to you, Sir?" but if the person to be presented has no particular claim to the honour beyond being popular in the county, the request should be prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be presented.

When the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the royal guests, they usually shake hands on the presentation being made, and enter into conversation with them; otherwise they merely bow, and make one or two passing remarks.

A house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is more or less acquainted. When the party includes any one who is a stranger to the royal guests, he or she should be presented on the first opportunity.

The members of the Royal Family have each, more or less, their particular set, as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit this country, and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those moving in the set of the expected prince.

For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, see [Chapter VI.]

As regards royal invitations, all invitations from the Sovereign are commands, and must be answered and obeyed as such, and the word "command" must be made use of in answering such invitations. If any reason exists for not obeying His Majesty's commands it should be stated.

Invitations from members of the Royal Family are treated by courtesy as commands, but in replying to such invitations the word "command" should not be used. The answers to such invitations should be addressed to the Comptroller of the Household, by whom they are usually issued.

Answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person, and reasons given for non-acceptance.

A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a royal invitation; only personal indisposition or serious illness, or death of near relatives, would be adequate reasons for not accepting a royal invitation.

When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer should be verbal also.

At all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall. In the case of serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by him to the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of eastern princes.

The etiquette to be observed on the departure of royal personages is identical with that observed on their arrival.

With regard to inviting members of the Royal Family to assist at the opening of any public undertaking, the request should be made through the Comptroller of the Household of the prince who is to be invited, or through his secretary, and the same rule equally applies to both prince and princess.

Indian Princes.—The exact status of Indian princes has never been actually laid down, but all who are "Highnesses" are given precedence at the English Court and in society after the Royal Family and foreign princes. In the procession at Court entertainments they go in front of ambassadors.

No Indian prince is considered to be of blood royal, and they do not stand in the line at levées and Courts, but all have the private Entrée.

CHAPTER VIII

POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS

The acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of considerable service to English people purposing to winter abroad, or to remain for any length of time in a continental city, as by its means they obtain an entrance into foreign society. An introduction to the English Ambassador or Minister at a foreign Court is of still greater service in this matter.

People of recognised position in society have the privilege of leaving cards at the English Embassy at any foreign city in which they intend making a temporary stay.

So thoroughly is the position of English travellers known to the English Ministry at a foreign Court, that should a person, who is not received in English society, leave cards at the English Embassy, they would be at once returned as an intimation that the acquaintance is declined.

It is erroneous to suppose that by leaving cards upon foreigners of distinction, an acquaintanceship can be commenced, for unless introductions have been formally made, leaving cards is a useless proceeding.

At far-away spots little frequented by the general run of travellers, and where there are but few, if any, resident English, travellers requiring advice or assistance from the English consul, can, without an introduction, call upon him, nationality being the ground upon which to do this, and if of equal social standing, they would be received with social consideration; if otherwise, all assistance would be given to them from an official point of view. Many people when travelling abroad make pleasant acquaintances even without the help of introductions, the occasion of a meeting being as it were a semi-introduction in itself.

Such casual acquaintanceships are, however, attended with certain risks, especially to persons who have been absent from England some little time, or who when in England have entered comparatively but little in society, and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friendships with people perhaps well bred and agreeable, although tabooed at home for some good and sufficient reason. Contretemps such as these are painful to kind-hearted people when subsequently compelled to avoid and to relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they have become pleasantly intimate. An introduction to an English resident in either town or city obviates any unpleasantness of this nature, as one so situated is generally kept au courant with all that takes place in society at home.

When persons desire to enter into society abroad they endeavour to obtain letters of introduction from friends and acquaintances to residents in the cities they purpose visiting.

Unless English travellers have been duly presented at the Court of St. James's, they cannot obtain presentations at foreign Courts through the English Embassies.

When a lady desires a presentation at a foreign Court, she should write to the English Ambassadress and request the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of her presentation and the name of the lady by whom she was presented. After her statement has been duly verified the request is granted. In a like manner when a gentleman desires a presentation at a foreign Court, he should write to the Ambassador and request the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of the Levée at which he was presented, and the name of the person by whom the presentation was made.

Presentations at foreign Courts take place in the evening, and the persons to be presented, and those who attend, assemble previous to the entrance of the royal personages: the rule is for the grand maîtresse to present each lady in turn to her royal mistress, who makes the tour of the apartment for this purpose, and addresses some courteous observation to each.

CHAPTER IX

THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES

There are, perhaps, two reasons why various surnames are so frequently mispronounced, the one being unfamiliarity with the freak of fashion which governs the pronunciation of certain well-known names, the other ignorance, or want of education.

When sensitive persons hear a name pronounced differently from the way in which they have themselves but just pronounced it, and in a tone and manner strongly suggestive of correction, it is wounding to their amour propre.

As a rule, when persons are in doubt as to the correct pronunciation of any particular name, it would be best to avoid mentioning it, if possible, until their doubts are set at rest by some one better informed than themselves.

Names that have a fashionable or peculiar pronunciation, or are pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt, are but few, and names which it is possible wrongly to accent are also not very numerous; but it is surprising how often these names occur in the course of conversation.

The names of distinguished artists that are open to mispronunciation occur far oftener in conversation than do the general run of uncommon surnames.

There are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of which the names are open to considerable mispronunciation.

With regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable in the pronunciation of names, it requires but little thought to avoid making this mistake, a popular error being that of placing the accent upon the last syllable of a name; whereas, in a name of two syllables, the accent should invariably be placed upon the first, and the second syllable should be as it were slightly abbreviated or slightly altered.

In names of three syllables the error usually consists in placing the accent upon the last syllable, whereas the accent should be placed upon the second syllable. There are occasional exceptions to this rule, and the few names given in this chapter, both as regards their pronunciation and accentuation, will serve as a useful guide in the pronunciation of uncommon names.

CHAPTER X

PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS

Courts are now held in lieu of Drawing-rooms by Their Majesties the King and Queen at Buckingham Palace, and at which Presentations to Their Majesties are made.

These Courts are held in the evenings at ten o'clock, but the hour at which the company should commence to arrive is intimated by the Lord Chamberlain in the notice issued of the Courts to be held.

Two Courts are usually, but not invariably, held before Easter, and two more after Easter.

Ladies who have been presented at Drawing-rooms and Courts, held during the last two reigns, do not require to be again presented to Their Majesties the King and Queen; thus, ladies who have already been presented at these Drawing-rooms, and who are desirous of being invited to one or other of these Courts, and who are also desirous of making presentations, should send in their names and the names of those to be presented by them to the Lord Chamberlain, St. James's Palace, S.W., on the 1st of January in each year, but not before that date.

Ladies are also privileged to mention at the same time when it will be most convenient to them to pay their respects to Their Majesties. If it should not be convenient for a lady to attend or be presented at the particular Court to which she is invited, it will be open to her to make her excuses to the Lord Chamberlain in writing, when her name can, if desired, and if possible, be transferred to another list.

A lady who makes a presentation to Their Majesties, must be personally acquainted with and responsible for the lady she presents. She must herself attend the Court, and cannot present more than one lady in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law. The numbers received at each Court being necessarily limited, ladies can only receive occasional invitations. Therefore, those who cannot be included in the year's list of invitations will receive an intimation to this effect from the Lord Chamberlain in answer to their applications to attend.

The Persons entitled to be presented at Their Majesties' Courts are the wives and daughters of the members of the aristocracy, the wives and daughters of those holding high official appointments in the Government, the wives and daughters of Members of Parliament, the county gentry and town gentry, the wives and daughters of the members of the legal, military, naval, clerical, medical, and other professions, the wives and daughters of merchants, bankers, and members of the Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in commerce on a large scale.

Although the word "gentry" is thus elastic, and although persons coming within the category might be fairly entitled to the privilege of attending Courts, yet it is well understood that birth, wealth, associations, and position give a raison d'être for such privilege; as, for instance, the wife and daughters of an officer in the navy or a line regiment, whose means are slender, and whose position is obscure, would not be justified for these reasons in attending a Court, although the officer himself might attend a levée if desirous of doing so; and this remark equally applies to the wives and daughters of clergymen, barristers, and others similarly situated.

Presentations to Their Majesties are made officially by the various foreign ambassadresses, by the wives of the members of the Cabinet, and by the wives of other official personages in various departments of the State, either civil, military, naval, or clerical.

Presentations at each of Their Majesties' Courts are now limited by royal command.

Presentations to Their Majesties should be made either by a relative or a friend of the lady presented who has herself been previously presented.

A lady has the privilege of presenting one lady only at a Court in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law.

This restriction does not apply to ladies who, from official position or other circumstances, are specially privileged to make presentations to Their Majesties.

When a presentation is not made officially or by a near relative it is considered a favour on the part of the person making the presentation towards the person presented.

The responsibility of a presentation rests upon the person who makes it, both as to the social and moral fitness of the person presented; therefore, to solicit the favour of a presentation from a friend is to incur a considerable obligation, and it is a favour ladies have no hesitation in refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it.

When presentations are made through official channels the responsibility rests upon the "office" rather than upon the person making the presentation; hence presentations so made have little personal significance to the person making them.

A Lady having been presented on her Marriage has the privilege of attending, by invitation, any subsequent Court, but ladies who have no official position will only be allowed to attend a Court by summons every third year. On the accession of her husband to any title, she would again have to be presented, and should she marry a second time another presentation would be necessary to entitle her to attend one of Their Majesties' Courts.

It is the Privilege of the Married Lady to make Presentations, but should any person be presented whose antecedents or present position renders her socially unqualified to be presented, the Lord Chamberlain, on becoming aware of the fact, would at once cancel the presentation, and officially announce it in the Gazette, and the person making such presentation would be expected to tender an apology for so doing.

An Unmarried Lady does not possess the Privilege of making a presentation, however high her rank may be. She is not permitted to attend any subsequent Courts after first presentation until three years have elapsed; save under exceptional circumstances.

Four Courts are held during each year at Buckingham Palace, two before and two after Easter, but due intimation is given previous to each Court being held by the Lord Chamberlain through the medium of the official Gazette, from whence it is copied into the newspapers.

The wives of members of the Cabinet and of the ambassadors or ministers at the Court of St. James's usually attend at each Court, and have the privilege of doing so by reason of the official presentations made by them at each Court.

It is compulsory for a Lady making a presentation to be herself present at the Court at which the presentation is to be made, though it is not necessary for her to accompany the person whom she presents, but simply to attend the same Court.

When a Lady intends making a Presentation she should, on or after the 1st of January write to the Lord Chamberlain and inform him of a wish to attend a Court, and forward the name of the lady to be presented by her.

Ladies are not expected to attend Court more than once in every three years, unless under exceptional circumstances.

A Lady attending a Court may present one lady in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law.

A Lady presented for the First Time can only present her daughter or daughter-in-law at the Court at which she is presented.

No Applications can be received from ladies who wish to be presented. Their names must be forwarded by the ladies who wish to make the presentations.

Summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each Court.

Ladies may be accompanied to Court by their husbands if the latter have been presented, but gentlemen do not pass before the King and Queen. Ladies are requested to forward the names of their husbands at the same time as their own, in order that they may be submitted together, as once the summons has been issued the amending of a summons card in order to include a lady's husband can only be permitted under the most exceptional circumstances.

Those who have the Privilege of the Entrée enter at the gate of the Palace situated outside Buckingham Gate. Those who possess this privilege are the diplomatic circle, the Cabinet ministers and their wives, and the members of the Household. The rooms, two in number, next to the Presence Chamber, are appropriated to them. All who have the privilege of the entrée are received by Their Majesties before the general circle, and according to their individual precedency, and they have also the privilege of making the first presentations.

When a Lady arrives at the Palace she should leave her wraps in the cloak-room with one of the maids in attendance. After crossing the Great Hall, she then makes her way up the Grand Staircase to the Corridor, where she shows her invitation-card to the page-in-waiting, and then passes on to one of the saloons.

When a lady arrives early she gains admission to the saloon next to those reserved for the entrée. When she arrives late she has to take her place in a further room of the suite according to the number of persons present.

The gentlemen-at-arms stationed at the door of each room close the gilt barriers when they consider the saloons are full. Chairs and benches are placed in the corridor and in these saloons for the accommodation of ladies thus waiting their turn to enter the Throne-room or Presence Chamber.

As the ladies quit each room for the Presence Chamber, others take their places, and the barriers are again closed, and this is continued until every one has been received.

A lady has to pass through the two entrée saloons before reaching the Picture Gallery.

At the door of the Picture Gallery a lady's train, which she has hitherto carried on her arm, is let down by two officials in attendance, and spread out by them with their wands; she should cross the gallery with her train down to the Presence Chamber, at the door of which she should give the card of invitation she has brought with her to the official stationed there to receive it.

A Lady on being presented, curtsys to the King and curtsys to the Queen. The King bows in return, as does also the Queen. A lady presented does not kiss the Queen's hand, as she formerly did. The King does not shake hands with any present, however high their rank may be, neither does the Queen shake hands with any present.

A lady on being presented does not now curtsy to any member of the Royal Family when she has passed Their Majesties, and leaves the Presence Chamber, stepping backwards, facing the royal party, until making her exit from the apartment, when an official places her train on her arm at the threshold of the doorway.

When a Lady wishes to attend a Court, after having been duly presented, it is necessary to inform the Lord Chamberlain of her wish to attend. Summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each Court.

Having received a summons to attend a Court she should take the summons card with her, which she should show to the page-in-waiting in the corridor, and eventually hand it to the official stationed at the door of the Presence Chamber, by whom it is passed on to the Lord Chamberlain, who announces the name to Their Majesties.

A lady attending a Court curtsys to the King; she also curtsys to the Queen, but does not curtsy to any other member of the Royal Family present.

In the General Circle there is no Precedency as to the order in which ladies attending a Court enter the Presence Chamber. The earliest arrivals are the first to appear before Their Majesties, without reference to rank or position; and the same rule applies to ladies who are presented, or to ladies who make presentations.

A Married Lady presented at a Court can, at the same Court, present her daughter or daughter-in-law; but in this case the one presented by her should enter the Presence Chamber after her, and not before her.

Although, according to present regulations, the unmarried daughters of members of the nobility and gentry who have already been presented are only expected to attend a Court once in every three years, it will not prevent their being invited to Court functions, to the State balls, concerts, and garden parties.

Ladies who have been presented at a Court have the privilege of writing their names in Their Majesties' visiting book at Buckingham Palace once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon.

It is Imperative for Ladies to wear Full Court Dress when attending or being presented at a Court, viz. low bodice, short sleeves, and train to dress not less than three yards in length from the shoulders.

Whether the train is cut round or square is a matter of inclination or fashion. The width at the end should be 54 inches.

It is also imperative that a presentation-dress should be white, if the person presented be an unmarried lady; and it is also the fashion for married ladies to wear white on their presentation, unless their age renders their doing so unsuitable.

The white dresses worn by either débutantes or married ladies may be trimmed with either coloured or white flowers, according to individual taste.

High Court Dress.—The Queen has been pleased to permit that a high Court dress of silk, satin, or velvet, may be worn at Their Majesties' Courts, and on other State occasions, by ladies, to whom, from illness, infirmity, or advancing age, the present low Court dress is inappropriate, viz.: Bodices in front, cut square, or heart-shaped, which may be filled in with white only, either transparent or lined; at the back, high, or cut down three-quarters height. Sleeves to elbow, either thick or transparent.

Trains, gloves, and feathers as usual.

It is necessary for ladies who wish to appear in "High Court Dress" to obtain Royal permission, through the Lord Chamberlain.

This regulation does not apply to ladies who have already received permission to wear high dress.

White gloves only should be worn, excepting in case of mourning, when black or grey gloves are admissible.

As a lady on presentation does not now kiss the Queen's hand as formerly she did, she is not required to remove the right-hand glove before entering the Presence Chamber. This order, therefore, is no longer in force, and a lady wearing elbow gloves and bracelets will find it a great convenience not to be obliged to take off her glove.

It is compulsory for both Married and Unmarried Ladies to Wear Plumes.—The married lady's Court plume consists of three white feathers.

An unmarried lady's of two white feathers.

The three white feathers should be mounted as a Prince of Wales' plume, and worn towards the left-hand side of the head.

Coloured feathers may not be worn.

In deep mourning white feathers must be worn, black feathers are inadmissible.

White veils or lace lappets must be worn with the feathers. The veils should not be longer than 45 inches.

Bouquets are not included in the dress regulations issued by the Lord Chamberlain, although they are invariably carried by both married and unmarried ladies. It is thus optional to carry a bouquet or not, and some elderly ladies carry much smaller bouquets than do younger ladies.

A fan and a lace pocket-handkerchief are also carried by a lady on presentation or on attending a Court, but these two items are also altogether optional.

CHAPTER XI

PRESENTATIONS AT LEVÉES AND ATTENDING LEVÉES

Levées are held by the King in person. Those who have been presented at levées held by His late Majesty, King Edward, do not require to be again presented to His Majesty King George.

Four or more Levées are usually held every year by the King at St. James's Palace.

Gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any department or profession to which they individually belong, whether civil or military, naval or clerical; it is more usual for a gentleman to be presented by the head of his department, or by the colonel of his regiment, than by his nearest relative.

Presentations are also made by Relatives and friends of those presented; but these are greatly in the minority at all levées.

Gentlemen must be again presented at every step in their career, whether civil, military, naval, or clerical—on civil appointments, on gaining steps of naval, military, legal, or clerical rank, and on accession to title, whether inherited or conferred.

Those entitled to be presented at His Majesty's Levées are the members of the aristocracy and gentry, the members of the diplomatic corps, the Cabinet, and all leading Government officials, Members of Parliament, leading members of the legal profession, the naval and military professions, the leading members of the clerical profession, the leading members of the medical and artistic professions, the leading bankers, merchants, and members of the Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in commerce on a large scale. An exception to the rule as regards retail trade is made in favour of any person receiving Knighthood, or when holding the office of Mayor, or being made a Justice of the Peace, or on receiving a Commission in the Territorial forces.

The dates on which levées are to be held are duly announced in the Gazette, and in the daily newspapers.

At all future levées cards of admission will be required, as the numbers at each of these ceremonies must be limited.

The Lord Chamberlain has issued the following revised list of rules, which are to be observed at attendances and presentations in future—

All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Royal Navy and the Royal Marines, of whatever rank, should communicate with and obtain their cards from the private secretary to the First Lord of the Admiralty. All civil officers of the Admiralty should follow the same rule.

All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Army, Regulars or Territorials, of whatever rank, except those on the Indian and Colonial Establishments, should communicate with and obtain their cards from the Adjutant-General at the War Office, stating clearly at which levée they desire to be present, and whether they wish to attend or to be presented; if the latter, stating by whom and on what occasion. Deputy-lieutenants of counties should also communicate and obtain their cards from the War Office.

Officers of the Household Cavalry and Foot Guards on the active list should make application to the Lord Chamberlain at St. James's Palace for cards of admission and presentation. All retired Officers of the Household Cavalry and Brigade of Guards should apply to the War Office.

All officers of the Indian Civil Service and of the Indian Army, of whatever rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should communicate with, and obtain their cards from the private secretary to the Secretary of State at the India Office, Whitehall.

All officers of the Colonial service and Colonial forces, of whatever rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should communicate with and obtain their cards from the Colonial Office, Whitehall.

Similarly, all gentlemen connected with the Foreign Office, the Home Office, officials connected with the Houses of Parliament, or any Government department, should communicate with and obtain their cards for attendance or presentation at levées from the department under which they serve.

Judges, law officers, King's Counsel, and all legal officials holding appointments under the Crown are requested to make their applications through the secretary to the Lord Chancellor.

Peers, bishops, Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, Members of Parliament, clergy of all denominations, and all gentlemen, other than the above-mentioned, should communicate with the Lord Chamberlain at St James's Palace, when they will each be furnished with a card of admission for use at the levée.

The names both for attendance and presentation must be received at the various offices above indicated not later than eight days prior to the date of each levée, but in the case of officers, who make application to the War Office, fourteen days before the date of each levée.

When a Gentleman makes a Presentation it is compulsory for him to attend the same levée as the person whom he presents, and the card of presentation is sent to him to be forwarded to the person to be presented.

A Gentleman on being presented should bow to the King, and His Majesty will bow to him in return. Gentlemen attending a levée should also bow to His Majesty.

Gentlemen who have been presented at a levée have the privilege of writing their names in His Majesty's visiting book at Buckingham Palace once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon.

The Dress to be worn at Courts, State Functions and Levées.—Full dress uniform is invariably worn by all gentlemen entitled to wear it. All officers of Scottish kilted corps should wear the kilt irrespective of their being mounted officers or not. Gentlemen who do not wear uniform may wear either velvet Court dress, new style; velvet Court dress, old style; cloth Court dress.

The new style velvet Court dress is of black silk velvet. The body of the coat lined with white silk and the skirt with black silk. Steel buttons. Waistcoat of white satin or black silk velvet. Breeches of black silk velvet, black silk hose, patent leather shoes, steel buckled; white bow necktie, white gloves, sword, black beaver or silk cocked hat. The velvet Court dress, old style, is very similar to the foregoing, with the addition of a black silk wig-bag at the back of the neck, and lace frills and ruffles. The cloth Court dress consists of a coat of dark mulberry, claret, or green cloth with black silk linings, gold embroidery on collar, cuffs, and pocket flaps, gilt buttons with Imperial Crown; waistcoat of white corded silk or white Marcella; breeches of cloth, colour of coat; black silk hose, patent leather shoes, sword, white bow necktie, white gloves, black beaver or silk cocked hat.

Levée dress is identical with the foregoing except that trousers—with a row of narrow gold lace down the side seams—are worn, and not breeches. Military patent leather boots.

Archbishops and Bishops at Levées and Courts wear Convocation robes, viz. scarlet cloth chimere, without hood; purple cassock and sash, lawn rochet with sleeves, white cambric bands, black silk scarf, black breeches, silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles; purple or black velvet square soft cap to be carried. At Evening State Functions and Full Dress Dinners they wear a purple cloth Court coat over a short cassock or apron, sash of purple silk, black breeches, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles; black corded silk three-cornered hat to be carried.

Deans and Archdeacons at Evening State Functions wear the same dress as bishops except that the coat and short cassock are black. Doctors of Divinity at Levées and Courts wear the scarlet cloth robe of their University, without hood.

Clergy if not Doctors of Divinity at Levées and Courts wear full canonicals, that is, a black silk Geneva gown, double-breasted; black silk long cassock and sash, scarf and white lawn bands, black breeches, silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles, black corded silk three-cornered hat. At Full Dress Dinners and Evening State Parties when canonicals are not worn, they wear a black cloth Court coat, cassock, waistcoat of black corded silk, black breeches, black silk stockings, shoes, silver buckles; black corded silk three-cornered hat to be carried. White gloves are worn at all Court functions. The academical habit should not be worn at Court except when addresses are presented from the Universities.

When the Court is in mourning, gentlemen attending a levée are expected to wear a band of black crape on the left arm above the elbow.

CHAPTER XII

BALLS AND STATE BALLS

Balls are given in town and country by society at large, and these invitation balls include Hunt Balls, Military and Naval Balls, Yeomanry and Territorial Balls, Bachelors' Balls, etc.

Public Balls are those balls for which tickets of admission can be purchased, although for many of these balls it is necessary to obtain vouchers from the committees or patronesses, when held in town or at watering-places.

Public balls include County Balls, Charity Balls, and Subscription Balls, etc.

In Town, Ball-giving is in a way a science, and an amusement upon which large sums of money are frequently expended.

A Crowded Ball is not always pronounced a good ball by the guests, often the contrary, but then, again, what is termed a thin ball is open to the accusation of not going off well, and falling rather flat; of not being kept up with spirit, and of being considered a stupid ball, and so on.

To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number of guests is an achievement in ball-giving which is only arrived at by a careful study of the map of the county, and a judicious selection of night. This selection is of paramount importance to the success of a ball, as when a smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular evening chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the grander ball extinguishes the lesser ball, through the most fashionable people merely looking in at the one, and remaining the rest of the evening at the other. This putting out as it were of the lesser light, occurs very frequently during the London season to ball-givers moving in the same sets. The guests who have been expected to add lustre to the lesser balls appear but for a few minutes, and usually arrive rather early, uncomplimentarily early, at perhaps a little before eleven, and remain hardly half an hour in the rooms, making their way to another ball of the same calibre, and remaining there perhaps another twenty minutes, before arriving at the goal, viz. the ball of the evening. Both ladies and gentlemen follow this practice, thus, at a little after twelve, an average ball-giver finds her rooms deserted by all but those who have nowhere else to go. Although the flitting of the guests thus early is a disappointment to the hostess, and although it does not prevent the fleeting ball-givers from making suitable returns by placing the family on their ball lists, it yet greatly mars the enjoyment of the ball, and prevents its being looked back upon with anything approaching to pleasure or satisfaction, the departure of the most eligible partners being not the least of the vexations of the night.

These contretemps are sometimes unavoidable; but, when practicable, it is always best to postpone a ball rather than to allow it to clash with a ball of greater pretensions.

An impromptu dance is often a great success, while an impromptu ball is almost as certain to prove a great failure.

The Difference between a Dance and a Ball consists in the number of the invitations issued, in the strength of the band, and the extent of the supper arrangements.

At a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty to two hundred; at a ball they vary from two hundred to five hundred.

At a dance a piano band is frequently engaged, while at a ball a full band is requisite. At a ball the floral decorations are a great feature, at a small dance they are often dispensed with. Ladies new to society as it were, or whose circle of acquaintance is of a limited character, and who do not number in that circle many ball-givers, and who yet desire to form a ball acquaintance, frequently place their ball in the hands of some intimate friend of higher standing than themselves, giving her carte blanche to form a ball list. When this plan is followed, invitations are still sent out by the ball-giver; in every case the name and compliments of the lady who forms the list are sent with the card.

This plan, although of advantage to the hostess, is often productive of much unpleasantness to her unfashionable friends, who are naturally very much affronted at being excluded from the ball list, which they usually are, as a lady who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not a little arbitrary as to the conditions under which she assumes its management. She naturally wishes the ball to be confined to her own set, to the exclusion of what she terms all outsiders.

Ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their ball to the exclusion of their old friends, however anxious they may be to make new ones. But when a ball is thus given it is thoroughly understood that conditions, however stringent, must be complied with.

A Hostess should receive her Guests at the head of the staircase at a ball given in town, and at the door of the ball-room at a country house ball. She should shake hands with each guest in the order of their arrival.

The ladies of a party should advance towards the hostess, followed by the gentlemen of their party.

A lady and gentleman should not ascend the staircase arm-in-arm, or make their entrance into the ball-room arm-in-arm. The gentlemen invariably enter the ball-room after the ladies of their party, and never before them, or arm-in-arm with them. A ball is usually opened either by the hostess herself, or by one of her daughters.

Opening a Fancy Dress Ball simply signifies dancing in the first quadrille. Opening a dance means dancing the first valse.

When a member of the Royal Family, or a foreign prince, is expected, dancing should not commence until the arrival of the royal guest; and when the royal guest is a lady, the host should open the ball with her, having his wife or daughter as vis-à-vis. When the royal guest is a prince, the hostess or her daughter should open the ball with him.

When a prince wishes to dance with any lady present, with whom he is unacquainted, his equerry informs her of the prince's intention, and conducts her to the prince, saying as he does so, "Mrs. A——, your Royal Highness" or "Miss B——, your Royal Highness." The prince bows and offers her his arm; the lady should curtsey and take it. She should not address him until addressed by him, it not being considered etiquette to do so. The same course is followed by a princess; strangers to the princess should not ask her to dance, but the host has the privilege of doing so. When more than one royal personage is present, the one of the highest rank leads the way, with either hostess or host. (See [Chapter V.])

Royal Guests should be received by the host and hostess at the entrance of the mansion, and by them conducted to the ball-room. At ball-suppers the same precedence is strictly in force, the royal guests leading the way with host or hostess (see [p. 49]).

The same etiquette should be observed on the departure of royal guests as on their arrival.

General Introductions should not be made to royal guests, and introductions should be made by request only.

Gentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the daughters of the house for one dance at least.

A hostess should use her own discretion as to any introduction she thinks proper to make. When a ball is given in the country, the hostess should endeavour to find partners for those young ladies who are strangers to the general company. But when a ball is given in town, she is not expected to do so, as in town the guests are supposed to be acquainted with each other more or less, and to be independent of the kind offices of a hostess.

The Dances mainly in vogue at the moment are, "Valses," "The Boston," "Two Steps," and "The Cotillon," in which handsome presents are given. "Quadrilles" are danced at "State Balls," and at those balls at which the King and Queen are present. Also at "Fancy Dress Balls." "Lancers" are danced occasionally at "Hunt Balls."

The Precedency observed in sending guests in to supper is far more punctiliously followed in the country than in town. The host should take in the lady of highest rank present, and the hostess should endeavour to send in the principal guests according to their individual rank; but in town she generally leaves the guests to follow the host and lady of highest rank according to their inclinations, a guest should not enter the supper-room before the host has done so.

When a gentleman takes a lady in to supper, he should re-conduct her to the ball-room as a matter of course; the fact of friends joining her in the supper-room would not relieve him from this obligation. And the same etiquette applies equally to a lady. She should return to the ball-room only with the gentleman who has taken her down to supper, unless she is engaged for the ensuing dance, when her partner might come in quest of her; she should then return to the ball-room with him.

It is not usual for guests to take leave of a hostess at a London ball. This remark applies to acquaintances of the hostess, and not to intimate friends.

At a country ball the guests are on a more friendly footing than is generally the case in town; and, therefore, make a point of taking leave of the hostess if possible.

It is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her carriage or not. In the country more is expected of him than in town in this respect, as at a London ball, such a civility would involve a vast amount of exertion which few hosts would be willing to undergo: ladies accompanied by an acquaintance generally make their way to their carriages.

The Custom of covering in Small Balconies and the windows of the drawing-rooms where a ball takes place, rendering the atmosphere of the room almost insupportable from the total exclusion of air, is fast disappearing. The space gained by this means for the accommodation of the guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby entailed upon them.

Ball-givers have at length realised the mistake of crowding two hundred to three hundred people together into rooms not properly ventilated, and it is now the rule, when covering in balconies, to introduce window frames into the bunting covering, and to drape them with lace curtains, etc., the windows of the ball-room being entirely removed.

Large blocks of ice are frequently placed in convenient spots for the purpose of cooling the atmosphere, and coloured ice produces a pretty effect.

Patent ventilators are also much in use, and the substitution of electric lighting, on account of its emitting little heat, has become general.

Ball-goers appreciate these alterations as only those who have experienced the close, stifling atmosphere of an over-crowded ball-room can do, and as half the London ball-rooms are only average-sized drawing-rooms, the absurdity of excluding air from the ball-room with yards of thick canvas cannot be too severely criticised.

Ball-givers, too, frequently issue far more invitations than the size of their rooms authorises, under the mistaken idea that to have a great crowd in their rooms is to give a good ball.

But experienced ball-givers limit the number of their invitations to under two hundred, instead of expanding it to over three hundred.

The Country Ball Season ostensibly commences in November, reaches its zenith in January, and terminates early in February.

The stewards of these balls are, as a rule, the representatives of the various classes by whom they are attended; the members of the aristocracy residing in the county heading the list of stewards, and the members of the professional classes usually closing it.

The top of the ball-room is, as a rule, appropriated by the aristocratic element, head stewards and "lady patronesses."

The enjoyment derived from country balls depends upon a variety of circumstances, which do not influence in a like degree the ball-going world of London.

County Balls are principally composed of a series of large parties brought by different ladies in the neighbourhood where the ball is held; but there are two classes of county balls, balls which are held in large and populous towns and attended by the principal residents of the towns, with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and county gentry.

There are also Hunt Balls and annual Charity Balls which take place between October and February, and which are an amalgamation of both classes of balls.

The neighbourhood where a ball is held is a sufficient indication as to whether it is likely to be a smart one or not.

As a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names as patronesses and supporters of a charity ball, although it by no means follows that they will personally attend it; but a long list of influential patronesses materially increases the sale of tickets, which is the result to be achieved.

A large attendance is not the primary object of a county ball, as the sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required to defray the expenses of the ball, although these are sometimes considerable, especially when the decorations are elaborate, and the arrangements on a grand scale, in which case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than a surplus, which deficiency is defrayed by the stewards themselves.

To ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the part of the county ladies is demanded, and they usually meet and consult together previous to fixing the date of the ball, to take into consideration the fixtures of neighbouring county balls, and so avoid the possibility of the said balls clashing with their own county ball, and also with a view of perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant neighbours to swell the numbers at their own ball.

House parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-five, as the accommodation of a house admits.

It is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find partners for either ladies or gentlemen, and therefore, if a lady does not form one of a large party, but merely attends a county ball with a relative or friend, and has not a large acquaintance amongst these present, she has very little chance of obtaining partners.

Young ladies do not now return to their chaperons after each dance, or after they have been to the tea-room.

A gentleman should offer his arm to his partner at the conclusion of a dance to conduct her to the tea-room. In round dances, it is customary to take frequent pauses, and not to race round the ball-room until the music ceases.

At country balls programmes are invariably used; at London balls they are never used, save at public balls.

County balls usually commence between nine and ten o'clock, sometimes a ball is not opened until the most influential of the stewards and their parties have arrived, but oftener than not the two first dances are over before the arrival of the county magnates.

It depends upon the length of the drive at what time people arrive at a ball; as a rule, they do not arrive later than 10.30 p.m.

The usual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is by private omnibus in addition to carriages and motor cars; but when these are hired for the occasion the expense should be defrayed by the guests themselves.

It is usual to leave a country ball not later than half-past two; the most fashionable people invariably do so about that hour.

As a matter of course persons attending public balls take their ball tickets with them.

When attending a Military Ball, or a Hunt Ball, it is usually the rule to take the invitation card and hand it to the sergeant or official in attendance.

It is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this is to be done, although it is often taken for granted that persons will do so of their own accord.

At balls given by private individuals, the invited guests should not bring their invitation cards with them, unless in the case of a bal masqué, where they are sometimes requested to do so.

In giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered necessary, but with regard to a dance a short ten days' notice would suffice.

The Invitation Card is the usual "at home" card, the word "Dancing" being printed in the corner of the card.

The word "ball" should never be used on an invitation card, however grand the entertainment; and the same form of invitation is employed either in the case of a small dance or of a large ball, though in the event of a small dance only being given, the words "Small" or "Early" should be written or printed on the invitation card.

Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the hostess only.

When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter, the invitations should be issued in their joint names.

When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should be issued in his name.

Invitations issued by officers, members of hunt committees, bachelors, etc., to their balls, either request the pleasure or the honour of Mrs. ——'s company; but this formula should not be used by ladies when issuing invitations; the "at home" card should simply bear the word "Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date filled in in the allotted space, the name of the guest written at the top of the card.

In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct to use the words "ball" or "dance" when alluding to the entertainment about to be given, in a friendly note.

A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his or her friend to a ball given by an acquaintance, although the acquaintanceship were of a slight character; but a lady or gentleman should not ask for an invitation to a ball if unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of mutual friends having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon the hospitality of a stranger, therefore such requests are inadmissible.

The proper course for a person to pursue in the event of desiring an invitation to a ball given by some one with whom he or she is unacquainted, is to request some mutual friend to obtain one; and this course is always followed.

Cards should be left by the guests present at a ball within the current week if possible. (See [Chapter III.])

Gratuities should never be given by the guests to the servants of the house where a ball is given.

State Balls.—Two State Balls are annually given at Buckingham Palace during the London season by command of His Majesty. Invitations are issued by the Lord Chamberlain, but His Majesty previously revises the list.

When ladies and gentlemen attend a State Ball at Buckingham Palace they make their way to the ball-room unannounced; and there is no official reception accorded to them, either by "Royalty" or by the Lord Chamberlain.

Dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal party, when the guests rise and remain standing while the Royal Quadrille—with which the ball opens—is being danced.

The King and Queen act as host and hostess on these occasions, but confine their attentions to those with whom they are personally acquainted.

Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace should wear the usual full evening dress; but they should not wear Court trains, or plumes, or lappets.

Gentlemen attending State Balls should wear uniform or full Court dress—dress coat, breeches and silk stockings, shoes and buckles; trousers can only be worn as part of a uniform, and not with a Court dress as generally worn at a levée.

A gentleman intending to dance should remove his sword, otherwise he should not do so.

When the Court is in mourning, ladies attending a State Ball should wear mourning according to the official notice which duly appears in the Gazette.

Gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm, which is supplied in the cloak-room of the Palace to those who have forgotten to provide themselves with it, as it is imperative, when the Court is in mourning, that a band of crape should be worn at either State Ball or State Concert.

The balls given by the princes and princesses of the blood royal are not State Balls, therefore Court dress is not worn by the gentlemen present.

They act as host and hostess at the balls given by them and receive their guests, shaking hands with them as they are announced.

Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation with them to Buckingham Palace.

CHAPTER XIII

DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT

Dinner giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances, therefore dinner parties rank first amongst all entertainments.

Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of an equivalent, that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the category of diners out. This rule, however, is open to many exceptions in favour of privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of society whose presence at dinner parties is appreciated and welcomed in most circles.

Dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence, and are of more social significance, than any other form of entertainment.

Dinner Invitations.—An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of esteem, or friendship and cordiality, towards the guest invited, than is conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering, it being the highest compliment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, which in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities.

The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of wealth, and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. Oftener than not, the former rather overweights the latter; hence, the introduction of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose métier in life it is to be amusing and to appear amused.

Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in society by the dinner giver, but it is also a direct road to obtaining a recognized place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to fashionable society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the talent which the host or hostess may possess for organizing dinner-parties.

When a large dinner-party is contemplated, it is usual to give three weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been extended to four, five, and even six weeks.

Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation, considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges them to remain in town, and as it were controls their movements, for the acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding obligation; only ill-health, family bereavement, or some all-important reason justifies its being set on one side or otherwise evaded.

Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment are not often retained on the dinner-list of a host or hostess.

Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess.

The master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his guests, when dispensing hospitality as a "dinner giver."

From five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for invitations to small and unceremonious dinner-parties.

Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations, and can be purchased from any stationer; these cards only require to be filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and address. The united names of the host and hostess should be written in the space left for that purpose. Thus, "Mr. and Mrs. A.," and the name or names of the guests in the next vacant space.

When invitations are issued for small dinner-parties, it is more usual to write notes than to make use of printed cards.

Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as little delay as possible after the invitations have been received. It is a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so, as a hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited intends dining with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up the vacant place with an eligible substitute; thus rendering her dinner-party an ill-assorted one.

An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note; it is therefore incumbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer within a day or two at least. Dinner invitations are either sent by post or by a servant, and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner.

Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess.

It is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family; it is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to dinner-parties.

Receiving Dinner-Guests.—The guests should arrive within fifteen minutes of the hour named on the invitation card.

On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining out; formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect, and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests. But now punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In general, people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in good time; but there are many in society who presume upon their position, and are proverbially unpunctual, knowing that in the height of the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to dinner without them; but this want of consideration soon becomes known in their different sets, and is always taken into account when "their company is requested at dinner."

In France, it is not the rule, or the custom, to wait dinner for late arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the invitation.

The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although perhaps 8.30 is the most usual hour. In the country it ranges from 7.30 to 8.30.

Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served.

The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in the drawing-room at the hour specified on the card.

On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-room, or should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance, before entering the drawing-room.

A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentlemen's cloak-room, or in the hall.

At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the staircase, and announces the guests as they arrive. At small dinner-parties, or where only one man-servant is kept, the servant precedes the guest or guests on their arrival, to the drawing-room. The guests should then give their names to the servant, that he may announce them.

A lady and gentleman, on being announced, should not enter the drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side. The lady or ladies, if more than one, should enter the room in advance of the gentleman, although the servant announces "Mr., Mrs., and Miss A."

The host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest on arrival. The ladies should at once seat themselves, but gentlemen either stand about the room and talk to each other, or sit down after a wait of some minutes.

When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present, she should not make her way at once to shake hands with all, but should make an opportunity to do so in an unobtrusive manner; it would be sufficient to recognise them by a nod or a smile in the mean time. A lady should bow to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the room to shake hands with her at once if disengaged.

At a small dinner-party, where the guests are unacquainted, the hostess should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other; but at a large dinner-party, she would not do so, unless she had some especial reason for making the introduction.

In the country, introductions at dinner-parties are far oftener made than in town.

Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. (See [Chapter V.])

Sending Guests in to Dinner.—The host should take the lady of highest rank present in to dinner, and the gentleman of highest rank should take the hostess. This rule is absolute, unless the lady or gentleman of highest rank is related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her rank would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests.

A husband and wife, or a father and daughter, or a mother and son, should not be sent in to dinner together.

A host and hostess should, if possible, invite an equal number of ladies and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there are ladies, in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go in to dinner with each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. B., Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. B. should be taken in to dinner by Mr. C., and Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on.

When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the extent of two or three, the ladies of highest rank should be taken in to dinner by the gentlemen present, and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves; but such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though sometimes unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one, for instance, and the notice given has been but a short one.

If there should be one gentleman short of the number required, the hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself, following in the wake of the last couple.

The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for the host or hostess to inform each gentleman, shortly after his arrival, which of the ladies he is to take in to dinner.

No "choice" is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would prefer taking in to dinner, it being simply a question of precedency.

Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess, knowing the precedency due to each of her guests, should indicate to each gentleman when it is his turn to descend to the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in to dinner.

Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant.

When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires dinner to be served, he should ring or inform the servant accordingly.

On dinner being announced, the host should give his right arm to the lady of highest rank present, and, with her, lead the way to the dining-room, followed by the lady second in rank, with a gentleman second in rank and so on. The gentleman of highest rank present should follow last with the hostess.

When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room, the hostess frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with a lady according to the precedency due to each. Thus, "Mr. A., will you take Mrs. B.?" This also answers the purpose of an introduction, should the couple be unacquainted with each other, and the hostess has not found an opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival.

When a case of precedency occurs, in which either the lady or gentleman must waive their right of precedence, that of the gentleman gives way to that of the lady. (See [Chapter V.])

A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the drawing-room.

Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room in silence, but should at once enter into conversation with each other. (See the work entitled "The Art of Conversing.")

On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has taken in to dinner should seat herself at his right hand. On the Continent this custom is reversed, and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner.

The host should remain standing in his place, at the bottom of the table, until the guests have taken their seats, and should motion the various couples as they enter the dining-room to the places he wishes them to occupy at the table. This is the most usual method of placing the guests at the dinner-table. When the host does not indicate where they are to sit, they sit near to the host or hostess according to precedency.

The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish their guests to occupy at the dinner-table.

If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished them to occupy, the result would probably be that husbands and wives would be seated side by side, or uncongenial people would sit together.

The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at large dinner-parties, and in some instances the name of each guest is printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover.

The host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should sit at the bottom of the table. He should sit in the centre at the bottom of the table and place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand. The same rule applies to the hostess. She should sit in the centre at the top of the table, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to dinner being placed at her left hand.

The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand.

Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner.

It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman, who have gone in to dinner together, converse with each other only, or with their right-and left-hand neighbours also, but they usually find some topic of conversation in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove but a succession of tête-à-tête.

The Menus are placed the length of the table, on an average one to two persons or occasionally one to each person, and the menu cards are elaborate or simple, according to individual taste, and are purchased printed for the purpose, having a space for the names of the dishes to be filled in, which is usually done by the mistress of the house, unless the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual to write them out in French.

Fanciful menu holders are much in use.

The use of menus would be pretentious at a small dinner-party when there is but little choice of dishes; but when there is a choice of dishes a menu is indispensable.

The Usual and Fashionable Mode of serving Dinner is called Dîner à la Russe, although at small or friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers to carve the joint himself in the first course, and the birds in the second course. But dinner-tables, whether for dining à la Russe, or for dining en famille, are invariably arranged in the same style, the difference being merely the extent of the display made as regards flowers, plate and glass, which are the accessories of the dining-table.

When the host helps the soup, a small ladleful for each person is the proper quantity; a soup-plate should not be filled with soup.

When the party is a small one, and the joints or birds are carved by the host, the portions should be handed to the guests in the order in which they are seated, although occasionally the ladies are helped before the gentlemen.

The rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand, then to the lady seated at the host's left hand, and from thence the length of the table to each guest in the order seated, irrespective of sex.

Double entrées should be provided at large dinner-parties, and the servants should commence handing the dishes at both sides of the table simultaneously.

Dîner à la Russe is the Russian fashion introduced into society many years ago. The whole of the dinner is served from a side-table, no dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit.

Dinner-table Decorations.—As regards the most correct style of dinner-table decorations, they offer great diversity of arrangement.

High centre pieces and low centre pieces. Low specimen glasses placed the length of the table and trails of creepers and flowers laid on the table-cloth itself are some of the prevailing features of the day, but table decorations are essentially a matter of taste rather than of etiquette, and the extent of these decorations depends very much upon the size of the plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner giver.

The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre of the table, amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner-tables are also adorned with a variety of French conceits besides fruit and flowers; other dinner-tables are decorated with flowers and plate only, the dessert not being placed on the table at all; but this latter mode can only be adopted by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate in the place of fruit.

As regards lighting the dinner table. Electric light is now in general use in town, and more or less in the country when possible. When not available, lamps and wax candles are used as heretofore. The shades in use should be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of the guests and to the success of the lighting. Silver candlesticks are often fitted with small electric lamps, and handsome silver lamps are brought into use in a similar manner for the dinner table.

The term "cover" signifies the place laid at table for each person. It consists of a table-spoon for soup, fish knife and fork, two knives, two large forks, and glasses for wines given. For such arrangements see chapter "Waiting at dinner" in the work entitled "Waiting at Table."

Sherry is always drunk after soup, hock with the fish after the soup. Champagne is drunk immediately after the first entrée has been served, and during the remainder of dinner until dessert. Claret, sherry, port, and Madeira are the wines drunk at dessert, and not champagne, as it is essentially a dinner wine. When liqueurs are given they are handed after the ices.

Dinner-table Etiquette.—Soup should be eaten with a table-spoon and not with a dessert-spoon, it would be out of place to use a dessert-spoon for that purpose. Dessert-spoons, as their name implies, are intended for other purposes, such as for eating fruit-tarts, custard-puddings, etc., or any sweet that is not sufficiently substantial to be eaten with a fork.

Fish should be eaten with a silver fork when possible, otherwise with a silver fish knife and fork.

All made dishes, such as quenelles, rissoles, patties, etc., should be eaten with a fork only, and not with a knife and fork.

For sweetbreads and cutlets, etc., a knife and fork are requisite; and, as a matter of course, for poultry, game, etc.

In eating asparagus, a knife and fork should be used, and the points should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is seakale, etc.

Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork; it is served on salad plates, which are placed beside the dinner-plates.

Cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate, and not off a separate plate.

Peas should be eaten with a fork.

In eating game or poultry, the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but the meat cut close off the bone; and if a wing it is best to sever it at the joint, by which means the meat is cut off far more easily.

Pastry should be eaten with a fork, but in the case of a fruit tart, a dessert-spoon should be used as well as a fork, but only for the purpose of conveying the fruit and juice to the mouth; and in the case of stone fruit—cherries, damsons, plums, etc.—either the dessert-spoon or fork should be raised to the lips to receive the stones, which should be placed at the side of the plate; but when the fruit stones are of larger size, they should be separated from the fruit with the fork and spoon, and left on the plate, and not put into the mouth; and whenever it is possible to separate the stones from the fruit it is best to do so.

Jellies, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork, as should be all sweets sufficiently substantial to admit of it.

When eating cheese, small morsels of the cheese should be placed with the knife on small morsels of bread, and the two conveyed to the mouth with the thumb and finger, the piece of bread being the morsel to hold, as cheese should not be taken up in the fingers, and should not be eaten off the point of the knife.[3]

The finger-glass should be removed from the ice-plate and placed on the left-hand side of the dessert-plate. When ices are not given, the d'oyley should be removed with the finger-glass and placed beneath it.

When eating grapes, the half-closed hand should be placed to the mouth, and the stones and skins allowed to fall into the fingers, and placed on the side of the plate. Some persons bend the head so as to allow of the stones and skins of the grapes falling on the side of the plate; but this latter way is old-fashioned, and seldom followed. Cherries and other small stone-fruit should be eaten in the way grapes are eaten, also gooseberries.

When strawberries and raspberries, etc., are not eaten with cream, they should be eaten from the stalks; when eaten with cream, a dessert-spoon should be used to remove them from the stalks. When served in the American fashion without stalks, both fork and spoon should be used.

Pears and apples should be peeled and cut into halves and quarters with a fruit-knife and fork, as should peaches, nectarines, and apricots.

Melons should be eaten with a spoon and fork.

Pines with knife and fork.

The dessert is handed to the guests in the order in which the dinner has been served.[4]

When the guests have been helped to wine, and the servants have left the dining-room, the host should pass the decanters to his guests, commencing with the gentleman nearest to him.

It is not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with each other either at dinner or dessert, and the guest fills his glass or not, according to inclination.

Ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of wine at dessert, and passing the decanters is principally for the gentlemen. If a lady should require a second glass of wine at dessert, the gentleman seated next to her would fill her glass; she should not help herself to wine. After the wine has been passed once around the table, or about ten minutes after the servants have left the dining-room, the hostess should give the signal for the ladies to leave the dining-room, by bowing to the lady of highest rank present, seated at the host's right hand. She should then rise from her seat, as should all the ladies on seeing her do so.

The gentlemen should rise also, and remain standing by their chairs until the ladies have quitted the room, which they should do in the order in which they have entered it, the lady of highest rank leading the way, the hostess following last.

The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open it for the ladies to pass out, and close it after them.

When the ladies have left the dining-room, the gentlemen should close up as near to the host as possible, so as to render conversation general.

The wines usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner are claret of a fine quality, and port.

The ladies on leaving the dining-room return to the drawing-room. Coffee should be almost immediately brought to the drawing-room. The coffee-cups containing coffee should be brought on a silver salver, with a cream-jug and a basin of crystallised sugar.

In large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in a silver coffee-pot, and the lady would then pour out her own coffee, the servant holding the salver the meanwhile.

Coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the dining-room, and either handed to the gentlemen, or placed on the table, that they may help themselves (see the work previously referred to).

A very general plan is, after the wine has gone round once or twice, for the host to offer cigarettes, which are smoked before the gentlemen join the ladies in the drawing-room.

After coffee, the gentleman of highest rank should leave the dining-room first. The host would not propose an adjournment to the drawing-room, until he observed a wish to do so on the part of his guests, but there is no hard and fast rule on this head.

It is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their wine beyond fifteen or twenty minutes at the utmost, instead of as formerly, from three-quarters of an hour to an hour, a change much appreciated by hostesses.

On the Continent the gentlemen accompany the ladies to the drawing-room, and do not remain in the dining-room as in England.

The gentleman of highest rank present could suggest an adjournment to the drawing-room within a quarter of an hour if he thought proper to do so. If the other guests were engaged in a discussion in which he did not wish to take part, having suggested the adjournment, he could leave the dining-room to join the ladies in the drawing-room; but as a rule, the gentlemen leave the dining-room together, the host following last.

The host should ring the dining-room bell before leaving the room, as an intimation to the butler that the gentlemen have left the room.

At ceremonious dinner-parties in town neither music nor cards are introduced during the usual half-hour passed in the drawing-room before the hour for departure.

At country-house dinner-parties music or round games of cards are in request.

Departure after Dinner.—There is no rule as to the order in which the guests should take their leave. Half-past ten is the usual hour for general departure; and the butler announces the several carriages as they arrive to the guests in the drawing-room. But if any lady wished to inquire if her carriage had arrived, she should ask the hostess's permission to do so; and the bell would be rung for the purpose of making the enquiry. The same remark applies to ordering a cab: the lady should ask the hostess if one might be ordered for her.

The hostess should shake hands with all her guests on their departure, rising from her seat to do so.

Each guest on departure should shake hands with both host and hostess.

If, on leaving the room, acquaintances should pass each other, they should wish each other good-night, but they should not make the tour of the rooms for the purpose of so doing.

The host should conduct one or two of the principal of his lady guests to their carriages.

The ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloak-room, the host waiting in the hall meanwhile.

A gentleman related to the host or hostess, or a friend of the family, could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage if the host were otherwise engaged.

Gratuities should never be offered by the guests at a dinner-party to the servants in attendance. Gentlemen should not offer fees to the men-servants, neither should ladies to the lady's-maid in attendance.

The guests should call on the hostess within a week or ten days after a dinner-party. If "not at home," a married lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her husband's; a widow should leave one of her own cards; a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards.

The rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly relaxed between intimate friends, and the call often omitted altogether; and this more particularly as regards gentlemen, whose occupations during the day are considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling.

Country Dinner-parties.—In the country, new acquaintances, if neighbours, should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call if possible, and the return invitation should be given within the following month.

When guests are assembled at a country house, they are sent in to dinner, on the first evening, according to their individual precedence; but on subsequent evenings the gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, otherwise a lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or six consecutive times, according to the length of the visit, but this is more a practice with people who march with the times, than with what are termed "old-fashioned people."

When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each evening, drawing lots gives way to precedency, it being too familiar a practice to be adopted at a large dinner-party.

Saying Grace, both before and after 'dinner,' is a matter of feeling rather than of etiquette. It used to be very much the custom to say "grace," but of late years it is oftener omitted than not, especially at large dinner-parties in town.

In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should be asked to say grace. When grace is said by the host, it is said in a low voice, and in a very few words; the guests inclining their heads the while.

It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the difference that now exists between the Elizabethan and present eras; no polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into plates, or to spread butter with the thumb; on the contrary, these things righted themselves little by little, step by step, until the present code of manners was arrived at. But it is quite possible that a hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the present century offered wide scope for improvement.

In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular, eccentric, old-fashioned, unconventional, or any other adjective that the temper of their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solecisms, either small or great.

Married Ladies, as a rule, dine out with their Husbands, and do not accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to accompany them. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, and circumstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed; but even in this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather than large ones.

During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends, though she might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances; but, as a rule, when it is well known that the head of a house is away for any length of time, invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of large dinners.

When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father, mother or brother; but occasionally, when a young ladies' party is given by a friend of their parents', the young ladies are invited alone, and they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's carriage.

CHAPTER XIV

DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE

Fashion has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation to inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent, but when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and a custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations, slight as they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, paradoxical as it may seem, they are as important as they are insignificant; still it is difficult to believe that fingers once did duty for forks, and that it was not customary for a host to supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious enough to require them, were expected to bring them in their pockets.

There are here and there people in society who affect a few eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities; and even then are only indulged in by those whose position in society is secure.

As regards Dinner-table Etiquette.—When a lady has taken her seat at the dinner-table, she should at once remove her gloves; although occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner, but this is conspicuous and inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and place it on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread on the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it from the serviette.

A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread, placing the one across his knees, and the other at his right or left hand.

When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, she should remove her serviette before doing so: otherwise a servant would offer her soup before she had made room for the soup-plate by removing the serviette, and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so on through every course throughout the dinner as regards fish, meat, etc.

The guests should consult the menu on first sitting down to dinner. Eating soup comes first under notice. In olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin. In these days no one "drinks" soup, it is "eaten"; whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is eaten out of a soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon.

There is a reason for this choice of spoons; soup is nothing if it is not hot, and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to each person, it is eaten quicker, and therefore hotter, with a large spoon than with a small one.

There is also a good and sufficient reason for small quantities of soup being given in lieu of large ones, viz. the extent of the menu; and when a plateful of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation supply, he fears that he is expected to dine off it, and that there is nothing much to follow.

Again, small helpings require a smaller quantity of soup to be provided, and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup than plates that are half full.

At ball suppers, when soup is served in soup-plates, it is also eaten with a table-spoon, but not when served in small cups.

Many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of bread; previous to this a table-knife and fork were considered the proper things to use for this purpose. It was then discovered that a steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish, and a crust of bread was substituted for the knife. This fashion lasted a considerable time, in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to the plate, and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection for that crust of bread. One evening a well-known diner-out discarded his crust of bread, and ate his fish with two silver forks; this notion found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up a second fork. This fashion had its little day, but at length the two forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory, and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver fish-knife and fork which are now in general use.

Small pieces of fish should always be given, and two different sorts of fish should not be placed on the same plate.

When oysters are given they precede the soup, and should be eaten with a dinner-fork, not with a fish-fork. In eating oysters the shell should be steadied on the plate with the fingers of the left hand, the oysters should not be cut, but should be eaten whole. Very many ladies do not eat oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them, while others refuse them under the impression that it is more ladylike not to eat them. Perhaps with regard to young ladies it is a taste to be acquired. Some men are very, if not over, fastidious, about the appetites displayed by ladies, and would have them reject the entrées and dine upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on the contrary, respect a good appetite as giving proof of good health and good digestion. There is of course a medium in all things, and as large dinners are ordered mainly with a view to please the palates of men with epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of the most highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given, but should rather select the plainest on the menu. This remark more particularly applies to young ladies and young married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly ladies are at liberty to do pretty much as they please, without provoking comment or even observation.

With reference to entrées, some are eaten with a knife and fork, others with a fork only. All entrées that offer any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, filet de bœuf, sweetbreads, etc., but when rissoles, patties, quenelles, boneless curry, vol-au-vents, timbales, etc., are eaten, the fork only should be used.

In the case of the lighter entrées, the contact of the knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; thus, for these bonnes bouches the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat them.

The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should never be given to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them. Under these circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone; but this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist, and dexterity, should the bird not be in its première jeunesse.

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.

Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course delicacy of this description; a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually accepted by them.

When large potatoes are served in their skins a salad-plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place them.

When asparagus first comes into season it is often given in the second course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing either.

In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger generation cut off the points with a knife and fork.

Seakale also is given in the second course when first in season, and should be eaten with a knife and fork.

Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork.

It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad, or who are in the habit of travelling on the continent, are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are well-bred men.

Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat; they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable; the outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner leaves which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel; but at dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these artichokes.

Savouries, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, but occasionally a knife also is of imperative use.

As regards sweets, compôtes of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so.

Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork.

As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner-parties.

CHAPTER XV

EVENING PARTIES

Evening Parties are styled receptions or "at homes" according to the number of guests invited. In official and political circles they are invariably styled "Receptions," but when given on a smaller scale in general society they are styled "At Homes."

Invitations to evening parties should be issued on "at home" cards.

The name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card at the right-hand corner, the words "at home" being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation, the day and date beneath the words "at home," the hour beneath the date. The address should be printed at the bottom of the card.

When music is to be given it should be mentioned on the "at home" card, thus, "Music."

The hour varies from 10 to 11 o'clock; in private circles 10 or 10.30 is the usual hour; in official circles 10.30 or 11 o'clock.

When a foreign royal personage is expected, or a foreigner of distinction, or a personage possessing public interest, the words "To meet Her Serene Highness Princess D.," or "To meet Count C." should be written at the top of the invitation cards.

When a reception or "at home" follows a dinner-party given by the hostess, it is not usual to provide any special amusement for the guests. But when an "at home" does not follow a dinner-party, it is usual to provide some sort of amusement for the guests, such as professional vocal or instrumental music.

The guests are expected to arrive from half an hour to an hour of the time mentioned on the invitation card, although it is optional when they do so.

Receiving the Guests.—The hostess should receive her guests at the head of the staircase, where she usually remains until the principal of her guests have arrived; while the host welcomes the guests in the drawing-room itself.

Receptions or "at homes" usually terminate shortly before one o'clock, save on Saturdays, when the hour of departure is 12 o'clock precisely.

Making Introductions.—A hostess should use her own discretion as regards making introductions.

When a royal personage is present the most distinguished of the guests should be presented by the host or hostess. When a celebrity is present introductions should also be made; and as regards general introductions they should be made whenever the hostess judges it expedient to do so, and the principal guests when unacquainted should be introduced to each other when the opportunity occurs.

Going in to Supper.—The host should take the lady of highest rank in to supper.

When a royal princess is present the host should take her in to supper.

When a royal prince is present he should take the hostess in to supper. (See [Chapter V.])

It is optional whether the hostess follows with the gentleman of highest rank present, unless a foreign prince is present, when she should follow the host, and in the case of a royal prince being present she should precede the host.

When a royal prince or princess or a serene highness is present a table should be set apart for the host and hostess and royal party, and any among the guests whom the royal visitors may desire should join them at supper.

When the supper-room is not sufficiently large to accommodate the whole of the guests at the same time, the most distinguished guests should go in first.

When the host is informed that supper is served he should tell the principal gentlemen present which of the ladies he wishes them to take into supper, and should himself lead the way with the lady of highest rank present.

The hostess should also assist in sending the principal guests in to supper, and when the general company observe the move towards the supper-room, they should follow in the same direction.

When the general company are apparently not aware that the supper-room is open, the hostess should ask the various gentlemen to take the ladies in to supper, and should herself lead the way with one of the gentlemen.

When the general company find the supper-room crowded they should return to the drawing-room for a quarter of an hour or so; but the hostess should arrange for some instrumental or vocal performance to commence when supper is first served, so as to occupy the attention of the guests who remain in the drawing-room.

The guests frequently do not return to the drawing-room after supper, but go to the cloak-room for their cloaks and wraps, and thence to their carriages.

It is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at receptions.

Royal Guests present.—When a royal personage is present the host should conduct her to her carriage.

When a foreign prince is present the host should accompany him to the hall door.

Tea and Light Refreshments should be served during the evening in the library, or in an adjacent apartment.

Supper should be served at twelve o'clock, in the dining-room, and should be similar in character to a ball supper.

Invitations to Bridge Parties are issued on "at home" cards when the guests number upwards of forty, and on visiting cards when a lesser number is invited.

The Invitation Form is, "Mrs. A—— At Home" in both instances. The day, date, and hour are put beneath the words "at home," and "Bridge" in the corner of the cards opposite the address. The usual hour for holding these evening receptions is 9 o'clock p.m., which allows of three hours' play before midnight. The guests arrive very punctually, rather before than after the hour named on the invitation cards. The guests comprise an equal number of both sexes, as husbands and wives are invited together when both are known to be bridge players, and bachelors who do not disdain playing for small stakes are in great request. Also unmarried ladies of a certain age; not girls in their teens.

Prizes are given in some houses to the conquering players. One for the ladies and one for the gentlemen, and occasionally a second prize for the second best player of either sex. This is done when playing for money does not commend itself to a host and hostess. The prizes consist for the most part of useful articles. For instance, a box of gloves, a box of bon-bons, a case of eau d'Cologne, a card-case, a bag purse, and so on, all of which are acceptable to ladies; and a box of cigars or cigarettes, a silver pocket-flask, a silver-mounted stick or umbrella, are prizes the men winners are pleased to accept.

The Bridge Tables at which the guests are to sit are numbered, and the hostess arranges by whom they are to be occupied. The names—four in number for each table—are written or printed with the number of the table upon small cards and given to the guests by the hostess on arrival. This is done that good players may be placed together, and to save confusion and loss of time in seating them at the various tables.

The Refreshments provided consist in the first instance of "coffee," which is brought into the card-room or drawing-room and handed to the guests. No eatables are given with this after-dinner coffee. A supper is given either at the conclusion of the play at 12 o'clock—this being the more usual plan—or at 10.30, after which play is resumed for another hour or so; but the latter is more of a provincial custom than a town one, and is intended for those whose dinner hour is an early one—6.30, perhaps.

When a supper is not given, very good light refreshments are substituted for it, including cups of hot soup in the winter months.

Going in to Supper is arranged as far as possible on the following lines, if precedence does not prevent its being carried out. The players at each table who are partners when supper is served go in together. The host leads the way with his partner, and all follow, the hostess and her partner going last.

Cards should be left within a week or ten days after a reception.

A married lady should leave one of her own and two of her husband's cards.

A widow should leave one of her own cards.

A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards. (See [Chapter III.])

[CHAPTER XVI]

WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS

Afternoon Weddings are invariably solemnized at 2.30 o'clock. Only very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours. Formerly, it was only the few who were in a position to obtain special licences who could have afternoon weddings.

Marriage by "Banns" is greatly in favour in general society. The banns must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in the parish in which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which the bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their respective parishes previous to the banns being published.

Marriages by Licence.—When a marriage is solemnised by licence the cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to £2. This should be obtained at the Faculty Office, or at the Vicar-General's Office, Doctors' Commons, and is available at any church in the parish where one of the parties has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being made for the licence, either in town or country.

When the licence is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate the cost varies, according to the diocese, from £1 15s. to £2 12s. 6d.

Special Licences can only be obtained from the Archbishop of Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Office, and an especial reason must be given for the application, and one that will meet with the Archbishop's approval.

The fees for a special marriage licence average £29 5s. 6d.

The Fees to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, according to the position and means of the bridegroom, from £1 1s. to £5 5s., as the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate.

The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing at 2s. 6d.

All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom, and paid by him, or by the best man on his behalf, in the vestry of the church, previous to the ceremony; immediately after it, or some days earlier.

The Etiquette observed at Weddings is invariably the same whether the wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is a grand wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests number two hundred or whether they number twenty.

The Invitations should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight before the wedding-day.

The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents of the bride or by her nearest relative, and the invitations should be issued in the names of both parents.

The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink; they are now seldom printed in silver. The form should be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs. —— request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. ——'s company at the marriage of their daughter Helen with Mr. John S——, at St. Peter's Church, Hanover Square, on Tuesday, May 8th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at —— Square. R.S.V.P."

If a stepdaughter, it should be "at the marriage of Mrs. A——'s daughter Helen B——."

Wedding Presents.—Every one who is invited to a wedding invariably makes the bride or bridegroom a present; it is the received rule to do so. Many send presents before the invitations are sent out—as soon as the engagement is made known, if it is not to be a long one.

There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day when the present should be sent; but invitations are usually sent to those who have given presents, even though they live at a considerable distance, and may not be able to attend the wedding.

Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes, according to their number, and if very numerous and valuable, it is not unusual to exhibit them at an afternoon tea, given for the purpose on the day previous to the wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver attached to it. Presents of silver plate should be placed on a table covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not unusual to surround the presents with flowers, notably roses, and this is often done by persons of artistic tastes.

The Bridegroom should provide the wedding-ring and the bridal bouquet.

The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom, and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding. He is also expected to make a present to each bridesmaid—either a brooch, a locket, a bracelet, or a fan, which should either be sent the day before the wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day.

The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his bride from the church to the house where the wedding luncheon and reception are to take place, and again from the house to the railway-station, or, if the journey is made by road, to the place of honeymoon; but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose, especially in the country. The bridal carriage is the only one, according to etiquette, which the bridegroom is expected to provide.

The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, and neither the bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so. This should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case.

The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very general, as at royal weddings, a royal bridegroom being supported by from four to six groomsmen. Two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers and assist in seating the guests.

The Best Man should be a bachelor, although a married man could act in this capacity. He should either accompany the bridegroom to the church or meet him there. He should stand at his right hand during the ceremony—a little in the rear—and should render him the trifling service of handing him his hat at the close of it.

He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and should pay the fees to the clergyman and to the verger, on behalf of the bridegroom, either before or after the ceremony, if the bridegroom does not pay them on arrival.

The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the bride, and await her coming, standing at the right-hand side of the chancel gates.

The Bride should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car. If she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as bridesmaids, they, with her mother, should precede her to the church. The motor-car should then return to fetch the bride and her father; but when she has no sisters, her father generally precedes her to the church, and receives her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the motor-car.

The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride, and form a line on either side of the church porch, or within the church doorway. The mother of the bride usually stands beside them.

When the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm, or the right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative, who is deputed to give her away; he should meet her at the church door in the place of her father, and conduct her to the chancel or altar.

At choral weddings the clergy and choir head the bridal procession and lead the way to the chancel, singing a hymn the while.

The Bridesmaids should follow the bride and her father up the nave of the church. When the number of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or twelve; but when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three of them happen to be children, which is generally the case, the elder bridesmaids should walk "two and two," following next after the children.

At fashionable weddings one or two little boys act as pages, and occasionally bear the bride's train.

The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister or the bridegroom's sister, and she should follow next to the bride with her companion bridesmaid, when children are not included in the group.

The Bride's Mother should follow next to the bridesmaids, and walk by the side of her son, or other male relative, in following them up the nave of the church. Ladies and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a wedding, but side by side.

The Bride's Immediate Relatives and the near relatives of the bridegroom should seat themselves in pews or chairs, according to the church in which the service is celebrated. In some churches the service takes place at the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated.

The Bridegroom's Relatives should place themselves on entering at the right of the nave, thus being on the bridegroom's right hand, and seat themselves in pews. The relatives of the bride should place themselves on entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's left hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large cards with the words "For the Relatives of the Bridegroom," "For the Relatives of the Bride," are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit.

The Bride should stand at the bridegroom's left hand; the bride's father, or nearest male relative, should stand at her left hand, in order to give her away.

The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the bride in the order in which they pass up the church.

The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service and should give them with her bouquet to the head bridesmaid to hold.

The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs.

Guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the church to follow the service therefrom. The hymns sung are usually printed on leaflets, and placed in the pews or on the seats.

The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-hole, as he does not wear a wedding favour.