VICTOR
VICTORIOUS
BY CECIL STARR JOHNS
LONDON: JOHN LANE THE BODLEY HEAD
NEW YORK: JOHN LANE COMPANY
MCMXV
THE ANCHOR PRESS, LTD., TIPTREE, ESSEX, ENGLAND
TO
IRMA
MY WIFE
AUTHOR'S NOTE
This book was written in the spring of 1913--fifteen months before the outbreak of the present war.
September, 1915.
VICTOR VICTORIOUS
CHAPTER I
It was a magnificent tree, old and stately; it was, moreover, the first cause of grief that I can remember. Its foliage in summer afforded much shade, and in the mornings when the sun was shining caused patterns to appear on the floor of my nursery; my sorrow was, that I could not fasten the pattern to the floor with tacks, tacks of the ordinary tin variety, which I had procured from goodness only knows where. I tried again and again, weeping bitterly at my want of success. I wept still more bitterly when my nurse returned; but that is a detail which has nothing to do with these memoirs, it is a sacred thing not to be spoken of lightly.
Such is the first of my remembrances, and I was then between three and four years of age. After that, my memories are confused and not particularly interesting, much the same, I daresay, as many millions of children can look back on: childish miseries, mishaps and pleasures, but always of the same place and the same people.
The house we lived in was not large, but the garden was; a splendid garden full of flowers, trees and shrubs, wild places and rockeries, while at the end flowed a tributary of the Thames, which to my childish vision was a most noble river. I imagine that its importance increased every time I was warned against going near the edge; and, as this injunction was repeatedly laid upon me, the Amazon or the Mississippi must have been mere streams in comparison. As, however, I obeyed and religiously refrained from falling in, I can only suppose that in those days I was singularly obedient, and also lacking in enterprise.
I remember my nurse; she was a most lovable woman, with a comfortable lap and nice kind arms. She let me have my own way; and I am sure I loved her very much.
Then, of course, there was my mother, but somehow my childish memories of her are vague. I fancy I was a little bit frightened when in her company, for no reason that I can recall, excepting the fact that she smiled so seldom.
And then there was my great friend, Bauen, a very dark and swarthy man who attended to the horse and pony. I loved him best of all. He was a peculiarly silent person, who never spoke unless directly addressed, and never wasted words when replying. He worshipped my mother and myself. I remember one occasion, when I attacked him with a switch because I was angry with him--I was only five at the time, so I could not have hurt him much--he just stood and looked at me, with his eyes full of tears, until I felt like a little beast and cried too, imploring him to forgive me.
I couldn't understand why, when I put my arm round his neck and kissed him, he only kissed my hand in return. That was the only time we ever had a difference of opinion, and I believe then only because I wished for the impossible. It was Bauen who first set me astride the pony's back and taught me most of what I know of horses and riding; knowledge which has been of great value to me.
He also would keep me quiet for hours with wonderful stories, of which he seemed to have a never ending supply, tales of giants and fairy folk, which I know now were the legendary doings of the ancient heroes of his own country. It is wonderful to me that children can remember the fairy tales of their early years, and to this day I can recall my thrills at the story of the prince who turned himself into an ivy plant so that, when it had grown up a tall tower, a princess could use it as a means of escape. I had plenty of time to listen to these stories, for I never had any playmates of my own age. Not knowing the joys of companionship, I experienced no pain at the lack of comrades; nor were my days unhappy, for they were carefully arranged by my mother; so much work, and then perfect freedom to do what I wished, as long as I did not stray from the garden.
At an early age I could read and write, not English but French. My education at that time was a source of great perplexity to me: my infantile mind could never hope to understand the reason why, just when I was able to speak in one language, I was switched on to another; but so it was. In this way I learnt to a certain extent French, German, English, and lastly a language which my mother spoke when addressing her women, and which she assured me, one day, was the language spoken by the people of my own race: Rudarlian. I do not remember that this information added much to my pleasure in learning the language, I do not think that at that early age nationality troubled me a great deal.
However, I must have been born with a gift for languages, and they all came easily. In after years I appreciated the value of the teaching, for I found it had given me command over the subtleties of pronunciation.
Most of my days were spent in the following manner: I was out of bed very early, summer and winter, every morning starting with a cold bath and simple exercises; then came breakfast, after which half an hour was allowed for a scamper in the garden, a visit to the stables, and then work until eleven o'clock.
From eleven until one, my time was occupied by play and dinner, a meal rather too ceremonious for my liking; then, work again until two-thirty. Of course, as I grew older, these hours were altered, and my play was curtailed, a thing which did not cause me any unhappiness, as I loved my books, chiefly owing to the intelligent methods of instruction, which leads me to further acquaintances--two men.
One, about forty-five years of age, appearing considerably older on account of his grey-tinged hair, came to visit my mother once every year.
At first whenever he came my mother appeared unhappy; so much so that when I was six I connected his appearance with my mother's tears, and threatened him with I know not what. She, however, put her arms round me and assured me that Mr. Smith was the best friend she had.
Mr. Smith--Mr. Smith. In those days I never thought that I should owe you so much.
He it was who introduced Mr. Neville to my mother.
Mr. Neville became my tutor. He is another to whom I owe much, very much, but my indebtedness to him is of a different kind from my indebtedness to Mr. Smith.
I was eight when my tutor appeared upon the scene; tall and broad-shouldered, a fine athlete, an ex-university don, and, as I found later, strong in every sense.
He had a method of teaching peculiarly his own, simple, practical, and yet full of the most complete wisdom. His teaching awoke my childish interest; under his handling, dry facts of history became fraught with vivid life, and that perhaps was the study which fascinated me the most. He showed me the indirect effects of various actions, proving how nearly always they are more potent and far-reaching than the direct. Dates, the plague of most childish brains, he never troubled about.
With wonderful word pictures, he conjured up before my eyes the lives and deeds of long-dead heroes and monarchs, pointing out their failings, explaining their actions. His knowledge was vast, I realise that now; he would encourage me to observe everything, and he was never wearied of explaining the why and the wherefore.
In matters geographical it was the same. Not content with teaching me the names of cities, rivers, etc., he would take me mentally to the places we spoke of, informing me of their imports, exports, mineral wealth, and chief manufactures, giving me brief historical lectures to explain the reason for certain boundaries, describing the lives, rural and urban, of the inhabitants, discoursing on their modes of conveyance, fighting power, anything--everything. He assisted his words with photographs. Perhaps if I had had boy companions, I should have been a worse pupil; I don't know. As it was, I sat, metaphorically speaking, in rapt adoration, drinking in his words, remembering much, thank God.
Even arithmetic was made interesting after I had mastered the first simple rules. Owing to the thorough grounding I had from him, I seem all my life to have had a deep sense of arithmetical proportion, not only in figures but in the events of every-day life.
His lessons were short; I was never given more at one time than I could assimilate; the moment that he noticed the slightest falling off of my attention he would cease. "Now," he would say, "that's enough for the moment, let us go and exercise our bodies."
Away we would go, in any weather, for a walk or swim, a ride, or row up the silent little stream. Even then my instruction went on, not that I was aware of it at the time, but by subtle little observations which led me to ask questions and take an interest in all forms of life.
When he came, I saw much less of my mother; she was a great many times away from home, sometimes for days, sometimes for months. In my childish way, I observed changes in her, not in her manner to me--that was always kind and affectionate, though withal a trifle stately--but in appearance.
She dressed more in colours, and seemed gayer and less wrapped up in her own thoughts. With perfect confidence I mentioned my thoughts one day to Mr. Neville, but he laughingly declared that it was owing to his presence, as now she had not the worry of looking after me.
"I did not think that I was a great worry," I said innocently.
"No, my boy, I don't imagine you could have been," and his hand rested a moment upon my head. "So we must look elsewhere, mustn't we?"
"Yes, but I should like to know, because I might help."
"Not at present, I think; some day, perhaps, when you are older. You see, your mother has had a great deal of trouble in her life, but even troubles lose their poignancy after years; so take my advice and wait patiently. When the time comes you will be told without a doubt."
By this time I had such absolute faith in my tutor that I accepted what he said without hesitation; and thought no more of the matter.
When I was ten years old, a great change took place. My mother married again--an American.
It came quite suddenly, this marriage. I had no idea, no thought of possessing a stepfather; presumably, I was too young to understand or be bothered with information.
My own father was more of a myth than a reality; I had no memory of him, he was rarely mentioned by my mother, and my nurse would only answer my questions concerning my progenitor in a vague manner. That he had been a soldier, I gathered from the fact that he had been killed at the head of his own regiment; Mr. Neville had told me that, during a lesson dealing with the history of Rudarlia.
Had I been older, I might have wondered at the way in which I was taught the intimate history of such a small kingdom, far more minutely, indeed, than that of great powers like England or France.
During this lesson I read that King Merlin I of Rudarlia had been killed in a revolution, his cousin ascending the throne.
"I wonder if my father was there?" I asked.
"Yes, he was there."
"Was he a soldier?"
"Yes."
"Did he get killed?"
"Yes, he was killed at the head of his regiment."
"Oh!"
I remember that, in my dreaming for months after that, I pictured a man resembling in turn Mr. Neville and Bauen at the head of a magnificent regiment, charging, killing, and behaving like one of those old heroes with whom I was familiar.
But to return to my stepfather. He was a man of about fifty, very tall, and handsome, possessing the musical, low-pitched voice of the Americans from the more Southern States.
At first his coming made little difference to me, I accepted his presence in much the same spirit as I accepted most things; Mr. Neville and my mother were there, so it must be all right.
I can see now that it showed consummate tact on his part to behave as he did to me. He never sought me, never objected to my presence with my mother, never assumed any kind of parental prerogative; but, instead, suited his conversation to my understanding, asked my opinion gravely in small matters, and related many tales of adventure, in such a way as to leave me ready for more. Above all, he made me realise that he would like my affection.
He it was who gave me my first horse. I had always ridden the pony, so it was a great joy to me to be able to accompany Mr. Neville on an animal equal in height to his. Then again, it was my stepfather who first taught me to box, use the rapier, and shoot with a revolver, himself superintending my efforts with the greatest care; until from being a stranger he became a friend, one whom I could love, trust, and admire, nearly as much as Mr. Neville. Whenever I think of those two men, my thoughts are almost hushed, they were so good, so kind, so perfectly unselfish to me, with no ulterior motive besides my well-being, both for the time and the future.
They gave me of their best, mentally, physically, and morally.
Perhaps the chief thing I learnt from them was a sense of duty. Whenever there was something to be done, each put the question before me, for me to decide whether I considered it obligatory on me. They would advise thought first before deciding, and then would say no more. They were very good friends, these two.
Mr. Smith continued his yearly visits, but now each time he came the three men and my mother would hold a solemn conclave from which I was excluded.
He was becoming to me something more than the apparition of former years, as he would talk more to me, showing a considerable amount of interest in my studies, and would ask permission to send me books, which were mostly stories of war.
War was a subject which appealed to me, for my feelings towards soldiers were almost sacred.
My stepfather had given me a great number of small leaden warriors, and I fancy that he must have had them made for me, as they were absolutely complete in detail. They consisted not only of the actual fighting men, but artillery, commissariat, red-cross waggons, and engineers.
With these, when the weather permitted, we would adjourn to the garden, and on a patch of rough ground fight out the great battles of history.
Perhaps ten little pieces of lead counted as at regiment, or one small brass cannon a whole battery; it did not matter, the main thing being that the opposing armies should be as near as possible to the actual strength of the armies they represented. It would have amused people perhaps to have seen the group we made: two elderly men and one small boy absolutely engrossed in their game; if it could be so termed.
Personally, I have never underrated the effect it had on me, and I trace the success I have met with in real warfare to the accuracy and care we expended on these occasions. Naturally many questions had to be asked, and these were generally answered by my stepfather, who was a great authority on all things pertaining to war. How he could make the necessary leisure to play with me I cannot understand, for his must have been a very strenuous life, although I did not realise it at the time.
Two more years went by, and then I was informed that it had been decided to send me to school, an idea which at first did not greatly charm me. It had never entered my head that I should ever be a schoolboy, it had seemed to me that I was apart somehow from all other boys, and although I had read books of school life, they had never appeared real to me, most probably because I had never known anyone of my own age.
When the thought obtained a firm footing in my mind, it began to wear a more interesting aspect, for I conjured up alluring adventures, and finally grew to like the idea so much that I was all excitement for the entrance examination.
The only drawback that I could perceive, was the fact that I should have to leave Mr. Neville, and my mother and stepfather. It was difficult to conceive life without them, but they one and all pooh-poohed that side of it, and told me that it was high time that I got away from their apron strings. In spite of this Spartan argument, I know they were very sorry when the day came for me to depart.
I passed my entrance examination too well, rather too brilliantly, and was therefore put into a class with boys a good deal my senior; consequently my first term was not all my fancy had painted it. At first, I foolishly imagined that school was the place for work, so endangering my reputation by being looked upon as a "swot," and something of a prig. Realising this and recognising my shortcomings, I scrupulously refrained from working hard and devoted myself to games.
The senior I fagged for was a nice, kind chap who treated me with great consideration for the first few days, but after that he treated me in a way that was essentially good for my soul. He did, however, explain many little difficulties in regard to games and encouraged me to go in for them hot and strong.
With the majority of my schoolfellows I was on good terms; I had the usual number of scuffles which could not be called fights, only one coming under that category; that was with a fellow whom I disliked heartily, for no particular reason; he returned the feeling and tried to bully.
We therefore set to in good earnest; he was two years older and a good deal bigger; it is undoubtedly true that I should have received a thrashing, had it not been for the tuition I had received from my stepfather. I held my own for ten rounds, when we were stopped by a prefect. I had a beautiful black eye and a cut lip, as well as sundry bruises. My opponent, ditto, ditto; he looked worse, however, because he was full-blooded.
My reputation went up enormously after that. We never finished that scrap, but used to conduct ourselves civilly towards each other. It is wonderful how a tussle can clear the air.
I made a friend that day, Rupert Carruthers, the second son of the Earl of Yelverton. He is still my friend.
My stepfather was delighted when he heard of this fight, and joked with Mr. Neville about it.
"We shall have him in the ring one of these days, eh, Neville?"
"Ah! he might be happier so." A remark which at the time was unintelligible to me.
I do not think my mother was pleased, she said nothing.
These were very happy years; I did as little work as I could, but I played games with every ounce in me, hence I became a good all-round athlete.
In the holidays I studied with Mr. Neville to make up my lapses of the term, and I found it quite enjoyable; he always had the power of making me think more clearly than anyone else ever had.
My stepfather encouraged me in sport of all kinds, boxing, foiling, swimming, rowing, and shooting. He had had a magnificent gymnasium built in the garden and had also rigged up a shooting range for revolver practice.
I believe if I had been the veriest fool and lubber, these two men would have made me different.
My great chum, Carruthers, and I were inseparable, and sometimes exchanged visits to each other's homes. I remember the first time he came to our place; when we went to bed he slipped into my room, which adjoined his, to have a chat. We could both of us do well in that line. This night, however, he did most of the talking, chiefly eulogising my stepfather and Mr. Neville; he spoke with a keen appreciation of their qualities, especially of those I most admired in them; which showed, now I think of it, a perspicacity I had not credited him with.
My mother had received him kindly, but with that unapproachableness which often mystified me; and he was almost shy when speaking of her. I chaffed him about his nervousness when she asked for an explanation of the nickname he always used when speaking to me: "Splosh." Of course he could not give any reason, as there was none to give; but he managed to murmur that I was called Splosh, by every one, because I looked like it.
This lucid explanation was sufficient and convulsing for my stepfather and Mr. Neville, but did not seem to charm that dear mother of mine.
Carruthers' last remarks that night were: "What a lovely mother you have, Splosh."
"Yes, she is," I said.
"I think I should be scared of her."
"Why?"
"I dunno, but I should. Good night."
If he had waited, I might have confessed that sometimes I felt the same myself.
Mr. Smith came for his yearly visit that month; he took quiet notice of Carruthers.
Towards me his manner had changed slightly. He was, I thought at the time, rather ceremonious; but he gave me some splendid lessons with the foils, and I forgot about it. He stayed longer than usual, and his conversations with my mother were more drawn out.
It was about this time that a vague feeling first entered my head about my mother; I fancied there was some mystery attached to her, and I in no way desired that such a thing should be. The strange reticence every one showed when I endeavoured to ask questions about my family, the periodical visits of Mr. Smith, the care taken to exclude me from all their conversations, all these things made me wonder, and then Carruthers asked me one day to show him a picture of my father.
Picture of my father, picture of my father? I had never seen one; it struck me that this was extraordinary, almost as extraordinary as the fact that never before had I wished to see one. There had never been one that I could remember, no painting, drawing, not even a photograph, but I did not like to tell Carruthers that, so I made some excuse, and slipped away.
The desire to know what my father looked like became very strong, mingled with a feeling almost of shame; he may have loved me, petted me, planned out my future, and yet I had never given him more than a passing thought. In fact, I had grown to look upon my stepfather as my real parent and certainly cared for him that way.
When I slipped away from my chum, I got into a boat and pulled up the river to my favourite lounging place, and then I spent an hour or two, lying on my back, staring at the sky and vainly striving to explain what now I was convinced was a mystery. I recalled the early visits of Mr. Smith, when my mother used to cry; could it be that my father had committed some crime? Surely not, but why was he never mentioned, why were there no pictures of him in the house?
I was in a mood full of curiosity, but this soon changed to one of anger, I don't quite know why, unless I thought that I was old enough to be told anything there was to know.
In this angry state I rowed back and stumped straight up to the house, no doubt with great dignity.
My mother was sitting talking to Mr. Smith and my stepfather.
"Why, Victor, how flushed you look; is there anything the matter?" asked my mother.
"Can I speak to you a minute, mother?"
"Of course, what is it?"
I blushed furiously, and blamed my own precipitation. Why had I not waited a better opportunity? I could not ask the question I wanted to ask with the others there; but I had to say something, and so blurted out:
"Oh, it does not matter now, mother."
I believe that Mr. Smith made a sign to my stepfather, because they both rose, and, after mentioning billiards, disappeared.
I glanced round hurriedly; this was better.
"Mother."
"Yes, Victor."
"I want to see a photograph of my father."
Her face grew very cold and stern. Without a word she got up and walked slowly into the house; I followed. In her boudoir she handed me a miniature--I did not look to see where she took it from--and so, for the first time that I had remembrance of, I saw my father's face. I don't know what I thought of the face, but the eyes were kind eyes. I stared long and fixedly at the miniature; various feelings surged through me, far too subtle to describe.
At last I handed it back.
"Thank you, mother," I said.
"Is that all you wished, are you satisfied now?"
"No, I can't say that I am satisfied, because there are so many things I wish to know; is there any reason why I should not be told about him?"
"There is, Victor."
"But it is nothing wrong, is it?"
"Wrong? My God! yes! it is wrong, but it does not take from your father's name. Listen to me, Victor; you are growing into a man, when the time comes, you shall be told many things, until then wait patiently, my boy, I promise that you shall know everything."
CHAPTER II
I now knew that there was something mysterious about my parentage--the interview with my mother had at least settled that point--but all the certainty in the world could not prevent my mind continually turning to it, and this had rather a curious effect upon me: it made me quite humble-minded. I do not mean to imply that my normal state was bumptious beyond the ordinary, but it had a chastening effect upon my mind. I disliked the thought of the unknown. I desired to have a father whom I could speak of without any kind of doubt. As it was, I found it necessary, upon several occasions, to slur over any allusions to him, and schoolboys are not always tactful in their dealings with reticence. However, the fact that he had been a soldier generally proved sufficient to satisfy the curiosity of the inquirer.
Another thing which annoyed, or rather chafed me was the length of time that must necessarily elapse before I could know, for I had no doubt that it would not be until I came of age.
My disturbed state of mind did not prevent me enjoying my life immensely; and at eighteen I found myself in a very enviable position in the school, and one which I believe was a record in its way, for I was captain of the school, and also captain of the cricket eleven. I may say that the latter was by far the more important post in my eyes, and certainly much the nicer.
I take no credit for being the best boxer and fencer in the school, for I had done both since very early childhood, and had had most excellent instructors.
It was a great shock to me to learn that I was to leave school, it seemed to be the most complete upheaval I had ever experienced. I hated the idea, it caused me an infinite amount of real trouble to get myself into the proper frame of mind to behave decently about it. Yet, had I thought, I might have recalled numerous hints that I had received from my people, and which would have prepared me better; presumably I had been so engrossed in my own little affairs that I had not paid too much attention.
I shall never forget the last day of that term, I felt as though I was going to execution, and absolutely beastly; had I been a girl I should have cried my eyes out. With the eyes of my world upon me, however, I had to make a brave show, and say good-bye to every one and everything; and lastly I had to have an interview with the head-master. I had, naturally, had much to do with him as captain of the school, and we were very good friends.
He was a short, thickset man with a great white beard, who bore a tremendous reputation for severity among the boys; but those among them who got to know him found a warm-hearted, kindly, genial man. After speaking with me for some time he said good-bye, adding a few words which I shall never forget.
"My boy," he said, "I have this to say to you: no matter where you are, or what befalls you, remember that over us all, king or peasant, there is God. Turn to Him in your troubles, thank Him for your joys. That you will do your duty through life, I feel assured, however hard it may be, however irksome. The love you have inspired in your comrades will, I hope, be inspired by you in the world; I, and others, will pray for you in the future. May God keep you in his sight."
I could not help wondering, as I left his study, why such emphasis had been laid upon my future. What did it portend, did the head-master know anything of which I was ignorant perhaps, for since my interview with my mother two years before, I had made no further inquiries.
When I was home again, I found that they were beginning to treat me as a man; and for three months or more I spent my time in sport. By which I do not mean killing things, that was a pursuit I never really cared for.
Towards the end of this time Carruthers paid me a visit from Sandhurst, into which he had passed a year or so before I left school; after his visit I began to wonder what I should do with my life. His stories of the great military college had fired me with a desire for the army.
It was after dinner some three nights following his departure that I broached the subject of my future.
"I wish to know what vocation you think I am suited for?"
I spoke collectively. My mother gave a little start, looked quickly at my stepfather, gave a little sigh, and remained silent.
My stepfather smiled a trifle grimly, he too did not speak. Mr. Neville, however, answered me.
"What do you yourself feel inclined for?" he asked.
"I hardly know. You see, I have never thought much about it until lately; but it seems to me, that now I have left school, I ought to do something to be independent."
"There is no need of that, Victor," said my stepfather. "Would you not be content to stay here, and wait for a little?"
"If I did, it would prevent my going to Sandhurst."
"Aha! that was in your mind then. I rather suspected it. Rupert's reports, eh?"
"Yes," I said. "It seems a nice life, and I might do well as a soldier; what do you think?"
My mother leaned forward.
"Victor, do not set your heart upon it, I think that it will be impossible."
"Oh, am I also to know the reason for that, some day?"
"Yes," she answered, "that goes with the rest."
"Well, I shall be very pleased when that day comes."
"Ah!" said Mr. Neville. "I wonder."
We sat silent for a while, and then I said again:
"What am I to do? You know, I am completely in the dark about everything. I have been supplied with money, it is true, but is it mine, or is it yours, mother? These things ought, I think, to be explained to me. Shall I have some day to work for a living, or do I inherit anything when I come of age, because I feel that, in the latter case, I can take a course that will be totally different to what it would be supposing I had to earn bread and cheese."
My stepfather had risen and was walking up and down the room.
"I quite see your point, my boy," he said, "and I think that you are of an age to understand me, when I say that you will never want in the future: you will inherit a certain sum on coming of age, which will be enough to keep you handsomely in any ordinary way. When I die, you will have everything of mine, and I trust you will then be in a position to make good use of it. That, I hope, is sufficient to say about financial matters; about your career, it is more difficult. If I were you, this is what I should do: I should ask Mr. Neville to come with me and should then take a continental tour. See everything, meet everybody, acquire a knowledge of mankind, virtues, and vices. Spend money when you think good may come of it; read and digest history as you go, also national law, and natural law; gain as much knowledge as you can of affairs military; study arms and armaments, from cutlasses to cannon. Your cadet corps has given you a capital foundation to work on. Then in two years return to us. That is my advice, and I know your mother will agree."
"Yes," said my mother a trifle sadly, "I agree."
"But could you not give me some idea, so that I may study for my future as well as all those things you mention?"
"I believe that if you study those things, Victor, they will be of immense importance to you in what I hope will be your career. You may trust your mother and myself to give you the best advice we can."
"Of course I do," I said, "but it is puzzling, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is, but this you may count on: you shall know everything you wish when you come of age," said my mother.
"Thank you, mother." I turned to my old tutor. "Mr. Neville, will you come with me?"
"I will," he said. "It will be a pleasure for me to renew my acquaintanceship with the continent."
"Then let us go; and, for my part, the sooner the better, for the time will pass more quickly."
"Don't forget the old advice to 'hasten slowly,'" my stepfather remarked.
"To-morrow," said my mother, rising, "we will plan out your tour."
I went to bed that night with fresh fields of thought open to me. I was now to see all those places of which I had read and heard; I was to study everything. The thought flashed through my brain, that from this advice I ought to be able to glean something of my parents' views for my future, which I immediately tried to do, but without any satisfactory result. I wondered whether they wished me to enter the diplomatic service; but, if that were so, why be mysterious about it? It was a perfectly feasible career to anyone like myself. I was pleased with this idea, and indulged in a little fanciful dreaming, seeing myself as an ambassador, carrying through some skilful piece of diplomacy with great success. I believe that this was still in my mind when I fell asleep.
The next week passed in a whirl of preparations. It was decided that we should go first to Paris, and then roam wherever we willed, to St. Petersburg or Rome, to Egypt or Iceland.
For the first time that I can remember, my stepfather spoke to me of money.
"Victor," he said, "it is necessary that you should acquire a knowledge of the value of money; I don't mean of pennies being saved to make pounds, but I wish you to get used to the handling of large sums, to appreciate what such sums can buy. It is an extremely difficult thing to discover the best method of learning this; I believe there is no certain way, it depends so much on the individual. I don't fancy that you have ever been in debt or money difficulties, have you?"
"Never, you gave me such a ripping allowance, I never spent it all."
"Didn't you? All the better, it proves that you are not thoughtlessly extravagant; but I don't wish you to be too careful either. I want you to be so used to handling and spending money that, if, in the future, the occasion arises where it is wise to spend a big sum, you will do it without hesitation; for delay often spells ruin. Now don't forget, I want you to spend money, as much as you like, ten, thirty, fifty thousand pounds, if you wish; and, my boy, I will confide in you this much, if you spent twice that sum, I shouldn't feel it."
"You must be jolly rich then," I said, although I only vaguely realised the position.
My stepfather smiled.
"I am, but I don't wish people to know it."
I have often wondered what other young men of my age would have felt under similar conditions.
To be invited to spend as much money as they liked, to have it made a point almost of favour that they should do so.
I suppose their thoughts would have run wild on all kinds of imaginary delights, and pastimes; as for me, I hardly felt even a passing thrill at the prospect. I had always been lavishly supplied with money, and strangely enough had no expensive tastes or habits; I needed very little to make me happy. As it was, I gave my word to spend whenever I could. But I could not help laughing as I did so, it seemed so funny.
"Possibly I may have this explained when I come of age," I remarked.
My stepfather laughed.
"Yes, I think so, Victor."
* * * * *
I do not intend to give an account of our tour, the places we went to can be read of in Baedeker, or other guide books, that is, for the most part. We did go to some small places out of the regular beat, but nothing extraordinary happened.
We visited France, Germany, Italy, Russia, during the first two years, generally making Paris our head-quarters.
I followed strictly my stepfather's advice, studying everything and everybody. In those two years I must have shed at least seven skins of ignorance, and acquired seven others of knowledge, and, with the knowledge, understanding.
Naturally, Mr. Neville being with me aided me enormously; without him, I should no doubt have profited far less. He it was to whom I turned continually for guidance and explanation. When I say guidance, I mean mentally, as in all decisions of a physical nature I was made to decide myself.
In each country, as we visited it, he pointed out in his lucid way the chief points of government, and many were the discussions we had over the selection of the finest.
At first, I remember, I was inclined to favour theories, but before his searching dissection they very soon crumbled away.
We had many letters of introduction to notable people, wherever we went; and these enabled us to obtain a grasp of the real life of all classes, for we invariably found some one who could and did act as guide.
Sometimes we would go for a walking tour lasting a month or six weeks, sometimes we would motor through a great tract of country, barely stopping a day in any one place.
We met many people, young and old, men and women, and as my mind expanded I seemed to read their characters, recognising their virtues and their vices, carefully stowing the results of my investigations away in the recesses of my brain. I was repeatedly told that I was handsome, sometimes subtly, more often quite openly. This was news that failed to interest me.
Women with languorous glances, or carefully dropped eyelids, had little fascination for me; and so I passed through, unscathed, what would have been irresistible temptations to many.
Perhaps I was cold by temperament, or perhaps my upbringing had taught me to avoid such pleasures, or, again, perhaps I was simply waiting for love to come to me.
Now although, as I say, I evaded these things, I take no credit to myself; they were not for me, that was all.
I did not quite understand myself then, and I find it hard even now to say what prompted me to keep sexually clean. I in no way avoided opportunities, as in my desire for knowledge I would often with some acquaintance or friend visit the haunts of the demi-monde and underworld; I do not say it was necessary to seek such opportunities. The society we naturally consorted with differed strangely little in essentials.
I have seen a man, head of a noble family, deliberately cheat at cards; and I have experienced the disagreeable duty of refusing the amorous advances of more than one grande dame.
I, personally, find much blame for the man, and very little condemnation for the woman, for the craving of sex must be the most difficult of all to fight, and conquer.
As I have said, we studied four great nations in two years, superficially, of course; but the knowledge we gained was good. One subject in particular I had given my whole attention to, whenever possible: war, chiefly in the way of preparation for attack or defence.
It was extremely interesting to me to discuss with Mr. Neville, or with a soldier if possible, the defences of any place.
Of course, as outsiders, we were never allowed to inspect any of the fortified places of Europe, but we would discuss them nevertheless, and I was always trying to find the best plan of defence for these places. The military portion of the friends we made seemed much amused with me; I don't know why, unless it was my eagerness. All the same they entered into the fun of "drawing a civilian," and bantered me unmercifully, which I know was excellent for me.
I remember once, when motoring through France, entering into a heated discussion with a celebrated French General; I refuse to allow for one moment that I wanted to lay down the law, although Mr. Neville did suggest it afterwards. This General, no doubt immensely amused by me, pulled out a map of the district through which we were travelling.
"Now," he said, "supposing you had a force of so many men, with so many guns, here," he jabbed with his finger, "and the enemy were here and here, with so many men and guns, what would you do?"
This was a game I had often played, and I looked eagerly at the map--there and there the enemy; my forces here. It was impossible to do anything except surrender. I looked again.
"Where were my forces before they arrived in that position, in which direction were they travelling, and with what object?"
"Well, suppose they were moving from A to try to get to B here."
Again I studied the map, the position was plain to read; had my reconnaissance been carried out properly--and I should not have advanced without--I could never have been in that position, rather should I have branched off here, and so opened up a splendid line for either advance or retreat. I looked up at the General, he was just winking at another officer who was with us; that settled it, just that wink, I knew then that he was "drawing me again." I smiled grimly.
"General, if ever you allowed your forces to get into such a position you ought to be shot."
For a moment he looked at me, and then burst out laughing.
"Mon Dieu! but he is right, this young civilian, but name of a little dog! how did he know? I ought to be shot, I ought to be shot. Ha Ha Ha!" he roared with laughter.
I was appallingly conceited inside, but made little of it outwardly. The General, however, repeated the story so often, that I lost my conceit, and was rather sorry I had been so clever.
Whether it was my enthusiasm, my youth, or the novelty of everything, I don't know, but I enjoyed every minute of my time. Physically I had never been so fit; I took an enormous amount of exercise, walking, riding, boxing with Mr. Neville and others, though chiefly with my companion, who although not my equal in science, and a middle-aged man, yet gave me a lot to do. In each capital, I always went to the greatest masters and studied with the rapier and sabre; I also kept up my shooting.
I think I stopped growing in height about then--just an inch under six feet--but I still continued to expand in width. Illness had mercifully passed me by.
We had been in Paris about three weeks, and were beginning to think of moving on again, somewhere, I for one did not care where, because every place was splendid; I was not the least tired of travel, neither bored nor blasé. It was Mr. Neville who suggested Rudarlia.
We had spent the day at Versailles, a place which I never felt tired of seeing or talking about, and that evening we were idling over our dinner, when my companion said:
"And where to next, Victor?"
"I don't know," I answered with a little start, for he had read my thoughts exactly. "Where do you suggest?"
"There is Rudarlia."
I had thought of this many times, but had always deferred suggesting it. I imagined that it would be perhaps better to leave this visit until after I came of age and received the long-promised information concerning many things; also I wished to view my own country, for the first time, with a practised eye and balanced judgment. I knew from reading and conversation that Rudarlia was not in a flourishing condition, and I did not want to be badly prejudiced by immature impressions. Now, however, Mr. Neville had suggested the visit, which made a great difference.
"That requires thought," I said.
"Naturally; I only proposed it in order to discuss it with you."
"Well, what do you think, knowing how I feel on the subject, would you say my mind was formed enough?"
He looked at me affectionately.
"My boy, the last part of your question I can answer at once in the affirmative. You know, I never pay you compliments, so you can believe me when I say that, in my opinion, your views on most subjects are worth listening to, and your grasp of life is astonishing to me. As to your wishing to defer your visit, the same idea had struck me. Your mother has never even hinted at any wish of hers in the matter, so, to make sure of their views at home, I wired to them. Their answer came to-day, it was this: 'If he feels inclined.'"
"If I only knew," I murmured. "It makes it very difficult, but I suppose, as usual, I must decide. Don't you think that a great deal is left to me?"
"Yes."
"And you agree with that course of procedure?"
"Entirely."
"Yet I should so like to have things taken out of my hands sometimes, it would be ripping to feel, now and again, no sense of being in charge, so to speak, of one's own life; it is rather overpowering to know that everything depends on whether one says yes or no."
"And yet, my boy, there are many in the world, with larger responsibilities than yours are at present; think, for instance, of a great employer of labour who has to decide great things, affecting, perhaps, the welfare of both his employés and his business. Think of anyone in power, saying whether it shall be peace or war."
"But they have assistance in making up their minds."
"Certainly; it is there that we want you to differ from them, we wish you in all things to be able to decide for yourself; to know how to grasp the pros and cons, to weigh them one against the other, and give a decision."
"But will that be of use to me, should I enter diplomacy?"
"You can only wait and see."
"Not much longer, thank Heaven!"
"Ah!" said Mr. Neville.
We drank our coffee before speaking again, then I said:
"We will go."
"Good! you have decided as I expected you to. We must arrange many things first, however."
"What kind of things?"
"Well, do you intend going as a Rudarlian, or as an Englishman?"
"I have been English everywhere, so far, and for this visit will remain so, unless I change my mind when there."
"Which way do you want to go?"
I thought a little while, and then said:
"I should like to enter the country on foot and walk to the capital; it is a whim, I know, so if you don't feel inclined please say so."
"It is a first-rate plan, I think, and will be most enjoyable. Anyway, Karena is not far distant from the northern frontier."
"It will be hard going, from what I can gather, but it ought to be worth while."
"When shall we start?"
"Oh," I said, looking at my engagement book, "would a week from to-day suit you?"
"Perfectly, it will give us time to work out details."
Once the matter was settled definitely, I began to indulge in a little wild speculation. I was, naturally perhaps, excited at the idea of seeing my own country, hearing my own tongue spoken every day and all day, by my own countrymen and women.
The week fairly flew past. I had written to my mother informing her of our proposed trip, and received an answer back bidding me God-speed, and also advising me on no account to seek to find out anything about my father. It was pointed out to me that I had only a few months to wait and any premature disclosures might do much damage.
This, of course, was so much double Dutch to me, and only added to the mysteriousness of everything. I therefore refused to think about it, but I also resolved to abide by her wish. The letter finished by expressing satisfaction at the idea that I was to travel as an Englishman.
CHAPTER III
With as little impedimenta as possible, Mr. Neville and I bade au revoir to Paris, little thinking that we had made it our head-quarters for the last time. Since then I have never stayed more than one night in that city, when passing through. I always feel glad that I saw as much of it as I could, for, to my mind, it is eminently a city to induce memories, and I like to look back on the jolly times I have had there.
We went by express to Nerane, the nearest stopping-place to the northern frontier of Rudarlia, and drove in a cart to Melanov, that now famous little town; in those days it was not known at all well. We arrived as night was falling, and it was too dark to see anything of the country which on the morrow we were to enter. The cart deposited our shaken remains at the only inn the place possessed.
I was glad there was only one, for if there had been another, with the same failings, Melanov should have ceased to exist, at least that is what I should have hoped. We had sent our luggage to Karena by train, and had with us just the necessities of life, in our knapsacks. Our visit excited an unreasonable amount of interest, but the innkeeper, a fat, oily Greek, was obsequiousness itself, hovering round with a look of cupidity and craftiness upon his most unprepossessing countenance.
Having removed traces of travel as well as we could, the next thing was food. This was rough and plentiful, with accent on the rough; but, in spite of having recently left Paris, we had managed to acquire healthy appetites and ate good dinners.
Having filled our pipes, we made ourselves as comfortable as the chairs would permit and started talking; but just as we began to warm up to our subject--which I remember dealt with the use of aircraft in war--there was a bang on the door, and in stalked a soldier.
"Good evening," I said.
"Good evening, messieurs. I must apologise for this intrusion, but as Commandant of this frontier, I always make a point of inviting travellers to spend an hour or so with me, in order, if I may speak frankly, to prevent myself becoming too much of a barbarian to associate with gentlemen. I therefore beg of you to consider my poor quarters as your own, at least the chairs there are in better repair than those you are sitting on."
"You are very kind," I said. "May I introduce Mr. Neville? My own name is Stevens."
"And I am Colonel von Quarovitch. Now, since we know each other's names, will you accompany me to what poor hospitality I can offer?"
We accepted his invitation with more pleasure than he could have any idea of, for more reasons than one. I think, in my case, it was the knowledge I had already gained of those inhabitants of the inn who did not pay taxes, and who seemed to like the taste of me.
The Commandant gave us some most excellent coffee. At first, I believe, he took us for spies, or at least emissaries of some foreign power; but after a while his suspicions seemed to calm down, and soon we were talking and laughing like good friends.
We informed him of our proposed trip, a thing to him undreamed of; but all Englishmen are mad, that is well understood, so he gave an expressive shrug of his shoulders, and offered us any assistance in his power.
He was a fine, rugged-looking man, with great fierce eyebrows and eyes, and I thought to myself that he should be a good soldier. There was, however, an undercurrent of deep resentment in his conversation when speaking of his country's affairs.
Looking upon us as passers-by, he no doubt felt safe in laying bare his grievances. I do not suppose for one moment that he would have done such a thing in the presence of any of his officers, or even civilians of his own race. He was a grumbling old bear, and told us that he had been in his present grade for eighteen years, and for twelve in this place, badly paid.
"His beloved Majesty needs all the money for his prostitutes," he growled. "There is no money for clothing or weapons for his army. Here am I, who have been in every fight for thirty years or more, wounded a score of times, with only a few hundred men to guard a frontier, on starvation pay; seeing men who have never smelt powder made generals, passed over my head simply because they have influence either through their females or through money. And all the thanks I get for my devotion to the monarchy is to be told that there are a hundred applicants for my post if I request anything from head-quarters."
"Then your feelings are not over-kind to your King?" said Mr. Neville.
"King!" he roared. "He is no King of mine, usurper and assassin. I continue to serve in his army, because there is no one who can fill my place here properly, and my country comes before my own feelings still, thank God. And yet," he continued almost wistfully, "I feel assured that, if war was declared to-morrow, some captain with influence would buy my place, and I should be retired, as too old. Too old, by God! I who know every stick and stone for a hundred miles round, who was created Colonel on the battle-field by his late Majesty, God preserve his soul; I, who have studied war since I could read, who can yet march the stoutest man off his feet."
"But they couldn't retire you, Colonel?" I said inquiringly.
"Could they not, my young friend? Ah, you don't know to what we have fallen; not the people, they are as true and brave as ever, but the courtiers, our rulers, rotten, degraded panders to a gross sensualist's vices; bah! they sicken me. Retire me they would without a thought, and I could take my nobility back to my own dilapidated castle, and feed it on the thousand pounds or so I have saved in thirty years' service."
"Is there not a great deal of discontent in the country?"
"Naturally! where do you find men who would not be discontented and disgusted with underpay and insufficient food? The peasants, too, are ground down with taxes, until they starve. One day some man, driven desperate, will commit the crime of regicide, but perhaps it would not be a crime in this case."
"Would that improve matters?" asked Mr. Neville.
"That I cannot say. The next heir to the throne is a cousin, with little Rudarlian in him; from all accounts he resembles the present man in tastes and habits. Ah! if only I had been in Karena twenty years ago, with just the troops I have here, history would have been written differently, and Rudarlia would have been another country, unless Merlin's son had developed badly. As it was, I, with many more Loyalists, had been sent by a hound of a Minister to the other end of the country; when we got back it was all over. The whole of the reigning family, father, mother, and son, had been assassinated; and the present man Ivan was King, he had been waiting near the frontier for the word to come."
"Had they no one to defend them?"
"Those who did were shot without scruple. You know the miscreant fired the royal apartments, burning the bodies of the Queen and the Crown Prince; they were only recognised by the jewellery found on the charred remains."
"What a terrible crime it was!" I said.
Colonel von Quarovitch sprang to his feet.
"Crime!" he cried, shaking his clenched fists above his head. "Crime! God's curse on the authors of it, it has ruined my country."
We stayed only a few minutes after this, finally wishing him good night, and retired.
As we reached the inn, Mr. Neville and I looked at each other.
"Thank God for such men as that," said my companion.
His eyes were misty as he shook my hand, and turned away to his room. I did likewise, but slept little, I was too excited, I imagine; to-morrow I was to enter Rudarlia, my own country.
My thoughts were extremely upsetting, the conversation we had had with Colonel von Quarovitch had made me think a great deal.
Here was an elderly man, devoting his whole life to his country, without hope of recompense.
His was an example of quiet heroism that set my blood on fire. I compared his position with mine, I blushed inwardly at the comparison; of course so far I was not to blame, as I was not yet legally my own master, but in a few months from now I should be; what then would my course be?
Should I remain in England, with everything a man could wish for, or come here to Rudarlia, and exert myself to the utmost, in trying to cleanse the country of abuse?
Although I was young, I was not idiotic in my romanticism. I fully realised the futility of starting to wage war on a throne without a great deal of assistance. Could I obtain sufficient following, was I capable of directing the campaign? I would not use force, it would have to be far more subtle; the Press must be won over first, and the natural leaders among the people. Was it possible?
I turned and twisted in my most uncomfortable bed, finding the greatest difficulty in concentrating my thoughts. There were so many conflicting lines of argument to be considered; dreams, and ambitions, rose-tinted, would confuse them.
I dreamed of a Rudarlia set high above the neighbouring countries in everything, well governed, possessing a magnificent army, thoroughly trained and equipped, faithfully paid, fed and clothed, returning for it all a loyal devotion--to whom?
There, my thoughts balked--to the present King Ivan? Impossible. His heir, according to Quarovitch, was little better. Who then? God knows the misery I experienced in that cul-de-sac; I could see no way out, except in the idea of a republic, and the thought of Rudarlia as anything but a kingdom was unthinkable.
The only foreign power to which we could turn in safety for a monarch was England. No German princeling or Austrian Archduke would serve. Russia? As well ask a fox to take care of a chicken. Fool that I was, here was I, a stranger, imagining that I alone could save the country; there must be hundreds of brave men, far more shrewd than I, with influence and wealth, who had no doubt thought and even tried to do the same thing, yet they had failed. That was my opinion when I reached the blank wall in my mind, yet I could not give in, some power seemed to be urging me to try other ways.
Morning came, and found me still puzzling, still without any loophole through which to squeeze to the help of my beloved country.
I say "beloved," for now that I was on the borders, only a few yards into Rudarlia, I felt surge over me an almost mad exultation, a thrill of passionate feeling, quite foreign to my nature; I felt that that day had marked a change in my life.
Any help that I could give must be a matter of time and the deepest consideration; I would see what Mr. Neville and my parents said--and Mr. Smith too. I had forgotten him, had, I am ashamed to say, forgotten the oldest of my friends, and one who would doubtless be overjoyed to hear that I was in Rudarlia.
He would help me, perhaps, in any way that he thought good.
Well, it would wait with many things until my majority.
While dressing I thought of my stepfather; what would he think, as an American, would he advise a republic?
And then his advice flashed across me: "Spend money when you think good will come of it."
I had never followed his advice to any large extent, a hundred pounds or so at a time.
"I wonder," I said aloud, "whether this is an opportunity?"
It was a fresh idea, and I dawdled over my toilet, so as to have more time for consideration.