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CONTENTS: [A WIDOW AND HER FRIENDS] [THE SOCIAL LADDER] [THE WEAKER SEX] [EVERYDAY PEOPLE] [OUR NEIGHBORS] (In certain versions of this etext [in certain browsers] clicking on the image will bring up a larger version.) (etext transcriber's note) |
THE GIBSON BOOK
A COLLECTION OF THE PUBLISHED WORKS OF
CHARLES DANA GIBSON
IN TWO VOLUMES
Vol. II
Acknowledgment is here made to Messrs. Harper & Brothers (the publishers of seven of Mr. Gibson’s books), by special arrangement with whom this work is made possible.
Copyright, 1894, by R. H. Russell & Son.
Copyright, 1894, 1898, 1899, 1900, 1901, 1902, by Robert Howard Russell.
Copyright, 1897, 1903, 1904, 1905, 1906, by Charles Scribner’s Sons.
ELEVEN
GIBSON BOOKS
IN
TWO VOLUMES
A WIDOW AND HER FRIENDS
SHE CONTEMPLATES THE CLOISTER.
SHE DECIDES TO DIE IN SPITE OF DR. BOTTLES.
SHE FINDS THAT EXERCISE DOES NOT IMPROVE HER SPIRITS.
MISS BABBLES, THE AUTHORESS, CALLS AND READS ALOUD.
SHE FINDS SOME CONSOLATION IN HER MIRROR.
A QUIET DINNER WITH DR. BOTTLES; AFTER WHICH HE READS ALOUD MISS BABBLES’S LATEST WORK.
A MESSAGE FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
SOME THINK THAT SHE HAS REMAINED IN RETIREMENT TOO LONG. OTHERS ARE SURPRISED THAT SHE IS ABOUT SO SOON.
SHE IS THE SUBJECT OF MORE HOSTILE CRITICISM.
MRS. DIGGS IS ALARMED AT DISCOVERING WHAT SHE IMAGINES TO BE A SNAKE THAT THREATENS THE SAFETY OF HER ONLY CHILD. MR. DIGGS DOES NOT SHARE HIS WIFE’S ANXIETY.
SHE LOOKS FOR RELIEF AMONG SOME OF THE OLD ONES.
SHE LONGS FOR SECLUSION AND DECIDES TO LEAVE TOWN FOR A MILDER CLIMATE. WHILE PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY SHE COMES ACROSS SOME OLD THINGS THAT RECALL OTHER DAYS.
THE DAY AFTER ARRIVING AT HER JOURNEY’S END.
SHE GOES INTO COLORS.
THEY GO FISHING.
FAILING TO FIND REST AND QUIET IN THE COUNTRY, SHE DECIDES TO RETURN HOME.
MR. WADDLES ARRIVES LATE AND FINDS HER CARD FILLED.
SHE BECOMES A TRAINED NURSE.
THEY TAKE A MORNING RUN.
MISS BABBLES BRINGS A COPY OF A MORNING PAPER, AND EXPRESSES HER INDIGNATION AND SYMPATHY OVER A SCURRILOUS ARTICLE. MEANWHILE OTHER FRIENDS ARE CALLING UPON THE EDITOR.
THEY ALL GO SKATING.
SHE GOES TO THE FANCY DRESS BALL AS “JULIET.”
SHE IS DISTURBED BY A VISION WHICH APPEARS TO BE HERSELF.
AND HERE, WINNING NEW FRIENDS AND NOT LOSING THE OLD ONES, WE LEAVE HER.
STEPPED ON.
The Expert: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE HAS ONE?
I CAN HEAR NOTHING.
SURE TO BE.
She: I AM SO ANXIOUS TO HAVE THESE THEATRICALS A SUCCESS. IF THE MEMBERS ARE ONLY ENTHUSIASTIC, IT WILL BE.
He: HAVE NO FEAR. EVERY MAN IN IT IS TO MAKE LOVE TO ANOTHER MAN’S WIFE.
A WORD IN PRIVATE.
IF YOU ARE DULL YOURSELVES, DON’T HAVE YOUR DINNER TOO LONG.
LES FIANCÉS.
She: WE ARE TOO POOR TO MARRY.
“BUT I AM WORTH A MILLION, BAH JOVE!”
“TRUE. BUT IF YOU WERE WORTH TWO MILLIONS, WE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER OFF THAN THOSE WHO HAVE ONLY ONE.”
EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD THAT MONEY CAN BUY.
She: I SOMETIMES WONDER WHETHER ALL THOSE THINGS YOU SAID TO ME WERE TRUE.
“WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? WE BOTH BELIEVED THEM.”
A WARNING TO WIVES.
MRS. BOUNDERS KEPT HER HUSBAND UP LATE ONCE TOO OFTEN.
HE IS NOW TAKING HIS EASE IN A SANITARIUM.
“THEY SAY MISS CLINKER HAS SO MUCH MONEY SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.”
“ISN’T SHE CHARITABLE?”
“NO, SHE REFUSED ME.”
She: YOU ARE SO AWKWARD IN YOUR LOVE-MAKING THAT SOMETIMES I AM SUSPICIOUS.
“OF WHAT?”
“THAT YOU MAY BE SINCERE.”
A DISPOSITION.
He: YOU’LL HAVE TO GO A LONG WAY BEFORE YOU WILL MEET ANYONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN I.
She: WELL, I’M WILLING TO.
EASTER MORNING.
FROM THE SUSCEPTIBLE PARSON’S POINT OF VIEW.
LOVE’S EXPRESS.
EMBARRASSING
FOR LITTLE HOPKINS, WHO THOUGHT SHE MEANT IT FOR HIM.
LOVE IN A GARDEN.
THE BRIDE’S HEALTH.
The Dog: HERE HE HAS BEEN HANGING AROUND US FOR A MONTH, AND WE LEAVE TO-NIGHT.
“OH HE’S HORRID! I CAN’T BEAR TO LOOK AT HIM.”
“BUT SOMETHING MIGHT BE MADE OF HIM.”
“NO, HE LISTENS WITH HIS MOUTH.”
SOCIAL DEBTS.
AS THE LAST GUEST GOES—THANK HEAVEN!
WHO CARES?
HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS, AND THEY BEGAN SAYING GOOD-BYE IN AUGUST.
THE SOCIAL LADDER
THE SOCIAL LADDER.
STUDIES IN EXPRESSION.
An imitation of the lady of the house.
MRS. STEELE POOLE’S HOUSEWARMING.
Mr. Meeker doesn’t object so much to his wife’s entertainments as he does to the way she uses his room for the gentlemen’s things.
HIS REVENGE.
Time: Any morning at 4:15.
Mr. Meeker, having been kept up late for the last twenty years and rebuked for his lack of interest, develops a sudden enthusiasm. Mrs. Meeker and the girls now do the waiting.
THE STORY OF HIS LIFE.
STUDIES IN EXPRESSION.
At a dramatic agency.
THE TROUBLES OF THE RICH.
At the last moment, several who were invited send their regrets.
THE MAIN OBJECT.
He: WOULD YOU MIND IF I JOINED ANOTHER CLUB?
“OH, NO, DEAR! WILL IT KEEP YOU AWAY FROM HOME ANY MORE?”
THE SONG OF THE DEBUTANTE.
“Mother, dear Mother, come home with me now.”
THE HEIRESS.
She cannot talk, she cannot sing,
She looks a fright; but folks aver
Ten millions have been set apart
To talk and sing and look for her.
Mr. Grubbs walks in his sleep and appears for the first and only time at an entertainment in his own house.
WHY NOT
have plate glass fronts to the opera boxes? The occupants could still be seen, but not heard.
THE NEXT MORNING.
Mrs. Innittor Dedd’s maid reads: “Among those present was Mrs. Innittor Dedd, whose lovely face and splendid figure were enhanced by a tiara of diamonds and three ropes of pearls. She wore her famous rubies and was even more regal than at the Bullyon’s ball the night before,” etc., etc.
ADVICE TO A HOSTESS.
Keep your entertainment within the mental grasp of your guests.
LIGHTER THAN AIR.
MODERN CELEBRITIES.
An interesting discussion between the author of “The Barenness of Unkissed Kisses” and a famous dramatist.
WASTED ENERGY.
Professor Bung: A beauty? Well, perhaps she is.
Mr. Rattles: Why, man, haven’t you noticed the divine way she smiles?
“Oh, I’m not altogether unobservant. I have made a calculation, in fact, that the energy expended on her smiles, if scientifically applied, would run an automobile.”
She: You don’t know what it is to love.
“I don’t, eh? Haven’t I been to every play, read every popular novel in the last six months, got into debt hopelessly, had my appendix removed, and all for your sake?”
STUDIES IN EXPRESSION.
Showing that a man may be a hero in his own house.
OF COURSE THERE ARE MERMAIDS.
PLENTY OF GOOD FISH IN THE SEA.
PARASITES.
Basking in the golden sunshine.
HIS CHRISTMAS GIFT.
A SUGGESTION.
For ill-assorted pairs.
THE ENTHUSIAST WHO INSISTS UPON SHOWING YOU HIS ESTATE.
A CROOKED TALE.
There was a crooked man,
Who made a crooked deal,
And got a crooked fortune
By a very crooked steal;
He had a crooked wife,
With a very crooked name,
And now they live apart
In very crooked fame.
