June 5th, 10.40 p.m.
BENNY PERMINGER just wasn’t interested in the fight any more. From the first gong he’d sat forward, his jaw set and thrust out, and his hands clenched on his knees. He’d given them three rounds to get warmed up. These big guys couldn’t take chances in the first few rounds. They’d got to get set and take stock of each other, so Benny was patient.
All right, this was the fifth round coming up and nothing had happened. These two punks just seemed to love each other. They poked feebly, and then shuffled into a clinch, then they’d break away, look at each other like they were surprised to see they were still standing up, and then start poking and clinching all over again.
Benny sat back suddenly with a long−drawn−out sigh of disgust. That’s when it happened. His ears slid along silk stockings. You don’t go getting your head between a dame’s knees every day. It shook him up. It took his mind right off the fight and kept it off.
The dame shifted back fast enough, but it didn’t alter the fact. Benny had had his head between her knees.
She had been sitting right behind him on the tier seat. Maybe, she’d never seen a fight before, so she got excited. She came forward, _with her knees hovering over Benny’s head.
Benny was sitting forward too. There was nothing in it, both sitting forward trying to squeeze some excitement out of a punk fight. It was different when Benny sat back suddenly. It gave her quite a shock when Benny’s head banged between her knees. The way that dame slid back on her seat was nobody’s business.
Her boy friend was quick too. One of those guys who missed nothing. He said, “Go on, give it away. Put it on a plate an’ hand it round. Don’t mind me.”
Benny heard him. He sounded tough, so Benny sat still, feeling a little sick. He kept his eyes on the two punks shuffling around on the resin. He stole a quick look at Sadie, sitting beside him, but she hadn’t noticed anything. She was half asleep.
Fights bored her, anyway, but she’d got into the habit of going places with Benny. She liked best when they went to movies, because he didn’t get excited, or look at other women, or curse.
It was a lucky break for Benny that one of the fighters suddenly thought it was time to go home. He began to hit more seriously and immediately got the other guy in trouble. All the crowd began to shout and get excited, so Benny felt a lot less scared.
All the same, he had lost interest in the fight. He wanted to have a look at this dame behind him. He knew that if he did he’d start something, so he just stared down at the brightly lit ring and made up pictures of what she might look like.
It wasn’t long before he’d got such a picture that he could hardly sit still. There were two more fights on the programme, but they weren’t going to keep Benny sitting in that hall. He wanted to get home with Sadie, just as fast as his car would take him.
He said, “Come on, honey, let’s get outta here.”
Sadie woke up and blinked around, stared at the two little men way down in the ring, and then looked blankly at Benny. “Where’s the fire?” she said.
Benny looked at her. She was good. She was just the right height, and her hair was curly, black and silky.
She reminded Benny of the cuties who give you thoughts from the front cover of College Life. They’d been married now two years, and Benny liked her a lot. He had even kept off other girls. Sadie had been pretty good to him. The first six months had gone well for them both.
Then Benny got used to it, and he began to slip back.
At first he’d walk along with Sadie and compare her with other dames. Sadie was good, so she came out well in that game. When he began wondering what the other dames were like, then that wasn’t so good. He knew what Sadie was like. Then, from just looking, he had to make remarks. He’d say to Sadie, “Did you see that dame, just then? Gee! What a figure! Did you see anythin’ like that?”
Well, Sadie felt pretty safe, and she thought Benny was just kidding her, but Benny wouldn’t leave it alone.
He’d say, “I bet that dame’s a hot one. Yeah, look at the way she swings her can. Gee! I guess that dame gets pushed around plenty.”
Nothing in it, but it hurt. It did more than that, it got on Sadie’s nerves. She knew that one of these days he was going to cheat. Once he’d started cheating he’d go on cheating. It was no good. She’d done everything she could to hold him, but he’d got that sort of a mind. He couldn’t help himself.
When he went and put his head between that flossie’s knees, something snapped inside Sadie. That finished it. He didn’t think she’d seen that. All right, it’d be a surprise for him.
Benny said again, “Come on, honey. Those punks’ll drive me crazy.”
They pushed their way past the other people and got to the gangway. Benny looked back. Sadie was waiting for him to do that. Benny’s heart jumped when he saw the dame. Boy! She was good. It made him go limp inside just to think that he’d slid his ears along her stockings.
Sadie said it for him. “I know,” she said; “don’t tell me. She’s cute. She’s got everything. She’s a menace to good men, and she’s the world’s biggest push−over.”
Benny blinked at her. “Hey! Where do you get that stuff?”
Sadie walked down the gangway, not listening to him. She was conscious of some of the men drawing their eyes reluctantly from the fight to watch her go. She swung her hips. “Go on,” she thought, “take a look at me. I’m not so bad myself.”
Benny came running after her. “What was that stuff about the dame?” he said angrily. “I don’t like that line.”
Sadie looked at him over her shoulder. “Looked to me like you were having a good time,” she said, without stopping.
Benny nearly fell over. She’d seen after all. Hell! He might have guessed that she couldn’t have missed that.
He had almost to run to keep up with her. “You ain’t mad about a little thing like that?” he said anxiously.
“It was an accidentyou know that.”
She said bitterly, “Sure it was an accident. Pretty nice for you, wasn’t it?”
They got to the car, and she beat him to opening the door. She climbed in and sat close up to the door, away from him. He started the engine and began to drive slowly down the winding exit.
“Forget it, baby,” he said. “It was just one of those things. Anyway, she wasn’t so hot.”
Sadie knew he was lying, but she suddenly felt very tired, and she leant back, shutting her eyes.
As she didn’t say anything, Benny hopefully assumed she wasn’t mad any more. He drove along, his mind half on the traffic, thinking of the dame. She’d been a smasher. To think that had happened. If Sadie hadn’t been there, and if that tough hadn’t been there, maybe he could have dated her up. It would have been a pushover. It was a natural. He could hardly wait to get the car away.
Sadie leant limply against the wall of the little elevator as it droned up to the sixth floor. She didn’t look at him. Benny stood close to her, watching her anxiously as he wiped his sweating hands with a handkerchief.
She was looking tired and a little irritable, he thought. Anyway, if he went about it in the right way it’d be all right.
In the early days of marriage he would come in from work, sweep her off her feet into the bedroom, leaving the supper to burn. She’d always protested, but he knew she was pleased as he was when it was over.
The elevator stopped at the sixth floor, and Sadie walked out. On the opposite passage Tootsie Mendetta had his apartment.
It always made Benny mad to think that a rich guy like Mendetta should live just across his passage, and he’d never set eyes on him. He knew he was there, but he’d never seen him. Anyway, right at this minute, he didn’t give Mendetta a thought.
He fumbled at the keyhole, making two attempts before he sank the key. His hands shook a little.
Inside the small apartment he let her take off her hat and coat, and then he sidled up behind her. He put his arms round her from behind. “I love you, honey,” he said, his voice shaking.
“Put me down!” There was a snap in her voice that jolted him. He put her down and turned her. The cold, hostile look she gave him brought him up short, just like he’d rammed his face against a brick wall.
“Say, what’s wrong? I got to thinkin’ of you in the car. I thoughtI thought maybe we could go back a couple of years.”
She said, “Think again.”
“What the hell is this?” he said, his disappointment making him suddenly mad with her.
She walked back into the sitting−room. He saw her put her hand to her eyes.
He wandered after her, feeling a suppressed rage welling up in him. He leant against the door−post. “What is it?” he asked.
She said, “You know what it is.” Her voice sounded full of tears.
“Don’t talk in riddles. If you’ve got anythin’ to beef about, why not save it? Listen, honey,” Benny said urgently, “this ain’t the time to start fightin’. Come on with me. We’ll have a good time togetherhow’s that?
You’ll feel fine”
She said, interrupting him: “Wait a minute. You’ve got a one−track mind. That floosie’s got you burnt up, and you think you can take it out of me.
’Pretty−daughter−sitting−on−father’s−knee−makes−it−hard−for−mother’ complex. Not this mother, it doesn’t.”
Benny took off his hat and threw it across the room. He was mad. “What the hell’s come over you?” he demanded, his voice rising.
Sadie went over and sat on the sofa. “I’m sick of the way you look at women. I’ve stood as much of it as I’m going to stand. Every woman who walks past you, you must look at. You’re not content with just looking.
You must tell me. All right, if you want every dame in the street, go and have her, but I shan’t be around.”
Benny rubbed his nose. “So that’s it, is it?” he said, suddenly very quiet. “You’re jealous, that’s what you are. Listen, I haven’t put my hands on one single dame since I married you. Why shouldn’t I look at ’em?
What’s the harm in it, anyway? I’m not doin’ anythin’ wrong, just looking, am I?”
“That’s the way you look at it. I can’t do a thing about it. So I’ve got to walk along the street with you and watch you gape at every girl for the rest of my life, have I?”
Benny sat in a chair opposite her. With a great effort he tried to control his patience. In a patronizing tone he said: “Now, don’t be screwy, honey. This is just crazy talk. You’re feeling low. Tomorrow, we’ll laugh about this. Get all these ideas out of your head and you’ll have everything.”
“No, I won’t.”
“You’ll have everything.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Now, don’t go on like that. I said you’ll have everything, and I mean you’ll have everything.”
Sadie sat up stiffly. “Shall I tell you what? When I said I won’t, I mean I shan’t have what I want. I’ll have what you give me.”
Benny felt the blood mounting to his face. “Okay, if that’s the way you feel. You’ll have what I give youso what?”
“Nothing. It’s going on the same way as it’s been going on for the last six months. Do you know what that is?”
“All right. You tell me.”
“I’ll be here cooking your food every damn day of the week. I’ll be washing out your clothes when they want washing out, which is mighty often. We’ll be living in this great apartment, without any servant, so that you can impress your friends. We’ll be wondering every day how we are going to meet all the bills. I’ll be getting into bed with you and waiting to see if you’re too drunk, or if you’re too tired. Then I’ll be lying awake half the night wondering if anything’s gone wrong while you’re sleeping. Then I’ll be so woke up that I shan’t ever get to sleep until it’s time to get your food again. That’s what.”
Benny said between his teeth, “Would you do something for me? Somethin’ for me right now?”
Sadie looked at him. “Go on,” she said.
“Will you shut up? Will you shut up before you say something that nothin’ you’ll ever say after can make any difference?”
She shook her head. “No,” she said, “I guess not. I guess I’m finished with that stuff. I’m going on talking until I’ve said my piece. I’ve waited long enough.”
Benny reached for a cigarette. He lit it, noting that his hands shook a little.
Sadie hugged her knees, looking over the top of them at him.
There was a long pause, then she went on: “I’ve kidded myself until I just can’t kid myself any longer. I thought you were a great guy, Benny, honest I did. I thought the world of you. It’s not your fault, it’s just that I’ve been kidding myself. You’re not a great guy. You’ll never be a great guy. You’ve got something that’s stopping you. You want things. You work hard for them, and then you throw them away. You haven’t got any feeling for something you’ve won, only for something you’re winning. You got me. I know you didn’t have to work hard. I met you halfway. I wanted you too. But I wanted you in a way that you didn’t understand. I wanted you to keep. I wanted you in the morning as well as at night. I wanted to go places with you. I wanted you to eat with, to talk with, and to laugh with; but not you, Benny. You didn’t want that.”
Benny said between his teeth, “I think you’d better stop.”
But she went on, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Do you think it’s fun for me to hear all about the other dames?
Don’t I keep myself nice? At first, it hurt. Then I got thinking, wondering why I couldn’t hold you. I looked at myself. I gave you everything I had. I even did things you wanted me to because I thought you’d be satisfied, but you weren’t. When you wanted me, I got to wondering if you were using me and thinking of some other woman you’d seen in the street on the way home. All women are alike in the dark, aren’t they, Benny? Well, I’m sick of it. I’m not doing it any more. Go out and have them, Benny, go out and have them.”
Benny said, “Have you finished?”
She shrugged. “Don’t get mad. It doesn’t do any good. Let’s face it. One day you’ll want to make a move.
One day when I’m not nice any more. Then you’ll make a move. You won’t just look and talk, you’ll sneak off and do things. I’m not waiting for that, Benny. I want the break to come now, not when I can’t fight it.”
Benny got slowly to his feet. “Well, you’ve had your say, an’ I hope you liked it. I’m through. From now on we’ll follow our own set of rails. I hope you’ll like it. Maybe, after you’ve done some work, you’ll be glad to come back. Anyway, go and try. I’m spending the night somewhere else.” He picked up his hat and without looking back, he went out, shutting the door violently behind him.
Sadie sat very still for some time, then she began to cry.