Her Own Way

A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS

By

CLYDE FITCH

THE MACMILLAN COMPANY
NEW YORK MCMVII
LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd.

Copyright, 1907,

By THE MACMILLAN COMPANY.
all rights reserved.

Set up and electrotyped. Published April, 1907.

All acting rights, both professional and amateur, are reserved by Clyde Fitch. Performances forbidden and right of representation reserved. Application for the right of performing this piece must be made to The Macmillan Company. Any piracy or infringement will be prosecuted in accordance with the penalties provided by the United States Statutes:—

"Sec. 4966.—Any person publicly performing or representing any dramatic or musical composition, for which copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of the said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs or assigns, shall be liable for damages therefor, such damages in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for every subsequent performance, as to the Court shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one year."—U.S. Revised Statutes, Title 60, Chap. 3.

Norwood Press
J.S. Cushing & Co.—Berwick & Smith Co.
Norwood, Mass., U.S.A.

Transcriber's Note: various printer's errors—typos and missing punctuation—were corrected for this e-book.

TO
MAXINE ELLIOTT
AND EVERYTHING IS SAID!
C.F. 1907

HER OWN WAY

THE PEOPLE IN THE PLAY

Produced at the Star Theatre, Buffalo, September 24, 1903, and on September 28, 1903, at the Garrick Theatre, New York, with the following cast:—

Produced at the Lyric Theatre, London, in May, 1905, and afterward at the Savoy Theatre, London, with the following cast:—

ACT I

The nursery. Half-past two in the afternoon. A cool, delightful white room, with a frieze of children playing in the ocean spray; shelves of bright-colored books on the walls, and the months of a large calendar by Elizabeth Shippen Green framed underneath. There is a deep bow-window at the back; the principal door is at the Left, and a smaller one on the Right. Toys of all sizes, for all ages, are scattered about with a holiday air. There is a sofa on the Right and a hobby horse on the Left.

There are four charming though somewhat spoiled children, with intermittent manners, with napkins tied up under their chins, sitting around the table, which is a little to the right of the centre of the

room.

The Footman is busy removing the plates; the butler, Moles, who stands behind Philip, always takes Philip's plate. It is Philip's birthday. Lizzie stands behind Elaine. In the centre of the table is a large cake with seven candles burning on it.

Philip. What comes next?

Christopher. Soup!

[Lizzie and Moles suppress smiles, exchanging looks of delighted appreciation of Christopher's humor.

Toots. Ice cream!

Elaine. Don't be absurd, Christopher, we've had soup.

Christopher. I like it!

Toots. I like ice cream!

Elaine. [To Toots.] Sh!

Philip. What comes next, Moles?

Moles. I don't know, sir.

[He goes out.

Elaine. T'ain't manners to ask, anyway, Phil.

Philip. Who cares! It's my birthday!

Christopher. When will it be my birthday?

[The Footman reënters with plates, followed by Moles, with silver dish of croquettes.

Philip. Here it comes; what is it?

Moles. Chicken croquettes, sir.

Philip. Left overs! Had chicken yesterday! Bring 'em here first!

Moles. No, ladies first, sir.

[Serves Elaine.

Lizzie. And besides, Miss Elaine is company.

[Moles serves Christopher.

Philip. That's all right. S'long it's Elaine, everything goes!

Elaine. Phil!

[Sliding down from her chair, she runs to him and kisses him.

Philip. [Hopelessly embarrassed.] Don't! not in front of everybody!

Elaine. But I do love you, Phil, and you're my beau, and I'm so glad it's your birthday.

[Goes back to her place unashamed and contented.

[Moles serves Philip.

Lizzie. You oughtn't to talk about beaux at your age, Miss—ought Miss Elaine?

[To Moles with a knowing glance.

Moles. I ain't discussing the sex with you, Lizzie, but I will say all the girls I've known, began talking about beaux early and ended late.

Christopher. I heard Lizzie and Moles talking

about Aunt Georgiana's beau!

Lizzie. Sh!

[Footman goes out with the croquette dish.

Elaine. Mr. Dick Coleman's Miss Carley's beau!

Philip. No, he isn't! Mr. Dick's known Aunt Georgiana always, they're just little boy and girl friends. Lizzie says she's Cousin Sammy Coast's sweetheart.

Lizzie. [Indignant, though convulsed.] I never did!

Philip. Yes, you did! To Maggie when you thought I wasn't paying attention.

[Lizzie and Moles exchange amused glances.

Elaine. But Mr. Coast's your auntie's cousin; and your cousin can't be your beau.

Philip. He ain't any relation to Auntie Georgiana. Mamma said so. Mr. Coast's mamma's

cousin, and grandma's nephew, but grandma isn't any real relation to auntie.

Christopher. How?

Philip. I don't know how, only Aunt Georgiana had a different mamma, she didn't have grandma.

Elaine. And the same papa!

Philip. Not all the time, mamma had another papa first.

Christopher. It's sort of mixy, isn't it?

Philip. Yes, I guess mamma and Aunt Georgy are sort of divorced sisters!

Elaine. Oh!

[As if that explained it.

Toots. [Beating the table.] Lemmlelade! lemmlelade!

[Moles crosses to pitcher and serves Toots first, then the others.

Philip. Toots, you're getting tipsy!

[The children laugh.

Christopher. Cousin Sammy comes to see Aunt Georgiana nearly every day.

Philip. Yes—he's begun to bring toys just like some of the others did.

Christopher. [With his mouth full.] Hobby horse! Hobby horse!

[Pointing to the hobby horse.

Lizzie. Don't talk with your mouth full, Mr. Christopher.

Philip. [Shouting.] He'll choke! He'll choke!

[All laugh, tremendously amused.

Moles. Mr. Coast is a very fine gentleman.

Philip. Oh, I know! I saw him give you a dollar the other day, when he came to see auntie, and you advised his waiting and said auntie'd be in by five.

Lizzie. Isn't he a case!

Moles. He certainly is.

[Returns pitcher to table on the Left.

Christopher. I like Mr. Dick best. He's always taking us places and things.

Toots. [Who has finished his croquette and is now ready for conversation.] Um! Circus!

Philip. And not just 'cause he's stuck on auntie.

Moles. You oughtn't to use that expression, Mr. Philip.

Philip. Why not! you do. I heard you tell Lizzie you were stuck on her last Sunday.

Lizzie. [Blushing.] Oh, my!

Christopher. Mr. Dick's a soldier!

Philip. Yes, siree! He helped stop a strike of street cars in Brooklyn. His name was in the papers!

Christopher. He was hurted bad, and if he was dead, he'd have a monnyment with "Hero"

embroidered on it. Aunt Georgiana said so!

Elaine. I should think Miss Georgiana was too old, anyway, to have beaux.

Christopher. Oh, awful old!

Lizzie. Oh! Miss Carley isn't so old!

Philip. Yes, she is, too! She's our old maid aunt.

Elaine. If she wasn't old, she'd be married. It must be awful to be so old.

Philip. She's nearly thirty, I guess.

All the Children. Oh!

[Loud and long.

Christopher. You'll be deader soon after thirty, won't you?

Toots. [Crying.] I don't want Auntie Georgiana to be a deader!

Philip. [Bored.] Shut up!

Lizzie. [Comes to Toots and comforts him.]

Toots, dear!

Philip. I'm glad Aunt Georgiana's an old maid, 'cause I don't want her to leave us.

[Footman enters and stands at the Right.]

She gave me my birthday party.

Moles. Yes, and this whole house'd miss your aunt, I can tell you that, Mr. Philip. [Takes away the plates.] She just keeps things going smooth with everybody.

Philip. I told her I saw you kiss Lizzie on the back stairs, Saturday.

Moles. What!

[Gives dishes to the Footman.

Lizzie. He didn't! He didn't!

Philip. Yes, that's what Aunt Georgiana said, but I know better, and so does she, I guess!

Lizzie. Isn't he a case!

[Moles goes out with the Footman.

Philip. Now what?

Christopher. Soup!

Philip. Ice cream! I want ice cream!

Lizzie. Sh!

Elaine. My mamma don't let my brothers behave so at the table.

Philip. Neither don't we, 'cept our birthdays.

[Moles reënters with a tray and plates.

Christopher. What is it?

Philip. [Screams.] Eeh! Ice cream! It's ice cream!

Lizzie. Sh!

Philip. Go ahead, dish it out!

[Laughs.

[Moles serves ice cream to Elaine, then to Philip, Toots, and Christopher.

Christopher. Mr. Dick Coleman is gooder as

Cousin Sammy Coast.

Elaine. Aunt Georgiana is goodest as him!

Christopher. Aunt Georgiana is gooder as mamma!

Toots. And most goodest as grandma.

[Lizzie exchanges a glance with Moles and goes out Right.

Philip. Grandma! Rats!

Moles. [To Philip.] Sh!

Philip. [Shouts.] Stop, Chris! He's taking too much ice cream!

All the Children. Chris! Chris!

[They keep up the clamor, laughing and shouting, till Lizzie comes back.

Lizzie. Children! here comes grandma.

Philip. [Disgusted.] Oh, pshaw!

Christopher. Don't want grandma.

Lizzie. Sh!

[Mrs. Carley comes in from the Right. She is a middle-aged woman, of faded prettiness and frivolous manner. Every line and bit of character has been massaged out of her face. There is a sudden, embarrassed, and gloomy silence on the part of the children.

Mrs. Carley. Well, children, having a lovely party?

Philip. [Grudgingly.] Yes, ma'am!

Elaine. [Politely.] Yes, ma'am.

Christopher. Aunt Georgiana's party!

Mrs. Carley. Yes, dear, it's too bad mamma is ill in bed. She says when you are all through, you may come up and say how do you do, while she kisses Phil. [Silence.] That will be nice, won't it?

Philip. [Grudgingly.] Yes, ma'am.

Elaine. Yes, ma'am.

Christopher. Yes, ma'am.

Toots. No!

Mrs. Carley. We are glad you could come in, Elaine, and help celebrate Philip's birthday.

Elaine. Thank you, ma'am!

[Toots is mashing his ice cream strenuously with a spoon.

Mrs. Carley. Toots! don't be naughty and don't mash your ice cream up like that.

Toots. I like it.

Christopher. Me too—it makes soup!

[Copying Toots.

Mrs. Carley. Your collar's crooked, Chris.

[Arranging it.

Christopher. Ouch!

[Squirming.

Mrs. Carley. Phil, shall grandma cut your cake for you?

Philip. No, ma'am, Auntie Georgiana's going

to cut it.

Mrs. Carley. Oh, very well. How's your mamma, Elaine? Is she going to the big ball to-morrow?

Elaine. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Carley. We feel dreadfully. Philip's mamma's illness prevents our going.

Elaine. Mamma said you weren't invited.

Mrs. Carley. [Pats Philip on the head, to his great disgust and discomfort.] Your mamma had better mind! Your mamma is mistaken! Good-by, children, grandma is sorry she can't stay and have a good time with you. I am going to call, Elaine, on the Countess of Worling, Mrs. Tom Cooley's daughter. I don't think your mother knows them. Good-by, dears, enjoy yourselves.

[She goes out Left.

[Silence till the door is well shut behind grandma,

and then the children break out with shouts, all of them, of "Good-by, Grandma. Good-by," repeated ad lib. Then they calm down.

Philip. Bully! Grandma's gone!

Christopher. Ice cream!

All the Children. More ice cream! Ice cream!

Philip. Let's see.

[Moles hands him the ice cream dish.

Christopher. [To Philip.] Can I have some more, or will it make me sick?

Philip. [Serves the children.] No, there's plenty. When there isn't enough, mamma always says it will make us sick.

Christopher. And papa—when we have company unexpected, and there isn't enough of anything, papa always says F.H.B.

Philip. F.H.B.

Elaine. Why?

Christopher. He says it means Family Hold Back, and we all have to say "No, thank you," when it comes around! Do you like grandma, Phil?

Philip. Naw! Grandma's no good.

[Moles goes out with the empty ice cream dish.

Toots. No good, grandma!

[A knock outside the door Left.

Georgiana. [Outside.] Hello! Hello!

Philip. [Delighted.] Aunt Georgiana!

All the Children. Aunt Georgiana!

Georgiana. [Outside.] Is this a private room at Sherry's, or may an old maid aunt come in?

All. No! Yes! Come in—come on in!

[They clatter on the table with their spoons, and shout "Hurrah! Aunt Georgiana!" as Georgiana

enters. She is a beautiful creature, about thirty, and in the very height of health and spirits—an American Beauty rose the moment before it opens. She is flushed after her quick walk in the bracing, sunshiny winter's day. No wonder the children—and others—adore her!

Georgiana. What a good time!

Christopher. Oh, we're having the beautifulest time, Auntie!

Philip. Great!

Elaine. Perfectly lovely!

Toots. Um! Ice cream! Lots!

Georgiana. That's good! Stuff all you can, Toots! Are you ready to cut the cake?

All the Children. Yes! Yes!

Philip. We waited for you.

Christopher. We wouldn't let grandma.

[Georgiana drops her furs on the sofa and then comes to the table.

Georgiana. There's a ring in it. Whoever gets it will be married in a year.

[Starts to cut the cake.

Toots. I want the ring!

Philip. Hush up, you're only a baby!

[A loud knock on the door Left.

Georgiana. Oh, yes, I forgot. Cousin Sam wants to wish you many happy returns, Philip. May he come in?

Philip. Pshaw! Another man!

Christopher. [In a "stagewhisper" to Elaine.] He's the one—auntie's sweetheart!

Georgiana. [Amused.] Nonsense, Christopher, that's silly talk. Stop that for good! [Loud knocks repeated. To Philip.] May Cousin Sam come in? [Philip nods.] All right, he's

got some presents! Come in, Mr. Coast.

[Coast comes in and goes straight to Philip. Sam Coast is a tall, slender, but strong-looking man, rather "raw-boned." He is dressed most fashionably and most expensively,—over-dressed, in fact, and yet not too vulgarly. A man of muscle and nerve, who makes his own code and keeps his own counsel.

Coast. Shake, Phil.

[Shakes his hand.

Philip. [His hand hurt.] Golly! He can squeeze, can't he, Aunt Georgiana?

Georgiana. Well, really! Miss Elaine Jackson—Mr. Coast.

Elaine. [Embarrassed, rises, and curtseys.] How do you do?

Coast. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Hello, rest of you.

Christopher and Toots. Hello!

Christopher. Are you Auntie Georgiana's beau?

Coast. Yes!

Georgiana. Chris!

Christopher. Lizzie says so!

Lizzie. I never!

Toots, Christopher, and Philip. Yes, you did! You did too! You did too!

Lizzie. [To Georgiana.] I never did, miss!

Philip. Yes you did, you did too!

Georgiana. I hope you didn't, Lizzie. You may leave the children with me now.

Lizzie. Yes, ma'am.

[Lizzie, Moles, and Footman go out at Right, each taking some plates, etc.

Georgiana. [To Coast.] I hope you don't mind.

Coast. Of course I don't. It's true as far as

I'm concerned.

Georgiana. [Laughing.] It's not!

Coast. Listen, will you bet?

Georgiana. [Laughing.] Not before the children!

Philip. Come on, let's cut the cake!

Georgiana. Blow out the candles!

[All the children blow out the candles and then get down from the table.

Coast. And here's my contribution to the party.

[Brings out six big German mottoes from his pocket, and goes to table with them.

Georgiana. [In pretended excitement.] What? Mottoes!

All the Children. [In delighted chorus.] Oh, mottoes!

Philip. Are those the silver mines?

Coast. No! Why?

[Laughing and handing the mottoes around, while Georgiana cuts the cake.

Philip. I heard grandma say the other day, you had pockets full of silver mines.

Georgiana. The cake's ready!

[All take a piece of cake. The children line up and down Centre from Right to Left: Elaine, Toots, Philip, Christopher.

Coast. Your motto!

[Handing one to Georgiana.

Georgiana. One for me too! Oh, thank you!

Coast. Certainly, because I want a bit of cake. I'm after that ring.

[Goes up back of table for cake.

Georgiana. Don't anybody swallow the ring.

[All eat the cake and now speak with their mouths full.

Christopher. I haven't got it yet, Auntie.

Elaine. Nor I.

Georgiana. Don't talk. Everybody eat till some one gets it!

Toots. [Crying.] I can't eat my cake! I can't eat my cake!

Georgiana. Why not, dear?

Toots. 'Cause I haven't got no place! I haven't got no place to put it!

[Crying.

Philip. He's full up!

Georgiana. Never mind, Toots, dear, you shall have a piece for supper.

Toots. Will I have room then?

Christopher. [A sudden loud and frightened cry.] Oh! Oh!

All. What's the matter?

[All gather around Christopher.

Georgiana. [Frightened.] What is it, Chris?