CHRISTIAN LIFE SERIES

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Riches of Grace

A Compilation of Experiences in the
Christian Life—A Narration
of Trials and Victories
Along the Way

BY E. E. BYRUM

By grace are ye saved through faith.—Eph 2:8.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.—Heb. 4:16.

GOSPEL TRUMPET COMPANY
Anderson, Indiana, U. S. A.

Copyright, 1918
BY
E. E. Byrum

Riches of Grace (Cloth) $1.00

OTHER BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR

Startling Incidents and Experiences in the Christian Life (Cloth) $1.00

The Ordinances of the Bible (Cloth) .40

How We Got Our Bible (Paper) .10

What Shall I Do To Be Saved? (Cloth) .35

The Secret of Salvation: How to Get It and How to Keep It (Cloth) .60

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CONTENTS

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Author's Preface

To be right with God and to have a constant knowledge of his approval is the desire of every Christian. Many people deep in sin and others honest at heart have a longing to live a righteous life, but they have always found obstacles in their pathway and have been defeated in every attempt.

In the preparation of this volume the author has aimed to refer to such obstacles and hindrances in the lives of others, so that any one passing through a trial or laboring under a heavy burden or oppression may, by reading these narratives, learn how to find relief.

A lady who was victor over many trials and impositions of the enemy, and who knew that I had been passing through some severe ordeals, said to me: "It does me good, and is a source of great encouragement, even to know that you and others who are supposed to be strong in faith have trials and severe testings occasionally." It is hoped that the trials and the victories mentioned herein will be not only a source of encouragement to others but such an inspiration to their faith that they will be enabled to understand and do the will of God.

This book is a compilation of experiences from people in various parts of the world who have written by special request of the author. The fact that they were written by people in China, India, Australia, Egypt, West Indies, and other countries, is evidence that although the environment and circumstances may differ, yet God is everywhere the same to fulfil the promises given in his Word, in all countries and among the people of every nation. Although the names and addresses are not given, the experiences are genuine, and the author will take pleasure in furnishing information concerning any of them.

The "Experience of a Hundred Years Ago," given on page 245 was taken from an old book that in my early childhood days I often saw my mother read. The book was old and worn long before I was born, and I have only a few pages as a relic of early remembrances. It was entitled "The Riches of Grace."

No doubt the title of this old book, together with a knowledge of the comfort and consolation that my mother received from reading the many Christian experiences it contained, contributed to my inspiration in presenting these pages for the benefit of others.

I hereby acknowledge my indebtedness and heartfelt thanks to those who have so kindly contributed to this compilation of experiences, and I trust that every burdened soul that reads these experiences may take courage and may henceforth abound in the riches of the grace of God.

Yours for a victorious life,

E. E. BYRUM.

Anderson, Indiana, January 16, 1918.

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RICHES OF GRACE

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The Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 1

The pathway of life has its shadows and sunshine, its pleasures and sorrows; and in the Christian life, I am convinced, many people live in the shadow more than in the sunshine, when they could very well have it otherwise.

When I was about thirteen years of age, I yielded myself to the Lord and made a decision to spend my life in his service. Since that time, like Christian in Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress," I have met with many and varied experiences; but one beautiful encouraging thought has been that, no matter how hard my trials, how near my strength was gone, nor how little my courage lacked of failing, just at that time, when I was the most helpless, God was always present to help either by his Spirit or by sending one of his servants to encourage and strengthen me.

I have, indeed, found the Christian life to be a warfare. Every individual who enlists in the service of the Lord will have the forces of evil to battle against, but God has made provision whereby every child of God can be an overcomer in every conflict. The one who has a firm decision to be true at any cost will receive such power and help that Satan can not prevent him from serving the Lord. The enemy may try to hinder by causing trials, difficulties, and perplexities, and at times the way may seem dark, with no apparent hope of day; but our God, who is mighty, will turn all these seeming hindrances into real blessings and make them stepping-stones to glory.

In my youthful days I felt a deep desire to work for God and longed to fill some place in life where I could feel that I not only was living a life of salvation, but was really engaged in my Master's service. As I knelt in earnest prayer and consecrated myself fully to the Lord for him to direct me as seemed best, a dark sorrow filled my heart; for Satan whispered: "You are too young. You can not stand against the powers of evil that all young people must meet. Your covenant with the Lord is too great for you to keep." But with tears I cried unto the Lord to know if these suggestions were true. At that moment the Lord gave me the assurance that if I decided to serve him he would teach me how to do so. He would give me grace in every time of need.

Some time after this I became very ill and knew unless God came to my aid I should soon have to leave this world. As I thought of my condition, a joy filled my soul that I might soon be with the Lord. With this joy came also a sadness, as I realized that I had done nothing in the vineyard of the Lord. It seemed that I could not bear to go empty-handed. I prayed God to spare my life that I might work for him. He graciously and instantly touched my body with his healing power, and in a few days I was able to attend school.

Once I was about to make a decision and take a step that would have hindered me from filling the place the Lord designed I should fill. At that moment the Lord made known to me by his Holy Spirit in such a way that I could not question his leadings that he had called me to his service, and also made known to me the place that I was chosen to fill. Immediately I was reminded of my covenant with the Lord, although I had to stand against the pleadings and earnest entreaties of some of my very dear friends.

Before this I had decided not to leave my mother, but to work near my home so that I could readily respond in case of sickness. After considerable meditation about the matter of leaving my father and mother, brothers and sisters, in order to take up my work for the Lord, the matter became very serious. Finally I went to the Lord one morning in earnest prayer. I shall never forget that season of prayer, when I seemed to be in the direct presence of the Lord. My consecration was put to a test as one question after another was presented, as to whether or not I should be willing to die, to really give my life, if God so designed, that my unsaved loved ones might be saved, or to do the same for lost souls who were not dear to me according to the ties of nature. And again, should I be willing to give my life for lost sinners and have them scoff and spurn me? These were hard questions, but my heart said: "Lord, thy will be done. Where thou leadest I will follow." I was solemnly impressed with the thought: Jesus came to save a lost world, but they crucified him; instead of accepting his love, they rejected it.

Within a short time I had the matter settled beyond a doubt that the time had come for me to enter upon the mission whereunto the Lord had called me. The way began to open before me, and as I bid loved ones farewell, a sweet assurance filled my soul that my decision and action was in accordance with His will. It gave me much sorrow to leave home, but God so blessed and directed me that I have never been sorry that I obeyed his voice. Over and over I have proved that God's way is best. His way may cause pain and sorrow at times, which we may not be able to understand, but in the end we can know of a truth that God has caused all things to work together for our good and for his glory.

At one time I was very much tested, and discouragements presented themselves. I was trying hard to be an overcomer and to cast every burden upon the Lord. The enemy would suggest that it was of no use for me to try to stand against the things that were oppressing me and that it would be better to surrender, and even give place to discouragements, and that even though I should come out a conqueror later, no one would ever know anything about it. At first this suggestion seemed plausible, but upon further consideration I said: "No, I will not surrender. If no one else ever knows, I will know, God will know, and the devil will know, that I stood true and came out victorious." This experience has since that time often been a real encouragement to me.

At another time I had for weeks been passing through real testing times. Occasionally the trials would lift and God would bless my soul, but again the darkness of depressions would settle over me. I began to weary and to long for deliverance. The suggestion came that it would be better for me to cease serving God and never to try again. Over and over something whispered that there was no use to continue; that if others who were older and better qualified fell by the wayside and could not stand, there was positively no use in my trying. Finally the enemy insisted that there was nothing else for me to do than to give up, and that, after all, I was in a deplorable spiritual condition; that there was no hope for me. At this point I discerned that it was the enemy, and, kneeling before God, I promised him that if he could get more glory out of my life by my being in such a trial all the rest of my days, I was willing to submit to the trial. When I came to this decision my trial vanished suddenly, and God poured the glory into my soul and the victory was far sweeter than the trial had been bitter.

Sometimes I have had trials in which I could see no good nor from which I could not perceive how any good could possibly result; but later I would be enabled to know that those very trials were worth more to me than any treasure this earth could afford.

As I look upon my past life and see how mercifully God has dealt with me, how he has guided and protected, and how he has shielded me from the power of the tempter, my heart cries out, "What a mighty God! What a great and loving Father!" Counting my blessings, I find they so far outnumber my trials that it brings me real courage to press on, knowing, as I do, that grace will be given me to meet whatever may yet lie in my pathway. "For there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Cor. 10:13).

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Experiences of a Minister

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 2

A careworn woman once asked a philosopher how she might obtain relief from and victory over the trials and sorrows of life. He said to her, "Fetch me a cup of salt from some home where sorrow and care has never entered, and I will then tell you the secret of victory." After a long and weary journey, she returned to him saying that she had given up the search in despair; for in all her travels she found no home entirely free from care and sorrow. Like this poor woman, I once longed and sought for some state or condition in life where I might be free from the cares and perplexities that distressed me, but my search too seemed fruitless. At last, after many disappointments, I found the more excellent way of victory over my trials through simple, trusting faith in Him who notes even the sparrow's fall.

Before I fully learned this lesson, there were times in my life when it seemed I was on the verge of despair, so severe were my trials. As I now look back to those scenes and experiences, there come to my mind the pathetic lines of Longfellow's poem "The Bridge."

For my heart was hot and restless,

And my life was full of care,

And the burden laid upon me

Seemed greater than I could bear.

But now it has fallen from me,

It is buried in the sea;

And only the sorrow of others

Throws its shadow over me.

And I think how many thousands

Of care-encumbered men,

Each bearing his burden of sorrow,

Have crossed the bridge since then.

For the sake of the many thousands who are still trying to bear their own burdens, I send forth the following account of some of my life's experiences. I trust the Lord may use it to help some on their way to the feet of Him who said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28).

There are doubtless thousands whose sins have been forgiven, but who have not yet learned by actual experience the precious privilege expressed in these words: "Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you" (1 Pet. 5:7). An old lady was once trudging along a hot and dusty highway carrying a heavy basket. She was soon overtaken by a kind man, who invited her to take a seat in the rear of his carriage. After some time had passed, he looked back to see how his passenger was getting along, when he was astonished to see her holding that heavy basket on her lap. "Grandma," said he, "there is plenty of room; why do you not set your basket down?" "Oh," she replied, "you are so kind to take me in that I thought I would make the load as light as possible for your horses, so I concluded to carry the basket myself." We may smile at her reply, yet many who have trusted the Lord to forgive their sins, are nevertheless trying still to carry their own burdens.

MY CONVERSION

In early childhood I was taught to pray and to reverence God's Word. I was deeply impressed with the truths that I learned at Sunday-school. Even as a child I loved the preaching-service, and the Word of God made a strong and lasting impression upon my mind.

When I was about ten years old, a revival was held in my home community. At an afternoon service, held especially for the children, I responded to the altar-call, and there I was completely broken up, the tears running in profusion down my face. My dear mother knelt by my side: "My boy," she said, "if you should desire anything good that I could bestow upon you, would you ask me for it?" I promptly replied in the affirmative. "Then," she continued, "would you believe that your request would be granted?" Again I answered in the affirmative. "That is the way to receive God's blessings," she said. "Now, when you ask the Lord to forgive your sins, believe that he hears and answers your prayer." In simple, child-like faith I believed the promise, and the peace of God gently flooded my soul. One of the most prominent features of my childhood experience was the peculiar love I felt for every one. I longed to see my companions saved.

EARLY TRIALS

Soon after my conversion and before that special series of meetings closed, I heard the pastor relate the experience of a certain boy who had sought and found the Lord. He said that after a period of earnest seeking, all the darkness was instantly dispelled and the boy was wonderfully saved. Judging from this vivid description, I decided that the boy must have witnessed some sudden manifestation of light. Immediately I began to doubt my experience. I was still more disturbed when I saw older persons struggling night after night at the altar and then finally experiencing some powerful emotions which seemed to be far more wonderful than anything that I had experienced. Sometimes I wished that I too might go to the altar again and pray and struggle until some wonderful demonstration should be given to me; but I was naturally backward and timid, and could scarcely make up my mind to go through such an ordeal of struggling as I had witnessed in some of more mature years.

ENCOURAGEMENTS

Although at times I was greatly distressed, yet often when I was in secret prayer, my heart was greatly comforted and I experienced seasons of quiet, peaceful blessings. I noticed, too, that some who had wonderful outward demonstrations at the time they were converted, did not hold out very long, but soon drifted back into sin, while in my own heart the desire still remained to be true to the Lord.

CONFLICTS

I did not, however, enjoy constant victory. At times I gave way to ill-temper or selfish motives. My conscience being tender, I often felt instant condemnation after yielding to these things, and then I would pour out my heart in secret prayer for forgiveness and for grace and strength to resist the temptation more successfully the next time. I remember, also, occasions when, upon the approach of temptation, I would steal away to the secret place of prayer and ask for strength to keep me sweet in my soul. I could then go forth to meet my trials with the utmost calmness and serenity, and victory then seemed easy.

Although I had a Christian home, yet sorrows and trials came into my young life, very painful ones at times. How often I would seek the place of prayer and there in simple, child-like faith unburden my heart to the Lord. Whenever I called upon him, he always gave me relief and never failed to provide a way of escape from every temptation and difficulty.

"In seasons of distress and grief,

My soul has often found relief,

And oft escaped the tempter's snare,

By thy return, sweet hour of prayer."

HEALING

Although I had never received any definite teaching on the subject of divine healing, yet almost intuitively, it seems, I would call upon the Lord for help when afflicted, and would receive the needed help. Several times my mother seemed to be at the point of death. With troubled heart, I sought the place of prayer to tell the Lord all about it. My heart was comforted, my prayers were answered, and Mother was spared.

CALL TO THE MINISTRY

Even in childhood I learned to pray and to testify in public. At first these things were very hard for me, owing to my timid disposition. However, I was always blessed in the effort. The impression came to me early in life that some day I should preach the gospel; in fact, I would occasionally find myself mentally addressing an imaginary audience. Many of my acquaintances also were impressed that the ministry would be my life-work.

DRIFTING

As time went on, formality again found its way into our meetings, and I also imbibed its spirit. My conscience was no longer as tender as it had been, and I actually indulged in things that were sinful. Still I kept up my profession, attended the services, testified and prayed in public, and was generally counted a good Christian.

CONVICTION

At last a humble man of God became our pastor. Without fear, and yet in gentleness and meekness, he preached the Word of God as far as he had light. As I sat under his preaching, the truth went straight to my heart, and I began to see my lack. The revival meeting had now begun, and I saw that I must either serve God in earnest, obeying him in all things, or quit professing.

RECLAIMED

One night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get where the Lord would have me to be even if I should have to pray all night. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one thing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I would enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last yes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's forgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and saves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and although I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had experienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing to believe God's promise.

When I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear, which deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded my will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the promise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the Lord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, salvation does not come by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). I said to the Lord, "Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have me to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe that, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now." Quietly but earnestly I said from the depths of my heart, "Jesus saves me now." In a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew that my sins were forgiven.

After spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to sleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my gratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had ever been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived during the past few years.

CONFLICT WITH DOUBTS

When I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul; but Satan faintly whispered, "Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last night; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation." He suggested also, "You do not feel quite so joyful as you did." In spite of all this, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had previously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for me, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun to live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one, I testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While testifying, I was blessed again.

FEELINGS

I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to suggest, "Where is your joy? You must be losing out." At these times I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer. However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved, although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day, if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts would come back again.

SEVERE TEMPTATIONS

I was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had seemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with renewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete deliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying.

RESTITUTION

After some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although I had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet I need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain individuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered a good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and reared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the favor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good Christian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It, therefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to make these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the required restitution.

GOING TO EXTREMES

At first Satan tried to keep me from making any restitution. Then, after I had started, and he saw he could not prevent me, he pushed me to the other extreme. One little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to mind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation. These little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that, as I now review them, I am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or else merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge, and that they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by all parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them.

The following will suffice as a fair sample: I had by oversight forgotten to return a borrowed lead pencil, which had been about three-fourths used up. Months afterwards I happened to think of it, and I became so worried and accused that I finally attempted restitution, as I had already done in perhaps dozens of other just such trivial instances.

I was also driven to the consideration of my past conduct in the light of my present experience. I then made apologies one after another for my past failures. In some instances this was perfectly proper; but again I was driven to such extremes that I scarcely had any peace. The natural result was that I watched every word and act so carefully that often I was afraid to smile, for fear I might laugh at the wrong time. I was so busy watching myself that I did not get much enjoyment out of my religious experience. Indeed, the standard I set for myself was so rigid that I speedily came into bondage. I was unhappy myself and made others unhappy about me. However, I had no intention of going back into sin.

BECOMING ASCETIC

I took a great interest in reading religious books and papers. Although doubtless the motives of those who wrote these were high and noble, and their sole aim and purpose was to further the interests of God's kingdom on earth, yet some of these productions were written in such a manner as to cause a conscientious soul to feel that it is almost impossible for an ordinary person to reach a standard of experience and life such as they set up. My natural tendency, however, impelled me to try in my weak way to pattern after the most rigid examples. I noticed that some of the characters mentioned were given to much fasting and to abstinence from all except the very plainest of foods. My tendency toward extremes again asserted itself, and sometimes I felt condemned for enjoying even a wholesome meal. I remember one occasion when I worried because I had indulged in eating a reasonable amount of meat which was pleasing to my taste.

The last year I was in school these morbid tendencies reached their climax. I had read of devoted men in the ministry who had labored so zealously that they allowed themselves only six hours sleep. Besides their daily tasks, which were enormous, some of these men had spent as long as two hours each day in private devotions. I tried to force myself to this rigid routine, besides keeping up with my classes in the university. Almost every night religious services were held either in the chapel or in some cottage. On Sunday there were four and sometimes five services. Of course, I felt duty bound to attend all of these, besides keeping up daily my two hours of private devotions. Sometimes I was obliged to lose a part of the six hours allotted for sleep, in order to carry out this rigid program I had set for myself. Not only did I suffer from exhaustion induced by the constant and heavy strain; but if I happened to fail in spending the full two hours in prayer or in reading the Scriptures, I would sometimes be so terribly accused that I would resort to a public confession of my "neglect," and once I went to the public altar under accusation that was largely due to this very cause.

I had heard a great deal, also, concerning our obligation to do personal work and threw myself into this phase of Christian activity. Of course, I soon went to extremes. If I happened to be in the company of some one for a short time and failed to speak to him about his soul's welfare, I was likely to be dreadfully accused for gross neglect of duty. Under such circumstances it was hard for me to testify, because the accuser could always find some "neglect" or "oversight" with which to trouble me. On the other hand, I was afraid not to testify lest I should soon be hopelessly backslidden if I neglected this duty. So I finally drifted into the habit of silently asking God's forgiveness for any possible "neglect" in any way, just before rising to testify, so as to make sure that I was in a proper condition to witness for the Lord. All this was exceedingly wearing on my whole being.

A MORBID CONSCIENCE

At last my conscience became so morbid that every sermon I heard and every religious book or tract I read was at once compared with my experience to see if I lacked in even the lightest details. I happened to read of one devoted man who literally gave all his possessions to the Lord's work. Immediately I thought of the small amount of money that I had with which to pay my winter's tuition in the university. It was not quite enough to pay all my expenses, and yet when I would decide that I could not give my "all" to the Lord's work, terrible accusations would crush me down until it seemed that my reason itself would become unbalanced. In my despair, I opened up my heart to a trusted friend, and he showed me that this was clearly an accusation from Satan and should be entirely ignored. All these things told sadly on my mental and physical condition, so that when the school year ended and I returned home to my friends, they were very much disappointed in me. Finally they became alarmed at my morbid condition.

OBTAINING RELIEF

Satan at last overdid himself; and by the help of kind friends, I discerned his devices and the extremes to which I had been driven. Once the following lines were quoted to me: "If you want to be distracted, look about you; if you would be miserable, look within; but if you would be happy, look to Jesus." These I shall never forget. A friend also pointed out the fact that I was constantly feeling my spiritual pulse. He said that this was just as detrimental to my spiritual condition as the constant counting of heart-beats would be to my physical health. Just as a patient would be likely to imagine himself afflicted with heart-trouble, so the same habit in the spiritual realm would, if continually indulged, prove disastrous to constant peace and victory.

It took some time to throw off entirely the "straight jacket" which had been imposed upon me; but by patient persistence, with God's grace, I was made an overcomer. I was taught to discern the difference between accusations and the workings of the Spirit of God. The voice of the accuser is harsh, cruel, nagging, or exacting; God's Spirit is mild, gentle, and encouraging. When God's Spirit reveals anything, it is made clear and plain. The accuser bewilders, confuses, and discourages. I also learned that our kind heavenly Father is not watching for an opportunity to cast us off, but rather he is seeking by the wooings of his gentle Spirit to lead us into green pastures and beside the still waters, where we may nourish our souls and become strong to meet the battles and trials of life. He will show us our shortcomings, but not in a way that will discourage or crush us.

Oftentimes while I was under such crushing accusations, the tempter would say, "How can you ever hope to preach the gospel, when you are so unsettled in your own experience?" One day there came to my mind the scripture in Eph. 3:20, which says that he is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think. I decided that in some way God would work out his purpose concerning my life if I would patiently serve him to the best of my knowledge and ability.

INHERITED DISPOSITION TO WORRY

Another lesson I needed to learn was to trust God with the future. I was naturally inclined to worry. For several generations back my ancestors on one side of my family tree had been given to excessive worry, their condition at times bordering on utter despondency. I was painfully conscious of this inheritance in my constitutional make-up. In my morbid imagination, nearly every threatening trouble was magnified to the proportion of a dreadful disaster. Many an hour, and even days, I wasted in useless worry. Perhaps not one tenth of my gloomy forebodings ever materialized.

FACING A NERVOUS COLLAPSE

In order to teach me more thoroughly the lesson of trust, the Lord permitted me to pass through a peculiar and severe trial. As I looked forward to the time when I hoped to take up the active work of the ministry, I had a great desire to be at my best in every way. I had hoped to be in good health so that I might be able to bear the strain of the work and to meet every emergency that might arise. But just as I was about ready to enter upon my life's mission, I found my health breaking and myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This was indeed a keen disappointment to me. My sufferings at times seemed almost intolerable. I could not understand it: I longed so much to be of real service to God and to accomplish what I regarded as my life-work—the ministry.

Although the prospects seemed gloomy and my friends expected a complete breakdown in my health, yet I determined to go forward in the name of the Lord and to do the best I could. I even began to fear that my reason would be dethroned. However, I said nothing about my condition to my congregation, but sought to be a blessing to them in every way. I finally tried to form the habit of beginning each day with a season of thanksgiving for all the blessings I could think of. This proved to be very helpful.

RELIEVED BY HELPING OTHERS

Some days were more trying than others. While passing through the severest tests I learned that it was very helpful to look for some other tried or tempted ones and do my best to cheer and comfort them. Just a few doors from where I roomed was a lady past middle age, who had been a sufferer for eleven years. She had been helpless during the greater part of that time. I went to see her often and did what I could to lighten her burdens. She knew nothing of my sufferings, however. She was so grateful for everything I did for her, and the Lord's presence was so real every time I talked or prayed with her that invariably I was abundantly helped in the very efforts put forth to cheer and comfort her. Sometimes my heart carried an almost intolerable burden; but after a call in this home of affliction, my burden would grow light and I would sometimes wonder which had been helped the more, she or I. Also, when I considered what she had endured for so long, I was ashamed to tolerate anything like discontent concerning my own lot, which, though seemingly so hard at times, was so much better and easier, in some respects at least, than hers.

There were times when, to add to my sufferings, Satan would bring against me accusations that I could not have borne without special help from God. Often the old temptations to doubt my experience of salvation would return with tremendous force, and if I had listened to the enemy's suggestions, I should have cast aside my experience in spite of all that God had ever done for me. The accuser would sometimes begin by suggesting that I had never been truly sanctified. (I obtained the experience of entire sanctification soon after entering the work of the ministry.) Then the enemy would become more bold and would suggest, "You know that you have often had serious doubts concerning your experience of justification, and after all, perhaps you have never been truly converted."

After annoying and distressing me in this manner, Satan would fling at me such taunts as these: "You are a pretty example of a minister who is supposed to be truly called and qualified of God to preach his Word." Many times I would have a conflict like this just before rising to preach. If I had given way to feelings, I would rather have sought some place of quiet seclusion than to have faced the waiting congregation before me. But then the thought would come, "Perhaps in the congregation there are tempted and tried souls who need special help"; and so I would decide to preach, not according to how I felt, but according to actual knowledge of God's Word, which is ever unchanging. It seemed that whenever I was most severely tried in this manner, I would get the greatest victory and blessing by moving out in the performance of whatever duty confronted me. Indeed, I do not remember a single instance when I failed to preach at the appointed hour on account of the state of my feelings.

I sometimes wondered why the conflict was so long, for I suffered thus month after month. Sometimes I comforted myself with the thought that some day death would bring relief; but I learned at last that God was only permitting these sufferings in order to refine the gold. My best and most helpful sermons were preached while I was in the very midst of the deepest suffering.

BECOMING RECONCILED

At last I came to realize that it mattered not so much, after all, how much I suffered, just so the people whom I served were helped and blessed; that true blessedness in life does not consist in freedom from suffering, but in accomplishing one's mission in the world according to the divine plan.

CHRIST MORE REAL

Some of my most precious seasons of fellowship with Christ were experienced, when, in the absence of all feeling, except that of severe suffering, I would say by faith alone, "Thou, O Christ, art by my side. Thou wilt never leave me nor forsake me." At last I accustomed myself to believe his presence was real in spite of my feelings, so that by faith I could almost imagine him at my side. As I walked, it seemed that we kept step together; as I faced my congregations, he stood by my side, unseen of course by physical eyes, but under such circumstances the natural eyes can not be compared with the spiritual sight for clearness of vision. I then learned what Paul meant to express when he said, "While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:18). "Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory" (1 Pet. 1:8).

SOME LESSONS LEARNED

Thus my trials and hardships taught me that a genuine experience of salvation is obtained, as well as maintained, not by working up some great feeling or emotion, but by simple, trusting faith in God, and implicit obedience to his Word.

I found that our God is a loving Father and not a hard taskmaster. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him" (Psa. 103:13). Neither does he require us to do anything that is unreasonable. "I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service" (Rom. 12:1).

I also learned that the true test of our Christian experience is not the state of our feelings, but the power to resist temptation, to keep sweet under severe trials, and to manifest the meek and gentle spirit of the Master. I learned, moreover, that the Lord is not anxious to cast us off for every little failure, but is long-suffering and patient with us as long as we have a sincere aim and purpose to please him in all things. I learned more fully the secret of "casting all my care upon him," knowing that "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Rom. 8:28).

The last few years of my life have been marked by great victory in my experience. The former trials through which I passed have increased my usefulness by helping me to be more unselfish. I wondered at the time why God permitted such trials and sufferings; but now as I look back upon the past, I see that I could not afford to be without the discipline and training which those severe trials brought to me. In my work as a pastor I am all the more qualified to sympathize with and to help those who are meeting with similar trials and difficulties. As I remember my own conflicts and trials, I can be more charitable for others.

CONCLUSION

As the Lord turned again the captivity of Job and restored to him his former blessings, so he restored my health in due time, together with great victory along every line. Though I still meet with hard trials and perplexing problems, yet I have learned to take them all to him in simple, trusting faith, fully assured that he will direct in all things. As already explained, my natural tendency was to worry; yet through God's grace I have been able to meet some of the most perplexing problems with calmness and even in the face of these things to enjoy refreshing sleep, knowing that "he is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Eph. 3:20).

I have ceased to long for an experience like that of some one else, knowing that God has given me one that is best for me. Peter and John were both true disciples of our Lord, yet how differently did they manifest outwardly the workings of God's Spirit within, which is ever the same!

Some years ago I discerned the oneness of God's people and became fully convinced that the Word of God should be our guide in all things pertaining to our spiritual welfare; that none of it should be omitted or cast aside. Since that time the light has been constantly increasing, and each succeeding year becomes more blessed in his service. I am learning more and more, as Paul expresses it, that "in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" (Phil. 4:11). With the past all under the blood, I have no gloomy forebodings concerning the future; "for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day" (2 Tim. 1:12).

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The Testimony of a Prisoner

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 3

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and is desperately wicked" (Jer. 17:9). The truthfulness of this scripture has been verified in my life. For more than twenty years I lived a most shameful life to satisfy the desires of my wicked heart. I have learned that the more a person yields to the sinful desires of the heart, the more wicked he becomes.

Many times during my early school days I yielded to the tempter and played truant and ofttimes concluded that it was too hot to study and yielded to the suggestion to go for a swim in the pond, regardless of consequences. After playing truant the first time, I found a repetition of the act much easier, until finally my parents became disgusted with me and sent me away to work, and I have worked ever since that time. While in the coal-mines, I received many hard knocks and bumps, and my education neglected; whereas, had I not yielded to my wilfulness and the deceitful desires of my heart in the beginning, I might have had a splendid education and today be the possessor of a responsible position.

On my fifteenth birthday I took my first drink, yielding to the temptation of taking my dinner-pail and getting ten cents' worth of beer to drink beneath a shady tree. Oh, that God would have taken me before it ever touched my lips! I am unable to relate all my experiences since I took my first drink, but would say that I have suffered beyond measure and have paid a great price for my folly. It has robbed me of my character, reputation, friends, a beloved wife, and four beautiful children—three boys and a girl—whom I loved more than my own life.

After drink had robbed me of all that was dear to my heart, then the suggestion came for still further destruction by committing suicide. The evil one suggested that as there was nothing left worthy a continuation of my life, it were better to end it all and find sweet rest in the grave. I was cast into prison, and the way before me truly seemed dark.

While I was serving a prison sentence I learned there was help for me through the salvation of Jesus Christ. It was in the Bible that I learned that the Lord would create within me a new heart if I would only let him in, and "old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." I thought that I was too far gone to be forgiven, but the words found in Isa. 1:18 gave me assurance: "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow: though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." These words were to me what a life-preserver is to a drowning person. I grasped them with a trembling heart and found peace to my soul.

Now, instead of destroying my own life by committing suicide and seeking rest in the grave, as Satan had often suggested, I found sweet rest to my soul in turning to Jesus, and the most earnest desire of my heart is to serve him and do that which is pleasing in his sight. Now it is a pleasant pastime, a joy and pleasure, to read the Bible and religious books, tracts, and papers, whereby I can learn more of the beauties of a life of salvation. May God help sinners everywhere to seek him while he may be found.

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A Little Chinese Girl

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 4

She was only a little Chinese girl, like ten thousand of others in the great heathen land of which she was a native. She was the youngest of three children, and her father died while she was but a babe. The mother, being left a poor widow, was unable to support her little family. Therefore, according to Chinese custom, the son (who was the oldest of the three) was to receive the mother's attention, but the two daughters were to be sold into other homes, to become wives as soon as they were of marriageable age.

It is about the baby girl, Baulin, of whom I wish to tell you in this story. The case was put into her grandfather's hands for management, who arranged for her to go into her uncle's home, and to finally become the wife of her cousin, who was a little younger than herself. As soon as she was a few years old she was trained to help wash the clothes, cook the family rice, and clean the bowls; and at an early age she had to work many long hours in a silk-factory for only a few cents a day. These few cents helped to buy her own rice, and as her uncle was a poor man, he could not afford to support his "si-fu" (daughter-in-law) without receiving something for it. Never a day was this dear child sent to school. It was not customary to educate Chinese girls, except it should be those of greater wealth or rank.

Time went on until Baulin was about fourteen years old. In the meantime her uncle had come in contact with missionaries representing the full gospel of Jesus Christ. As he became better acquainted with the doctrine, and obtained an experience of salvation, he saw that it would not be right to enforce the marriage of Baulin to his son; the matter was to be left to their own choice, when they grew old enough to decide. Still the responsibility was upon him to continue supporting her to the same extent that he previously had.

In the course of another year or two, Baulin not only had shown an interest in the gospel, but had a desire to take up her abode in the mission compound to assist with the cooking for the other natives who lived there. In this capacity she faithfully labored a few months, during which time she came for prayer for salvation. The missionaries in charge had found difficulty in obtaining native help for their own kitchen. One day it suddenly dawned upon the mistress of the house that Baulin might be trained for the culinary department. When the idea was suggested, this dear young girl was delighted at the thought of promotion in usefulness. Arrangements were immediately made, and the new plan proved successful. Though she did not so much as know how to pare potatoes, fry eggs, nor set the table for foreign food, yet her eager willingness to learn made her easy to teach. Her natural inability to take responsibility, to manage, and to exercise her own judgment, were points greatly against her becoming a competent cook. However, by the mistress continuing to plan the meals and to bear the general responsibility, Baulin soon developed into a very reliable and useful worker.

Two years later when the missionaries moved to another station, she was pleased to accompany them and to continue as their cook. In the meantime, however, a serious change came over her uncle, which made Baulin entertain fears concerning her former engagement for marriage. This man, who was so dependable before, gradually became entangled in business matters, swindled others out of a considerable amount of money, resulting in his utter spiritual downfall. Instead of making efforts to rise again, he seemed to sink deeper and deeper into sin, until all hope was given up for his return. Baulin was exceedingly fond of her own people, and her relatives were not a few. But after her uncle had backslidden, she began to receive more or less persecution from her people. It so happened that the new station to which she accompanied the new missionaries was the city in which her mother lived. She was employed there as servant for a high-class family. The mother, though having been in contact with the Christian religion for many years, still remained a rank heathen, having great faith in the worship of idols. The time came when the missionaries were about to depart on furlough to the homeland, and now a serious question confronted Baulin: "What shall I do, or what can I do?"

But before continuing this narrative, let me say here that during the three years that she was employed as cook, she made a perfect record of honesty and uprightness—something which probably can not be said of one out of a hundred of Chinese cooks. Not once was she even suspected of taking without permission, so much as a crust of bread or a spoonful of anything belonging to the foreign kitchen. When other natives of the compound would ask her for a bit of food which happened to be left in the dishes, she would never give it without first asking permission to do so. She seldom broke dishes, but when she did, she lost no time in making acknowledgment. Thus her honesty, conscientiousness, and modesty won a warm place in the hearts of those whom she served, and when she appealed to them for help in solving the problem which so perplexed her mind about the time that she must be separated from them, they gladly shared her burden. It was by seeing her stedfastness through this trial that her real worth could be appreciated more than ever before.

From a Chinese point of view, she was still under age, though she was now about eighteen. Her mother had never given up the idea that she should be married to her cousin when they both became old enough. At this time her uncle was in a backslidden state, and in all probability would insist on the marriage. The boy himself, her cousin, was growing up rather a worthless young man. He had been in school more or less, but was not extra bright. Recently his father had placed him as an apprentice in a shoeshop. He had shown no inclination whatsoever toward spiritual things, though he had had many advantages of hearing the gospel. Baulin knew that she would soon be out of employment, and this meant much to the young girl; for she was now fully self-supporting and, besides, had helped her uncle more than once in his financial straits. To return to the former mission station, at which city most of her people lived, seemed the only open door before her. Yet this meant more persecution, and should she have to return to the silk-factory to work, she would be deprived of attending meeting, for the girls and women employed there must toil on from early morn till late at night, seven days a week.

It was when she heard that her uncle was making a business trip to the city where she was now living and where her mother also lived, that she became more anxious concerning a quick settlement of that marriage question, and it was in this that she earnestly begged the missionary to help. A meeting was called at which Baulin, her mother, her uncle, the missionary, and a few others were present. Baulin requested a written agreement signed by her mother and uncle, that the engagement to her cousin was broken, and that they should have no power to compel her engagement to any one else, but that she should have the right herself to make choice of her life companion. The question was discussed, but met with extreme opposition at first by the mother, insomuch that the girl finally declared that because she was a Christian and desired to do the right she would die rather than be compelled to marry a man who was not a Christian and one whom she did not love. The uncle's greatest objection was that he had no money to buy another girl for his son, and the son would blame his father for not having a wife ready for him, according to Chinese custom.

After several meetings, hours of discussion, and much prayer on the part of the Christians, a paper and a duplicate were finally signed, which set this dear young Christian free from her childhood engagement, and oh, what a beaming countenance she wore! Keenly did she realize it would not be easy to return to her home city and face her heathen relatives, who would all be against her on account of the step she had taken, but she was very happy in knowing that her persecution was for righteousness' sake. Well able did she feel, through the grace of God, to meet the worst that might come.

Her joy was increased some days later, when word was received that the mission station in the same city where her people lived would be glad to use her as cook and general helper in the house. Thus she would not need to go back to the factory to earn a living, but could be employed more directly in the service of God and be under the care of the church.

I hope all who read this true story will not forget to breathe a prayer for this dear young girl, who so boldly took her stand for the truth and right, in the midst of opposition from heathen relatives. We can not but hope that she may some day be as reliable a spiritual worker as she is today a temporal worker.

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Persecutions and Victories of an Evangelist

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 5

It is with pleasure and gratitude that I take advantage of this opportunity of telling of God's wonderful dealings with me. It is now a little over ten years since I was converted. I had the advantage of being reared in a Christian home. My parents having been saved for a good many years.

When I first heard of people who believed the entire Word of God as it was preached in the days of the apostles, I wondered what kind of people they were. Some of the ministers were conducting some meetings not far from where we lived, and, hearing of these people, I asked my father if it would not be possible for them to come to our community. Being surprized at my question and glad to hear that I was interested in hearing those people, he suggested that I should speak to them personally and ask them to come. These meetings were conducted about eight miles from our home.

It was a cold October day when I drove to the place with horse and buggy and asked the people to come to our town. They were glad for the invitation, and we returned to my home the same day. There was especially one thing about them which surprized me, and that was how happy and contented they seemed to be; but I was a little unwilling to believe that it was really possible for a person to enjoy religion, for my association with so-called Christian people had made the impression upon my mind that Christianity, or salvation, was only for those who could not enjoy themselves in the world.

When the company that were to hold the meeting came to our home, I decided to study and examine their lives to find out whether they really possessed the joy and satisfaction that I was longing for. Their quiet, devoted lives convinced me of the fact that I ought to become a Christian. Deep conviction settled down upon me in the meetings. My mother and father, whose lives had made a deep impression upon me, pleaded with me to yield to God, but I was still unwilling to surrender.

After the meetings closed I tried to quench the Spirit by indulging in worldly pleasures and associating with my old friends, but it seemed that the Spirit of God was working so powerfully upon me that it was impossible to resist him. I remember especially an experience one afternoon. I was brought face to face with the supreme question, Are you ready to meet God? I decided that I would not yield, but that I would enjoy the pleasure of sin and the world for some years and later become a Christian.

Not being able to quench the convictions that the Spirit of God had wrought upon me, I deliberately indulged in blasphemy, determined to make the Holy Spirit leave me, but I am glad to say that God was merciful to me in not permitting my soul to be lost. For a moment I felt as though I had committed the unpardonable sin, that heaven was closed, and that my soul was lost forever. But I turned to God with tears and a broken heart, the Spirit of God again strove with me, and my sins were mercifully forgiven. The joy of heaven filled my soul, and I received the assurance that my name was written in the Book of Life. This was November 5, 1905.

SANCTIFICATION

My soul was perfectly satisfied, and for some time I felt as though all that heaven could give to a human being in this world had been given to me. But later I began to realize the need of something more. I heard teaching on the doctrine of entire sanctification and began to study about it in the Bible. The knowledge thus obtained caused me to seek for the experience, but I did not receive it as soon as I had expected. After some very hard struggles and much disappointment I finally concluded that the teaching was wrong in regard to this matter and that it was impossible to obtain the experience as it had been presented to me. Trying to comfort myself with this thought, I let the matter rest for a while, but I was not satisfied.

About two years after my conversion I decided that this matter should be settled between God and my soul. Going to the Lord in earnest prayer, I made a perfect consecration of all to God. The Lord began talking to my soul, and he made it clear to me that the reason why I had not obtained the experience sooner was not because the doctrine I had heard was wrong, but because I had an exaggerated idea of what sanctification really would do. I was under the impression that everything in my human nature which had caused me trouble would be removed in sanctification. I had failed to see that in sanctification human desires are not taken away but sanctified. I saw clearly that the cause for the most of my troubles was that I had failed to discriminate between carnality and humanity.

While I was consecrating, the Lord spoke to me, not audibly but by his Spirit, and asked me if I was willing to go to Denmark with the gospel. I was able to surrender on all points but this one, seeing that going to a foreign country would conflict with all my plans for the future. I felt very much like Abraham when he went to Mount Moriah with his only son to offer him there upon God's altar. But seeing that this was the only way and desiring to obtain the experience, I surrendered, placed all on the altar, and immediately I was sanctified and baptized with the Holy Ghost. Praise the Lord!

There were no outward demonstrations, no special manifestations of the power of God; but the Holy Ghost, being enthroned in my heart, gave me a power over the world and self which I had not experienced heretofore. This glorious experience I have now enjoyed for several years, and it never was more precious to me than it is at the present time. Halleluiah!

GOING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY

For a while I did not think more about my call to the work of God in Europe, but there was a deep longing in my soul to see people saved, and whenever time permitted I would do all the personal work I could, distributing literature, visiting people in their homes, helping in meetings, etc.

My parents being Danish, they naturally made me think more of the Scandinavian people than I otherwise would have thought, and my heart was often burdened that this glorious truth might be brought to them. These thoughts I kept to myself, speaking only to God about the matter. At last the burden became so heavy that I opened my heart to a minister in whom I had very much confidence, and he told me that a year before that time the Lord had clearly shown that I should go to Denmark with the gospel.

Next I opened my heart to my parents. Naturally they felt sorry that I should leave them, but in another sense they were glad to see me enter the work of the Lord. The Lord had revealed to my mother the evening of my conversion that I should preach the gospel, but she did not think that my field of labor would be in a foreign country.

An older minister, who had for some time been thinking of going to Scandinavia, asked me if it would not be possible for me to accompany him; and when the matter was brought before the church, it was finally decided that I should go. We sailed from New York Dec. 18, 1909, and arrived in Denmark, Jan. 3, 1910. This brother and his wife stayed with relatives, while I made my home with different people, some of them unsaved; and the most disagreeable thing that I met at the beginning was that I was often obliged to stay in homes where I knew I was not welcome. But in all the trials and disappointments there was one thing that especially encouraged and comforted me, and that was that I knew God had sent me to Scandinavia.

I shall never forget the first time God gave me a little favor among the people. An old gentleman expressed his desire to have me give my testimony after the sermon. I was at that time unable to express my thoughts in the Danish language, but in my heart I carried a very heavy burden for the people. With this burden on my soul I arose, and the feelings I could not express in words I expressed in tears. That evening four souls came to the altar and were gloriously saved. From that time on my services were in demand, and it was not long until a goodly number sought the Lord in the meetings.

About a year from this time a Baptist minister asked me to come to his town and hold a four days' meeting. After earnestly praying over the matter I decided to break my engagement at another place (something I do not do unless specially directed of the Lord) and to hold these meetings. Instead of holding four meetings, I held one hundred and thirty meetings, and about one hundred souls were gloriously saved. There were a number of young men in the town who determined that they would break up the meetings, but we asked them to come and take part in the song-service, which generally commenced about a half hour before the preaching-service. Often the stores would be closed early in order that the people might be able to attend the meetings, and it was not long until nearly all the young men of the town were sitting on the front seats listening to the word with tears in their eyes.

An intoxicated man, who was sent out by a saloon-keeper to make disturbance, attacked me in front of the congregation. A young man who also was under the influence of liquor but who was in sympathy with the work I was doing, stepped to my side and offered to defend me with his fist. In anger he said to the other man, "I want to tell you that we are not going to let you disturb our meetings." I tried to calm them, but in spite of all I did, the man was unmercifully treated as soon as he got outside by the people whose sympathies had been won by the gospel.

PERSECUTED FOR THE GOSPEL'S SAKE

The saloon-keeper mentioned above, who almost failed in business because of the revival, tried to work out a plot against me. He had a friend who lived in the State of Michigan, to whom he wrote for information concerning my life. This man wrote back: "The minister who is preaching in your town is a professional white-slave trader, and has escaped the authorities here in America and fled to Europe." This letter was taken to the officials in Denmark, and immediately I was arrested. One of the best detectives in the kingdom and several state officials were working on the case. A number of impressions were taken of my fingers and my picture was hung up in police stations among those of professional thieves and criminals.

A very bitter persecution also broke out in the Scandinavian press. Among the people I was generally known as "The Prophet." My aunt and cousin in Copenhagen were nearly dumbfounded one day, when, as they passed one of the large printing-houses in the city, they saw on the news bulletin of a prominent daily in large bold type, which could be read at a long distance, the following:

"The Prophet Morris Johnson—White-Slave Trader—Baptized Naked Women—Stole Church's Money-Box—Went to America with Fifty Young Girls and Sold Them to the Houses of Ill-Fame—Escaped the Hands of the Authorities."

None of these things were true, however; but wherever I went I was carefully watched by the authorities. My name was associated with the most ignoble, immoral, and dishonorable things, and the matter was given such publicity that I could not board a train or a steamer without its being made known to those around me.

Finally the people of God to whom I had been preaching considered it their duty to encourage me to appeal to the law for protection, one brother offering to spend five thousand crowns on the case. This I could not do, for it would have conflicted with my Christian principles; but at last I saw that the only way I could satisfy them was to do something to prove that I was not guilty of the accusations.

Accordingly I went to Copenhagen, spoke to the United States Minister and to a prominent lawyer about the matter. They encouraged me to take up a law suit against the parties who had so inhumanly treated me, but feeling that I should grieve God by doing so, I decided to patiently suffer, knowing that God would stand by me and that in the end his name would be glorified. I must admit that had it not been for the fact that the people of God were praying for me and that God in a special way comforted and strengthened me, I should not have been able to stand through this trial.

About three months after the time I had been in Copenhagen, a state official published in the paper an article in which he made known to the public that after a thorough examination of my case they were satisfied that I was innocent and was worthy of the moral support of the people.

REVIVALS

I am glad to say that this persecution resulted in a wonderful outbreak of spiritual life in Scandinavia. Hundreds of people came out to the meetings and a large number of souls were saved. The State Bishop, a very influential man, was called upon to oppose the meetings. In a public discourse he mentioned my name twenty times, but this only aroused a greater curiosity in the hearts of the people to hear the word, and in this way people were brought under the influence of the gospel who would never have been reached any other way.

I shall never forget an experience I had in a revival in Hjorring, Denmark. We had rented a large hall, and the first evening there were about five hundred people present. I had been passing through some very hard trials just before this meeting, but the trial reached its climax as I stood before that audience. I did not feel the help of the Holy Spirit at all as I was preaching. I went to my room that evening with a heavy heart and spent some time on my knees in earnest prayer.

Later it was made clear to me why God permitted me to pass through this trial. The following Sunday evening the power of the Holy Spirit was poured out upon that audience in such a measure that it was almost impossible for the people to resist it. There were about 750 people present, and most of them stayed for the altar-service. There was not room at the altar for those who wanted to seek God, so the people fell on their knees and began to pray, and all over the hall one could hear sinners crying to God for mercy. Many of them were saved. The meeting did not close until after midnight. I then saw that the reason why God had permitted me to pass through that test was that he might prepare me for the great blessing presently to be poured out upon the meeting.

ALL-NIGHT MEETING

In Lokken, Denmark, the people of God gathered one evening for a special meeting. The word of God became so precious to us that we could not leave the place. A large number testified and after midnight we had an ordinance-meeting, which was followed by a sermon, and that by an altar-call. Several came forward and sought the Lord for sanctification, and a few who were so much interested that they could not leave, came and were saved. The altar-service was broken up when a brother came in and exclaimed, "Hurry up, or you'll miss the train." This was the morning train, which left at five o'clock. The good work continued at this place, and there were open doors for me to preach the gospel in all parts of the kingdom where before warnings had been published against me.

MEETING A PHILOSOPHER

During my stay in Copenhagen it was my privilege to become acquainted with an educated young man, a doctor of philosophy, who had been influenced by higher critics, such as have doubted the miraculous accounts given in the Holy Scriptures. When I was introduced to him, I noticed that he thought it would not be very difficult for him to weaken my faith and confidence in regard to religious matters. He immediately expressed his desire to have some private talks on religious questions, to which I gladly consented, but greatly feeling my need of special wisdom and grace from God. We would often sit up until after midnight, but I enjoyed these conversations and discussions, for they gave me an understanding of the position that such persons generally take in regard to religion.

One evening he accompanied me to the country, where I held a meeting in a private home. About fifteen minutes after I had entered the pulpit, I noticed that a deep conviction settled down upon him. Tears filled his eyes, and he was unable to hide his emotions. One night at one-thirty in the morning he said to me: "I have a question I want to ask you. I have had your life under my microscope for a while and have come to the conclusion that you are one of the happiest and most contented young men I have ever met. Still I have noticed that you have no interest whatever in the enjoyments and pleasures that other young men of your age seem to be so taken up with. Tell me, what is the source of your happiness?" My reply was, "The source of my joy and happiness is the Christ that you are trying to deny." Tears filled his eyes, and he said to me, "In my public lectures and discourses and with my pen I have tried to influence people against Christianity, but now I have found that Christianity can satisfy and make happy; so I will never use my influence in that way any more." I did not have the privilege of seeing this young man converted, but I am sure that some day I shall meet him in heaven.

TRUSTING THE LORD

When I entered the gospel field, I decided that I should trust God to supply all my needs. My father upon bidding me good-by said, "Now, my son, if you ever need help financially, you must let me know, and I shall be glad to help you." I thanked my father, but told him that he should not feel under obligations to me more than to any other missionary and that it was my intention to trust God.

I paid my own fare to Europe with the exception of one dollar, which was given me by a kind brother. For a while I got along well, for I had a little personal money; but the time came when I needed help. I especially remember one occasion when I needed some means. I prayed and wept before the Lord as a child before its father, asking the Lord what he was going to do with me now. After I had prayed a while, the Lord assured me that my prayer was heard. Two days later I received a money-order from a brother in South Dakota and was able to meet all my obligations and even had some to spare. Praise the Lord!

Another time during my stay in Norway I needed a certain amount of money and began to pray to God concerning the matter. The amount needed was about twenty dollars. A few days from that time I received a money-order for eleven dollars from some one in Copenhagen from whom it would have been altogether unreasonable for me to expect financial help. But this person wrote that God had made it clear that this money should be sent to me. I also received a letter from a man in America with a money-order for ten dollars. He wrote: "I am sending you ten dollars, and feel that I must send it off immediately. Hope you will receive it in time." My needs were supplied, and you can be sure I was a happy man. I have learned by experience that there is no life happier or nobler than the life that is fully surrendered and consecrated to God.

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The Secret of a Perfect Life

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 6

A little more than half a century ago I drew my first breath of life. It was a day in early May, so I have been told: the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the early flowers were in bloom. It is not to be supposed that my environment in life's early hour had any influence upon the passions of my soul; nevertheless, from my earliest recollection I have been an ardent lover of the esthetical in nature. Many of the days of my childhood were spent wandering through the fields in the bright sunshine, admiring and culling the flowers; rambling through the leafy wood, listening with glad heart to the songs of birds; or sitting on the mossy bank of the rippling brooklet delighted by the music made by its crystal waters as they played among the rocks.

But the happy, innocent days of childhood do not last always: the sun does not always shine, nor the birds sing; neither do the flowers always bloom along our way. Oh, if we could only have been overlooked—many of us have thought in the dreary days of after-life—by Father Time and been left behind to be always in the green, sun-lit fields of childhood, how happy we should have been! But it was not so; and now, since I have found the riches of grace, I am glad it was not so. No one can escape the onward-leading hand of Time. He will lead us, despite our protests, into days where the sun has ceased shining, where the birds have flown to a more genial clime, and where the flowers have faded. As our much-loved poet has said,

"Into each life some rain must fall—

Some days must be dark and dreary."

My life has been a confirmation of these words.

MY FIRST SIN

Among the recollections of my early childhood, one is more deeply impressed on my mind than any other, so deeply and firmly stamped that the many and varied experiences of fifty years have failed to make it less clear and distinct to the vision of memory than it was the day it occurred. It was the committing of a sin. It may have been my first wilful transgression, but, however that may be, it was one that caused an awful sense of guilt to come into my heart, and I trembled, as it were, in an unseen presence. No one had ever spoken to me of God, of shunning the wrong, or of doing the right, except my mother (sweet today is my memory of her); so I carried my trouble to her, and in her presence the tempter led me into falsehood, so that I was made more wretched than before.

GETTING DEEPER INTO SIN

The days sped on; and after a few years, I had won the title of "Bad Boy." Though the sins of those youthful days (over which I prefer to throw the relieving mantle of forgetfulness) were dark and deep, I did not altogether lose my love for the beautiful and the good. In those shadowy days, a ray of sunlight would now and then break through, a bird-note would be heard, and a fragrant flower would raise its drooping head. In such hours, I would get a glimpse of a better life. An unseen hand would set before me a picture of a pure life, and in my fancy I would see myself a good man. Oh, that the dreams of those youthful days were more perfectly fulfilled! but I must give praise to God for what he has wrought in me.

Many a time at the midnight hour in those youthful days, after I had left some den of vice, there would be whisperings in my soul of a higher, nobler life. As I, in my fancy, gazed down through the years, the angel of goodness would shift before me bright pictures of the different characteristics of a holy life. At this distant day, on looking back, I am surprized to note in what trueness the Holy Spirit set before me the ideal godly life.

But I must be brief, as only a few pages of this work are allotted to me in which to tell you how I found—or, rather, what I found to be—the secret of a perfect life.

MY CONVERSION

I was converted at the age of twenty-eight. A few months later, realizing the need of a deeper spiritual life, I yielded myself a living sacrifice to God, and he gave me the desire of my heart. Bless his name! To tell you the joy of my soul in these experiences, is immeasurably beyond the power of my pen. The happiness of a pure life fancied in the day-dreams of my youth were more than realized. Although I was of a highly imaginative mind, the joy my heart found in the riches of redeeming grace was numberless times greater than the fancied joys pictured to my mind in my boyhood hours.

My heart now flowed out in a gushing stream of love to God, and my mind glowed with thoughts of him. It was the poet Milton who said: "As to other points, what God may have determined for me, I know now; but this I know—that if he ever instilled an intense love of moral beauty into the breast of any man, he has instilled it into mine. Ceres, in the fable, pursued not her daughter with a greater keenness of inquiry than I, day and night, the idea of perfection." And I think the same was true of me.

Early in my religious life I became conscious that the law of development is written in the Christian heart, and that this law, if given full scope, will raise us year after year into higher degrees of perfection. The Holy Spirit revealed to me also at this time the secret of attaining to this perfect life by a natural growth in grace day after day. In love and humility lies the secret of a perfect and successful Christian life. The earnestness with which we seek God is in proportion to our love for him. Just as truly as the seven colors are woven together in one white ray of sunlight, so truly are the laws of a perfect life gathered up and fulfilled in the life of those who love God. "Love is the fulfilling of the law." No man can escape the effect of breaking a law of love. What fragrance is to the flower, obedience is to love. Any act of unfaithfulness to God or man sounds a false note on the golden harp of love. He who loves truth intensely will dwell with truth; he who loves purity of thought will think only on things that are pure. Vain thoughts will he hate. He who loves learning will seek after learning and just to that intensity of his love for it. He who loves home will dwell at home as much as possible, and home will become sweeter home. He who loves God will dwell with God, will seek after God, thereby strengthening his affection for God and daily growing into his perfection.

HUMILITY NEEDED

But love alone will not suffice; humility is needed that love may be rightly directed. If humility be lacking, love unconsciously begins to center in self. With a feeling of shame I confess that twice in my life since becoming a Christian, I have lost the ballast of humility so that love went astray. I thought to love God and be faithful; I thought that I was attaining to greater love; but to my surprize, when the Holy Spirit set my heart before me in the clear light of pure love, I found within that awful, ghastly, defiling principle of self-love.

If your soul loves the perfect life, "humble yourself under the hand of God" and "keep yourself in his love." After years of experiences and some sad failures, I have found, with a greater certainty than ever, that love ballasted by humility is the secret of a happy, holy life. I trust that during the remaining days of my life my soul shall flourish like the palm-tree, and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon, and that I shall develop into that greater fulness of God—into a more perfect image of him.

Today I know that "God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." As my inner man is renewed day by day, to my spiritual eyes the ideal perfect life grows in loveliness. As I journey on toward the setting of life's sun, I can see farther into the beyond, catch clearer glimpses of unseen things, hear more distinctly the songs of angels, scent in greater sweetness the fragrance from the flowers that grow in that celestial land, and feel the beauty of the Lord growing upon me. I have passed through the furnace flames; but God has brought me through, and he will bring you through.

A PERFECT IDEAL

Have there been times in your life when a glowing feeling crept into your heart and you beheld a vision of ideal perfection? Oh, be "obedient to the heavenly vision," remembering this, that the secret of approach to your ideal is love and humility. Humility will keep you in the right path as love hurries you on after your ideal. Neither the rocks, the thorns, the waves, nor the furnace flames, retard the lover in his race for a perfect life when the vision is kept clear before his soul. Have you made failures? So have I—greater failures, perhaps, than any you have made or ever will make; but the God who transforms the caterpillar into the butterfly will transform you into his perfect image if you only love him intently and be submissive to all his will.

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Conversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 7

I was born in an orthodox Jewish family. When I was but four years of age, my parents took me to England and put me in charge of the late Rabbi Horowitz of London to fully teach me the basis of rabbinical life. At the age of seventeen years I completed my course of instruction as a fully legalized rabbi, but was too young to take the responsibilities of a district or synagog. At that time I returned to the United States and soon drifted into socialism and became a socialist orator, traveling from city to city and State to State, until I left the first principles of my rabbinical teaching.

While traveling through Canada I became acquainted with an anarchist and partly accepted his belief. I strayed so far away from my early teaching that from time to time while speaking, I would hold up my Hebrew Bible and tear it to pieces, cursing God and denying that there was a God. I really became so hardened that I almost believed in my heart that there was no God.

On the twenty-sixth day of October, 1907, I came to Chicago, and while I was speaking that night on the platform, holding the Hebrew Bible, tearing it, and ready to curse God, there came a sudden strong voice, as it were, and, to my surprize, repeated to me the following words: "They shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn after him as one mourneth for its only begotten, and they shall be in bitterness after him as one is in bitterness after his first-born."

While I listened to this, I thought that some one was behind the platform speaking these words. I looked behind the platform, but could find no one. When I resumed my speech, the voice came again speaking the same verse, and I became almost paralyzed for a while. After the meeting was over, as I walked toward my apartments, I heard the voice for the third time, speaking to me in stronger terms than ever. The miserable feelings came stronger and stronger. In fact, I began to look for peace to my conscience, but did not know how to find it. In this trouble of soul, no one among all the orators, Jewish rabbis, or religious people of different denominations came up to tell me how to do better nor to give me advice.

I left Chicago for New York, but could not find rest. The words of that voice never left me day or night. One night, while walking the streets of New York looking for something to comfort me, I saw a sign reading, "Men Wanted for the United States Army." At nine o'clock the next morning I went to the recruiting-station and asked for an application-blank. The man at the station thought it strange that a Jew would come to enlist, but he gave me an application-blank. I filled it out and was examined and sent to Ft. Slocum, New York, where I was sworn in for three years' faithful service for the United States Army. After I enlisted I began to look for peace; but the more I looked, the worse and more trouble came to me. In fact, persecutions from different soldiers were very bitter because I was a Jew and did not do what they were doing.

While in Ft. Slocum I contracted fever and was taken to a hospital. From Ft. Slocum I was sent to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, where I was assigned to Battery B, First Field Artillery. There was only one Jewish man besides me amongst over three hundred Roman Catholics, and they believed in making things hot for us, so the more I looked for peace the worse misery and persecutions I found.

On Decoration Day, 1908, they were playing football, and after the game they went into the kitchen, procured large butcher knives, and came out to cut the "sheenies" up. When we saw them coming with the knives, we ran into the tailor-shop and locked ourselves in, hiding underneath mattresses between the covers. They broke the door, but through Providence they could not find us. Then for the first time since I had embraced socialism I began to think there was a God, since our lives were so spared.

On the sixth of June we went bathing in the Red River on the reservation, and the boys came and turned us head down and feet up in the water and wanted to drown us, but it seemed that through Providence I was once more saved from being destroyed by these blood-thirsty men. Upon our return, we found the tailor-shop flooded. This was reported to the commander, but no action was taken in regard to this or any other case of persecution.

We decided to desert the army after pay-day. When pay-day came, I had coming to me about $200 from the tailor-shop and $13 as pay for the month from the army, but out of the $200 I collected only about $70. That afternoon we walked to Lawton, Oklahoma, to get the train from there to St. Louis. Upon our arrival at St. Louis, the other man got a job, and I wrote to my uncle in Chicago, who sent me a ticket to come to Chicago. When I arrived there, he advised me to go to Canada and said that he would support me all the time that I was there, as they would apprehend me in the United States for a deserter.

I went to Canada, but was still in much distress. Some time later I had a desire to leave Vancouver, British Columbia, and go over the border into the State of Washington, but went under the assumed name of Friedman. While under that name I looked for a position, but could not find one; so I cabled to my parents for money and two weeks afterward I received enough money to open up a little store. I took for my next name Feldman. I opened a book-store, but within three months I lost almost $3,000. Then I left Seattle, Washington, for Tacoma under the name Gray.

Three weeks later I left Tacoma for Portland, Oregon, under the name of Grayson, where I looked up a friend of mine. He was at that time manager of the Oregon Hotel. The next morning I was more miserable than ever before and thought that I was sick. The night preceding I related to my friend all my troubles, with the exception of my being a deserter from the army.

While I was looking for a charity physician who could give me something to relieve my distress and trouble, I found a Salvation Army man and asked him if he knew of any physician who worked for charity and would give me treatment. He told me that he had a friend who was a physician and who was a lover of Jewish people. This was the first time that I ever heard that a Christian loved a Jew.

I went to the office of the doctor, whose name was Estock, and he gave me a cordial welcome. Putting his right hand on my right wrist and his left hand around my neck, he said that he loved the Jews because his Savior was a Jew and that he was glad God had sent me to his office in answer to his prayers. I was dumbfounded and unable to answer. The doctor said, "You do not need a physician for your body, but you need the Lord Jesus to heal your soul, for your trouble is with your soul, and the Lord Jesus is able to save you from your distress and troubles." He gave me a little bottle and said: "Here is a little medicine, but you do not need it. The only thing that will help you is prayer, and I will 'phone to my wife and ask her to pray for you, and I will also pray for you. This will be the only way you will get peace."

The next morning as I was offering my thanks to him he said, "Do not thank me, but thank God that he sent his only begotten Son, that through him such poor unworthy people as we should be saved through his love."

"What can this mean?" I answered. "Is there a God that will love such a man as I am?—a man who curses him? a man that stamped his Bible under his feet and fought against him? Is it true that he will love me so?"

The doctor answered, "He died for such men as you, that he might save you." He further said: "My house belongs to the Lord, and I owe everything to him. The God of Abraham and Isaac is my God, and the God of David and also the Prophets. He is my God, and he is your God, whether you want him or not; and I beg you to come with me to my house."

"It is impossible for me to go into your house," I answered, "because I do not believe that there is a God, and if there is one, I am unworthy to go into such a house."

He pleaded with me further to go, and I went with him. I lived at the doctor's house for thirty days. We had the strongest arguments on Scriptures, he trying to prove to me that Jesus is the Messiah that came to save his people from sin. I contradicted every word of his with the Old Testament Scriptures.

On the thirtieth day in the doctor's house I was more vile than ever before. I got up in the morning looking for the first chance to get even with the doctor because of his persistence in mentioning the Lord Jesus on every occasion. When I came down-stairs, they were ready for breakfast. I sat at the table brewing within myself, full of hatred, malice, and bitterness against them because of their holding up to me the Lord Jesus as my only Savior. While at the table I could not withhold my bitterness, and when they read the Scriptures after the meal, I began to laugh, mock, and curse, calling them all kinds of vile names.

While I was doing this they went down on their knees to pray as they did every morning. Looking up to me, the doctor said, "My friend, if you will not respect God nor respect me as your only and personal friend in the city, for the Lord's sake respect this house, for this house is consecrated unto God."

These words sank deep into my heart, and I kneeled down still with bitterness in my heart against Jesus and the doctor. While I was down on my knees, I was cursing, mocking at them and their Lord. The doctor prayed first, then his wife, and then his little boy, who said, "Lord Jesus, you have promised to save him; won't you save him?"

These words broke my heart, and I began crying, "If there is a God, come and prove yourself." The carpet around me was wet with the tears which I had shed in crying for God to come and prove himself. I felt within myself a love for the Lord Jesus and soon had a living faith that the Lord Jesus died for me and that through his death I was saved. After I rose from my knees, the doctor, his wife, and the little boy stood with eyes full of tears, rejoicing with me that there was power in the blood of Jesus Christ to save such a vile sinner as I was.

One hour later I left the house of the doctor to tell my friend, the manager of the hotel, that the Lord Jesus was now my Savior and that he had saved me from my sins. He took a heavy chunk of wood and hit me on my right side, nearly breaking my ribs.

I said, "May God forgive you for this and not hold it against you," while the tears were streaming down my face. This is the first time in my life that I ever said to any one, "May God bless you!" Then I said to him, "If it were only yesterday that you had done this to me, I would have killed you; but now the Lord Jesus has taken anger out of my heart, and I will endeavor to pray for you that God may have mercy upon you." Walking out of his hotel crippled as I was and holding my side with my hand, I said again, "God bless you!"

While walking down the street, I saw a company of mission workers on the corner of Jefferson and Washington Avenues. I pushed myself through the crowd, seeing that there were some Jews there, and I began to preach to my own people for the first time that the only way of salvation is through the Lord Jesus Christ. In answer, there came rotten eggs and rotten tomatoes at my head and body until I was covered from head to foot.

After the meeting I walked on singing a song and rejoicing that the Lord Jesus had seen fit to save such a poor sinner as I was. Thus ended my first day as a convert. I thank God for the first pay I ever received in the gospel—a crippled side and rotten eggs. I continued to preach the gospel to my people in Portland for several days.

Three days after my conversion, while I was on my knees praying, it occurred to me that I had better write to my relatives and tell them what love the Lord Jesus had for me, and that he had died to save them as well as me, and that he was the only true Messiah. I reasoned for several days against this; but at last I had to write, because I saw that the Lord was on one side and my relatives on the other side, and that I had to choose between them. So I wrote to them, sending to each a separate letter telling them that Jesus was my Savior and that he is the only and true Messiah.

Sometime after this, answer came from my relatives that they could not believe that there was any power to save me, because, if I could leave my first principles and leave my own people, the teaching which I was brought up under and drift so far away as to curse God, they did not believe there was any power to save me. I kept sending them Testaments and Gospels, but still they could not believe.

One day I went to see my sister and told her the truth. She at first did not believe me, but I asked her to attend a street-meeting which I was to hold, and she heard me preach Christ. She then wrote to my mother, who began to grieve herself to death because I had accepted the Lord Jesus for my Savior. Then they wrote me different letters and were patient with me, thinking that they would win me back to Judaism. When they saw there was no hope of getting me back, they were done with me.

On one occasion while standing in the street and preaching, there came a thought to me with great force, "If the authorities get you for a deserter, what will you do?" This question troubled me so that I could not continue my meetings. I went to the doctor's office and said to him, "Dr. Estock, do you know what they do to a person that has deserted the United States Army?"

"They give him three or four years in the military penitentiary," he answered.

"Do you know that I am a deserter from the United States Army?"

He looked at me puzzled and said, "How can this be?"

"It is true, and I must give myself up to the army authorities before they get me and disgrace my belief in the Lord Jesus."

I proposed giving myself up the next day, but the doctor told me to be in no haste and said he would ask several people of God to pray for me to learn what the mind of God was before I took another step. After a few days they came to the conclusion that they would send me to Canada, where I should be out of the jurisdiction of the United States and should be free. Thinking that this offer was of the Lord, I accepted it and left for Toronto, Canada. Upon my arrival at Toronto I felt the Lord speaking to me and saying, "The more you run away from my law, the more miserable you will feel. Go back to the United States."

This was while I was in the hotel at night and could not sleep. I felt very miserable to know that the step I had taken in coming to Toronto was not God's will and in his order. I had only $3.10 in my possession. In the morning I went to the ticket-office to inquire how much it cost to go to Buffalo. They told me it would cost $3.10. I then purchased a ticket for Buffalo. When I arrived I telegraphed to the doctor, stating that I was glad that I had come back to the United States to give myself up to the army authorities. The doctor replied by telegraph, stating that I was out of God's will and order in coming back to the United States to give myself up, and that therefore he could not have fellowship with me any more. Bitterly weeping over the message, I said to myself, "Now the only friend I have is gone." But this promise encouraged me, that my God would never turn against me nor forsake me. There I was, left without a friend and without money in my pockets to procure a night's lodging.

As it was bitterly cold, I prayed to the Lord that he would send somebody along that would take me home with him. As I was praying, a man passed by, and I asked him if he knew whether there was any child of God in the city. He said a woman who was his neighbor was a child of God, and he took me to her home. It was true that she was a child of God and her home a godly one.

Soon after this I went to Pittsburg, and the Lord opened up the hearts of a few Jewish people, who sent me to Washington. As I walked up to the barracks, fear came over me, and I decided to go to Baltimore, where I remained with a Jewish missionary until the last of April. Then I returned to Washington, went to the commanding officer, Lieutenant-Colonel Langfitt, and told him why I was giving myself up.