The Twirp Turns
Bertha Cool came marching triumphantly into the office, a folded newspaper under her arm.
She grinned at Elsie Brand. “Seen the paper, Elsie?”
“Yes. Isn’t it wonderful? I was trying to reach you to tell you about it, but I couldn’t locate you. You’d left the hotel.”
“Got up at daylight to catch the tide,” Bertha explained.
“Any luck?”
“They weren’t biting.”
“A man has been in twice,” Elsie Brand said, looking at her day-book. “He wouldn’t leave his name. He said it was particularly important.”
“Look as though he had money?” Bertha asked.
“Some. Seems to be an ordinary, salaried man.”
“Humph,” Bertha said.
“He’ll be back. He seems very anxious to see you. Says he must see you personally.”
“ I’ll see him,” Bertha said. “I’ve got to see everyone, now. What the hell? If Donald is out there fighting the Japs, I’m going to carry on here and make him a sockful of dough. I thought for a while I’d settle back and take only the easy cases. That stuff’s the bunk. I’m going to do my share—”
The door opened.
Elsie Brand, looking up quickly, said in a low voice, “Here’s the man now.”
Bertha put on her best receiving-a-client manner. She walked across the office, radiating calm competency.
“Good morning! Something I can do for you?”
“You’re Mrs. Cool?”
“That’s right.”
“Bertha Cool, one of the partners of the firm of Cool & Lam?”
“That right,” Bertha said, smiling. “Just tell me what I can do for you. Lots of agencies only handle certain types of cases. We take anything — that there’s money in.” She smiled reassuringly.
The man’s hand went to his inside pocket. “Very well, Mrs. Cool,” he said, “you can take these.”
He shoved some papers into Bertha’s hand. She reached for them, looked at the typewriting on the folded backs and said, “What’s this?”
The answer came with machine-gun rapidity. “Action filed in the Superior Court of Los Angeles County. Imogene Dearborne, plaintiff, versus Bertha Cool, defendant. You have there copies of summons and complaint as Bertha Cool an individual, and Bertha Cool a co-partner. Here’s your original summons calling your attention to the seal of court and—”
Bertha drew back the hand that held the papers, started to throw them at him.
“Don’t do it,” the man warned, rattling off the words in rapid-fire tempo without even a pause as he switched in his talk from a description of the papers to the recitation of a formula. “It won’t get you anywhere. If you’re sore, go tell your lawyer about it, don’t blame it on me. That’s all. Thank you. Good morning.”
He whirled around and darted out the door before Bertha could get her vocabulary into action.
Elsie was the first to recover. “What in the world,” she asked, “is all that about?”
Bertha Cool snapped an elastic off the bundle of papers, unfolding a crisp-looking legal document, started reading aloud:
IN THE SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, IN AND FOR THE COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES
Plaintiff complains of defendants, and for cause of action alleges:
I
That the defendants are now, and at all of the times hereinafter mentioned were, co-partners transacting business under the firm name and style of Cool and Lam, and having their offices in the City of Los Angeles aforesaid.
II
That on or about the 8th day of April, 1943, 19— within the City of Los Angeles, County of Los Angeles, State of California, the defendants wilfully and maliciously uttered false and defamatory statements concerning the said plaintiff and reflecting upon her character, honesty, integrity, and which said statements were then and there well calculated to, and did, damage the reputation of the plaintiff.
III
That at said time and place, the defendants aforesaid stated to one Everett G. Belder, who was then and there the employer of the plaintiff, that said plaintiff was a twerp, that the plaintiff was in love with her employer, that in order to induce her said employer to become more susceptible to her affections and advances, the said plaintiff had previously written anonymous letters to the wife of said employer, accusing said employer of being unfaithful and untrue to his said wife, hoping thereby to bring about a severance of the said marital relationship so that said employer would be free to marry plaintiff; that as a result of said letters, one Sally Brentner, employed as a maid in the Belder household, had met her death, either by accident or suicide, all of which was intended and planned by the said plaintiff to be a result of writing said letters, and all of which was a natural and logical result therefrom, and reasonably, logically and naturally to be anticipated by a reasonable person.
IV
That said statements, and each of them, were false and untrue, and were then and there uttered by the defendants with knowledge of their falsity, and/or with a recklessness which constituted a complete disregard of the truth.
V
That said statements, and each of them, were made in the presence of the plaintiff, her employer, and other witnesses, and that as a result thereof, the plaintiff sustained great nervous shock and suffered embarrassment, annoyance, and humiliation; that as a further result of said statements, and each of them, jointly and severally, and solely because of same, on or about the eighth day of April, 1943, plaintiff’s said employer discharged the said plaintiff from his employ.
VI
That all of said statements were not only false, and were then and there known to be false to the said defendants at the time they were made, but each of said statements was then and there uttered with malice toward the plaintiff, and with a reckless disregard of the truth, and with the deliberate intent of defaming the character of the plaintiff. WHEREFORE, plaintiff prays judgment against the said defendants in the sum of fifty thousand dollars actual damages, and in an additional sum of fifty thousand dollars as punitive or exemplary damages, making a total of one hundred thousand dollars, and plaintiff prays for her costs of suit incurred herein. A. FRANKLINE KOLBER, Attorney for the Plaintiff
All of the sea-breeze vitality oozed out of Bertha Cool. She sat down in a chair across from Elsie Brand’s desk with knee-buckling finality. “Fry me for an oyster!” she exclaimed.
“But how can she sue you?” Elsie Brand demanded indignantly. “My heavens! You didn’t have her arrested or anything.”
Bertha said, “She’s crazy! It was all straightened up right there in Belder’s office before we left. Sally Brentner had been writing the letters. God only knows why. You can’t conceive of her writing poison-pen letters directing Mrs. Belder’s attention and suspicion to her, but that’s just what she did. No one will ever know why she did it. But Imogene has no beef coming. It was all straightened out before we left.”
“Did you apologize to her?” Elsie asked.
“Hell, no. I hadn’t done her any damage, except make her spill a few synthetic tears.”
“But she says in that complaint that Belder discharged her,” Elsie Brand said. “Why would he have fired her if it was all cleared up?”
“I don’t know,” Bertha said, “but he must have had it in for her over something else. They’d been having a fight before Sellers and I got to his office that morning.”
“How do you know?”
“I could tell she’d been crying. Damn it, you don’t suppose that fourflusher used what I said just as an excuse to get rid of the girl, do you?”
“He may have.”
“Well, I’m going to settle that right now,” Bertha Cool said.
“How can she sue the partnership on this?” Elsie asked. “Donald didn’t have anything to do with it.”
Bertha said, “The partnership’s still alive. They’ll claim that I was acting for myself and also for and on behalf of the partnership. I can stall the case off on account of Donald being in the service. No... Damned if I will. I’ll appear for myself and the partnership. Donald isn’t going to have this to worry about. It’ll all be over before he knows anything about it.”
Bertha glanced at her wrist-watch. “I’m going to see Everett Belder and give him something to think about. I’ll damn soon find out what’s behind this. He can’t use me as a stalking-horse and get away with it. That’s what comes of trying to lead the simple life. I pick up what I think is an easy case, try to let go of it when it gets tough, and get sued for a hundred thousand dollars’ worth of damages.”
“ Did you,” Elsie asked as Bertha Cool started for the door, “call her a twerp?”
Bertha Cool jerked the door open, turned and said, “You’re goddamned right I called her a twerp,” and pounded her way indignantly down the corridor, managing to find a vacant taxi in front of the building.
“Rockaway Building,” she said as she hauled herself into the cab, “and make it snappy.”
Bertha Cool found a new secretary in the office of Everett G. Belder, a tall, thin woman somewhere in the forties, with a thin face, muddy complexion, a pointed chin, prominent high-bridged nose, and an austere manner. “Good morning.”
“Mr. Belder in?”
“Who is calling, please.” The words were articulated with conscious care, making the simple request seem long and formal.
“Bertha Cool.”
“Do you have a card, Miss Cool?”
“ Mrs. C ool,” Bertha said, raising her voice. “I want to see him about business. I don’t have an appointment, and I’ve been here before. Practice your elocution on someone else. And— Oh, the hell with that stuff. I’m going in.”
Bertha strode across the room, heedless of the protests which the tall, angular woman made with a frigid formality.
She jerked the door open.
Everett Belder was tilted back in his chair, his feet up on the desk, ankles crossed, an open newspaper held in front of his face.
“It’s all right, Miss Horrison,” he said. “Just put the letters on the desk. I’ll sign them later.”
He turned the page of the paper.
Bertha Cool slammed the door shut with a jar that shook the pictures on the wall.
Everett Belder lowered his newspaper in surprised irritation. “Good heavens! It’s Mrs. Cool! Why didn’t you let Miss Horrison announce you?”
“Because I’m in a hurry,” Bertha said, “and she took too goddamned long pronouncing her words. Get that newspaper out of the way, and tell me what in hell you mean by firing Imogene Dearborne.”
Belder slowly folded the newspaper, frowned at Bertha.
“She’s my employee. I believe I have the right to terminate the employment any time I wish, Mrs. Cool.”
Bertha said angrily, “Don’t be so damned formal. You must be trying to live up to that new secretary. I don’t care when you fire her, or how you fire her, just so you leave me out of it. But she’s sued me for a hundred thousand bucks, claiming that I defamed her character and you fired her on account of that.”
Belder sat forward in his chair, putting his feet down on the floor with a thud. “What do you say she did, Mrs. Cool?”
“Sued me for a hundred thousand.”
“I can’t believe it.”
“Well, she did. Papers were served on me this morning.”
“Exactly what does she claim?”
“That I called her a twerp, said she was in love with you, and that she sent those letters. She claims you fired her on the strength of it.”
“Why, the damned little liar! She knows better than that.”
Bertha settled back comfortably in her chair. For the first time the tense lines about her eyes relaxed. “That,” she said, “is what I came over here to find out. Why did you fire her?”
“There wasn’t anything personal about it,” Belder said. “That is, in a way.”
Bertha said angrily, “Quit beating around the bush. Why did you fire her?”
“Well, for one reason, she was too good-looking. She carried herself in a provocative manner. It’s hard to explain. She was not only good-looking, but conscious of her good looks.”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
“Well, when you have a sister-in-law who is as observing as Carlotta Goldring, and a mother-in-law as suspicious as Theresa Goldring, it has a lot to do with it.”
“Did they tell you to fire her?”
“No, no. Now don’t misunderstand me, Mrs. Cool. They didn’t make any definite suggestions. Imogene was a very nice secretary. A very competent young woman, but she had certain habits, certain—”
Bertha leaned forward in her chair, her eyes boring into those of the sales engineer. “Of all the damned wishy-washy excuses,” she said. “Now, come on. Out with it. You’d been having an argument with her before Sergeant Sellers and I got here yesterday morning. She’d been crying. That’s when you told her she was fired, wasn’t it?”
“Well, no. Not exactly.”
Bertha said, “Now listen, I know you’d been having an argument. If you told her she was fired, or that you weren’t going to keep her, before I arrived on the scene, it would help a lot in showing that this suit is just a trumped-up piece of blackmail. Can’t you see? I’ve got to show that she didn’t get fired because of what I said.”
“I can assure you she didn’t, Mrs. Cool.”
Bertha Cool settled back in exasperation. “Oh, you can, can you? Well, isn’t that just perfectly lovely? Are you accustomed to firing secretaries without having any reason whatever?”
“But, Mrs. Cool, I did have a reason. I’m trying to explain.”
“And I’m trying to find out,” Bertha said, with elaborate sarcasm. “I’ve been listening and listening, and you’ve been talking and talking, and you still haven’t explained, and I still haven’t found out. I don’t know whether there’s anything we can do about it or not.”
“Well, Mrs. Cool, to be perfectly frank with you, there were several things which entered into it. I am hesitating somewhat because I can’t put my finger upon any one particular thing and say that that was the determining factor. However, the girl was a little too conscious of her good looks. That is, a person walking into an office and seeing her would immediately wonder— Oh, well, you know.”
Bertha said, “I don’t, and apparently you don’t.”
“And another thing,” Belder went on, “is that she was indiscreet.”
“In what way?”
“She gave out information she had no right to give out.”
“ Now we’re getting somewhere. What did she give out?”
“Well, of course, Mrs. Cool, I— Hang it, it’s nothing I care to talk about.”
“It’s something I care to talk about,” Bertha said, “and you’ve got me into this mess, so it’s up to you to do what you can to get me out. Now, what information did she give out?”
“She was indiscreet.”
Bertha’s face coloured. “You talk just like a merry-go-round. And every time we come around to the place where the record starts repeating, damned if I don’t grab the brass ring and have to ride all over again. Pardon me for seeming impatient. Just keep right on. She was indiscreet. Why was she indiscreet? She gave out information. What was the information? Well, you see, she was indiscreet. Why was she indiscreet? Well, she’s good-Looking. What’s indiscreet about being good-looking? Well, there was information she gave out. Who did she give out information to? Well, she looks provocative. Anyone coming in the office would think— Go right ahead. When you start running down, perhaps you’ll say something.”
“It was what she told my mother-in-law,” Belder blurted.
Bertha’s eyes snapped with interest.
“Now we are getting somewhere. What did she tell Mrs. Goldring?”
“That I was going to compromise that Nunnely judgment as soon as I could get hold of Mabel, and that I was moving heaven and earth to find her for that reason.”
“What was wrong with that?” Bertha asked.
“Everything.”
“I don’t get you.”
“In the first place, the minute Mrs. Goldring knew I was trying to compromise that judgment, she’d try throwing monkey wrenches in the machinery just on general principles. In the second place, I’d been telling her how much I loved Mabel and how much it would mean to me if she walked out on me. I thought that perhaps some of that would get back to Mabel and might help the situation some. Now, if Mrs. Goldring thinks that my interest was purely financial— Well, you can see the predicament I’m in.”
“Why didn’t you tell your mother-in-law the stuff I told you to tell her? That you hoped your wife hadn’t left you, but that if she had, there were plenty of other women—”
“That may be good advice on general principles, Mrs. Cool, but it wouldn’t work in this particular instance. It sounded very logical in your office, but when I got home and faced my mother-in-law— Well, I thought this other way was better, that’s all.”
“I see. You got my advice but didn’t follow it, is that right?”
“In a way, yes.”
“All right. Let’s get back to this secretary of yours. She spilled that information to your mother-in-law. You found out about it. H ow did you find out about it?”
“Good heavens! How did I find out about it? I found out about it because my mother-in-law became hysterical; because she kept yapping at me that my entire interest in the matter was financial, and all I wanted my wife for was to get some money out of her.”
“This was before Sally Brentner’s body was discovered?”
“Yes, of course.”
“When?”
“To be exact, it was shortly before the office closed Wednesday afternoon. And after I’d had that dinned in my ears all night, I wasn’t in any mood to be charitable with Miss Dearborne.”
“Specifically then, you were all on edge when you came up to the office Thursday morning. That was yesterday. You were angry and worried and you hadn’t slept. You called Imogene into your office and proceeded to put her on the carpet. Is that right?”
“Yes, in a way.”
“Now, you knew that Sergeant Sellers was going to call on you that morning?”
“Yes.”
“And you had suggested that the interview should take place at the office rather than at the house?”
“That’s right. I wanted to keep my mother-in-law from nagging me about Mrs. Cornish.”
“And before we arrived, you called Imogene in and proceeded to tell her off?”
“Well — I’m afraid I rebuked her.”
“ What did you tell her?”
“I told her she’d volunteered information that she’d no right to give.”
“What did she do?”
“She said she was simply trying to appease Mrs. Goldring; that she thought that was the best way to handle the situation.”
“Then what did you say?”
“I told her that I was capable of doing the thinking for the office.”
“All right. Go on. Then what happened?”
“Then she made some remark that I thought was a little impertinent and then is when I lost my temper. I told her she’d put me in a bad position because of her indiscretion.”
“What were the exact words you used?”
“I’m afraid I was angry.”
“What were the words you used?”
“I said she’d been shooting off her big mouth.”
“Then what?”
“That started her crying.”
“Well, go on. I can’t stand here and pump it out of you a word at a time. What happened? She started crying — then you fired her, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t. She got up and left the office without a word and went back to her typewriter.”
“Still crying?”
“I guess so. She was when she left the office.”
“So you got up and followed her out and—”
“No. To tell the truth, I didn’t.”
“What did you do?”
“I just sat here waiting — then you came in.”
Bertha said angrily, “Damn it, why didn’t you go ahead and fire her then and there and get it over with?”
“Because I wasn’t certain I was going to discharge her at the time. I’d lost my temper and I wanted to think it over. I—”
“But you intended to fire her just as soon as she’d calmed down — just as soon as you could do it without making a scene?”
“I’m not certain that I did. To be frank with you, Mrs. Cool, I didn’t know exactly what to do.”
“You certainly didn’t intend to let her keep on working for you,” Bertha said.
“Well, I wasn’t certain but what I’d been at fault — at least partially.”
Bertha said with exasperation, “My God! How many times do I have to lead you up to the trough before you take a drink?”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand you, Mrs. Cool.”
“All you’ve got to say,” Bertha explained patiently, “is that you intended to fire her because of this indiscretion; that you had your mind made up; that the only reason you didn’t have it all over before Sellers and I got here was that you didn’t want to pick on her when she was crying and that you didn’t want to have a scene. So you decided to wait until after Sergeant Sellers and I had left and then tell her you didn’t need her any more. Once you testify to those facts, it’s absolutely clear that she wasn’t fired on account of anything I said. Do you get the point?”
“I believe I understand the legal point, yes.”
“Well, that’s all there is to it,” Bertha said. “But I keep bringing you up to it, and you keep pulling back on the lead rope like a frightened horse. For God’s sake, let’s not muff our signals on this thing.”
“But,” Belder said, “while I appreciate the legal point, Mrs. Cool, I’m afraid I can’t co-operate with you.”
“What do you mean now?”
“Simply that I hadn’t actually decided to discharge Miss Dearborne at that time. I made up my mind afterward.”
Bertha sighed. “All right, I can at least depend on you to testify that you’d had words with her over this—”
“Good heavens no, Mrs. Cool!”
“What?”
“Emphatically not. Then I’d be asked why I was rebuking her — and if it ever came out that I had taken her to task over something she had told my mother-in-law, then Mrs. Goldring would never forgive me. You know, claim I was trying to keep things from her. That, as Mabel’s mother— No, Mrs. Cool, I can’t help you at all. This is just between you and me. If you ever asked me in court, I’d even deny there had been any trouble at all. I’d have to.”
Bertha Cool lurched to her feet, glowered angrily at Everett Belder.
“Nuts!” she said, and stalked out of the office.