THE GOOP DIRECTORY
OF
Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children
with Pictures by
GELETT BURGESS
Author of "Goops," "The Lively City o' Ligg," etc.
1913
INDEX
INTRODUCTION
In this DIRECTORY you'll see
Just what you never ought to be;
And so, it should Direct your way
To Good Behavior, every day.
The children of whose faults I tell
Are known by other names, as well,
So see that you aren't in this group
Of Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop!
MARMADUKE ARGYLL
Talking while Eating
A Goop that always
makes me smile
Is this one:
Marmaduke Argyll.
His mouth is full
from cheek to cheek,
Why should he then
attempt to speak?
It makes me smile,
but still, the fact is,
It is a most
unpleasant practice.
NANCY BEAL
Throwing Away Things
On the sidewalk
Nancy Beal
Throws her old
banana peel;
Throws her apple
skin and cores,
Right in front
of people's doors!
Isn't that a
shocking trick?
Ask that Goop
to stop it, quick!
MASTER BILDAD
Selfish With Toys
A puppy, when he
gets a bone,
Will keep it for
himself alone.
So Bildad would not
share his toys
Or lend them to
the other boys.
He was a Goop;
and so are you
If you are ever
selfish, too!
PERCY BINGG
In the Way
Percy Bingg,
when he's at play,
Is almost always
in the way;
In the room,
or in the street,
Always under
people's feet!
Goops like that
annoy me so!
You keep out
the way, I know!
BETSY BIRCH
Talking in Church
Look at little
Betsy Birch,
Always whispering
in church!
Always playing
with the books,
Never caring
how she looks!
Never knowing
Goops like her
Ought to neither
talk nor stir!
LEVI BOING
Going Carelessly
Are you a Goop,
like Levi Boing?
He never looks
where he is going;
He's always bumping
into chairs,
And stumbling, when
he goes upstairs;
He tips things over,
bumps his nose.
He can't be careful,
I suppose!
MARY C. C. CALL
Crying Continually
Mary Carey
Cory Call—
Hear her cry and
hear her bawl!
Hear her groan!
Hear her growl!
Hear her moan!—
Hear her howl!
She's the goopiest
Goop of all,
Mary Carey
Cory Call!
LITTLE CORALIE
Getting Feet Wet
Though Coralie
was small and sweet,
She always, always
had wet feet.
She liked to walk
through puddles; so,
She always had
a cold, you know.
But as you aren't
a Goop, you try
To keep your tootsies
warm and dry.
ANDREW CROSSETT
Playing With Faucet
Have you heard how
Andrew Crossett
Meddled with the
water-faucet?
Letting water
flood the sink?
Andrew was
a Goop, I think;
Otherwise he
would have known
He should let
such things alone!
ANNABELLA DAY
Obeying Slowly
How slow is
Annabella Day!
She's so reluctant
to obey!
She acts so sluggish
and so sickly!
Oh, Anna, why not
do it quickly?
Oh, Anna, do be
prompt, and then,
No one will call
you "Goop" again!
GWENDOLYN De V. De WITT
Sulking
Miss Gwendolyn
De Vere De Witt
Is having such a sulky fit!
Because she couldn't
have her way
With other children
at their play.
A sulky Goop
I really call
As bad as those
who cry and bawl.
ADOLPHUS ELFINSTONE
Playing With Matches
Adolphus Elfinstone,
of Nachez,
Thought it was fun
to play with matches
Until the little Goop
had learned
It hurt a lot
when he got burned!
A little fire
is queer and curious;
But soon it grows
quite big and furious.
AMANDA FISH
Stealing Sweets
If there's sugar
in the dish,
Who will take it?
Mandy Fish?
If there is a
box of candy,
Just look out
for little Mandy!
She goops the fruit,
and leaves the peeling—
She calls it fun;
I call it stealing!
FREDERICK FISHER
Not Eating Crusts
Freddie Fisher
fairly fussed
When he came
to eat his crust!
Often on the floor
he'd throw it,
Hoping mother
wouldn't know it!
Goops all hate
to eat the crust;
If you're told to,
then you must!
EZRA HECHT
Not Minding Mother
What in the world
would you expect
Of a Goop whose name
was Ezra Hecht?
Of course he would
refuse to heed
Or mind his mother—
yes indeed!
Of course he would.
Of course he did.
But you must do
what you are bid.
M. AND B. HOPPER
Restless While Dressing
Mother always
is distressed
If you fidget
when you're dressed.
If you fidget
like Miss Midget,
Hopper, or her
sister Bridget.
Goops like that
are so much bother,
That they ought to
dress each other!
AMANDA M. JAMES
Calling Names
Amanda Minnesinger
James
She called her sister
horrid names!
She called her brother
names, as well,
So bad I wouldn't
dare to tell!
It's shocking how
a Goop will act!
They have no manners,
that's a fact.
SUSIE KLEIN
Whining
When e'er I hear
a puppy whine,
I always think
of Susie Klein;
I think of how
she hangs her head,
She doesn't speak—
she whines, instead!
Don't whine! If you
don't speak right out,
You are a Goop,
without a doubt!
ROBERTO LEES
Teasing animals
How thoughtless was
Roberto Lees!
(For only thoughtless
children tease).
He teased the little
pussy cat,
He teased the puppy!
Think of that!
He even teased
his sister, too!
I think he was
a Goop—don't you?
ANNIE A. LeGRAND
Lying and Fibbing
The queerest Goop
in all the land
Was Annie Annabelle
LeGrand;
She often said
what wasn't true—
Which is an awful
thing to do!
But we are honest,
you and I,
We think it's wrong
to tell a lie!
MISS MACKADOO
Not answering
This is a Goop—
Miss Mackadoo;
She never speaks
when spoken to.
When spoken to,
she turns her eyes,
And never answers
or replies.
She hangs her head
and sucks her thumb—
You'd think that she
was deaf and dumb!
ISABEL McCLUNG
Sticking out Tongue
Do you ever
stick your tongue
Out, like
Isabel McClung?
No one but
a Goop would show
Rudeness such as that,
I know!
If you're good,
take my advice;
Please don't do it!
'Tisn't nice.
ALEXANDER B. McGIFF
Not Wiping Nose
Young Alexander
B. McGiff
Each day had a
clean handkerchief.
In spite of this,
if you'll believe,
He wiped his nose
upon his sleeve!
Nobody but a Goop
would do it;
His mother'd scold him,
if she knew it.
ELIAS E. McGUFF
Rough and Rude
Elias Ethelbert
McGuff,
Oh, he was rude
and he was rough!
He used to pinch,
he used to poke,
And called his rudeness
just a joke.
What made him plague
his playmates so?
He was a Goop
and didn't know!
SOLOMON McKIM
Scuffing Feet
I wonder if
you ever meet
The Goop who always
scuffs his feet?
He makes them drag
along the floor
As if they weighed
a ton or more.
Just think of
Solomon McKim,
And don't be slovenly
like him!
JOHN D. PELL
Ordering People
When John D. Pell
wants something done,
D'you think he asks of anyone?
Oh, no! He orders someone to,
With "Get my hat!"
or, "Tie my shoe!"
The Goops all say
rude things like these,
But you, of course,
say, "If you please!"
ESAU POUND
Leaving Things Around
When you're finished
with your play,
Do you put
your toys away?
Do you put
away your hat,
And your coat,
and things like that?
Or, are you
like Esau Pound?
He's the Goop
who leaves things 'round!
ELIZA PUDDINGFOOT
Cheating at Play
If you should ask
why Rosamund
Eliza Puddingfoot
was shunned,
I'd say, because
she'd always cheat
In every game,
so she could beat.
Only a Goop
would act that way
And be dishonest
in her play.
AMELIA PRATT
Saying "I Won't"
"I won't!" says young
Amelia Pratt;
"I won't do this!"
"I won't do that!"
Now isn't "won't"
the naughtiest word
That anyone
has ever heard?
Now isn't that
the rudest way
A Goop could answer?
I should say!
JUMBO RAY
Snatching Toys
No children ever
like to play
With such a Goop
as Jumbo Ray.
For he will snatch
and grab the toys
Of all the little
girls and boys.
Though Jumbo loves
to fuss and fight,
You know, of course,
it isn't right.
ANNIE F. R. RIFF
Snuffling and Sniffling
Annie Fanny
Ruffle Riff;
Hear her snuffle!
Hear her sniff!
Hear her sniffle!
Hear her snuff!—
See her—well,
I've said enough.
You have seen her,
I suppose,
The Goop who seldom
blows her nose?
FELICIA ROPPS
Handling Things
Funny, how
Felicia Ropps
Always handles
things in shops!
Always pinching,
always poking,
Alwyas feeling,
always stroking
Things she has
no right to touch!
Goops like that
annoy me much!
PERCIVAL B. SLOOP
Acting Uncleanly
Just look at
Percival B. Sloop,
A most unpleasant
sort of Goop;
He pokes his fingers
in his nose
And wipes his hands
upon his clothes;
He does a lot
of things that you,
I know, would never,
never do!
SUSIE SMALT
Blaming Others
"Oh," says little
Susie Smalt,
"It is someone
else's fault!"
"She began it!"
"She's to blame!"
"She's the one that
spoiled the game!"
So Goops always
blame each other;
Do you own up
your fault to Mother?
SPERRY SPROOKS
Tearing Books
Have you ever
chanced to look
At a torn and
dirty book?
At a book that's
ragged, soiled,
Inked and finger-
marked and spoiled?
Who has done it?
Sperry Sprooks!
He's the Goop
that spoils the books!
URIAH STEAD
Not Going to Bed
I never saw
Uriah Stead
When he was glad
to go to bed.
There always was
one thing to do
Before he could
take off a shoe!
The little Goop
was always late;
I hope you don't
pro-cras-ti-nate!
ROSIE L. V. TROOD
Playing With Food
Rosie Lily
Violet Trood,
Always messes
with her food;
Always plays with
her potatoes,
Meat and gravy
and tomatoes!
Callers, who are
asked to dine,
Knowing she's
a Goop, decline!