The Works of the
Rev. John Wesley, M.A.
Transcriber’s Notes
The cover image was provided by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.
Punctuation has been standardized.
Most of the non-common abbreviations used to save space in printing have been expanded to the non-abbreviated form for easier reading.
The author has used an asterisk (*) to indicate passages he considers most worthy of attention.
The text is very inconsistent in its usage of quotation marks. The transcriber has attempted to make their use consistent throughout this work for improved readability.
This book was written in a period when many words had not become standardized in their spelling. Words may have multiple spelling variations or inconsistent hyphenation in the text. These have been left unchanged unless indicated with a Transcriber’s Note.
The symbol ‘‡’ indicates the description in parenthesis has been added to an illustration. This may be needed if there is no caption or if the caption does not describe the image adequately.
Footnotes are identified in the text with a superscript number and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear.
Transcriber’s Notes are used when making corrections to the text or to provide additional information for the modern reader. These notes are identified by ♦♠♥♣ symbols in the text and are shown immediately below the paragraph in which they appear.
THE
WORKS
OF THE
Rev. JOHN WESLEY, M.A.
Late Fellow of Lincoln-College, Oxford.
Volume XIII.
BRISTOL:
Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in Wine-Street.
MDCCLXXII.
THE
CONTENTS
Of the Thirteenth Volume.
[⭘] Letters written by Mr. Brainerd
[⭘] An Extract from Miss Mary Gilbert’s Journal
[⭘] An Extract from Elizabeth Harper’s Journal
[⭘] A short Account of Ann Johnson
[⭘] A short Account of Ann Rogers
[⭘] A short Account of Mary Langson
[⭘] A short Account of Hannah Richardson
[⭘] A Letter to the Rev. Mr. John Wesley, by a Gentlewoman
[⭘] An Extract of Mrs. L****’s Letters
LETTERS
WRITTEN BY
Mr. BRAINERD.
To his brother John, then a student at Yale-College in New-Haven.
Kaunaumeek, April 30, 1743.
Dear Brother,
*I SHOULD tell you, “I long to see you,” but that my own experience has taught me, there is no happiness to be enjoyed in earthly friends, though ever so near and dear, or any other enjoyment that is not God himself. Therefore, if the God of all grace would be pleased graciously to afford us each his presence and grace, that we may perform the work, and endure the trials he calls us to, in a tiresome wilderness, till we arrive at our journey’s end; the distance at which we are held from each other at present, is a matter of no great moment.——But alas! the presence of God is what I want.——I live in the most lonely melancholy desert, about eighteen miles from Albany. I board with a poor Scotchman: his wife can talk scarce a word of English. My diet consists mostly of hasty-pudding, boiled corn, and bread baked in the ashes. My lodging is a little straw, laid upon some boards, a little way from the ground; for it is a log-room, without any floor, that I lodge in. My work is exceeding hard: I travel on foot a mile and half, the worst of way, almost daily, and back again; for I live so far from my Indians.——I have not seen an English person this month.——These and many other circumstances as uncomfortable, attend me; and my spiritual conflicts and distresses so far exceed all these that I scarce think of them. The Lord grant that I may be enabled “to endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ!” As to my success here I cannot say much: the Indians seem generally well disposed towards me, and are mostly very attentive to my instructions: two or three are under some convictions; but there seems to be little of the special workings of the divine Spirit among them yet; which gives me many a heart-sinking hour. Sometimes I hope God has abundant blessings in store for them and me; but at other times I am so overwhelmed with distress, that I cannot see how his dealings with me are consistent with covenant love and faithfulness, and I say “surely his tender mercies are clean gone for ever.” But however, I see, I needed all this chastisement already: “it is good for me,” that I have endured these trials. Do not be discouraged by my distresses: I was under great distress, at Mr. Pomroys, when I saw you last; but “God has been with me of a truth,” since that. But let us always remember, that we must through much tribulation enter into God’s eternal kingdom. The righteous are scarcely saved: it is an infinite wonder, that we have hopes of being saved at all. For my part, I feel the most vile of any creature living; and I am sure, there is not such another existing on this side hell.——Now all you can do for me, is, to pray incessantly, that God would make me humble, holy, resigned, and heavenly minded, by all my trials.——“Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” Let us run, wrestle, and fight, that we may obtain the prize, and obtain that compleat happiness, to be “holy, as God is holy.” So wishing [♦]and praying that you may advance in learning and grace, and be fit for special service for God, I remain
Your affectionate Brother,
David Brainerd.
[♦] duplicate word “and” removed
To his Brother John, at Yale-college in New-Haven.
Kaunaumeek, December 27, 1743.
Dear Brother,
I LONG to see you, and know how you fare in your journey through the world of sorrow, where we are compassed about with “vanity, confusion, and vexation of spirit.” I am more weary of life than ever I was. The whole world appears to me like a vast empty space, [♦]whence nothing desirable, or at least satisfactory, can possibly be derived, and long daily to die more and more to it; even though I obtain not that comfort from spiritual things which I earnestly desire. Worldly pleasures, such as flow from greatness, riches, honours, and sensual gratifications, are infinitely worse than none. May the Lord deliver us more and more from these vanities! I have spent most of the fall and winter in a very weak state of body; and sometimes under pressing inward trials, but “having obtained help from God, I continue to this day;” and am now something better in health. I find nothing more conducive to a life of Christianity, than a diligent and faithful improvement of precious time. Let us then faithfully perform that business, which is alloted us by divine Providence to the utmost of our bodily strength and mental vigour. Why should we sink with any particular trials, we are called to encounter in the world? Death and eternity are just before us; a few tossing billows more will waft us to the world of spirits, and we hope (through infinite grace) into endless pleasures. Let us then “run with patience the race that is set before us.” And Oh that we could depend more upon the living God, and less upon our own wisdom and strength! Dear brother, may the God of all grace comfort your heart, and succeed your studies, and make you an instrument of good to his people. This is the instant prayer of
Your affectionate Brother,
David Brainerd.
[♦] “where” replaced with “whence” per Errata
To his Brother Israel, at Haddam.
Kaunaumeek, January 21, 1743–4.
My dear Brother,
—THERE is but one thing, that deserves our highest care; and that is, that we may answer the great end, for which we were made, viz. to glorify that God, who has given us our beings and all our comforts, and do all the good we possibly can to our fellow-creatures: and verily life is not worth the having, if it be not employed for this noble end. Yet, alas, how little is this thought of? Most men love to live to themselves, without regard to the glory of God, or the good of their fellow creatures: they earnestly desire, and eagerly pursue the riches, honours, and pleasures of life, as if they really supposed that wealth, or greatness, or merriment, could make their immortal souls happy. But, alas, what false and delusive dreams are these! And how miserable will those ere long be, who are not awaked out of them, to see, that all their happiness consists in living to God, and becoming “holy, as he is holy!” Oh, may you never fall into the tempers and vanities, the sensuality and folly of the present world! You are left, as it were, alone in a wide world, to act for yourself; be sure then to remember, it is a world of temptation. You have no earthly parents to form your youth to piety, by their examples and seasonable counsels; let this excite you with great fervency to look up to the Father of mercies for assistance against all the vanities of the world. And if you would glorify God, and make your own soul happy in this and the coming world, observe these few directions; though not from a father, yet from a brother who is touched with a tender concern for your present and future happiness. And,
*First, Resolve upon, and daily endeavour to practise a life of seriousness. Think of the life of Christ; and when you can find that he was pleased with jesting, then you may indulge it in yourself.
Again, Be careful to make a good improvement of precious time. When you cease from labour, fill up your time in reading, meditation, and prayer: and while your hands are labouring, let your heart be employed, as much as possible in divine thoughts.
Further, Take heed that you faithfully perform the business you have to do in the world, from a regard to the command of God. We should always look upon ourselves as God’s servants, placed in God’s world to do his work; and accordingly labour faithfully for him; not with a design to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, and do all the good we possibly can.
*Again, Never expect happiness from the world. If you hope for happiness in the world, hope for it from God, and not from the world. Do not think you shall be more happy, if you live to such or such a state of life, if you live to be for yourself, to be settled in the world, or if you should gain an estate in it: but look upon it that you shall then be happy, when you can be constantly employed for God, and not for yourself; and desire to live in this world, only to do and suffer what God allots to you. When you can be of the spirit and temper of angels, who are willing to come down into this lower world, to perform what God commands them, though their desires are heavenly, and not set on earthly things, then you will be of that temper that you ought to have.
Once more, Never think that you can live to God by your own strength; but always look to, and rely on him for assistance, yea, for all strength and grace. There is no greater truth than this, that “we can do nothing of ourselves;” yet nothing but our own experience can effectually teach it to us. Indeed we are a long time in learning, that all our strength and salvation is in God. This is a life, that no unconverted man can live; yet it is a life that every godly soul is pressing after. Let it then be your great concern to devote yourself and your all to God.
I long to see you, that I may say much more to you than I now can, but I desire to commit you to the Father of mercies, and God of all grace; praying that you may be directed safely through an evil world, to God’s heavenly kingdom.
I am your affectionate loving brother,
David Brainerd.
To a special Friend.
The Forks of Delaware, July 31, 1744.
*—CERTAINLY the greatest, the noblest pleasure of intelligent creatures must result from their acquaintance with the blessed God, and with their own immortal souls. And Oh, how divinely sweet is it, to look into our own souls, when we can find all our passions united and engaged in pursuit of God, our whole souls passionately breathing after a conformity to him, and the full enjoyment of him! Verily there are no hours pass away with so much pleasure, as those that are spent in communing with God and our own hearts. Oh, how sweet is a spirit of devotion, a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity, a spirit of gospel simplicity, love, tenderness! Oh, how desirable, and how profitable to the Christian life, is a spirit of holy watchfulness, and godly jealousy over ourselves; when we are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall offend the blessed God, whom we apprehend, to be a father and a friend; whom we love and long to please! Surely this is a temper, worthy of the highest ambition and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures. Oh, how vastly superior is the peace, and satisfaction derived from these divine frames, to that which we pursue in things impertinent and trifling! Our own bitter experience teaches us, that “in the midst of such laughter the heart is sorrowful,” and there is no true satisfaction but in God. But, alas! how shall we obtain and retain this sweet spirit of religion? Let us follow the apostle’s direction, Philippians ii. 12. and labour upon the encouragement he there mentions, for it is God only can afford us favour; and he will be sought, and it is fit we should wait upon him for so rich a mercy. Oh, may the God of all grace afford us the influences of his Spirit: and help us that we may from our hearts esteem it our greatest liberty and happiness, that “whether we live, we may live to the Lord, or whether we die, we may die to the Lord:” that in life and death, we may be his!
I am in a very poor state of health: but through divine goodness, I am not discontented: I bless God for this retirement; I never was more thankful for any thing, than I have been of late for the necessity I am under of self-denial: *I love to be a pilgrim and stranger in this wilderness: it seems most fit for such a poor, ignorant, worthless creature as I. I would not change my present mission for any other business in the whole world. I may tell you freely, God has of late given me great freedom and fervency in prayer when I have been so weak and feeble, my nature seemed as if it would speedily dissolve. I feel as if my all was lost, and I was undone, if the poor Heathen be not converted. I feel different from what I did when I saw you last, more crucified to all the enjoyments of life. It would be very refreshing to me, to see you here in this desert; especially in my weak disconsolate hours: but, I could be content never to see you, or any of my friends again in this world, if God would bless my labours to the conversion of the poor Indians.
I have much that I could willingly communicate to you, which I must omit, till Providence gives us leave to see each other. In the mean time, I rest
Your obliged friend and servant,
David Brainerd.
To his Brother John, at College.
Crosweeksung, in New-Jersey, December 28, 1745.
Very Dear Brother,
—I AM in one continued and uninterrupted hurry; and divine Providence throws so much upon me, that I do not see it will ever be otherwise. May I “obtain mercy of God to be faithful to the death!” I cannot say, I am weary of my hurry; I only want strength and grace to do more for God.
My dear brother, The Lord of heaven, that has carried me through many trials, bless you; bless you for time and eternity; and fit you to do service for him in his church below, and to enjoy his blissful presence in his church triumphant. My brother; “the time is short:” Oh let us fill it up for God; let us count the sufferings of this present time as nothing, if we can but “finish our course with joy.” Oh, let us strive to live to God. I bless the Lord, I have nothing to do with earth, but only to labour honestly in it for God, till I shall “accomplish as an hireling my day.” I do not desire to live one minute for any thing that earth can afford. Oh, that I could live for none but God, till my dying moment!
I am your affectionate brother,
David Brainerd.
To his Brother Israel, at College, written a few Months before his Death.
Boston, June 30, 1747.
My dear brother,
IT is from the sides of eternity I now address you. I am heartily sorry, that I have so little strength to write what I long to communicate to you. But let me tell you, my brother, eternity is another thing than we ordinarily take it to be. Oh, how vast and boundless! Oh, how fixed and unalterable! Oh, of what infinite importance is it, that we be prepared for eternity! I have been just dying for more than a week; and all around me have thought so: in this time I have had clear views of eternity: have seen the blessedness of the godly; and have longed to share their happy state; as well as been comfortably satisfied, that I shall do so; but Oh, what anguish is raised in my mind, to think of an eternity for those who are Christless, for those who bring their false hopes to the grave with them! The sight was so dreadful, I could by no means bear it: my thoughts recoiled, and I said, “Who can dwell with everlasting burnings!” Oh, methought, that I could now see my friends, that I might warn them, to see to it, they lay their foundation for eternity sure. And you my dear brother, I have been particularly concerned for; and have wondered I so much neglected conversing with you about your spiritual state at our last meeting. Oh, let me beseech you now to examine, whether you are indeed a new creature? Whether the glory of God has ever been the highest concern with you? Whether you have ever been reconciled to all the perfections of God? In a word, whether God has been your portion, and a holy conformity to him your chief delight? If you have reason to think you are graceless, Oh, give yourself no rest, till God arise and save. But if the case should be otherwise, bless God for his grace, and press after holiness.
Oh, my dear brother, flee fleshly lusts, and the inchanting amusements, as well as corrupt doctrines of the present day; and strive to live to God. Take this as the last line from
Your affectionate dying brother,
David Brainerd.
To a young Gentleman, a Candidate for the Ministry, written at the same time.
Very dear Sir,
HOW amazing it is, that the living who know they must die, should notwithstanding “put far away the evil day,” in a season of health and prosperity: and live at such an awful distance from the grave, and the great concerns beyond it! And especially, that any whose minds have been divinely [♦]enlightened, to behold the important things of eternity should live in this manner. And yet, how [♠]frequently is this the case? *How rare are the instances of those who live and act, from day to-day, as on the verge of eternity; striving to fill up all their remaining moments, in the service of their great Master? We insensibly trifle away time, while we seem to have enough of it; and are so strangely amused, as in a great measure to lose a sense of the holiness, necessary to prepare us to be inhabitants of the heavenly paradise. But, Oh, dear Sir, a dying bed, if we enjoy our reason, will give another view of things. I have now, far more than three weeks, lain under the greatest weakness; the greater part of the time, expecting daily and hourly to enter into the eternal world. And Oh, of what vast importance has a holy, spiritual life, appeared to me to be in this season! I have longed to call upon all my friends, to make it their business to live to God; and especially all that are designed for, or engaged in the service of the sanctuary. O dear Sir, do not think it enough, to live at the rate of common Christians. Alas, to how little purpose do they often converse, when they meet together! The visits, even of those who are called Christians indeed, are frequently quite barren; and conscience cannot but condemn us for the misemployment of time, while we have been conversant with them. But the way to enjoy the divine presence, and be fitted for his service, is to live a life of great devotion and constant self-dedication to him; observing the motions and dispositions of our own hearts, whence we may learn the corruptions that lodge there, and our constant need of help from God for the performance of the least duty. And Oh, dear Sir, let me beseech you frequently to attend the great and precious duties of secret fasting and prayer.
[♦] “enlightend” replaced with “enlightened”
[♠] “frequent” replaced with “frequently” per Errata
Oh labour to be prepared and qualified to do much for God. Suffer me to entreat you earnestly to “give yourself to prayer, to reading and meditation” on divine truths: strive to penetrate to the bottom of them, and never be content with a superficial knowledge. By this means, your thoughts will grow weighty and judicious; and you thereby will be possessed of a valuable treasure, out of which you may produce “things new and old,” to the glory of God.
And now, “I commend you to the grace of God;” earnestly desiring, that a plentiful portion of the divine Spirit may rest upon you; that you may live to God in every capacity, and that you may be richly qualified for the “inheritance of the saints in light.”
I scarce expect to see your face any more in the body; and therefore intreat you to accept this as the last token of love, from
Your sincerely affectionate dying friend,
David Brainerd.
To his Brother John, at Bethel, the Town of Christian Indians in New-Jersey, written at Boston, [♦]not long before his death.
[♦] “before” replaced with “not long before” per Errata
Dear Brother,
*I AM now just on the verge of eternity, expecting very speedily to appear in the unseen world. I feel myself no more an inhabitant on earth, and sometimes earnestly long to “depart and be with Christ.” I bless God, he has for some years given me an abiding conviction, that it is impossible for any rational creature to enjoy true happiness without being entirely “devoted to him.” Under the influence of this conviction I have in some measure acted: Oh that I had done more so! I saw both the excellency and necessity of holiness; but never in such a manner as now, when I am just brought to the sides of the grave. Oh, my brother, pursue after holiness: press towards the blessed mark; and let your thirsty soul continually say, “I shall never be sanctified till I awake in thy likeness.”
And now, my dear brother, as I must press you to pursue after personal holiness, to be as much in fasting and prayer as your health will allow, and to live above the rate of common Christians: so I must intreat you to attend to your public work; labour to distinguish between true and false religion; and to that end, watch the motions of God’s Spirit upon your own heart; look to him for help, and impartially compare your experiences with his word.
Charge my people in the name of their dying minister, yea, in the name of him who was dead and is alive, to live and walk as becomes the gospel. Tell them, how great the expectations of God and his people are from them, and how awfully they will wound God’s cause, if they fall into vice: as well as fatally prejudice other poor Indians. *Always insist, that their joys are delusive, although they may have been rapt up into the third heavens, unless the main tenor of their lives be spiritual, watchful and holy. In pressing these things, “thou shalt both save thyself, and those that hear thee.”—
God knows, I was heartily willing to have served him longer in the work of the ministry, although it had still been attended with all the labours and hardships of past years, if he had seen fit: but as his will appears otherwise, I can with the utmost freedom say, “The will of the Lord be done.” It affects me, to think of leaving you in a world of sin: my heart pities you, that those storms and tempests are yet before you, which through grace I am almost delivered from. But “God lives, and blessed be my rock:” he is the same Almighty friend; and will, I trust, be your guide and helper, as he has been mine.
And now, my dear brother, “I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and give you an inheritance among all them that are sanctified.” May you enjoy the divine presence, both in private and public; and may “the arms of your hands be made strong, by the right hand of the mighty God of Jacob!” Which are the passionate desires and prayers of
Your affectionate dying brother,
David Brainerd.
SOME
Reflections and Observations
ON THE
Preceding Memoirs of Mr. BRAINERD.
I.WE have here an opportunity, in a very lively instance, to see the nature of true religion; and the manner of its operation when exemplified in a high degree. Particularly it may be observed.
1. How greatly Mr. Brainerd’s religion differed from that of some who, depending on something past, settle in a cold, careless, and carnal frame of mind, and in a neglect of thorough, earnest religion. Although his convictions and conversion were exceeding clear, yet how far was he from acting as though he thought he had got through his work, when once he had obtained satisfaction of his interest in Christ? On the contrary, this was with him but the beginning of his work, his entering on the great business, his first setting out in his race. His obtaining rest in Christ, after earnest striving to enter in at the strait gate, he did not look upon as putting an end to any further occasion for striving and violence in religion: but these were continued, and maintained constantly, through all changes, to the very end of life. He continued pressing forward, forgeting the things that were behind, and reaching forth towards the things that were before. His pains and earnestness in religion were rather increased than diminished, after he had received satisfaction concerning the safety of his state. Love to God, and longings after holiness, were more effectual to engage him to pains and activity, than fear of hell had been before.
And as his conversion was not the end of his work, or of his diligence in religion; so neither was it the end of the work of the Spirit of God on his heart; but rather the beginning; the first dawning of the light, which thenceforward increased more and more; the beginning of his holy affections, his sorrow for sin, his love to God, his rejoicing in Christ, his longings after holiness. And the powerful operations of the Spirit of God herein, were carried on, from the day of his conversion, to his dying day. His religious experiences, his admiration, joy, and praise, did not only hold for a few days, weeks, or months; and then gradually die away, till they came to leave him without any sensible experience of holy and divine affections, for months together; as it is with many, who soon come to that pass, that it is again with them much as it is used to be before their conversion, with respect to any present views of God’s glory, or ardent out-goings of their souls after divine objects; but only now and then they have a comfortable reflection on times past; and so rest easy, thinking all well; they have had a good clear work, and they doubt not but they shall go to heaven when they die. How far otherwise was it with Mr. Brainerd! His experiences, instead of dying away, were evidently of an increasing nature. His first love, and other holy affections, even at the beginning were very great; but after months and years, became much greater, and more remarkable; and the exercises of his mind continued exceeding great, (though not equally so at all times) without remissness, and without dwindling away, even till his decease. They began in a time of general deadness, and were greatly increased in the general reviving of religion. And when a general deadness returned, his experiences were still kept up in their height, and so continued in a general course wherever he was, in sickness and in health, living and dying. The change that was wrought in him at his conversion, was agreeable to scripture, a great change, and an abiding change, rendering him a new creature: not only a change as to comfort; and a transient change, consisting in passing affections; but a change of nature, a change of the abiding temper of his mind. Not a partial change, in opinion, or outward reformation, much less a change from one error to another; but an universal change, both internal, and external, from the habits of sin, to universal holiness.
*It appears plainly, from his conversion to his death, that the great object of the new appetites given him, and thenceforward maintained and increased in his heart, was HOLINESS, conformity to God, living to God, and glorifying him. This was what drew his heart; this was the center of his soul; this was the ocean to which all his religious affections tended: this was the object which engaged his eager desires and earnest pursuits: he knew no true happiness, but this: this was what he longed for most vehemently and constantly on earth; and this was with him the beauty and blessedness of heaven, to be perfectly holy, and perfectly exercised in the holy employments of heaven; to glorify God, and enjoy him for ever.
*His religious affections were attended with evangelical humiliation; consisting in a sense of his own insufficiency, and despicableness. How deeply affected was he almost continually with his great defects in religion; with his vast distance from that spirituality that became him; with his ignorance, deadness, unsteadiness, barrenness? He was not only affected with the remembrance of his former sinfulness, but with the sense of his present vileness. He was not only disposed to think meanly of himself as before God; but among men, and compared with them. He was apt to think [♦]other saints better than he; yea, to look upon himself as the least of saints; yea, the vilest and worst of mankind, And notwithstanding his great attainments in spiritual knowledge, yet we find there is scarce any thing he is more frequently abased with, than his ignorance.
[♦] “think of other” replaced with “think other” per Errata
*How eminently did he appear to be of a meek and quiet spirit, resembling the lamb-like, dove-like Spirit of Christ! How full of love, meekness, quietness, forgiveness, and mercy! His love was not fondness for a party, but universal; often exercised to his greatest opposers and enemies. His love and meekness were effectual in expensive and painful deeds of kindness; readily confessing faults under the greatest trials, and humbling himself even at the feet of those from whom he had suffered most: and from time to time praying for his enemies, abhorring the thoughts of bitterness and resentment towards them. I scarce knew where to look for a parallel instance of self-denial, in these respects, in the present age. He was a person of great zeal; but how did he abhor a bitter zeal, and lament it where he saw it! And though he was once drawn into some degrees of it, by the force of example; yet how did he go about with a heart bruised and broken in pieces for it all his life after!
Of how soft and tender a spirit was he! How far were his experiences, hopes, and joys, from a tendency to lessen conviction and tenderness of conscience, to cause him to be less affected with present and past sins, and less conscientious with respect to future sins, more easy in the neglect of duties that are troublesome, less apt to be alarmed at his own defects, and more easily induced to a compliance with carnal appetites! On the contrary, how tender was his conscience! how apt was his heart to smite him! how greatly was he alarmed at the appearance of evil! how great and constant was his jealousy over his own heart! how strict his care and watchfulness against sin! how deep and sensible were the wounds that sin made in his conscience! Those evils that are generally accounted small, were almost an insupportable burden to him; such as his inward deficiencies, his having no more love to God, any slackness or dulness, any unsteadiness, or wandering, how did the consideration of such things as these abase him, and fill him with shame and confusion! His love and hope, though they cast out a servile fear of hell, yet were attended with, and promoted a reverential filial fear of God, a dread of sin, and of God’s holy displeasure. His assurance and comfort promoted and maintained mourning for sin: holy mourning with him, was not only the work of an hour or a day, at his first conversion; but he was a mourner for sin all his days. He did not, after he received forgiveness, forget his past sins, committed before his conversion; but the remembrance of them from time to time, filled his heart with renewed grief: and how lastingly did the sins committed after his conversion, affect and break his heart! If he did any thing whereby he thought he had dishonoured God, he had never done with calling it to mind with sorrow: though he was assured that God had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himself.
His religion was not like a blazing meteor, flying through the firmament with a bright train, and then quickly going out; but like the steady lights of heaven, that are constant principles of light, though sometimes hid with clouds. Nor like a land-flood, which flows far and wide, bearing down all afore it, and then dried up; but like a stream fed by living springs; which though sometimes diminished, yet is a constant stream.
*Mr. Brainerd’s comforts were not like those of some other persons, which are attended with a spiritual satiety, and put an end to their religious longings, at least to the ardency of them. On the contrary, how were they always attended with longings and thirstings after greater degrees of conformity to God! And the greater and sweeter his comforts were, the more vehement were his desires after holiness. For his longings were not so much after joyful discoveries of God’s love; as after greater spirituality, an heart more engaged for God, to love and exalt, and depend upon him; an ability better to serve him, to do more for his glory. And his desires were powerful and effectual, to animate him to the eager pursuit of these things. His comforts never put an end to his seeking after God, but greatly enlarged him therein.
His religion did not consist only in experience, without practice. All his comforts had a direct tendency to practice; and this, not merely a practice negatively good, but a practice positively holy, in a serious, devout, humble, meek, charitable, and beneficent conversation: making the service of God, the business of life, which he pursued with the greatest earnestness and diligence to the end of his days.
[♦]III. The foregoing account shews, that there is indeed such a thing as true experimental religion, arising from immediate divine influences, supernaturally enlightening and convincing the mind, and powerfully quickening, sanctifying, and governing the heart; which religion is indeed of happy tendency, and of no hurtful consequence to human society; notwithstanding there have been many pretences to experimental religion, that have proved to be nothing but enthusiasm.
[♦] point II. not indicated in text
If any insist, that Mr. Brainerd’s religion was enthusiasm, I would ask, if such things as these are the fruits of enthusiasm, viz. honesty and simplicity, sincere and earnest desires and endeavours, to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every thing that is wrong; love to God, placing the happiness of life in him; not only in contemplating him, but in being active in pleasing, and [♦]serving him; a firm belief in the Messiah, as the Saviour of the world; together with great love to him, and longing for the enlargement of his kingdom; resignation to the will of God, under all trials; benevolence to mankind, reaching all persons without distinction, manifested in sweetness of speech and behaviour, mercy, liberality, and earnest seeking the good of the souls and bodies of men; attended with extraordinary humility, meekness, forgiveness of injuries, and love to enemies; a modest, and decent deportment, among superiors, inferiors, and equals: a diligent improvement of time, and earnest care to lose no part of it; great watchfulness against all sorts [♠]of sin, of heart, speech, and action; and the foregoing amiable virtues all ending in a marvellous peace, unmoveable calmness, and resignation, in the sensible approaches of death: I say, if all these things are enthusiasm, that enthusiasm is a desirable and excellent thing.
[♦] “serve” replaced with “serving” per Errata
[♠] “sin” replaced with “of sin” per Errata
And whereas there are many that are not professed opposers of experimental religion, who yet doubt of it, from the bad lives of some professors; and are ready to determine there is nothing in all the talk about being born again, because that many that pretend to it, manifest no abiding alteration in their disposition and behaviour; are as careless, carnal, or covetous as ever; yea, perhaps much worse than ever: it is acknowledged, that this is the case with some; but they may see it is not so with all. There are some indisputable instances of such a change, a “renovation of the spirit of the mind,” and a “walking in newness of life.” In the foregoing instance particularly, they may see the abiding influence of such a work of conversion; the fruits of such experience through a course of years; under a great variety of circumstances, and the blessed event of it in life and death.
IV. Is there not much in the preceding memoirs to teach and excite to duty, us who are called to the work of the ministry? What a deep sense had he of the importance of that work, and with what weight did it lie on his mind? How sensible was he of his own insufficiency for this work: and how great was his dependence on God’s sufficiency! How solicitous, that he might be fitted for it! And to this end how much time did he spend in prayer and fasting, as well as reading and meditation; giving himself to these things! How did he dedicate his whole life, all his powers and talents to God and renounce the world, with all its ensnaring enjoyments, that he might be wholly at liberty to serve Christ in this work; and to please him who had chosen him to be his soldier. With what solicitude, solemnity, and diligence did he devote himself to God our Saviour, and, seek his presence and blessing, at the time of his ordination! And how was his whole heart constantly engaged, his whole time employed, his whole strength spent in the business he then undertook!—And his history shews us the right way to success in the work of the ministry. He sought it as a resolute soldier seeks victory, in a siege or battle, or as a man that runs a race for a prize. Animated with love to Christ and souls, how did he “labour always fervently,” not only in word and doctrine, in public and private, but in prayers day and night, “wrestling with God” in secret, and “travailing in birth,” with unutterable groans, “until, Christ were formed” in the hearts of the people to whom he was sent! How did he thirst for a blessing on his ministry; and “watch for souls as one that must give account!” How did he go forth in the strength of the Lord God; depending on a special influence of the Spirit! And what was the happy fruit at last, though after long waiting, and many discouraging appearances! Like a true son of Jacob, he persevered in wrestling until the breaking of the day.
V. The foregoing account may instruct Christians in general; as it shews in many respects, the right way of practising religion, in order to obtain the ends of it; or how Christians should “run the race set before them,” if they would adorn their profession, be serviceable to mankind, have the comforts of religion while they live, be free from disquieting doubts; enjoy peace in the approach of death, and “finish their course with joy.”——In general he much recommended, for this purpose, the redemption of time, and great diligence in watchfulness.
*And his example, with regard to one duty in special, may be of great use to both ministers and private Christians: I mean the duty of secret fasting. The reader has seen how much Mr. Brainerd recommends this duty, how frequently he exercised himself in it; and of what great benefit it evidently was to his soul. Among all the days he spent in secret fasting and prayer, there is scarce an instance of one, but what was attended with a remarkable blessing.——But it must be observed, that when he set about this duty, he did it in good earnest: “stirring up himself to take hold of God,” and “continuing instant in prayer,” with much of the spirit of Jacob, who said to the angel. “I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.”
VI. One thing more may be observed in the preceding account, the remarkable disposal of [♦]divine Providence, with respect to the circumstances of his last sickness and death.
[♦] “di-divine” replaced with “divine”
Though he had long been infirm, his constitution being broken by fatigues and hardships; and though he was often brought very low by illness, yet his life was preserved, till he had seen that which he had so greatly desired, a glorious work of grace among the Indians.
And though it was the pleasure of God, that he should be taken off from his labours among that people, who were so dear to him; yet this was not before they were well instructed in the Christian religion, confirmed in the Christian faith and manners, formed into a church; brought into a way with respect to the education of children; collected in a town by themselves, on a good piece of land of their own; and introduced into the way of husbandry. These things were just brought to pass by his indefatigable application, and then he was taken off from his work. If this had been but a little sooner, they would by no means have been prepared for such a dispensation: and it probably would have been [♦]more hurt to their spiritual interest, [♠]and to the cause of Christianity among them.
[♦] “more” replaced with “more hurt” per Errata
[♠] “and of” replaced with “and to” per Errata
The time and circumstances of his illness were so ordered, that he had just opportunity to finish his journal. A foundation was hereby laid for a concern in others for that cause, and proper care and measures to be taken for the maintaining it after his death. As it has actually proved to be of great benefit in this respect; it having excited many in those parts, and also more distant parts of America, to exert themselves for the promoting so glorious a work, remarkably opening their hearts and hands: and not only in America, but in Great-Britain, where that Journal has been an occasion of some large benefactions, made for the promoting the interest of Christianity among the Indians.
He was not taken off from the work of the ministry among his people, till his brother was in a capacity to succeed him: who succeeds him in the like spirit, and under whose prudent and faithful care his congregation has flourished, and been very happy, since he left them; and probably could not have been so well provided for otherwise. If Mr. Brainerd had been disabled sooner, his brother would not have been ready to stand up in his place; having taken his first degrees at college, but about that time that he was seized with this fatal consumption.
Though in that winter that he lay sick at Mr. Dickinson’s in Elisabeth-Town, he continued, for a long time in an extreme low state, so that sometimes it was hardly expected he would live a day to an end; yet his life was spared awhile longer; he lived to see his brother arrive in New-Jersey, being come to [♦]succeed him in the care of his Indians: and he himself had opportunity to assist in his examination and introduction into his business: and to commit the conduct of his dear people to one whom he well knew, and could use freedom with in giving him particular instructions, and under whose care he could leave his congregation with great chearfulness.
[♦] “succed” replaced with “succeed”
The providence of God was remarkable in so ordering it, that before his death he should take a journey to Boston; which was of very happy consequence to the interest of religion, and especially among his own people. By this means, as has been observed, he was brought into acquaintance with many persons of note and influence, ministers, and others, belonging both to the town and various parts of the country; and had opportunity under the best advantages, to bear a testimony for God and true religion.
The providence of God was observable in his going to Boston at a time when not only the honourable commissioners were seeking missionaries, to the Six Nations, but just after his journal, which gives an account of his labours and success among the Indians, had been spread at Boston; whereby his name was known, and the minds of serious people were well prepared to receive him, and the testimony he gave for God; to exert themselves for upholding the interest of religion among his congregation, and among the Indians elsewhere; and to regard his judgment concerning the qualifications of missionaries. If he had gone there the fall before, (when he had intended it, but was prevented by a sudden increase of his illness) it would not have been to so good effect; and also if he had not been unexpectedly detained in Boston. When he went from my house he intended to make but a very short stay there; but divine Providence by his being brought so low there, detained him long: thereby to make way for the fulfilling its own gracious designs.
Thus, although it was the pleasure of God, that he should be taken away from his congregation; yet it was granted to him that before he died he should see them well provided for every way: he saw them provided for with one to instruct them, and take care of their souls; his own brother whom he could confide in; he saw a good foundation laid for the support of the school among them: those things that before were wanting, being supplied; and he had also opportunity to leave all his dying charges, with his successor in the care of his people, and by him to send his dying counsels to them.
*Another thing, wherein appears the merciful disposal of Providence, was that he did not die in the wilderness, among the savages at Kaunaumeek, or the Forks of Delaware, or at Susquahannah: but in a place where his dying behaviour might be observed, and some account given for the benefit of survivors: and also where care might be taken of him in his sickness, and proper honours done him at his death.
*I would not conclude my observations on the merciful circumstances of Mr. Brainerd’s death, without acknowledging with thankfulness, the gracious dispensation of Providence to me and my family in so ordering, that he (though the ordinary place of his abode was more than two hundred miles distant) should be cast to my house, in his last sickness, and should die here: so that we had opportunity for much conversation with him, and to shew him kindness in such circumstances, and to see his dying behaviour, to hear his dying speeches, to receive his dying counsels, and to have the benefit of his dying prayers. May God in infinite mercy grant, that we may ever retain a proper remembrance of these things, and make a due improvement of the advantages we have had! The Lord grant also, that the foregoing account may be for [♦]the spiritual benefit of all that read it, and prove a happy means of promoting true religion in the world. Amen.
[♦] duplicate word “the” removed
An EXTRACT of
Miss Mary Gilbert’s Journal.
TO THE READER.
1.AMONG the innumerable novelties which have appeared in the world, within half a century, I do not remember to have seen the experience of a child written by herself. Herein much variety is not to be expected, nor any art or ornament at all: as she set down from time to time, merely for her own use, just what occurred between God and her own soul. But on this very account, persons of understanding will set the greater value upon it: because it contains only genuine Christian experience, painted in its native colours.
2. The reflections occasionally interspersed, are always just, frequently strong and affecting: particularly those on death, or the shortness of life, especially from the mouth of a child. And the language wherein they are expressed, altho’ plain and altogether unstudied, is yet pure and terse in the highest degree, yea frequently elegant: such as the most polite either of our lawyers or divines would not easily alter for the better. Such language I hardly know where to find, unless in the almost inimitable letters of Jane Cooper: between whom and Miss Gilbert there was a remarkable resemblance, both in sentiment and expression. And had it pleased the all-wise Disposer of all things, to give her a few more years on earth, and an increase of grace in proportion to her years, she would have been another Jane Cooper.
JOHN WESLEY.
Liverpool,
April 7th, 1768.
A short ACCOUNT of
Miss MARY GILBERT.
THE ensuing account it is hoped may animate those who are in the morning of life, to a due improvement of their time, in remembering their Creator in the days of their youth; so that they may offer him the first fruits of those precious moments, in which they are probationers for an awful eternity: and which when past, whether they have been employed in the important [♦]task or not, are irrecoverably gone.
[♦] “talk” replaced with “task” per Errata
If it has this happy effect, the desired end will be fully answered, which is, that God’s grace and saving power may be manifested, in additional instances, both of living and dying witnesses.
Miss Mary Gilbert, was the eldest daughter of Nathaniel Gilbert, of the island of Antigua, Esq; by his wife Elizabeth, both persons of good families and eminent piety, whose chief study it was to train up their children in the knowledge of God and his ways, according to the established religion of the church of England.
She was born in the same island on the 28th of February, 1751, under the happy circumstance of having parents, who as they were wanting in no act of care and tenderness to their offspring, so took care in particular to make them like young Timothy, acquainted from their infancy with the holy scriptures. In the earliest dawn of reason she discovered an extraordinary capacity and uncommon understanding; a great willingness to learn; and a desire of being instructed, which often occasioned her to ask the most pertinent questions. Such a genius was observed by her parents with much gratitude, to him who is the author and dispenser of every good and perfect gift. Her natural disposition was a mixture of good and evil. She was a strict observer of truth, which appeared to arise from a nobleness of mind, which made her incapable of those meannesses from whence the vice of falshood springs. But as every flower in nature’s garden, however blooming needs improving, so did this principle in her; for as it was productive of some virtues, so it no less occasioned the greatest blemishes in her temper; such as high-spiritedness, pride and self-will; which notwithstanding the shining example of her parents, and their care to restrain, would, while she was very young often gain an ascendency.
In the year 1757, her father and mother made a voyage to England, (bringing this daughter and their other children with them) entirely upon a religious account, and in order to enjoy the company of some who were esteemed persons of remarkable piety and extensive usefulness, and with them to partake of those sacred privileges, with which their native island was not yet favoured. During their residence in England, she shewed the greatest delight in reading religious books, and in receiving the instruction of serious Christians, who were frequently entertained at her father’s house. So that what was recorded of the royal psalmist, might be asserted of her, All her delight was in the saints upon earth. Her father’s affairs calling him back to Antigua, he, with his family left England, in the beginning of the year 1759, taking with them a person whose sentiments and abilities they approved of, to whose care they committed the education of their children, for whom their daughter Mary soon contracted a very tender affection; far from shunning the company of one that was to correct her faults, and whose presence must restrain the little levities of childhood. She for these very reasons, delighted in being constantly confined with her, even in those hours which she might have spent at play with her sisters. These seasons she employed in improving her mind, and having the liberty of retiring into a closet within her governess’s chamber, she would continue in it for a long time every day reading, praying, and meditating, and her remarks upon what she read, were often just, and instructive.
As soon as she had learned to write, she seldom failed noting down whatever appeared useful in any author she read; and having a very retentive memory, she stored it with scripture truths, so that many of her relatives and others, were greatly surprised at her readiness in repeating, and finding out almost any text in those sacred pages. She likewise wrote several books of well collected texts, in proof of some of the fundamental doctrines of the church of England, such as, The fallen state of man, the necessity of repentance, of the new birth, and of holiness. Before she was twelve years of age, she corresponded with some persons in England, and her letters were much admired; tho’ as she grew older, her stile greatly improved, so that she had acquired both an easy and elegant manner of addressing different persons, and upon various occasions, tho’ religion was her constant theme: herein, as in other instances, endeavouring to redeem as much as possible the golden moments of her contracted span.
Thus she gently and profitably passed five years of her pilgrimage, without variation, and exempt from vicissitudes under her parents roof, till in the year 1764, they thought it most for her advantage to send her to England, to finish her education. Here she arrived the 28th of May that year: from that time boarding with an aunt, and being under the care of the same tutoress, who had before gone with her to Antigua. This separation from the best of parents, could not but prove an afflictive circumstance to one of her great sensibility, and who was a most dutiful and affectionate child; but this was alleviated by the pleasing hopes they gave her, that they themselves would soon come and reside in England, a thought which as it enabled her chearfully to bear their absence, so it animated her to a more than ordinary improvement of time, in order to render them the utmost satisfaction, when she should have the happiness of being restored to them; a period, which she often mentioned with the greatest delight; but which the infinitely wise disposer of events saw right never to indulge her with. It was with great pleasure that we observed, as her years increased, her good understanding, and the power of religion entirely prevailed over those tempers, which have before been mentioned, so that she became, every day more amiable, and was more endeared to all that knew her. On the first of January 1765, she began to keep a diary, chiefly consisting of the Lord’s dealings with her soul. This will give a juster conception of her understanding in the way of godliness, of her improvement of time, and the propriety of her sentiments on many occasions, than any thing that could be said upon the subject. She was one of those happy few, who are not afraid of being singularly pious, and was deeply convinced that the service of God is no impediment to, but the greatest augmentation of true happiness, in every period and circumstance of life. She had learned to disdain the follies of the world, always chusing plainness and neatness in dress, rather than gaiety and extravagance, and preferring an hour’s solitude, spent in communing with her own heart, or in searching the word of God, before all those trifling amusements, which so much engross the attention, and waste the time of the generality of persons of all ages.
Thus though young in years, she contemplated her latter end, and applied her heart unto true wisdom, and is now reaping the vast advantage in a blest eternity. She was so exercised in the needful duty of self-inspection, as to discern the imperfection of her best performances, and utterly to disclaim every other hope of obtaining the divine favour than that built on the sure foundation, Jesus Christ and him crucified. An interest in his atoning blood, was what she sincerely sought after; being truly sensible of the necessity of being born again, before we can enter into the kingdom of heaven. She thought the time long ere she was admitted into the glorious liberty of the children of God; and would greatly deplore her own instability, levity, and want of earnestness, to which she attributed her Lord’s delay; but these things tho’ felt by her tender and enlightened conscience, did not appear to others. And the Lord was not slack concerning his promise, as her following experience proved, when he came suddenly to the temple of her heart, never to leave her more. Some weeks before her last sickness she told a friend, that she had been greatly led out in the meditation of death, that she formerly considered it as very dreadful, but had of late seen it in a different view: so that if it would please God to finish his work in her soul, she could be content, young as she was, to give up all that were dear below, in hope of receiving them again in that eternal day. A few days before her disorder seized her, being asked by a friend, concerning the state of her soul, she said, “she had a confidence that God would not long with-hold the blessing, that she soon should know his pardoning love, and, that she was patiently waiting upon him.” As soon as she was taken ill, (which was on the 10th of January, 1768,) she was asked how she found her mind? She replied, “Quite composed, that she believed the Lord had visited her in love, and that whether it terminated in life, or death, it would be greatly to her advantage.” During the whole time of her illness not a doubt seemed to disturb her, nor did she ever lose her stedfast hope, that if she was taken, the Lord would perfect his work in her soul. She was also endued with a constant spirit of prayer, and to all around behaved with the utmost patience and meekness. She seldom complained, and declared she had not a murmuring thought, tho’ she appeared to suffer exquisitely; her disorder being a putrid fever, with a sore throat, which mortified some days before her dissolution: it was likewise attended with a deafness that encreased gradually, till at last there was no conversing with her. She was also deprived very early of speech, which as she retained her senses, rendered her situation very trying, as well as deprived her friends of that profit and satisfaction, which might otherwise have been expected. But on Thursday the 14th, (before the disease had made so great a progress, tho’ even then her speech was thick, and her hearing dull) she desired the whole family, would come and pray with her, and to some of her friends made this good confession: that she had found Christ, that she loved God, knowing that he had first loved her, that she was now neither afraid nor unwilling to die; and that she experienced unspeakable, and till now, unknown happiness. From this time she spoke but little, except about two days afterwards, when she said to one who desired her to speak to her, that she was perfectly resigned to the divine will; this she uttered with difficulty, and could add no more. But tho’ her lips were thus closed to all below, it was evident, her heart was open to God in prayer, which was discernable from the frequent lifting up of her hands and eyes with great devotion; in this posture she sweetly yielded up her spirit on the 21st instant, at the age of near 17 years.
An EXTRACT from her
JOURNAL.
TUESDAY, January 1st, 1765, when I awoke in the morning, I found my heart raised in thankfulness to God for his mercies, in bringing me to the beginning of another year; and found my soul much in the same frame all the day. *O! may this year be spent more to the glory of my Almighty Maker and Preserver, than the last has been: and may every thought, word and work, tend to this glorious end.
Wednesday 2, I found a blessing while dressing, but lost it by giving way to levity; yet the merciful Lord restored it to me in the evening: blessed be his name.
Thursday 3. I found my soul in a dead, dull frame, with a great disinclination to duty, which I did not yield to, and tho’ I found no immediate blessing, yet I doubt not, but the Lord was pleased with my endeavours to wait upon him.
Friday 4. I awoke with some degree of comfort, and had my thoughts stayed on the things of God. I found a desire, while I heard the book of martyrs read, of being like them; but could not submit to die for the truth as they did; it seemed too great a trial to flesh and blood: yet I trust was the Lord to call me to it, he would give me strength to bear it.
Saturday 5. I spent the morning in writing letters to my dear friends in Antigua, for whom I find the most tender affection. O! that we may all at length meet around the throne, and stand at the last day among the sheep at his right hand!
“O that each in the day
Of his coming, might say,
I have fought my way thro’.
I have finished the work thou didst give me to do.”
Sunday 6. In the morning my thoughts were very wandering and my mind much discomposed. When I came up, I read and writ my journal, and spent the rest of the morning comfortably. In the afternoon I read the experience of Elizabeth West. May I like the bee suck honey out of every flower, gather profit out of every book I read, every sermon I hear, and every occurrence in life, let it seem ever so trifling. The evening text was Isaiah lviii. 1. Cry aloud and spare not, &c. The preacher shewed our transgressions in the most glaring colours, and my own conscience convicted me that I had done all which he had mentioned, and more too: so that were I to be tried by works, I could not be saved.
Monday 7. I found my heart raised in thankfulness for the mercies of the night past. O for a continuance of it! Surely had I always a deep sense of the innumerable obligations I owe to my Almighty benefactor, it would keep me from falling into many of those things, which are so prevalent over me. Lord give me a thankful heart.
Tuesday 8. I awoke in a serious frame, but it did not continue long; for I yielded too much to wandering thoughts, which robbed me of that blessing. Lord make me more watchful for the future! In the evening my uncle preached a funeral sermon, on, It is appointed unto men once to die, &c. Hebrews ix. 27. My soul was very much blest, and stirred up to seek the Lord, but O how soon do my good resolutions die away. They are like the morning cloud, and the early dew which passeth away. Lord strengthen, and confirm them.
Wednesday 9. I found my soul in a very dead frame, and continued so all the day. I may truly say,
“My drowsy powers why sleep ye so?
Awake my sluggish soul!
Nothing has half thy work to do.
Yet nothing’s half so dull.”
Thou God of love quicken my drooping powers! Stir up and awaken my insensible soul, and give me to seek thy face with my whole heart! And O be thou found of me!
Thursday 10. I was very cold and dead all the day, and found neither power, nor inclination, to pray or read, which I yielded to; and passed the day without performing either of these duties. O my God, pardon my sins of omission, as well as those of commission. They are both as innumerable as the hairs of my head, but thy mercies are still more.
Friday 11. I was very busy this day with setting my things in order, which were come from London, and being in a hurry, my mind was not as stayed as I could have wished. O my God, gather in my scattered thoughts, and let my mind be fixt entire on thee!
Saturday 12. I was enabled, blessed be the Lord, to be serious and watchful. In the evening, Mr. Rodda preached. His text was Mark xii. 24. Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. I was much blest under the sermon, and my mind was stayed on what was delivered.
Sunday 13. In the evening, my uncle preached on Isaiah xxx. 21. This is the way, walk ye in it. I found my thoughts much composed, but being in great pain, I could not attend, as much as I found myself inclined to do. O how many hindrances have we while below! Sometimes from the world, sometimes from the infirmities of the body; and very often from a corrupt heart! Lord, do thou arm me with thy Spirit’s might, and enable me to combat and overcome, all the enemies of my salvation.
Monday 14. Our class met at ten as usual, but my soul was in a very wandering dead frame, and afterwards I was light and trifling; this is the natural consequence of the other, if not strove against.
Tuesday 15. I was in a very cold indifferent frame all the day. In the evening while my uncle catechised us, such a spirit of laughter came upon us, that we could hardly speak. Lord deliver us from a light, trifling spirit, as also from an unloving, disputing spirit.
“Mutual love the token be,
Lord, that we belong to thee.”
In the evening my uncle preached on Hosea xiv. 1, 2. My soul was blest especially in singing the last hymn, in which are these sweet words.
“He’ll never quench the smoking flax,
But raise it to a flame:
The bruised reed he never breaks,
Nor scorns the meanest name.”
Wednesday 16. I arose this morning with some degree of recollection and stayedness upon my spirit. It partly continued all the day; but in the evening, yielding to levity, I lost it. Lord, give me power over a trifling spirit! Give me a continual sense of thy presence! Then I shall not easily yield to this or any other temptation. I retired and read the 3d chapter of Matthew. Went to prayer, and found enlargement in it.
Thursday 17. All this day I was in a very disagreeable frame, which I cannot well describe. I retired, read the psalms, and the 4th of Matthew. O may I like our blessed Lord when tempted, answer the tempter with the word of God. The text this evening was Isaiah liv. 22. Look unto me and be ye saved. My thoughts were very wandering all the time. O when will my mind be constantly fixed on, and looking to that glorious object of our faith and love!
Friday 18. My soul was in a cold dead frame, and so it continued all the day, yea all the week. For tho’ I cannot accuse myself of the omission of any known duty, yet such a total indifferency I have not felt for some time. O that God would give me to see the fatal cause, the accursed thing that keeps my heart from him!
Saturday 19. I was much in the same state, and felt not the least life in any duty till evening. Then the Lord enabled me to pour out my complaints into his compassionate bosom, with great enlargement. When Mrs. L——. met me, I told her my state, she advised me not to let my deadness discourage me, but still to hold on in the ways of the Lord, who perhaps might be proving and trying me to see if I would do so or not. This gave me some comfort, and left me hopes that he would at length come and visit my soul with his salvation.
Sunday 20. My uncle’s text this evening was Luke xiii. 3. I tell ye nay, but except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. The word came with power to my heart. O God, give me grace that I may not prove a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, that so I may be blessed in my deed.
Monday 21. I found a desire when I awoke to spend the day to the glory of God, and I made it my earnest prayer to him that he would enable me to do it. I bless God, that through his grace I was serious, and found my mind stayed on him in some measure. O that I may always have a recollected spirit! Thou Lord, hast promised to keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.
Tuesday 22. My mind was in some measure serious, but not as much as the day before. The text to-night was Habakkuk ii. 4. The just shall live by his faith. My thoughts were much drawn off on account of my being to set the tune, lest I should forget it. O how easily doth the enemy get an advantage over me, when I am not standing upon my guard! Lord, give me a watchful spirit!
Wednesday 23. My soul seemed like a barren wilderness, where nothing but weeds and thorns grow; nothing but evil did I find in my heart. O my God, give me thyself; then shall this wilderness become like a watered garden which thou hast planted.
Thursday 24. I found my mind kept in a serious frame all the day, blessed be God.
Friday 25. I continued in a serious frame, which I bless God, lasted all the day. O how much sweeter is it to be in such a state, than to enjoy all that the world calls pleasure! But indeed it is only they who term it so. The people of God see there is no pleasure in these foolish things; for surely nothing can satisfy an immortal soul created for the enjoyment of God, but God himself.
Saturday 26. I have reason to praise the Lord, that I found my soul still serious; this I account a great blessing, especially to me, who am naturally of such a trifling spirit.
Monday 28. When I awoke, my thoughts were still stayed, and I bless God, I was in a serious frame all the day. O my soul, if thou hadst always an awful sense of the divine presence, thou wouldest be always serious and recollected, for it is impossible that a soul which considers God is present should dare to behave in a trifling manner before his awful majesty.
Thursday 31. The evening text was Matthew xi. 28. Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden, &c. My mind was taken up with observing a gentleman and lady who were laughing and talking together all the sermon time. Lord forgive my sin and lay it not to my charge.
Friday February 1. My mind was much stayed on the things of God when I awoke and it continued so all the day.
Saturday 2. My soul was much alive this day, and I was given to see more clearly than ever, the mystery of iniquity which is in my heart. O thou who searchest and triest the reins of the children of men, give me to see more and more of the sinfulness of it, and do thou wash and cleanse it in the blood of Jesus.
Monday 4. This morning we experienced God’s providential care over us; for the chimney of the little parlour took fire, and might have done great mischief had it not been discovered in time. Thus the Lord took care of us [♦]where we knew of no danger, and could not take care of ourselves.
[♦] “when” replaced with “where” per Errata
Thursday 7. This day my uncle, and Miss H——e sat out hastily for Bristol, [♦]where my Aunt B——ly was in great distress, Mr. B——ly having died suddenly, and left her among strangers, with whom she was quite unacquainted till within three or four weeks. O how many unforeseen troubles are we liable to, which are all so many calls to us, to lay up our heart and treasure above.
[♦] “were” replaced with “where”
Sunday 10. Mr. Rodda preached on Matthew iii. 10. The discourse, blessed be God, came with power to my soul. O Lord give me the hearing ear, the seeing eye, and the understanding heart.
Monday 11. This morning being to be taken measure off for our mourning, we were obliged to go out, which dissipated my thoughts very much. O what a little serves to draw our minds from God! But alas they are not so easily drawn off other things; such enemies are we to ourselves.
Tuesday 12. My thoughts were pretty much stayed this day, and I was enabled to resist a temptation not to go to prayer because the weather was cold, and I was unwilling to leave the fire.
Wednesday 13. In the evening I read Miss Cooper’s life and letters. Then we all joyned in prayer. My soul was blest and enlarged in that duty. When I was in bed, I took a review of my past life, and found reason to humble myself before God, for my unfaithfulness in not making a better use of his many mercies to me. But O may I now begin and serve and love him all my days.
Monday 18, Tuesday 19. My soul was in a serious and yet dead frame these days. O may I improve every state I am in; and make the very temptations of the enemy, serve [♦]as weapons to fight against him with. Thus shall I by throwing his darts back upon his own head, force him to fly from me.
[♦] duplicate word “as” removed
Thursday 21. I was in a comfortable frame of spirit this day. In the evening whilst I was conversing with my sisters and cousins upon religion, I found my soul greatly blest; and I was much enlarged afterwards in praying with them, blessed be God.
Sunday 24. I finished writing the life of that excellent man, Mr. Blackerby; O may I live his life, die his death, and be in the place where doubtless he now is. There I shall be free from all impurity, all sorrow, all sin, and be eternally out of the reach of death.
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was in a serious, tho’ dead frame. Lord, quicken, strengthen, and comfort me by thy word, and spirit.
*Thursday 28. Was my birth-day. I found a desire, and resolution, to be more devoted to God the ensuing year, than I was the foregoing. O may the Lord enable me to perform my resolutions. I also found serious reflections on the shortness of life, and thankfulness to God, for sparing me to see fourteen years. O may I let these reflections have their due weight, and influence on all my conduct for the time to come. And always consider that
“My life is a dream,
My time as a stream,
Glides swiftly away:
And the fugitive moments for no one will stay.”
Lord, do thou give me so to number my days, that I may apply my heart unto wisdom.
Saturday, March 2. My uncle returned home, and with him my aunt B——ly, whom I was much rejoiced to see.
Saturday 9. This evening poor Mrs. L——, was taken extreamly ill. It brought many serious reflections to my mind. Well may we say, in the midst of life we are in death. O may I always consider this and never yield to levity, or any thing which is displeasing to a God of the strictest purity, who may strike me dead in a moment; and since I may die this day, let me spend this and every other as tho’ it were my last.
Sunday 17. At night as I sat by the fire-side, I found my soul blest, and many serious reflections brought to my mind, which continued till I went to bed.
Monday 18. I awoke in much the same state, and continued so all the day, blessed be God.
Tuesday 19. The text this evening was John v. 8. Wilt thou be made whole? My heart seemed [♦]to reply, Yea, Lord, I will if thou wilt: and of this I need not doubt; for thou art always more ready to give, than I am to receive. O that thou [♠]would’st ever
“Make me willing to receive,
All thy goodness waits to give.”
[♦] duplicate word “to” removed
[♠] “woud’st” replaced with “would’st”
Saturday 23. My soul was much blest, and my heart raised in thankfulness for the many mercies I have received at the hands of my merciful God: at the same time I was humbled under a sense of the ungrateful returns I have made him.
“When all the mercies of my God
My rising soul surveys,
Why, my cold heart, art thou not lost,
In wonder, love, and praise.”
Sunday 24. Mr. Murry, preached from Numbers xxiii. 10. Let me die the death of the righteous, &c. O may I not only die his death, but also live his life; for indeed ’tis impossible to do the former, unless we first do the latter.
Saturday 30. Mr. F——l, in the evening preached on John xx. 19. Peace be unto you. Tho’ I was much tempted with drowsiness under the word, yet some parts of it were greatly blest to me. He afterwards met the society, and told them, that in several places both in this round, and others, numbers were convinced and brought to Christ. O may I be one!
“Into that happy number, Lord,
A weary sinner take,
Jesus, fulfil thy gracious word,
For thy own mercy’s sake.”
Sunday 31. I spent the morning in reading the eight last chapters of Romans, and Mr. Wesley’s notes upon them. Indeed I think they are a most beautiful part of the scripture. O that they and every other part of that holy book may be written upon my heart.
Sunday, April 7. Was Easter-day. I was prevented from hearing the sermon by a violent tooth-ach. O how many pains are we subject to while in this mortal life! But when this mortal shall put on immortality, what a glorious change shall we undergo? Lord, let this change pass upon me, and to that end let me now rise from a death of sin unto a life of righteousness.
“Thy resurrection’s power impart,
And rise triumphant in my heart.”
Thursday 11. At noon, we had the pleasure of the Rev. Mr. John Wesley’s company to dinner; and in the evening he preached on Jeremiah viii. 22. Is there no balm in Gilead, &c. His conversation was very edifying, and God blest it to my poor soul.
Friday 12. At five in the morning, Mr. Wesley preached on Psalms lxxxiv. 1. How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts. At night we took leave of him, and of my uncle, aunt, and Mrs. L——. These at one in the morning set out for Liverpool, and he at five for Newcastle-upon-Tyne.
Sunday 14. I found my mind much oppressed with perplexing thoughts concerning my dear parents. But why, O my soul, dost thou suffer these anxious cares to oppress thy troubled breast? Is not the God who gave me these tender parents at liberty to take them from me? And is he not able to raise me up friends in their room? Besides, this is caring for the morrow. Is it not time enough to make myself uneasy when the trial comes, without anticipating what may never be? Then, O my soul, trust thou in God: for he will be the help of my countenance, and my God.
Saturday 20. I was all this day in a fretful frame, which I too much yielded to. O God, give me power over this, and every other easily besetting sin.
Sunday 21. I read a letter of Miss B——ts to Mr. Wesley, concerning the manner of her bringing up the poor children that she has taken. In which I could not help observing the power of faith. How has she surmounted every difficulty that stood in her way. O may I like her live by faith, till I shall go to live
“Where faith is sweetly lost in sight,
And hope in full supream delight,
And everlasting love.”
Monday 22. Expecting our friends home from Liverpool, Miss H——e, and I sat up to receive them; about twelve at night they came very much fatigued. They informed us of a narrow escape they had met with; the coach they were in was overturned with six people in it, and some on the outside: yet not one was hurt. Surely the providence of God was over them for good. I soon got to bed sleepy enough, and when asleep, I dreamt a very particular dream: *I thought Mrs. L—— bid my cousin A——, and me look out at a window, and we should see an angel, who would tell us comfortable news. We did, and after some time we saw a bright star, which grew brighter and brighter, till an angel appeared exceedingly beautiful and majestic. As he came nearer I was quite overwhelmed at his presence, and could scarce look at him, his lustre so dazzled my eyes. When he approached me, I thought I faintly uttered these words; “Speak, Lord, thy servant heareth.” At this he said, “The Lord has sent me to tell you, that all your sins are forgiven, and will never be remembered against you any more, unless you fall again into sin. He has blotted out your transgressions, and cast them behind his back.” I immediately said, How can these things be? Can I, who am so great a sinner, and have never truly repented be forgiven? He answered; “With God nothing is impossible. Continue waiting upon God in his appointed way, and you will soon find the truth of these promises:” He spoke much to me concerning my unbelief, and then suddenly disappeared, leaving me quite overwhelmed, but much comforted. O that my dream may be shortly fulfilled.
Saturday 27. I was in a very cold dead frame all the day, and when I retired to prayer in the evening, I found no life, but still I had the blessing of waiting upon God, and an earnest desire and panting in my soul for faith, tho’ I could not utter a word. Lord, let me never rest till I get this pearl of great price into my possession; then shall I be truly happy, and not till then.
Sunday, May 5. My uncle met the society, and informed them of his being to leave them soon. The sorrow that sat on every countenance would have drawn tears from any ones eyes, who could in the least sympathize with another’s grief. O Lord what is man! How various, how unforeseen, often are the changes of this short life! Lord, prepare me for whatever thou hast in thy wisdom prepared for me.
Monday 6. We were in a great hurry in packing up all the day, and at night sat up till twelve o’clock. Having a violent cold, I was quite disordered all the next day, so as not to be able to read or pray, or do any thing else as I would. O how does this corruptible body press down the soul! But when it shall escape from this prison of clay, and wing its way to the mansions of eternal joy; how will it exult in the glorious change, and rejoice in being delivered from this dungeon which has so long clogged it with its manifold infirmities!
Thursday 9. In the afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. W——h to the old castle on the top of the hill, where it seems Lady Catherine Parr, the last wife of King Henry the VIII. was born. Indeed it is a venerable ruin, and strongly shews what all worldly grandeur must come to. O that I and all that are near and dear to me, may never desire such fading transitory enjoyments! But may we seek for and obtain a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
“Jerusalem, the saint’s abode,
Whose founder is the living God.”
Monday 13. I bless God, I found my soul in a very serious frame this day, having a measure of the spirit of prayer. O may it always continue! *In the afternoon we took a walk to the mount, which was thrown up to batter down the old castle on the top of the hill. It was delightfully pleasant to see all the green fields and the little lonely houses that stand there. I could have liked to stay there all the afternoon, the weather was so calm and serene, and all nature seemed lively and sprightly. O was my soul but illuminated by the Sun of Righteousness as this earth is by the material sun! How happy, how unspeakably happy, would it be in the possession of such a blessing!
“If this felicity were mine,
I every other would resign,
With just and holy scorn:
Chearful and blithe my way pursue,
And with the promised land in view,
Singing to God return.”
Tuesday 14. I found my soul in a serious frame all the day long, blessed be God who kept me so.
Thursday 16. I found my soul alive. My uncle’s text was God is love. 1 John xvi. 4.
Friday 17. I still continued in some measure blest. Lord increase the spark and let it grow into a flame!
Saturday 18. I was much tempted to levity, which I gave way to. But while Mr. C——k was preaching in the evening from these words, O Israel thou hast destroyed thyself: but in me is thine help. Hosea xiii. 9. My soul was much refreshed, and afterwards I was enabled to watch against every thing that might deprive me of it, so that I lay down, and rose with it again the next morning, all thanks be ascribed to God, for had I been left to myself, I should undoubtedly have lost it immediately.
Sunday 19. I awoke in the same watchful spirit, and an eager desire for faith, which I was enabled to pray for with great earnestness.
Monday 20. I yielded so much to levity, that it was with difficulty I forced myself to duty, and when I did, I was quite cold and dead, and my thoughts were wandering on some foolish thing or other. O God deliver me from a trifling spirit.
Tuesday 21. I found myself thoughtful and serious in the morning, but in the afternoon I was overcome by levity. O how soon am I drawn off what is good? But how difficult do I find it to prevail with myself to forsake the evil? For often when the Lord shews me the error of my ways, though for the present I feel sorrow and regret, yet the next temptation that offers finds me ready to comply with it; and this doubtless I should always do, did not God in that moment step in and hinder me by his restraining grace; such a propensity have I to do that which grieves my God and wounds my own conscience.
Saturday 25. In the evening I retired, and entering into a strict self-examination, I found I must own with the royal Psalmist, my inward parts are very wickedness. I saw clearly that I had broken every commandment, therefore were I to be tried by the law of works I must eternally perish. I must come with the Publican, crying, God be merciful to me a sinner. How truly might I say,
“No good word, or work, or thought,
Have I to buy thy grace,
Mercy I accept unbought,
Thy profer I embrace.”
*Sunday 26. In the afternoon we went to Mrs. C——s to see the corpse of her daughter. I was not at all shocked at the sight, but it brought many serious reflections to my mind. How is she who not many months ago was in all the bloom and vigour of youth, cut down like a flower! So, just so, thought I, must I shortly be: I must die, be stretched in a coffin, and laid in the silent grave, and shortly it will be forgot even by my nearest and dearest friends, that there was ever such a person. O may this awful thought never be absent from my mind! How will it lessen my esteem for all these perishing enjoyments! How will it make me spend every precious moment, in preparation for a never-ending eternity! May the Lord grant that when death comes, he may not appear as a king of terrors, but like a welcome messenger sent to carry me to my Father’s house.
Sunday June 2. In the evening my uncle preached his farwell sermon on Acts xx. 27. I have not shunned to declare unto you the whole counsel of God. He repeated briefly the doctrine which he had taught them, and exhorted them to take heed, least the word should rise up in judgement against them in the last day. O may it not against me! For alas as yet I have been a barren fig-tree. Well may I say,
“Long have I sat beneath the sound
Of thy salvation Lord,
But still how weak my faith is found,
And knowledge of thy word.”
Lord let it be no longer so with me, but may I now bear fruit to thy glory.
Tuesday 4. We were called up at half an hour after one, and at a quarter past two, set out on our journey to Chester. When we came near Lancaster, our coachman had like twice to have overturned us. At seven we breakfasted there, at one dined at Preston, and at nine in the evening reached Mr. A——s house in Warrington. We soon got to bed truly fatigued, and I slept till six in the morning without ever waking, or moving out of the posture I lay myself in when I went to bed. About eight on Wednesday morning, we set out again, and had a delightful journey the rest of the way to Chester, where we arrived about noon. In the afternoon we took a walk round the walls. You have here an extensive prospect of a fine open country, far unlike the barren Kendal mountains. We then walked to the dock, and from thence to the preaching-house. Mr. G——d preached on Matthew ix. 22. Daughter be of good comfort, &c. I found my soul humbled under a sense of my own vileness, and fixed a resolution to set out a fresh in the narrow way of holiness, if the Lord will give me strength; for without he does, all my resolutions will be in vain.
Sunday 9. Mr. G——d preached, met the society and spoke to the children. I found my soul blest. O may it be a lasting blessing, and not like a guest which tarrieth but a day.
Monday 10. In the afternoon we went to see the infirmary. Everything is neat and clean about it. I found a thankfulness to God, that he had kept me from all these disorders that others have. O may my life be singularly good, as he has been so singularly merciful to me. I experience mercies that very few others have; which it would be almost impossible to enumerate. How few have such parents, who from my earliest days have instructed me how to fear and love God! How many are tortured with broken limbs, and deprived of their sight, whilst I am preserved from all these, and kept in health, strength, and the full exercise of my reason. Many more mercies I am indebted for to my gracious Benefactor; how truly may I say,