The CAT AND FIDDLE BOOK

Other Books of Plays for Children
by LADY BELL

The
CAT AND FIDDLE
BOOK

Eight dramatised Nursery
Rhymes for Nursery
Performers

by
LADY BELL
and
Mrs. HERBERT RICHMOND

LONGMANS, GREEN AND CO.
39 PATERNOSTER ROW, LONDON, E.C.4
NEW YORK, TORONTO
BOMBAY, CALCUTTA AND MADRAS
1922
Printed in Great Britain

To
MY TEN GRANDCHILDREN

Eight of whom

PAULINE, GEORGE, KITTY, MARY, BRIDGET, VALENTINE, MARJORIE, AND FLORENCE

have "created" many of the parts in these playlets, and two of whom, BILL and GEOFFREY, are still among the audience.

F.B.
May 1922

Made in Great Britain

The TABLE OF CONTENTS

¶ The Characters in list at the beginning of each play are always given in the order of their appearance.

SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR THE "PRODUCERS" OF
THESE PLAYLETS

In every case the tune of the nursery rhyme, the dramatized version of which is about to be acted, should be played through twice on the piano before the curtain is raised: the first time without singing; the second time the audience, of which the majority presumably will be children, should be asked to join in and sing it too, led by the performers singing it behind the scenes. At the close of the piece, when the curtain has fallen at the place indicated in the text it should (if justified by applause) be raised again, discovering the performers standing in a row. These should sing the rhyme through again to the piano accompaniment, the audience joining in as before, after which the curtain is finally lowered.

The scenery can in nearly every case be arranged by using folding screens. In one or two pieces, such as Goosey-Goosey-Gander and Ride-a-Cock-horse, it would be improved by being a little more elaborate. But even in these, if there is no artist in the family who can paint a Banbury Cross or a farmyard in the background, a large label can be hung up to show in what kind of surroundings the action is taking place. As to costume, the period of none of the plays, fortunately, is precisely known, and the performers therefore can be dressed up as they choose. Where animals' heads are required, such as the Cow, Dog, and Cat in the Cat and the Fiddle, the Goose and Drake in Goosey-Gander, and the Cock in Ride-a-Cock-horse, these will not be found very difficult to make out of cardboard, not too stiff, bent to the shape required and roughly painted.

In one or two of the plays there are speaking parts which can be taken by quite little children, such as the Dish and Spoon in the Cat and the Fiddle, the latter especially being within the grasp of the smallest performer able to speak distinctly enough for the words to be recognisable. The part of Polly in Polly Put the Kettle On can be played by any intelligent child of five. In Oranges and Lemons, Humpty Dumpty, and Ride-a-Cock-horse there are possibilities of a crowd in which any number of children available can "come on" and so take a share in the performance.

The writer ventures to suggest that the preface of a book entitled Fairy-Tale Plays (Longman) contains detailed directions which may be found helpful for rehearsing with children. The great thing for the "Producers" to remember is not to cast a gloom over the proceedings by being depressed or losing their tempers when the performers still don't know their parts on the day of the performance, when their "business" at that performance is exactly opposite to that inculcated at rehearsals, and when they invent on "the night" an entirely new series of mistakes. It does not matter if they do. The audience, which will probably largely consist of the relations of the performers, will be just as pleased whatever happens, and so will every child-lover who is looking on. So will the actors, whose enjoyment is assured if they are acting and dressing up. And the spectator who does not like seeing their enjoyment does not deserve to have any himself, so we need not take him into account.

Neither the writer nor the producers of these absurd little plays, therefore, need have much fear of failure. They are spared the acute preliminary—and subsequent—agonies of those who produce plays of a larger size and a better quality than those contained in this little book.

Florence Bell

May 1922.

THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE

SCENE

A room in Mrs. MOOCOWS Boarding House. A chair R.C., a settee, or another chair, up stage R. At back L.C. two ordinary folding screens about 2ft. 6in. apart, a curtain hung across the space between them. A picture of a full moon painted on a large piece of cardboard must be propped up behind the opening between the screens, so that when the curtain is drawn back the moon is seen on the horizon, i.e. its lower edge on the level of the ground.

CHARACTERS
In order of their appearance

THE COW
THE DOG
THE CAT
THE DISH
THE SPOON

Cow. Dog!

Dog. Yes?

Cow. Do you like the cat?

Dog. No, I don't. Do you?

Cow. Of course not.

Dog. Why did you have her to lodge with you?

Cow. I really don't know. I thought it would be nice to have someone who was fond of music.

Dog. I'm fond of it, but not of the cat's music.

Cow. No, her music is a disappointment.

Dog. I don't care about that great lumpy fiddle of hers, either.

Cow. And she will accompany herself on it when she mews.

Dog. And then, she's so vain.

Cow. Yes! She told me she could jump better than I could.

Dog. Oh, how absurd.

Cow. She says I can't climb a tree.

Dog. And can you?

Cow. I've never tried it—I don't want to. She says you can't climb a tree.

Dog. Well, what then? I can stand at the bottom of it and bark. Can she do that?

Cow. Of course not. And I told her that if I liked I could jump over the moon.

Dog [rather incredulous]. Could you, Cow? Could you?

Cow. If it were near the ground.

Dog. But is it ever near the ground?

Cow. Certainly, when it is quite low down and looks all big and red.

Dog. Oh yes, to be sure.

Cow. And then, the cat gives such a lot of trouble. She must have her dinner on a dish every day, all mixed up with a spoon.

Dog. Such a fuss! Why can't she just have a bone on the drawing-room carpet—nothing nicer than that.

Cow. Or some grass in the field—so simple? The Dish and the Spoon don't like having to come down from the dresser so often. They like being quiet. [Mewing heard.] Not much chance of being quiet with a cat who practises all day.

[Enter Cat L., mewing. She is carrying a 'cello or a violin, preferably the former. She sits down on chair R.C. and pretends to tune her instrument, mewing the note and turning the pegs. If a grown-up who can play the tune on one of these instruments is not available for the part of the cat, the child who acts it can be taught, while mewing the tune through after tuning, to draw the bow across the open D string and A string on first beat, provided the instrument is not too precious for such handling.

Cow. May I ask, Cat——

Cat. Don't interrupt, please, when I'm practising. I'm going to mew at a concert to-night.

[Goes on.

[The Cow and the Dog join in, mooing and barking.

Cat [at end of tune]. What are you doing?

Cow. We're joining in the chorus.

Cat. There isn't a chorus to that song.

Dog. There was that time.

Cat. Well, don't let it happen again. I shan't practise any more for the present.

Dog. That's a comfort.

Cat. I want my dinner.

Cow [calls off]. Dish! Spoon! Bring the Cat's dinner.

Enter Dish and Spoon R.

Dish and Spoon. If you please, we wish to give notice.

Cow. Notice! Why?

Dish. There is too much to do here. We don't like having to bring in so many meals for the Cat.

Spoon. No, we don't.

Cat. What impertinence!

Dog. Well, then, I'll give notice too as a lodger. I don't like living under the same roof as the Cat.

Cow. Do you hear. Cat? You are breaking up my establishment. I must ask you to leave this day week.

Cat. Certainly not. I've got my rooms by the year, remember.

Dog. Oh dear. Bow, wow, wow.

Cat. May I ask why you don't like me?

Dog. I don't like your ways. You wag your tail when you're angry instead of wagging it when you're pleased.

Cat. It is a silly doggish plan to wag it when you're pleased. How can people know what you mean?

Cow. And you're so vain.

Cat. What about you? You said you could jump over the moon.

Cow. I said I could if I liked. But I don't like.

Cat. I'll bet you can't jump over the moon, whether you like it or not.

Cow. I never bet.

Cat. Then we won't bet for money. But I'll bet you you can't jump over the moon, and if you can, then I'll have lost my bet, and I'll go away as you ask; but if you can't, then I'll stay here as long as I please.

Dog [who has slyly pulled aside the curtain—aside to Cow]. Say yes, the moon's quite low.

Cow [to Cat]. All right, I'll take your bet.

Dog. And I'll be umpire.

Cat. Fair play, mind.

Dog. Dogs are always honest, they are not like cats.

Cat. And cats are always polite. They are not like dogs.

Dog. Now listen, Cat. If the Cow jumps so high that we can see the moon beneath her, that shall be counted jumping over the moon.

Cat. All right, then, draw the curtain so that we can see the moon.

[Dish draws the curtain—moon seen on the horizon.

Dog. Now then. One, two, three.

[Cow jumps. Moon seen under her as she jumps.

Dog. Ha, ha, ha! It makes me laugh to see such sport. Cow, you have won. We saw the moon under you as you jumped.

Dish and Spoon. Yes, we did!

Dog [to Cat]. You have lost your bet.

Cat. I'm very glad to go away from you all. I don't like those lumpy-jumpy ways.

All. We're glad too, so we're all satisfied!

[Exit Cat, mewing and fiddling.

Dish. Come along, Spoon. I'll run away with you into the fields.

Cow. Oh, what fun! we'll all elope together. Come on, Dog!

[They all dance round, and finally out. Length of dance ad lib., but they must go round twice at least. As they go from one side of the stage to the other, Cat comes in, in the contrary direction, meeting them. She carries her 'cello and stick in one hand, and in the other a small suit case. She tosses her head scornfully at the others and marches out.

CURTAIN

LUCY LOCKET

CHARACTERS

MRS. LOCKET
LUCY, her daughter
KITTY FISHER, her niece

⁂Produced at St. Mary's Hospital, Paddington, during the Christmas season of 1921, with the following cast:
Mrs. Locket: SYBIL THORNDIKE
Lucy Locket: Mary Casson
Kitty Fisher: Ann Casson

SCENE

MRS. LOCKET'S Drawing Room. Small table L. with workbox, etc., on it. R.C. armchair L. of table. L.C. higher chair. Mrs. Locket on armchair, sewing; Lucy on higher chair, swinging her legs.

Mrs. L. Oh dear, I never thought I should have such a careless child.

Lucy. Why didn't you think so, mother?

Mrs. L. Because I was so very tidy myself when I was a little girl—just like your Cousin Kitty. Oh, why are you not like her!

Lucy. I do think Kitty is so boring.

Mrs. L. My dear child! How wrong to say such a thing of your cousin.

Lucy. But, mother, you always say I'm to tell the truth. So as she is boring, I must say so.

Mrs. L. It's wrong to be bored by people who are good. Kitty is so tidy, so careful about everything: so unlike you. You're so heedless I can't even send you to the village shop for me.

Lucy. Oh, mother do let me go to the shop for you. I'm sure I could.

Mrs. L. I do want two pennorth of pepper, but I can't trust you to get it. I'm sure you would lose the pennies.

Lucy. No, no. I would hold them tightly in my hand. You see, I haven't a pocket in this frock. That's one reason why I lose things.

Mrs. L. That is true, and I have made you a nice little pocket to tie on, in hopes it will make you more careful.

Lucy. Oh, mother, what a darling pocket, and what a pretty binding!

Mrs. L. Yes, I've just sewn it on.

[Lucy ties it on round her waist.

Lucy. Do give me the two pennies, and I'll put them into the pocket.

Mrs. L. Take care that bow doesn't slip. You've tied it very loosely. Oh, here is your cousin Kitty.

Enter Kitty

Kitty. Good morning, Aunt Jane.

Mrs. L. Good morning, my child, and how is my good little girl this morning?

Kitty. Very well, thank you, aunt, and I feel very happy, too.

Lucy. So do I.

[Looking proudly at her pocket.

Kitty. Ah, but not for the same reason, I fear. I feel happy because I am so very good. I'm so tidy and careful, and I never forget anything.

Lucy. How dull that must be!

Mrs. L. Oh, my dear Lucy. Don't say that! Ask Kitty to tell you how she does it, while I go and write my letters.

[Goes out.

Lucy. No, don't tell me anything about it, Kitty. Look at my new pocket.

Kitty. I hope you won't lose it. I never lose anything.

Lucy. Oh, then, you do miss a lot of excitement! When I'm going out I have to rush about looking for my things, and it is so thrilling when I see my shoe far back under the bed, or my handkerchief in the coal-scuttle.

Kitty. Oh, Lucy, how much better it would be if your shoes were tidily side by side! You shock me. I always put my things where they ought to be, and then I find them again at once.

Lucy. Well, I wish you wouldn't, then, and put it into my mother's head. She's always wanting me to do the same.

Kitty. You must try, Lucy. Try as hard as you can, and perhaps some day you will grow up like me.

Lucy. I hope I shan't.

[Makes a face at her.

Kitty. Oh, how distressing! I never make a face.

Lucy. Now I'm going out to shop for mother.

[Jumps round room and goes out.

Kitty [looking after her]. Oh, poor girl, how I pity her! What is that I see on the ground over there? [Goes out and brings in Lucy's pocket.] Why, I believe this is Lucy's pocket! Dear, dear, how careless of her! What a good thing I was there ready to pick it up. [Feels in bag.] Nothing in it. Ha! there's something. No, it's only the binding round it. Dear, dear, she has lost the money too! I must go and find my aunt and take it to her.

[Enter Mrs. L., Kitty ostentatiously holding bag so that Mrs. L. may see it.

Mrs. L. What's that you have, Kitty?

Kitty [holding it up]. It's Lucy's pocket.

Mrs. L. What! Lucy's pocket, that I made her this morning? What are you doing with it, Kitty?

Kitty. I'm sorry to say, Aunt Jane, that Lucy dropped it, and as I happened to be looking round me to see if I could be useful in any way I saw it and picked it up.

Mrs. L. And what about the pence that were in it?

Kitty. They are not there. I'm very sorry, as I know people ought to be so careful of money. I always am.

[Loud boo-hooing heard outside. Enter Lucy.

Lucy. I've lost my pocket! I've lost my pocket!

Mrs. L. Oh, you careless girl! you may well cry. Luckily for you, Kitty Fisher found it.

Lucy. Oh, Kitty, did you? Oh, I am so glad. Give it to me quickly!

Kitty [holding it back]. Don't you think, Aunt Jane, I had better have it? I am so careful of my things.

Lucy [angry]. No, you shan't. You shan't have my nice pocket.

[Goes to her and drags it away. They fight.

Mrs. L. You are not to fight. That is very wrong.

Kitty. Very wrong. I forgot myself, I am afraid.

Mrs. L. Where are the pence you had in the pocket, Lucy?

[Lucy boo-hoos again.

Lucy. Oh, mother, it must have come untied when I jumped about. I'm so dreadfully sorry. I shall never be happy again.

Kitty. No, of course you can't feel happy as I do.

Lucy. Mother, do let me try once more; I really will be good.

Mrs. L. Are you sure, Lucy? Will you really try?

Lucy. Yes, yes, I promise. I'll be like a little girl in a book, who changes all of a sudden, and never does it again.

Mrs. L. Very well, then, I'll trust you with it once more.

Kitty. I'm a little surprised at you, aunt.

Lucy. And you'll never tell me I'm to be as good as Kitty?

Mrs. L. No, because you will be just as good without my telling you.

Kitty. Good-bye then, aunt, I don't care to stay here if I'm of no use in setting an example to Lucy.

Lucy. I can do without your example, thank you.

Kitty. We shall see. But next time Lucy Locket loses her pocket Kitty Fisher will not find it.

[They all sing "Lucy Locket," the curtain coming down on the last line.

POLLY PUT THE KETTLE ON

CHARACTERS

MRS. SMILER
MRS. BROWN
MRS. JENNINGS
POLLY
MRS. CRABSTICK
SUKEY

SCENE

MRS. SMILER'S Cottage. A table C. half way up stage, four chairs round it arranged almost in a semi-circle, so that there is no one with back to audience. R. a stove on which to put kettle, etc. Dresser or table at back with cups and saucers, etc., on it.

Mrs. S. Polly! Polly!

Polly [outside]. Yes, ma'am.

[Enter Polly. She is very small.

Mrs. S. Now, Polly, this afternoon you must be my little maid.

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Do you think I can trust you?

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. You see, Sukey hasn't come in yet, and some people are coming to tea, so you must put the kettle on to boil, and make the tea when they come.

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Do you think you can?

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Do you know how to make the tea?

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. How do you make it?

Polly. With water, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Anything else?

Polly. No, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Oh, Polly! you are hopeless.

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. What do you make the tea with, stupid?

Polly. The kettle, ma'am.

Mrs. S. And what else?

Polly. The teapot, ma'am.

Mrs. S. And what inside the teapot?

Polly [thinks a minute, then triumphantly]. Water, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Anything else?

Polly. Tea, ma'am!

Mrs. S. Of course. Now mind you don't forget, and have everything ready, as the party will be here in a minute: and I'll go and put on my best cap.

[Exit.

Polly [stands for a minute with the kettle in her hands, trying to remember]. Let me see ... Oh yes, the tea.

[She puts many spoonfuls of tea into the kettle, and then water, shakes the kettle to see if there's water in it, pours some water into the teapot; then, as she is standing with the kettle in her hand, Mrs. S. comes in quickly with a gorgeous cap on.

Mrs. S. I see them coming across the green! Quick, Polly, put the kettle on, we'll all have tea. [A knock at the door. Mrs. S. goes and opens it.] Good afternoon, Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Jennings, Mrs. Crabstick!

Mrs. J. [brightly]. Good afternoon to you, I'm sure.

Mrs. B. [composed]. Good afternoon, Mrs. Smiler.

Mrs. C. [coldly]. Afternoon.

Mrs. J. [brightly]. Good afternoon, Mrs. Smiler, and hoping you keep well.

Mrs. S. Yes, thank you. I have my worries, of course, like the rest of us.

Mrs. C. [grimly]. We all have. It's a weary world.

Mrs. J. Oh, Mrs. Crabstick, cheer up, just when we've come to such a nice tea-party.

Mrs. C. I depend on my tea.

Mrs. B. Oh, of course; so do I.

Mrs. J. We all do.

Mrs. S. Well, I hope you'll get it as you like it to-day.

Mrs. C. One doesn't get what one's used to out of their own house, but if you come out to tea one must make the best of it.

Mrs. J. [to Mrs. S.]. And your little maid, Sukey, makes such good tea.

Mrs. S. Yes, she does, but to-day she's out. I'm afraid she must have had a tumble off her bicycle.

Mrs. C. Bicycle indeed! In my young days feet were good enough.

Mrs. J. [laughing]. Quite true, Mrs. Crabstick. If we had been meant to go on bicycles we should be born with wheels instead of legs.

Mrs. B. Ah, it's a weary world.

Mrs. S. Oh dear me, Mrs. Crabstick, don't be so gloomy. I've got another little maid to take Sukey's place this afternoon. You'll get your tea all the same. The kettle's boiling now. Polly, is everything ready?

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

[She brings in the teapot, the guests sit round the table, Mrs. S. at the head of it. Kettle on fire.

Mrs. S. Now, I'll help you first, Mrs. Crabstick. I know you depend so much on your tea.

[Pours out: water only comes out of the pot.

Mrs. S. Oh!

Mrs. J. There's only water in the teapot.

Mrs. B. There's no tea in it.

Mrs. S. Oh dear, what can have happened? Polly!

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. There's no tea in the teapot.

Polly. No, ma'am.

Mrs. S. But I told you to put in some tea, and I gave you the tea-caddy.

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Then what did you do with the tea?

Polly. Put it into the kettle, ma'am.

Mrs. S. Into the kettle! Give me the kettle at once.

Polly. Yes, ma'am.

[Mrs. S. pours out; an inky fluid comes out of the spout.[A]

Mrs. S. Oh! what a way of making tea!

Mrs. C. You'll excuse me if I go away, Mrs. Smiler. I'm so afraid of being taken worse if I stay here after what has happened.

The Others. And we really feel we had better do the same. Good afternoon, Mrs. Smiler.

[They all get up and go towards the door. The door is thrown violently open and Sukey rushes in.

Mrs. S. Oh, Sukey! There you are at last.

All the Guests [looking at her]. At last!

Sukey. I'm so sorry, ma'am; I fell off my bicycle, and it's broken.

Mrs. C. [solemnly]. What did I say!

Sukey. I did so want to be here to make the tea.

Mrs. S. You had better have been. Look!

[Pours out of the kettle some of the black liquid.

Sukey. Oh dear! I'll get another. [Opens cupboard, gets out another kettle.] I'll soon make it boil.

[Puts water into kettle and puts it on the fire.

Mrs. B. I don't think we'll wait for any more tea-makings, thank you. Good afternoon.

All. Good afternoon.

[They all go out.

Mrs. S. Oh dear! Oh dear! My tea-party has not been a success. Sukey, take it off again, they've all gone away.

[Mrs. S., Sukey, and Polly all sing together, "Sukey, take it off again, they've all gone away!"

QUICK CURTAIN

GOOSEY-GANDER

CHARACTERS

THE GANDER
THE DRAKE
THE BAILIFF
FARMER GILES
THE COUNTESS
MELISSA

The Gander and the Drake have a language of their own which they are supposed to use when speaking to one another, but the parts are here written in ordinary language to be understood by the audience. They understand what the human beings say, but cannot join in conversation with them.

SCENE I

A road, paling at back, parallel to front of stage, with gate supposed to be leading into farmyard. Enter Gander R. Walks rapidly to the centre of the stage, then suddenly stops as if bewildered, looks on ground in every direction.