Transcriber’s Note

This is a picture book.

Most of the captions use slang and dialect.

Yours faithfully,
M. Angelo Woolf

SKETCHES OF LOWLY LIFE
IN A GREAT CITY

BY
M. A. WOOLF

EDITED BY
JOSEPH HENIUS

G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
NEW YORKLONDON
27 AND 29 WEST 23D STREET24 BEDFORD STREET, STRAND NEW YORK
27 AND 29 WEST 23D STREET
LONDON
24 BEDFORD STREET, STRAND

The Knickerbocker Press, New York

To
ELIZA WOOLF HENIUS

INTRODUCTION

In presenting this volume, I have endeavored to honor the memory of a good man and a dear friend. In the tenderness, sincerity, and simplicity of his work are to be found the elements which were most conspicuous in the personality of the late M. A. Woolf, together with unostentatious charity and a humor, unique in contemporary art, which, while always manly and honest, possessed the power to move as well to tears as to laughter.

The following selections were made from among the most characteristic of Mr. Woolf’s contributions to Life and Judge, and a number of hitherto unpublished drawings.

To all who by kindly suggestion and personal effort have assisted me in this compilation, I extend the assurance of my deep thanks and appreciation.

Joseph Henius.

Brooklyn, October, 1899.

BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE

Michael Angelo Woolf was born in London, England, August 27, 1837. His father was Edward Woolf, a musician of eminence, and a man of versatile talent in both art and literature. Michael Woolf was brought to America in his infancy; his talent manifested itself early, and he contributed as a young man to many prominent periodicals. For a number of years he turned aside from draughtsmanship to pursue an actor’s career, and two charming autobiographical reminiscences of this period of his life appeared in the Saturday Evening Post, of Philadelphia, shortly after his death. At the close of the Civil War, Mr. Woolf resumed his original profession, but turning his attention more to painting, was hampered by the remissness of his early training, and sought regular art instruction, for the first time in his life, at the hands of Edouard Frère in France. Upon his return to America he exhibited a much admired painting, “How It Happened,” at the National Academy of Design. In his later years he turned his endeavors almost entirely to the delineation of child life among the poorer classes; and his drawings, with their peculiar combination of humor and pathos, have become widely known here and abroad.

Mr. Woolf died suddenly of heart disease at the home of his sister in Brooklyn, N. Y., March 4, 1899.

HARD HIT.

Miranda (oh, so deeply in love): “I can’t stand this suspense no longer! Ask her if all marriages is failures.”

HARD HIT.

“I say, mister, have yer got a penny walentine what rhymes ter Maggie?”

LOVE IS A FEARFUL THING.

“If you please, sir: none uv us ain’t able ter sleep uv a night, an’ we want ter know if yer ain’t got suthin what’ll cure us, an’ we can’t tell what’s de matter wid us.”

The innocent cause, who is paying a visit to friends in the village.

A POINT IN ETIQUETTE.

“Kin I give him flowers if I’ve not been interdooced ter him?”

“No, it ain’t good form even ter reckernize a man wot yer don’t even know. The best way is ter get ackwainted with the Dutch grocer where he buys his ’taters an’ herrinks, an’ let the interduction come through him.”

A TERROR.

“Jim, giv’ us a interduction.”

“No, Tom, no. Yer don’t know her, an’ yer don’ want ter. She’s de ice-cream fiend of de ward; she’s beggared two newsboys an’ a Italian bootblack, an’ she’s a looking roun’ for another wictim.”

GALLANT.

Girl.—“Don’t be frightened. He won’t bite you.”

Boy.—“I ain’t askeered o’ the dog. I’m a envyin’ him, that’s all.”

EXCEPTIONAL VALUE.

Nurse (in continuation, speaking of her brother in the wagon).—“Yes, an’ he ain’t got no wices at all; he don’t smoke, drink, or chew terbacker, an’ he don’t want no latch-key.”

Friend (on right).—“Lor’, what a husbant he’d make.”

“What is it, Lizzie, a boy or a gal?”

“A gal.”

“Dear, dear me! There’s some one else who’s got to worry about gettin’ a husband.”

A MYSTERY SOLVED.

“Clara, it’s the likes o’ them w’ot makes so many of us young bodies ole maids. The fellers gets askeered o’ the milliners’ an’ the dressmakers’ bills.”

THE ONE THING LACKING.

Patsy: “W’ot do de gals admire uv dose milingtary chaps, I wonder?”

Jimmy: “It’s deir mustarchers, Patsy, deir mustarchers. If I had one dat bloke wouldn’t be in it wid me.”

HARD HIT.

Marriageable Young Man (on left): “What a wife such a woman would make.”

Lillian: “’Ain’t that your brother?”

Maud: “Yes!”

Lillian: “Why don’t yer interdooce me?”

Maud: “He’s a misant’rope; he’s been crost in love, and he’s giv’ our sex the cold shake!”

“Good morning, Adolph de Belfort. How comes it you are not at church this fine Thanksgiving morn. Have you nothing to be thankful for?”

“For nothing as much as being able to count myself one of your most ardent admirers, believe me!”

A SURE WINNER.

Mentor (behind rock): “Hand her de bokay, Jimmy, an’ den t’row yerself at her feet an’ tell her yer life is mizzerable, an’ dat yer’ll chuck yerself in de ocean if she don’t have yer; an’ don’t forgit de sooicide rackit. Dat fetches de wimmin every time.”

C’EST L’AMOUR.

“Mary, there is warious kinds o’ love. There is that love wot never wants nothin’ but love; then there’s a love wot’s simply lovely, it’s so pure an’ good. Such a love is like the stars wot shines in the infirmary in circumambulance space, an’ this is the hour for love, the sunset hour. Do you remember Gray’s ‘Elegy’ begins with the line ‘Wot Curtius told to Nell at parting day’?”

“Look at me, Lizzie; the gal wot gets me’ll have a snap, for I don’t chew, smoke, or git drunk!”

IN A TERRIBLE FIX.

Young and Bashful Admirer: “If she should turn ’round and say to me that she loves me as she does that doll, what would I say?”

A TRYING MOMENT.

Maggie: “Lizzie, wuz you ever kissed?”

Lizzie: “Only wunst in my life, an’ that wuz when I wuz in the horspital wid a broken arm; an old lady kissed me an’ I blushed like a child!”

IN SUSPENSE.

Genevieve (at upper window): “Them’s Teddy’s legs if ever Teddy lived; what could ha happened; I wonder could he have committed soo-incide ’cause I rejected him this mornin’?”

(No! The afternoon was warm, and Teddy was taking a siesta.)

TO STOP GOSSIPS’ TONGUES.

Horatio (to Lucretia): “As our engagement is not made public yet, you had better let go o’ my arm when we get a little nearer to the village!”

“Tommy, the doctors is sayin’ that kissin’ is apt to breed sickness!”

“I know. But we men have to take risks in everythink!”

NOT DEAD SURE OF HER.

“I wonder if she’d sic de dorg on me if I wuz ter fall on me knees an’ tell her I love her?”

“In this stocking, Letitia, you will find the hard savings of my lifetime,—two half-dollars, a silver spoon, a briarwood pipe, and a bottle of red ink; not much, I will admit, but enough to start house-keeping with if you will only say the word!”

“Reginald Overbeck, you embarrass me! Think of the difference in our ages,—what will the world say?—take me, I am your’n!”

NO TRIFLERS WANTED.

She: “I don’t mind walking with you, but for goodness’ sake don’t say you love me and ask me to wait for you—they all do that. If there’s any waiting to be done, wait yourself until you’re a man, and then come right down to business.”

HOME, SWEET HOME.

“Look, Adelaide, look! The boat is ready! Let us fly to yon foreign shore!”

“Marmion Bludwurst, your appeal is in vain; I kinnot leave my home. It is unpossible!”

CHANGED HER OPINION.

Ethelwynde: “They say she married a common mechanic.”

Heliotroype: “Common, Ethelwynde? Why, he had spent all his life in a bicycle manufactory!”

Ethelwynde: “Oh, heavens! Although a man-hater for years, I feel that I could love such a man as that with my innermost soul!”

PATRIOTIC.

Boy (reading “Personals”): “A young man of means wishes to meet a young and attractive lady who would be willing to marry and spend part of the year abroad.”

Young Lady (matrimonially inclined): “That’d suit me izzackly, exceptin’ the livin’ abroad. I’d rather go roun’ wid me basket in America, dan be presented to de nobility in London.”

T’ROWN DOWN.

“Genevieve Cassidy, you ask me why I have brought you to this spot. Look! That ball of snow contains the body of my rival, Homer Gallagher. The vengeance I have wroke on him fills my heart with joy, for I feel I am a step nearer my one great ambition.”

He: “Hortense Vaseline Debris, from this hour henceforwardforth we ain’t to each other what we wuz a week ago. I brand yer as a flirt an’ a croquet!”

She (haughtily): “As you please, Reginald Overton. There are others!”

PROOF CONCLUSIVE.

Mediator: “He’s bin goin’ on like dat fer a week. He don’t get no sleep, but keeps moanin’ an’ mentionin’ yer name.”

Lizzie: “Does he refuse his wittles?”

Mediator: “Oh, no!”

Lizzie: “Den it isn’t love w’ot’s a-worryin’ him. W’ot he wants is exercise.”

WHY IT WAS OFF.

“W’ot’s de matter, Billy—is de engagement broke off?”

“Yes; it’s no use payin’ intentions to a gal w’ot kin knock de head off yer with a simple lick, an’ dat’s w’ot she come near doin’ de last time I called on her. If I marries a gal I wants ter be boss, an’ if dere’s any fightin’ to be did I wants ter be champion.”

A GUILTY PALM.

“Feodora, yer have been a deceivin’ of me. Yer hand tells me yer have been married twicet!”

A BIT OF ROMANCE.

“What’s the matter, Tom—is yer engagement off?”

“Aye, Simeon, it’s the old, old story. Famerly interference, mother-in-law, an’ all that sort o’ thing. It druv me ter drink, an’ I become a wreck, an’ she—she took to the Salwation Army!”

THAT’S WHY.

Boy (in background, to chum): “Why don’t yer go an’ knock de stuffin’ out un yer rival?”

Chum: “I’ll tell yer why. Did yer ever see him fight? I have.”

MEN WERE DECEIVERS EVER.

Lopez Donovan (putting his face under cover): “By de holy smoke! if it ain’t my fiancee, Loriena Brady. W’ot will she do w’en she finds out dat my heart is marble an’ I’se t’rown her down for de little angel w’ot I’se a-pullin’?”

“Tom, she giv’ me the marble heart, the cold shake; them baloom sleeves is too much for her. (In a whisper): I want you to let me pull your sister ’round on that sled for a little while. I want ter make that gal jealous—it’ll break her heart!”

TERRIBLE.

Pamela O’Duffy (in wagon): “A clandesting meetin’! Oh, Algernon! Oh, the perfigiousness of man! And with a or’nary butcher’s daughter, too! Oh, this is much more than too much! (With theatric action and force): By yon flossy cloudlets w’ot wanders over yon Asia sky, I register an oath to jolt his jaglets’ footsteps night an’ day, to taunt him with my frenzied thumb until his life becomes a bird’n, an’ he seeks death in hor-r-r-rer, ’r-retchedness, an’ r-r-r-remorse!” (Faints.)

“THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE,” etc.

He: “There’s the only girl I ever loved, an’ I dassent go near her ’cause she’s gittin’ the measles.”

AFTER THE QUARREL.

Niobe MacGonigal (on extreme left): “If he on’y knowed w’ot a wretched night I passed I wonder if he’d let me took back dem words I spoke?”

INGRATITUDE.

Pythias: “Come along, Damon. She ain’t worth a second thought!”

Damon: “To think she should treat me like this! Why, I started her in business; I stole that basket for her w’ot she goes a-beggin’ with.”

Pythias (with disgust): “Bah! Wimmin is ingrates; they make me tired!”

AN APPEAL.

“Maud Percy Sidney, listen to me. Me an’ my child is desolate since you have took from us our purtector an’ surport. If my words cannot move you, let the wasted form of this poor child melt your heart, if it be not made of adamank or cast iron.”

IN DOUBT.

“Lizzie, you’re a woman o’ the world and what I’m a’ askin’ you is in strick conferdence, o’ course. Jim, there, has offert me his hand. (In a hoarse whisper): Do you think a woman would be happy with a man with legs like his’n?”

AT THE END OF THE SEASON.

“Billy, now that she’s agoin’ away, I want ter tell yer that I wuz all broke up on that gal, an’ I would have married her if she had only given me some encouragement.”

BY THE SAD SEA SHORE.

Argument: The last boat of the season is leaving, carrying away a host of summer boarders.

Party on Rock (in tones of deepest anguish): “Farewell, Mercedes, farewell! In six short months you will have forgotten Vacopo the fisherman’s son, and my old age will be made a wreck!”

’TWAS EVER THUS.

Smitten Youth (who has been very attentive with flowers and huckleberries for a month past): “Hevings, Horatio, she must be agoin’ to leave the place!” (Swoons.)

THE LOVERS.

She (on right of picture, timidly): “Will Sidney forgive his birdie if she asks a favor of him?”

He (warmly): “Sidney kin refuse his Hortense nothink.”

She (with a choking emotion): “Then ask him to play a weddin’ march.”

“Say, Dago, could yer get a weddin’ breakfust ready at a hour’s notice?”

THE CHILD’S DAY OFF
FRESH AIR.

THE FATHER’S DAY OFF
A FRESH BOTTLE.

APROPOS OF THAT $50,000 TO CLOTHE THE ARMENIANS.

Father Knickerbocker: “When you send to Armenia, let it be by way of Mulberry Bend!”

“I wonder if I wuz all dressed up an’ put in a winder, if anybody would long to have me?”

“Has father got here yet?”

“Them’s for a funeral, I guess!”

“Sure!”

(With a sigh): “Ah, there’s some pleasure in bein’ a Fi’th Avenyer corpse!”

(At the ash-can): “De story-book says dat de prince married Cindyrella, but I don’t believe it; I don’t think he took no notice of her!”

THE DIFFERENCE.

James: “Wot’s de matter; has he bin a-workin’ de growler agin?”

Larry: “No; dis time de growler has bin a-workin’ him.”

RARE INNOCENCE.

She: “Jimmy, is dere enny rinks open now?”

He: “Naw, dey all closed more ’n a mont’ ago?

She: “So I t’ought. I wondered wo’t mother meant by sayin’ father came home last night wid a skate on.”

THE DAY WE CELEBRATE.

First Boy: “Too much Santa Claus, eh?”

Second Boy: “No, too much Santa Cruz.”

HIS NATURAL BENT.

Father (in high glee): “Vell, Repecka, unt vat do you t’ink ohf our Ikey now? Look ad him. He’s put on mine coat unt vest to make him look like a man, unt den got dree lemons for a sign, unt he’s shtarted a pawnbroker’s shtore on der sidewalk. Mark mein vords, he’ll haf der clothes off dem Cristian poys’ packs before dey goes away.”

PATERNAL PRIDE.

“If there’s a child in the sixt’ ward kin bate that wan o’ moine at dhrinkin’, fetch him along, and I’ll set up the licker for the house. Ah! but it’s a proud woman his mother’d be this day if she wuz on’y aloive to see him!”

“Agnes, does your father drink, too?”

“She must be getting better. It is the first time she has smiled.”

TOO MUCH FOR HIM.

“Come away, Nellie, come away! I can’t stand it no longer. The sight an’ smell o’ them cakes make me desperit.”

TO BE ENVIED.

“Hey, Jimmy, dat shop’s mighty lucky dese hard times.”

THAT’S WHERE THE IRON ENTERED.

“Jimmy, it ain’t the walue o’ the dorg w’ot I’m a-thinkin’ of, although that’s enough to break one’s heart, but it’s the chicking an’ the party o’ four grasses w’ot he’s got on his insides!”

LOST HER PASS.

Boy (on extreme right of picture, to sister): “Wot have yer did wid de pennies w’ot I giv yer ter save fer de ice cream?”

Sister: “Ow—boo-hoo-hoo! I put ’em in me mout fer safety, and I’ve swallered em. Boo-hoo-hoo!”

TOO BAD.

“Talk about cruelty ter young folks! I want ter know if dere’s anyting worse dan ter come acrost one er dem posters when yer dat hungry you could almost eat yer shoes.”

HER SMALL WISH.

“See w’ot I found in the ash-barril. What a pity it ain’t got no stummick!”

“I envies it. If I didn’t have no stummick I wouldn’t want no grub!”

TERRIBLE.

“Yes, it’s just too awful to think I’ve got to grow so old that gents won’t make room for me in the cars!”

ON THE FRESH-AIR EXCURSION.

Tillie (overcome of her free lunch): “Say, Maggie, run a pin in me. I must be a-dreamin’. This is too good to be true!”

AN ANXIOUS MOMENT. (AT THE FRESH-AIR EXCURSION.)

“Please, sir, I’s lost me ticket.”

SIMPLE STRATEGY.

Emily: “Wot’s the use of yer standin’ an’ lookin’ in the winder when yer ain’t got no money?”

Sophy: “Well, I’ll tell yer. I stand an’ aggrawate myself to that extent that the excitement of it gets me hungry, an’ I rushes home an’ eats me dry crust o’ bread wid an appetite.”

THE TEMPTATION TOO GREAT.

Ellen: “Why don’t you put a couple of oysters on those black eyes o’ yourn?”

Tom: “I did. I tried it twiced, but somehow I can’t never get them no furder up than my mout.”

Boy: “He kin scare us with his racket, now, Em’ly, but in a couple o’ days our stummicks will be his cemetary!”

BAD LOOKOUT FOR JOHNNY.

“Come, Mariar—come quick! Johnny Atkins is a-buyin’ a apple!”

“I seen yer buy de apple, Susy Roach, an’ if yer don’t gimme half I’ll rub aginst yer, an’ yer’ll catch der measles.”

A BONANZA.

“Mattie, come quick, an’ bring everythink yer can with yer! There’s bin a New Year’s party, an’ they’re a-givin’ away all the pidgins, toast, an’ wegetables what’s bin left over!”

A GOOD TIME.

“Bill, you wuzzent in it when you didn’t go to de picnic; dat’s right! Dere wuz pie—an’ cake—an’ limonade—an’ red an’ yaller ice-cream, an’ I eat so much dat when I got t’rough I felt as dough dere wuz a duzzent angels a-sittin’ on me ribs a-fannin’ me stummick to sleep.”