INGERSOLLIA
By Robert G. Ingersoll
GEMS OF THOUGHT FROM THE LECTURES, SPEECHES, AND CONVERSATIONS OF COL ROBERT G. INGERSOLL, REPRESENTATIVE OF HIS OPINIONS AND BELIEFS
Edited By Elmo
1882.
CONTENTS
[ 2. The Happy Life of the Farm ]
[ 3. The Ambitious Farmer's Boy ]
[ 4. Never Be Afraid of Work! ]
[ 5. Happiness the Object of Life ]
[ 6. The Sunset of the Farmer's Life ]
[ 7. Farmers, Protect Yourselves! ]
[ 8. Roast the Beef, Not the Cook. ]
[ 10. The Wages of Slovenly Farming. ]
[ 11. The Farmer's Happy Winter ]
[ 15. What to do with the Idlers ]
[ 17. The Best Farming States ]
[ 18. The Laborers, the Kings and Queens ]
[ 19. The Family the Only Heaven in this World ]
[ 20. The Far-Seeing Eyes of Children. ]
[ 21. Love and Freedom in a Cabin ]
[ 22. The Turnpike Road of Happiness ]
[ 23. Love Paying Ten Per Cent ]
[ 24. A Word to the Cross-Grained ]
[ 25. Oh! Daughters and Wives be Beautiful ]
[ 26. A Wholesome Word to the Stingy ]
[ 27. The Boss of the Family ]
[ 29. The Opera at the Table ]
[ 30. A Child's laugh sweeter than Apollo's lyre ]
[ 31. Don't Wake the Children ]
[ 32. How to Deal with Children ]
[ 34. The Greatest Liars in Michigan ]
[ 36. A Solemn Satire on Whipping Children ]
[ 37. The Whips and Gods are Gone! ]
[ 38. Absolute Independence of the Individual ]
[ 42. I Want to Put Out the Fires of Hell ]
[ 44. A Star in the Sky of Despair ]
[ 45. Do not Shock the Heathen! ]
[ 46. I will Settle with God Myself ]
[ 47. I Claim my Right to Guess ]
[ 50. Every Man a Bight to Think ]
[ 51. Too Early to Write a Creed ]
[ 52. Every Mind True to Itself ]
[ 53. The Torch of Progress. ]
[ 54. Gold makes a Barren Landscape ]
[ 56. The Divorce of Church and State ]
[ 60. The Temple of the Future ]
[ 62. The Eighteenth Century ]
[ 63. Liberty—Fraternity—Equality! ]
[ 65. Ingersoll Not a Politician ]
[ 68. Church and School Divorced ]
[ 69. Laws That Want Repealing ]
[ 72. Candidates Made Hypocrites ]
[ 73. The Church and the Throne ]
[ 75. Liberty for Politicians ]
[ 76. Tax all Church Property ]
[ 78. The Best Blood of the Old Word come to the New ]
[ 80. The Enthusiasts of 1776 ]
[ 81. The Church Must Have no Sword ]
[ 82. We are All of Us Kings! I want the power where some one can use ]
[ 87. Years Without Seeing a Dollar! ]
[ 88. The Wail of Dead Nations ]
[ 89. What the Republican Party Did ]
[ 91. Photograph of a Democrat. ]
[ 92. I am a Republican, I Tell You! ]
[ 94. Give Every Man a Chance ]
[ 95. Who Shall Rule the Country? ]
[ 96. The Declaration of Independence ]
[ 97. The World Grows Brighter. ]
[ 100. We are a Great People ]
[ 103. The Republican Platform. ]
[ 104. Our Government the best on Earth ]
[ 105. Will the Second Century of America be as good as the First? ]
[ 106. The Glory of Science. ]
[ 108. Science Better than a Creed ]
[ 109. The Religion of Science ]
[ 110. Science not Sectarian ]
[ 111. The Epitaph of all Religions ]
[ 115. Science Opening the Gates of Thought ]
[ 116. Stars and Grains of Sand ]
[ 117. The Trinity of Science ]
[ 118. The Old and the New Old ideas perished in the retort of the ]
[ 119. The Triumphs of Science ]
[ 121. Science the only Lever ]
[ 122. The Colonel Short of Words!!! ]
[ 123. Slavery in the Name of Religion ]
[ 124. The Patrons of Slavery ]
[ 125. A Colored Man in Congress ]
[ 127. Black People have Suffered Enough ]
[ 128. The History of Civilization ]
[ 129. Does God Uphold Slavery? ]
[ 131. The Soldiers of the Republic ]
[ 133. What Were We Fighting For? ]
[ 134. The Revolution Consummated ]
[ 135. Fighting Done!—Work Begun! ]
[ 136. Manhood worth more than Gold ]
[ 137. Grander than Greek or Roman. ]
[ 138. Let us Drink to the Living and the Dead ]
[ 139. Will the Wounds of the War be Healed? ]
[ 140. Saviours of the Nation ]
[ 143. The Debt will be paid ]
[ 145. A Voter because a Man ]
[ 146. Keep the Flag in Heaven! ]
[ 147. Prosperity and Resumption hand in hand ]
[ 148. Every Poor Man should Stand by the Government ]
[ 150. A Government with a Long Arm ]
[ 155. The South and the Tariff ]
[ 157. The Old Woman of Tewksbury ]
[ 158. American Muscle, Coined into Gold ]
[ 160. Resources of Illinois. ]
[ 164. America a Glorious Land ]
[ 165. How to Spend a Dollar ]
[ 166. Honesty is Best always and Everywhere ]
[ 167. A Fountain of Greenbacks ]
[ 168. What the Greenback says! ]
[ 170. Silver demonetized by Fraud! ]
[ 172. Faith—A Mixture of Insanity and Ignorance ]
[ 173. What the Saints Could Cure! ]
[ 174. The Sleep of Persecutors ]
[ 175. Crime Rampant and God Silent! ]
[ 176. How Criminals Die Serenely! ]
[ 177. The first Corpse and the first Cathedral ]
[ 178. The Sixteenth Century ]
[ 179. An Orthodox Gentleman ]
[ 181. History a Bloody Farce! ]
[ 182. Weak ones Suffering—Heaven deaf ]
[ 183. Heaven has no Ear, no Hand ]
[ 184. Religion is Tyrannical ]
[ 186. Religion not the End of Life ]
[ 188. The Worst Religion in the World ]
[ 189. Religion Demanding Miracles ]
[ 195. The Church Forbids Investigation ]
[ 196. The Church Charges Falsely ]
[ 197. The Church in the "Dark Ages" ]
[ 198. The Few Say, "Think!" ]
[ 199. The Church and the Tree of Knowledge ]
[ 200. The Church Cries, "Believe!" ]
[ 201. The Heretics Cried, "Halt!" ]
[ 202. The World not so Awful Flat ]
[ 203. From Whence Come Wars? ]
[ 204. Another Day of Divine Work ]
[ 205. The Donkey and the Lion ]
[ 206. The Orthodox Christian ]
[ 208. The Church the Great Robber ]
[ 211. Shakespeare's Plays v. Sermons ]
[ 212. Why Should the Church be Merciful? ]
[ 213. The Church and the Infidel. ]
[ 215. Infinite Impudence of the Church ]
[ 218. The Church Looks Back ]
[ 223. Freedom for the Clergy ]
[ 225. Origin of the Priesthood ]
[ 227. The Parson, the Crane and the Fish ]
[ 228. Banish Me from Eden—But! ]
[ 229. The Pulpit's Cry of Fear ]
[ 231. The Parson Factory at Andover ]
[ 232. A Charge to Presbyteries ]
[ 233. Nature the True Bible ]
[ 236. I Don't Believe the Bible ]
[ 237. The Bible the Real Persecutor ]
[ 238. Immoralities of the Bible ]
[ 239. The Bible Stands in the Way ]
[ 243. Damned for Laughing at Samson ]
[ 244. The Man, Not the Book, Inspired ]
[ 246. Absurd and Foolish Fables ]
[ 247. The Bible the Work of Man ]
[ 248. Something to Admire, not Laugh at ]
[ 249. An Intellectual Deformity ]
[ 250. The Bible a Poor Product ]
[ 251. The Bible the Battle Ground of Sects ]
[ 253. Where Moses got the Pentateuch ]
[ 254. God's Letter to His Children ]
[ 256. Read the Bible—and Then! ]
[ 257. An Infallible Book Makes Slaves ]
[ 258. Can a Sane Man Believe in Inspiration? ]
[ 261. The Bad Passages in the Bible not Inspired ]
[ 263. One Plow worth a Million Sermons ]
[ 265. The Legitimate Influence of Religion ]
[ 266. Infidels the Flowers of the World ]
[ 267. The Noblest Sons of, Earth ]
[ 268. How Ingersoll became an Infidel ]
[ 269. Why Should Infidels Die in Fear? ]
[ 270. Infidelity is Liberty ]
[ 271. The World in Debt to Infidels ]
[ 272. Infidels the Pioneers of Progress ]
[ 273. Infidels the Great Discoverers ]
[ 275. Every Nation has Created a God ]
[ 277. Creation the Decomposition of the Infinite ]
[ 278. The Gods Are as the People Are ]
[ 279. Gods Shouldn't Make Mistakes ]
[ 281. Plenty of Gods on Hand ]
[ 283. Was the Devil an Idiot? ]
[ 286. Fancy a Devil Drowning a World ]
[ 287. Some Gods Very Particular About Little Things ]
[ 288 The Gods of To-day the Scorn of To-morrow ]
[ 289. No Evidence of a God in Nature ]
[ 290. Great Variety in Gods ]
[ 292. Give the Devil His Due ]
[ 294. On the Horns of a Dilemma ]
[ 295. The Devil and the Swine ]
[ 296. How can I assist God? ]
[ 299. The Devils better than the Gods ]
[ 302. Hope of a Future Life ]
[ 304. What if Death Does End All? ]
[ 305. The Old World Ignorant of Destiny ]
[ 306. Where the Doctrine of Hell was born ]
[ 307. The Grand Companionships of Hell ]
[ 309. The Drama of Damnation ]
[ 310. Annihilation rather than be a God ]
[ 311. "All that have Red Hair shall be Damned." ]
[ 312. The Conscience of a Hyena ]
[ 316. The Emperor Constantine. ]
[ 317. Did Franklin and Jefferson Die in Fear? ]
[ 318. Angels at Constantino's Dying Bed! ]
[ 322. The Greatest of all Political Writers ]
[ 323. The Writings of Paine ]
[ 324. The Last Words of Paine. ]
[ 325. Paine Believed in God ]
[ 326. The Intellectual Hera ]
[ 327. Paine, Franklin, Jefferson ]
[ 331. Calvin's Five Fetters ]
[ 334. Humboldt's Illustrious Companions ]
[ 335. Humboldt the Apostle of Science ]
[ 336. Ingersoll Muses by Napoleon's Tomb ]
[ 337. Eulogy on J. G. Blaine ]
[ 348. Professor Swing, a Dove amongst Vultures ]
[ 349. Queen Victoria and George Eliot ]
[ 352. "Wealthy in Integrity; In Brain a Millionaire." ]
[ 353. Garfield a Certificate of the Splendor of the American Constitution ]
[ 356. The Aristocracy that will Survive. ]
[ 357. Truth will Bear the Test ]
[ 360. The People are Beginning to Think ]
[ 362. Man the Victor of the Future ]
[ 364. Make the Sabbath Merry ]
[ 365. Away to the Hills and the Sea ]
[ 367. Moses took Egyptian Law for his Model ]
[ 368. A False Standard of Success ]
[ 370. The Sad Wilderness History ]
[ 371. Law Much Older than Sinai ]
[ 372. Who is the Blasphemer? ]
[ 375. Haeckel before Moses! ]
[ 378. Early Rising is Barbaric! ]
[ 380. Never Rise at Four O'Clock ]
[ 384. The One Window in the Ark ]
[ 385. No Ante-Diluvian Camp-Meetings! ]
[ 387. What did Moses know about the Sun? ]
[ 388. Something for Nothing ]
[ 390. The Colonel in the Kitchen—How to Cook a Beefsteak ]
[ 393. Scathing Impeachment of Intemperance ]
[ 396. Ingersoll Prefers Shoemakers to Princes ]
[ 399. Who is the True Nobleman? ]
[ 400. Wanted!—More Manliness ]
[ 402. The Worker Wearing the Purple ]
[ 404. Be Happy—Here and Now! ]
[ 405. The School House a Fort ]
[ 408. The Gospel of Cheerfulness ]
[ 409. The Gospel of Liberty ]
[ 410. The Gospel of 'Good Living ]
[ 411. The Gospel of Intelligence ]
[ 412. The Gospel of Justice ]
[ GEMS FROM THE CONTROVERSIAL GASKET ]
[ 413. The Origin of the Controversy ]
[ 414. What is Christianity? ]
[ 415. Summary of Evangelical Belief ]
[ 416. A Profound Change in the World of Thought ]
[ 417. The Believer in the Inspiration of the Bible has too Much to Believe ]
[ 419. The Bible Should be Better than any other Book ]
[ 421. If the Bible is Not Verbally Inspired, What Then? ]
[ 423. A Test Fairly Applied ]
[ 425. Proofs of Civilization ]
[ 427. Man the Author of all Books ]
[ 429. Matthew, Mark, and Luke ]
[ 430. Christianity Takes no Step in Advance ]
[ 431. Christianity a Mixture of Good and Evil ]
[ 432. Jehovah, Epictetus and Cicero ]
[ 435. The Logic of the Coffin ]
[ 437. The Standard of Right ]
[ 440. The Liberty of the Bible ]
[ 442. Jehovah Breaking His Own Laws ]
[ 443. Who Designed the Designer? ]
[ 444. What we Know of the Infinite ]
[ 445. The Universe Self-Existent ]
[ 446. Jehovah's Promise Broken ]
[ 447. Character Bather than Creed ]
[ 448. Mohammed the Prophet of God ]
[ 449. Wanted!—A Little More Legislation ]
[ 450. Is all that Succeeds Inspired? ]
[ 451. The Morality in Christianity ]
[ 453. The Honor Due to Christ ]
[ 454. Christianity has no Monopoly in Morals ]
[ 455. Old Age in Superstition's Lap ]
[ 457. How Gods and Devils are Made ]
[ 458. The Romance of Figures ]
[ 460. Why was Christ so Silent? ]
[ 461. The Philosophy of Action ]
[ 462. Infinite Punishment for Finite Crimes. ]
[ 463. Whence Came the Gospels? ]
[ 464. Mr. Black's Admission ]
[ 465. The Stars Upon the Door of France ]
[ A KIND WORD FOR JOHN CHINAMAN ]
[ 466. The Select Committee Afraid ]
[ 467. The Gods of the Joss-House and Patmos ]
[ 469. Christianity has a Fair Show in San Francisco ]
[ 470. An Arrow from the Quiver of Satire ]
[ 471. We Have no Religious System ]
[ 472. Congress Nothing to Do with Religion ]
[ 473. Concessions of the Illustrious Four! ]
[ 474. Do not Trample on John Chinaman ]
[ 475. Be Honest with the Chinese ]
[ 476. An Honest Merchant the Best Missionary ]
[ 477. Good Words from Confucius ]
[ 479. The Chinese and Civil Service Reform ]
[ 480. Invading China in the Name of Opium and Christ ]
[ 481. Don't be Dishonest in the Name of God ]
[ CONCERNING CREEDS AND THE TYRANNY OF SECTS ]
[ 482. Diversity of Opinion Abolished by Henry VIII ]
[ 483. Spencer and Darwin Damned ]
[ 484. The Dead do Not Persecute ]
[ 485. The Atheist a Legal Outcast in Illinois ]
[ 487. The Fate of Theological Students ]
[ 489. Presbyterianism Softening ]
[ 490. The Methodist "Hoist with his own Petard." ]
[ 491. The Precious Doctrine of Total Depravity ]
[ 494. Self-Reliance a Deadly Sin! ]
[ 495. A Hundred and Fifty Years Ago ]
[ 496. The Despotism of Faith ]
[ 498. Calvin's Petrified Heart ]
[ 500. Politeness at Athens! ]
[ 502. While the Preachers Talked the People Slept ]
[ 503. Christianity no Friend to Progress ]
[ 504. Where is the New Eden? ]
[ 505. The Real Eden is Beyond ]
[ 506. Party Names Belittle Men ]
[ 507. Where Did the Serpent Come From? ]
[ 508. Must We Believe Fables to be Good and True? Must we, in order to be ]
[ 509. Why Did Not God Kill the Serpent? ]
[ 510. Questions About the Ark ]
[ 511. Was Language Confounded at Babel. ]
[ 512. Would God Kill a Man for Making Ointment? ]
[ 513. How Did Water run up Hill? ]
[ 514. Would a Real God Uphold Slavery? ]
[ 515. Will There Be an Eternal Auto da Fe? ]
[ ORIENT PEARLS AS RANDOM STRUNG ]
[ INGERSOLL'S ORATION AT HIS BROTHER'S GRAVE ]
INGERSOLLIA
INTRODUCTION
Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll occupies a unique position. He is to a large extent the product of his own generation. A man of the times, for the times. He has had no predecessor, he will have no successor.
Such a man was impossible a hundred years ago; the probabilities are that a century hence no such man will be needed. His work needs only to be done once. One such "voice crying in the wilderness" is enough to stir the sluggish streams of thought, and set the reeds of the river trembling. It was said of Edward Irving, when he went to preach in that great wilderness of London, that he was "not a reed to be shaken by the wind, but a wind to shake the reeds." It would not be flattery in any sense if similar words were spoken concerning the man who has uttered the words of this book.
Daring to stand alone, and speak all the thought that is in him, without the miserable affectation of singularity, Colonel Ingersoll has reached a point from which he wields an influence both deep and wide over thoughtful minds. For the last few years he has been sowing strange seeds, with unsparing hand, in many fields; and probably no one is more surprised than he is himself to find how thoroughly the ground was prepared for such a seed-sowing.
Time is much too precious to discuss the mere methods of the sowing. No doubt many who have listened to this later Gamaliel, have been startled and shocked by his bold, and sometimes terrific utterances; but after the shock—when the nerves have regained their equilibrium—has come serious, calm-questioning thought. And whoever sets men to asking earnest questions, whoever provokes men to sincere enquiry, whoever helps men to think freely, does the Man and the State and the Age good service. This good service Colonel Ingersoll has rendered. He has sent the Preachers back to a more careful and diligent study of the Bible; he has spoken after such a fashion that Students in many departments of learning have been compelled to reconsider the foundations on which their theories rest. Above all, he has awakened thousands of thoughtless people to the luxury of thinking, and he has inspired many a timid thinker to break all bonds and think freely and fearlessly for himself.
In referring some time ago to the subject matter of Colonel Ingersoll's teachings, Prof. David Swing, of Chicago, laid special emphasis on the point, that the man speaking and the thing spoken were entirely separable, and that no wise criticism of these words could proceed, unless this fact was kept in view. This word of caution is as timely as it is wise. We are too much prone to judge the music by the amount of gilding on the organ-pipes; we are too apt to forget that gold is gold, whether in the leathern pouch of a beggar or the silken purse of a king. The doubts expressed, the truths uttered, the questions proposed by the so-called Infidel, demand of us that for their own sakes we give them generous, patient audience. The point of supreme importance is, not whether Mr. Ingersoll is an authority on the grave questions with which he is pleased to deal, but are these teachings truth? "There's the rub." If we are wise we shall judge the teachings rather than the teacher.
Affrighted orthodox Christians are perpetually warning their young friends against Mr. Ingersoll. He is portrayed as a very terrible personage, going up and down to work sad havoc amongst the unsuspecting youth of the Time. Orthodoxy would prove itself wiser, it would be bolder, and it would give some slight guarantee for honesty, if it left the man alone, and addressed itself seriously to the grave questions at issue. Colonel Ingersoll shares with Huxley, Darwin and Herbert Spencer the high distinction of being criticized most vehemently by those who have never heard his voice, and have never carefully read a page of his published works; and as is always the case in such circumstances, the most absurd and exaggerated statements of what Mr. Ingersoll never said have become current, and the speaker has been transformed into a very Gorgon of horror!
But this is nothing new, this is one of the many tolls that every man must be willing to pay who marches on the grand highway of freedom.
The pages of this book deserve a careful study, and if it be true that "out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh," we may judge from what sort of a heart-fountain these streams have flowed.
One purpose steadily kept in view in the editing of these pages has been to present in compact and reasonable space, a thoroughly representative consensus of the opinions and beliefs of Mr. Ingersoll. Ha has been known chiefly by his severe attacks on theological orthodoxy; but there are a thousand other questions on which he has spoken wise and impressive words. There are few things in heaven and earth that his "philosophy" has not embraced, The quiet life of the farm; the romance and sanctity of home; the charm of childhood; the profound secrets of philosophy; the horrors of slavery; the dreadful scourge of war; the patriotism and valor of the soldiers of the Republic; the high calling of statesmanship, churches and priests; infidels and christians; gods and devils; orthodox and hetrodox; heaven and hell;—these, and a thousand other questions have been discussed with wit, and wisdom and matchless eloquence. This volume might have been increased to twice or thrice its present size, and then there would have been material to spare. But in these busy days economy of time is of great importance. This is a book for busy men in a very busy generation.
It is matter of some little surprise that Mr. Ingersoll should have yielded—without protest—to the conventional use of the term "Infidel." The general sense in which the word is used is a gross misrepresentation of its accurate meaning. "Infidel," is the last word that ought to be applied to any man who is loyal to his mind; whether that mind summer in the light of steadfast belief, or wander through the mazy fields of doubt. "What is Infidelity?" There is no man more able, none more suitable than Col. Robert Ingersoll to rise and explain.
Mr. Ingersoll has been called the Apostle of Unbelief. But the title is a misnomer. His mouth is full to the lips of positive statements of strong conviction. His creed has a thousand articles. He is above all things the Apostle of Freedom. Freedom for Nations, for Communities, for Men. Freedom everywhere! Freedom always! the zeal with which he blows the trumpet of Liberty, the enthusiasm with which he waves the banner of Freedom, reminds one of Tennyson's fine words:—
Of old stood Freedom on the heights,
The thunders breaking at her feet,
Above her shook the starry lights;
She heard the torrents meet.
Then stepped she down thro' town and field
To mingle with the human race,
And part by part to men revealed
The fullness of her face—
Her open eyes desire the truth,
The wisdom of a thousand years
Is in them. May perpetual youth
Keep dry their light from tears;
That her fair form may stand and shine:
Make bright our days and light our dreams,
Tuning to scorn with lips divine
The falsehood of extremes!
THE ROMANCE OF FARM LIFE
1. Ingersoll as a Farmer
When I was a farmer they used to haul wheat two hundred miles in wagons and sell it for thirty-five cents a bushel. They would bring home about three hundred feet of lumber, two bunches of shingles, a barrel of salt, and a cook-stove that never would draw and never did bake.
In those blessed days the people lived on corn and bacon. Cooking was an unknown art. Eating was a necessity, not a pleasure. It was hard work for the cook to keep on good terms even with hunger. We had poor houses. The rain held the roofs in perfect contempt, and the snow drifted joyfully on the floors and beds. They had no barns. The horses were kept in rail pens surrounded with straw. Long before spring the sides would be eaten away and nothing but roofs would be left. Food is fuel. When the cattle were exposed to all the blasts of winter, it took all the corn and oats that could be stuffed into them to prevent actual starvation. In those times farmers thought the best place for the pig-pen was immediately in front of the house. There is nothing like sociability. Women were supposed to know the art of making fires without fuel. The wood-pile consisted, as a general thing, of one log, upon which an axe or two had been worn out in vain. There was nothing to kindle a fire with. Pickets were pulled from the garden fence, clap-boards taken from the house, and every stray plank was seized upon for kindling. Everything was done in the hardest way. Everything about the farm was disagreeable.
2. The Happy Life of the Farm
There is a quiet about the life of a farmer, and the hope of a serene old age, that no other business or profession can promise. A professional man is doomed some time to find that his powers are wanting. He is doomed to see younger and stronger men pass him in the race of life. He looks forward to an old age of intellectual mediocrity. He will be last where once he was the first. But the farmer goes as it were into partnership, with nature—he lives with trees and flowers—he breathes the sweet air of the fields. There is no constant and frightful strain upon his mind. His nights are filled with sleep and rest. He watches his flocks and herds as they feed upon the green and sunny slopes. He hears the pleasant rain falling upon the waving corn, and the trees he planted in youth rustle above him as he plants others for the children yet to be.
3. The Ambitious Farmer's Boy
Nearly every farmer's boy took an oath that he would never cultivate the soil. The moment they arrived at the age of twenty-one they left the desolate and dreary farms and rushed to the towns and cities. They wanted to be book-keepers, doctors, merchants, railroad men, insurance agents, lawyers, even preachers, anything to avoid the drudgery of the farm. Nearly every boy acquainted with the three R's—reading, writing and arithmetic—imagined that he had altogether more education than ought to be wasted in raising potatoes and corn. They made haste to get into some other business. Those who stayed upon the farm envied those who went away.
4. Never Be Afraid of Work!
There are hundreds of graduates of Yale and Harvard and other colleges who are agents of sewing machines, solicitors for insurance, clerks and copyists, in short, performing a hundred varieties of menial service. They seem willing to do anything that is not regarded as work—anything that can be done in a town, in the house, in an office, but they avoid farming as they would leprosy. Nearly every young man educated in this way is simply ruined.
Boys and girls should be educated to help themselves; they should be taught that it is disgraceful to be seen idle, and dishonorable to be useless.
5. Happiness the Object of Life
Remember, I pray you, that you are in partnership with all labor—that you should join hands with all the sons and daughters of toil, and that all who work belong to the same noble family.
Happiness should be the object of life, and if life on the farm can be made really happy, the children will grow up in love with the meadows, the streams, the woods and the old home. Around the farm will cling and cluster the happy memories of the delight-ful years.
6. The Sunset of the Farmer's Life
For my part, I envy the man who has lived on the same broad acres from his boyhood, who cultivates the fields where in youth he played, and lives where his father lived and died. I can imagine no sweeter way to end one's life than in the quiet of the country, out of the mad race for money, place and power—far from the demands of business—out of the dusty highway where fools struggle and strive for the hoi ow praise of other fools. Surrounded by these pleasant fields and faithful friends, by those I have loved, I hope to end my days.
7. Farmers, Protect Yourselves!
The farmers should vote only for such men as are able and willing to guard and advance the interests of labor. We should know better than to vote for men who will deliberately put a tariff of three dollars a thousand upon Canada lumber, when every farmer in the States is a purchaser of lumber. People who live upon the prairies ought to vote for cheap lumber. We should protect ourselves. We ought to have intelligence enough to know what we want and how to get it. The real laboring men of this country can succeed if they are united. By laboring men, I do not mean only the farmers. I mean all who contribute in some way to the general welfare.
8. Roast the Beef, Not the Cook.
Farmers should live like princes. Eat the best things you raise and sell the rest. Have good things to cook and good things to cook with. Of all people in our country, you should live the best. Throw your miserable little stoves out of the window. Get ranges, and have them so built that your wife need not burn her face off to get you a breakfast. Do not make her cook in a kitchen hot as the orthodox perdition. The beef, not the cook, should be roasted. It is just as easy to have things convenient and right as to have them any other way.
9. Cultivated Farmers.
There is no reason why farmers should not be the kindest and most cultivated of men. There is nothing in plowing the fields to make men cross, cruel and crabbed. To look upon the sunny slopes covered with daisies does not tend to make men unjust. Whoever labors for the happiness of those he loves, elevates himself, no matter whether he works in the dreary shop or the perfumed field.
10. The Wages of Slovenly Farming.
Nothing was kept in order. Nothing was preserved. The wagons stood in the sun and rain, and the plows rusted in the fields. There was no leisure, no feeling that the work was done. It was all labor and weariness and vexation of spirit. The crops were destroyed by wandering herds, or they were put in too late, or too early, or they were blown down, or caught by the frost, or devoured by bugs, or stung by flies, or eaten by worms, or carried away by birds, or dug up by gophers, or washed away by floods, or dried up by the sun, or rotted in the stack, or heated in the crib, or they all ran to vines, or tops, or straw, or cobs. And when in spite of all these accidents that lie in wait between the plow and reaper, they did succeed in raising a good crop and a high price was offered, then the roads would be impassable. And when the roads got good, then the prices went down. Everything worked together for evil.
11. The Farmer's Happy Winter
I can imagine no condition that carries with it such a promise of joy as that of the farmer in early winter. He has his cellar filled—he had made every preparation for the days of snow and storm—he looks forward to three months of ease and rest; to three months of fireside content; three months with wife and children; three months of long, delightful evenings; three months of home; three months of solid comfort.
12. The Almighty Dollar
Ainsworth R. Spofford—says Col. Ingersoll—gives the following facts about interest: "One dollar loaned for one hundred years at six per cent., with the interest collected annually and added to the principal, will amount to three hundred and forty dollars. At eight per cent, it amounts to two thousand two hundred and three dollars. At three per cent, it amounts only to nineteen dollars and twenty-five cents. At ten per cent, it is thirteen thousand eight hundred and nine dollars, or about seven hundred times as much. At twelve per cent, it amounts to eighty-four thousand and seventy-five dollars, or more than four thousand times as much. At eighteen per cent, it amounts to fifteen million one hundred and forty-five thousand and seven dollars. At twenty-four per cent, it reaches the enormous sum of two billion, five hundred and fifty-one million, seven hundred and ninety-five thousand, four hundred and four dollars!" One dollar at compound interest, at twenty-four per cent., for one hundred years, would produce a sum equal to our national debt.
13. The Farmer in Debt
Interest eats night and day, and the more it eats the hungrier it grows. The farmer in debt, lying awake at night, can, if he listens, hear it gnaw. If he owes nothing, he can hear his corn grow. Get out of debt, as soon as you possibly can. You have supported idle avarice and lazy economy long enough.
14. Own Your Own Home
There can be no such thing in the highest sense as a home unless you own it. There must be an incentive to plant trees, to beautify the grounds, to preserve and improve. It elevates a man to own a home. It gives a certain independence, a force of character that is obtained in no other way. A man without a home feels like a passenger. There is in such a man a little of the vagrant. Homes make patriots. He who has sat by his own fireside with wife and children, will defend it. Few men have been patriotic enough to shoulder a musket in defense of a boarding-house. The prosperity and glory of our country depend upon the number of people who are the owners of homes.
15. What to do with the Idlers
Our country is filled with the idle and unemployed, and the great question asking for an answer is: What shall be done with these men? What shall these men do? To this there is but one answer: They must cultivate the soil. Farming must be more attractive. Those who work the land must have an honest pride in their business. They must educate their children to cultivate the soil.
16. Farm-Life Lonely
I say again, if you want more men and women on the farms, something must be done to make farm-life pleasant. One great difficulty is that the farm is lonely. People write about the pleasures of solitude, but they are found only in books. He who lives long alone, becomes insane.
17. The Best Farming States
The farmer in the Middle States has the best soil—the greatest return for the least labor—more leisure—more time for enjoyment than any other farmer in the world. His hard work ceases with autumn. He has the long winters in which to become acquainted with his family—with his neighbors—in which to read and keep abreast with the advanced thought of his day. He has the time and means of self-culture. He has more time than the mechanic, the merchant or the professional man. If the farmer is not well informed it is his own fault. Books are cheap, and every farmer can have enough to give him the outline of every science, and an idea of all that has been accomplished by man.
18. The Laborers, the Kings and Queens
The farmer has been elevated through science, and he should not forget the debt he owes to the mechanic, to the inventor, to the thinker. He should remember that all laborers belong to the same grand family—that they are the real kings and queens, the only true nobility.
HOME AND CHILDREN
19. The Family the Only Heaven in this World
Don't make that poor girl play ten years on a piano when she has no ear for music, and when she has practiced until she can play "Bonaparte Crossing the Alps," you can't tell after she has played it whether Bonaparte ever got across or not. Men are oaks, women are vines, children are flowers, and if there is any Heaven in this world it is in the family. It is where the wife loves the husband, and the husband loves the wife, and where the dimpled arms of children are about the necks of both.
20. The Far-Seeing Eyes of Children.
I want to tell you this, you cannot get the robe of hypocrisy on you so thick that the sharp eye of childhood will not see through every veil.
21. Love and Freedom in a Cabin
I would rather go to the forest far away and build me a little cabin—build it myself and daub it with mud, and live there with my wife aud family—and have a little path that led down to the spring, where the water bubbled out day and night, like a little poem from the heart of the earth; a little hut with some hollyhocks at the corner, with their bannered bosoms open to the sun, and with the thrush in the air, like a song of joy in the morning; I would rather live there and have some lattice work across the window, so that the sunlight would fall checkered on the baby in the cradle; I would rather live there and have my soul erect and free, than to live in a palace of gold and wear the crown of imperial power and know that my soul was slimy with hypocrisy.
22. The Turnpike Road of Happiness
Whoever marries simply for himself will make a mistake; but whoever loves a woman so well that he says, "I will make her happy," makes no mistake; and so with the woman who says, "I will make him happy." There is only one way to be happy, and that is to make somebody else so, and you can't be happy cross-lots; you have got to go the regular turnpike road.
23. Love Paying Ten Per Cent
I tell you to-night there is on the average more love in the homes of the poor than in the palaces of the rich; and the meanest hut with love in it is fit for the gods, and a palace without love is a den only fit for wild beasts. That's my doctrine! You can't be so poor but that you can help somebody. Good nature is the cheapest commodity in the world; and love is the only thing that will pay ten per cent, to borrower and lender both. Don't tell me that you have got to be rich! We have all a false standard of greatness in the United States. We think here that a man to be great must be notorious; he must be extremely wealthy or his name must be between the lips of rumor. It is all nonsense! It is not necessary to be rich to be great, or to be powerful to be happy; and the happy man is the successful man. Happiness is the legal-tender of the soul. Joy is wealth.
24. A Word to the Cross-Grained
A cross man I hate above all things. What right has he to murder the sunshine of the day? What right has he to assassinate the joy of life? When you go home you ought to feel the light there is in the house; if it is in the night it will burst out of the doors and windows and illuminate the darkness. It is just as well to go home a ray of sunshine as an old, sour, cross curmudgeon, who thinks he is the head of the family. Wise men think their mighty brains have been in a turmoil; they have been thinking about who will be alderman from the Fifth ward; they have been thinking about politics; great and mighty questions have been engaging their minds; they have bought calico at eight cents or six, and want to sell it for seven. Think of the intellectual strain that must have been upon a man, and when he gets home everybody else in the house must look out for his comfort. Head of the house, indeed! I don't like him a bit!
25. Oh! Daughters and Wives be Beautiful
I am a believer in fashion. It is the duty of every woman to make herself as beautiful and attractive as she possibly can. "Handsome is as handsome does," but she is much handsomer if well dressed. Every man should look his very best. I am a believer in good clothes. The time never ought to come in this country when you can tell a farmer's daughter simply by the garments she wears. I say to every girl and woman, no matter what the material of your dress may be, no matter how cheap and coarse it is, cut it and make it in the fashion. I believe in jewelry. Some people look upon it as barbaric, but in my judgment, wearing jewelry is the first evidence the barbarian gives of a wish to be civilized. To adorn ourselves seems to be a part of our nature, and this desire, seems to be everywhere and in everything. I have sometimes thought that the desire for beauty covers the earth with flowers. It is this desire that paints the wings of moths, tints the chamber of the shell, and gives the bird its plumage and its song. Oh! daughters and wives if you would be loved, adorn yourselves—if you would be adorned, be beautiful!
26. A Wholesome Word to the Stingy
I despise a stingy man. I don't see how it is possible for a man to die worth fifty millions of dollars or ten millions of dollars, in a city full of want, when he meets almost every day the withered hand of beggary and the white lips of famine. How a man can withstand all that, and hold in the clutch of his greed twenty or thirty millions of dollars, is past my comprehension. I do not see how he can do it. I should not think he could do it any more than he could keep a pile of lumber where hundreds and thousands of men were drowning in the sea. I should not think he could do it. Do you know I have known men who would trust their wives with their hearts and their honor, but not with their pocketbook; not with a dollar. When I see a man of that kind I always think he knows which of these articles is the most valuable.
27. The Boss of the Family
If you are the grand emperor of the world, you had better be the grand emperor of one loving and tender heart, and she the grand empress of yours. The man who has really won the love of one good woman in this world, I do not care if he dies a beggar, his life has been a success. I tell you it is an infamous word and an infamous feeling—a man who is "boss," who is going to govern in his family; and when he speaks let all the rest of them be still; some mighty idea is about to be launched from his mouth. Do you know I dislike this man?
28. Be Honor Bright!
A good way to make children tell the truth is to tell it yourself. Keep your word with your child the same as you would with your banker. Be perfectly honor bright with your children, and they will be your friends when you are old.
29. The Opera at the Table
I like to hear children at the table telling what big things they have seen during the day; I like to hear their merry voices mingling with the clatter of knives and forks. I had rather hear that than any opera that was ever put upon the stage. I hate this idea of authority.
30. A Child's laugh sweeter than Apollo's lyre
I said, and I say again, no day can be so sacred but that the laugh of a child will make the holiest day more sacred still. Strike with hand of fire, oh, weird musician, thy harp, strung with Apollo's golden hair; fill the vast cathedral aisles with symphonies sweet and dim, deft toucher of the organ keys; blow, bugler, blow, until thy silver notes do touch the skies, with moonlit waves, and charm the lovers wandering on the vine-clad hills: but know, your sweetest strains are discords all, compared with childhood's happy laugh, the laugh that fills the eyes with light and every heart with joy; oh, rippling river of life, thou art the blessed boundary-line between the beasts and man, and every wayward wave of thine doth drown some fiend of care; oh, laughter, divine daughter of joy, make dimples enough in the cheeks of the world to catch and hold and glorify all the tears of grief.
31. Don't Wake the Children
Let your children sleep. Do not drag them from their beds in the darkness of night. Do not compel them to associate all that is tiresome, irksome and dreadful with cultivating the soil. Treat your children with infinite kindness—treat them as equals. There is no happiness in a home not filled with love. When the husband hates his wife—where the wife hates the husband; where the children hate their parents and each other—there is a hell upon earth.
32. How to Deal with Children
Some Christians act as though they thought when the Lord said, "Suffer little children to come unto me," that he had a rawhide under his mantle—they act as if they thought so. That is all wrong. I tell my children this: Go where you may, commit what crime you may, fall to what depths of degradation you may, I can never shut my arms, my heart or my door to you. As long as I live you shall have one sincere friend; do not be afraid to tell anything wrong you have done; ten to one if I have not done the same thing. I am not perfection, and if it is necessary to sin in order to have sympathy, I am glad I have committed sin enough to have sympathy. The sterness of perfection I do not want. I am going to live so that my children can come to my grave and truthfully say, "He who sleeps here never gave us one moment of pain." Whether you call that religion or infidelity, suit yourselves; that is the way I intend to do it.
33. Give a Child a Chance
Do not create a child to be a post set in an orthodox row; raise investigators and thinkers, not disciples and followers; cultivate reason, not faith; cultivate investigation, not superstition; and if you have any doubt yourself about a thing being so, tell them about it; don't tell them the world was made in six days—if you think six days means six good whiles, tell them six good whiles. If you have any doubts about anybody being in a furnace and not being burnt, or even getting uncomfortably warm, tell them so—be honest about it. If you look upon the jaw-bone of a donkey as not a good weapon, say so. Give a child a chance. If you think a man never went to sea in a fish, tell them so, it won't make them any worse. Be honest—that's all; don't cram their heads with things that will take them years to unlearn; tell them facts—it is just as easy. It is as easy to find out botany, and astronomy, and geology, and history—it is as easy to find out all these things as to cram their minds with things you know nothing about.
34. The Greatest Liars in Michigan
I was over in Michigan the other day. There was a boy over there at Grand Rapids about five or six years old, a nice, smart boy, as you will see from the remark he made—what you might call a nineteenth century boy. His father and mother had promised to take him out riding for about three weeks, and they would slip off and go without him. Well, after a while that got kind of played out with the little boy, and the day before I was there they played the trick on him again. They went out and got the carriage, and went away, and as they rode away from the front of the house, he happened to be standing there with his nurse, and he saw them. The whole thing flashed on him in a moment. He took in the situation, and turned to his nurse and said, pointing to his father and mother: "There go the two biggest liars in the State of Michigan!" When you go home fill the house with joy, so that the light of it will stream out the windows and doors, and illuminate even the darkness. It is just as easy that way as any in the world.
35. Forgive the Children!
When your child confesses to you that it has com mitted a fault, take the child in your arms, and let it feel your heart beat against its heart, and raise your children in the sunlight of love, and they will be sunbeams to you along the pathway of life. Abolish the club and the whip from the house, because, if the civilized use a whip, the ignorant and the brutal will use a club, and they will use it because you use the whip.
36. A Solemn Satire on Whipping Children
If there is one of you here that ever expect to whip your child again, let me ask you something. Have your photograph taken at the time, and let it show your face red with vulgar anger, and the face of the little one with eyes swimming in tears. If that little child should die I cannot think of a sweeter way to spend an Autumn afternoon than to take that photograph and go to the cemetery, where the maples are clad in tender gold, and when little scarlet runners are coming, like poems of regret, from the sad heart of the earth; and sit down upon that mound, I look upon that photograph, and think of the flesh, made dust, that you beat. Just think of it. I could not bear to die in the arms of a child that I had whipped. I could not bear to feel upon my lips, when they were withering beneath the touch of death, the kiss of one that I had struck.
37. The Whips and Gods are Gone!
Children are better treated than they used to be; the old whips and gods are out of the schools, and they are governing children by love and sense. The world is getting better; it is getting better in Maine. It has got better in Maine, in Vermont. It is getting better in every State of the North.
INDIVIDUALITY
38. Absolute Independence of the Individual
What we want to-day is what our fathers wrote. They did not attain to their ideal; we approach it nearer, but have not yet reached it. We want, not only the independence of a state, not only the independence of a nation, but something far more glorious—the absolute independence of the individual. That is what we want. I want it so that I, one of the children of Nature, can stand on an equality with the rest; that I can say this is my air, my sunshine, my earth, and I have a right to live, and hope, and aspire, and labor, and enjoy the fruit of that labor, as much as any individual, or any nation on the face of the globe.
39. Saved by Disobedience
I tell you there is something splendid in man that will not always mind. Why, if we had done as the kings told us five hundred years ago, we would all have been slaves. If we had done as the priests told us, we would all have been idiots. If we had done as the doctors told us, we would all have been dead. We have been saved by disobedience. We have been saved by that splendid thing called independence, and I want to see more of it, day after day, and I want to see children raised so they will have it. That is my doctrine.
40. Intellectual Tyranny
Nothing can be more infamous than intellectual tyranny. To put chains upon the body is as nothing compared with putting shackles on the brain. No god is entitled to the worship or the respect of man who does not give, even to the meanest of his children, every right that he claims for himself.
41. Say What You Think
I do not believe that the tendency is to make men and women brave and glorious when you tell them that there are certain ideas upon certain subjects that they must never express; that they must go through life with a pretense as a shield; that their neighbors will think much more of them if they will only keep still; and that above all is a God who despises one who honestly expresses what he believes. For my part, I believe men will be nearer honest in business, in politics, grander in art—in everything that is good and grand and beautiful, if they are taught from the cradle to the coffin to tell their honest opinions.
42. I Want to Put Out the Fires of Hell
Some people tell me that I take away the hope of immortality. I do not. Leave heaven as it was! I want to put out the fires of hell. I want to transfer the war from this earth to heaven. Some tell me Jehovah is God, and another says Ali is God, and another that Brahma is God. I say, let Jehovah, and Ali, and Brahma fight it out. Let them fight it out there, and whoever is victor, to that God I will bow.
43. The Puritans
When the Puritans first came they were narrow. They did not understand what liberty meant—what religious liberty, what political liberty, was; but they found out in a few years. There was one feeling among them that rises to their eternal honor like a white shaft to the clouds—they were in favor of universal education. Wherever they went they built school houses, introduced books, and ideas of literature. They believed that every man should know how to read and how to write, and should find out all that his capacity allowed him to comprehend. That is the glory of the Puritan fathers.
44. A Star in the Sky of Despair
Every Christian, every philanthropist, every believer in human liberty, should feel under obligation to Thomas Paine for the splendid service rendered by him in the darkest days of the American Revolution. In the midnight of Valley Forge, "The Crisis" was the first star that glittered in the wide horizon of despair. Every good man should remember with gratitude the brave words spoken by Thomas Paine in the French Convention against the death of Louis. He said: "We will kill the king, but not the man. We will destroy monarchy, not monarch."
45. Do not Shock the Heathen!
You send missionaries to Turkey, and tell them that the Koran is a lie. You shock them. You tell them that Mahomet was not a prophet. You shock them. It is too bad to shock them. You go to India, and you tell them that Vishnu was nothing, that Purana was nothing, that Buddha was nobody, and your Brahma, he is nothing. Why do you shock these people? You should not do that; you ought not to hurt their feelings. I tell you no man on earth has a right to be shocked at the expression of an honest opinion when it is kindly done, and I don't believe there is any God in the universe who has put a curtain over the fact and made it a crime for the honest hand of investigation to endeavor to draw that curtain.
46. I will Settle with God Myself
They say to me, "God will punish you forever, if you do these things." Very well. I will settle with him. I had rather settle with him than any one of his agents. I do not like them very well. In theology I am a granger—I do not believe in middlemen. What little business I have with Heaven I will attend to myself.
47. I Claim my Right to Guess
I claim, standing under the flag of nature, under the blue and the stars, that I am the peer of any other man, and have the right to think and express my thoughts. I claim that in the presence of the Unknown, and upon a subject that nobody knows anything about, and never did, I have as good a right to guess as anybody else.
48. The Brain a Castle
Surely it is worth something to feel that there are no priests, no popes, no parties, no governments, no kings, no gods, to whom your intellect can be compelled to pay reluctant homage. Surely it is a joy to know that all the cruel ingenuity of bigotry can devise no prison, no dungeon, no cell in which for one instant to confine a thought; that ideas cannot be dislocated by racks, nor crushed in iron boots, nor burned with fire. Surely it is sublime to think that the brain is a castle, and that within its curious bastions and winding halls the soul, in spite of all words and all beings, is the supreme sovereign of itself.
49. I am Something
The universe is all there is, or was, or will be. It is both subject and object; contemplator and contemplated; creator and created; destroyer and destroyed; preserver and preserved; and hath within itself all causes, modes, motions, and effects. In this there is hope. This is a foundation and a star. The infinite embraces all there is. Without the all, the infinite cannot be. I am something. Without me the universe cannot exist.
50. Every Man a Bight to Think
Now we have come to the conclusion that every man has a right to think. Would God give a bird wings and make it a crime to fly? Would he give me brains and make it a crime to think? Any God that would damn one of his children for the expression of his honest thought wouldn't make a decent thief. When I read a book and don't believe it, I ought to say so. I will do so and take the consequence like a man.
51. Too Early to Write a Creed
These are the excuses I have for my race, and taking everything into consideration, I think we have done extremely well. Let us have more liberty and free thought. Free thought will give us truth. It is too early in the history of the world to write a creed. Our fathers were intellectual slaves; our fathers were intellectual serfs. There never has been a free generation on the globe. Every creed you have got bears the mark of whip, and chain, and fagot.
There has been no creed written by a free brain. Wait until we have had two or three generations of liberty and it will then be time enough to seize the swift horse of progress by the bridle and say—thus far and no farther; and in the meantime let us be kind to each other; let us be decent towards each other. We are all travelers on the great plain we call life, and there is nobody quite sure what road to take—not just dead sure, you know. There are lots of guide-boards on the plain and you find thousands of people swearing to-day that their guide-board is the only board that shows the right direction. I go and talk to them and they say: "You go that way, or you will be damned." I go to another and they say: "You go this way, or you will be damned."
52. Every Mind True to Itself
In my judgment, every human being should take a road of his own. Every mind should be true to itself—should think, investigate and conclude for itself. This is a duty alike incumbent upon pauper and prince.
PROGRESS
53. The Torch of Progress.
In every age some men carried the torch of progress and handed it to some other, and it has been carried through all the dark ages of barbarism, and had it not been for such men we would have been naked and uncivilized to-night, with pictures of wild beasts tattooed on our skins, dancing around some dried snake fetish.
54. Gold makes a Barren Landscape
Only a few days ago I was where they wrench the precious metals from the miserly clutch of the rocks. When I saw the mountains; treeless, shrubless, flowerless, without even a spire of grass, it seemed to me that gold had the same effect upon the country that holds it, as upon the man who lives and labors only for it. It affects the land as it does the man. It leaves the heart barren without a flower of kindness—without a blossom of pity.
55. A Grand Achievement
There is nothing grander than to rescue from the leprosy of slander the reputation of a great and generous name. There is nothing nobler than to benefit our benefactors.
56. The Divorce of Church and State
The Constitution of the United States was the first decree entered in the high court of a nation, forever divorcing Church and State.
57. Professors
Instead of dismissing professors for finding something out, let us rather discharge those who do not. Let each teacher understand that investigation is not dangerous for him; that his bread is safe, no matter how much truth he may discover, and that his salary will not be reduced, simply because he finds that the ancient Jews did not know the entire history of the world.
58. Developement
I thought after all I had rather belong to a race of people that came from skulless vertebrae in the dim Laurentian period, that wiggled without knowing they were wiggling, that began to develope and came up by a gradual developement until they struck this gentleman in the dugout coming up slowly—up—up—up—until, for instance, they produced such a man as Shakespeare—he who harvested all the fields of dramatic thought, and after whom all others have been only gleaners of straw, he who found the human intellect dwelling in a hut, touched it with the wand of his genius and it became a palace—producing him and hundreds of others I might mention—with the angels of progress leaning over the far horizon beckoning this race of work and thought—I had rather belong to a race commencing at the skulless vertebrae producing the gentleman in the dugout and so on up, than to have descended from a perfect pair, upon which the Lord has lost money from that day to this. I had rather belong to a race that is going up than to one that is going down. I would rather belong to one that commenced at the skulless vertebrae and started for perfection, than to belong to one that started from perfection and started for the skulless vertebrae.
59. Poet's Dream
When every church becomes a school, every cathedral a university, every clergyman a teacher, and all their hearers brave and honest thinkers, then, and not until then, will the dream of poet, patriot, philanthropist and philosopher, become a real and blessed truth.
60. The Temple of the Future
We are laying the foundations of the grand temple of the future—not the temple of all the gods, but of all the people—wherein, with appropriate rites, will be celebrated the religion of Humanity. We are doing what little we can to hasten the coming of the day when society shall cease producing millionaires and mendicants—gorged indolence and famished industry—truth in rags, and superstition robed and crowned. We are looking for the time when the useful shall be the honorable; and when Reason, throned upon the world's brain, shall be the King of Kings, and God of Gods.
61. The final Goal
We do not expect to accomplish everything in our day; but we want to do what good we can, and to render all the service possible in the holy cause of human progress. We know that doing away with gods and supernatural persons and powers is not an end. It is a means to the end; the real end being the happiness of man.
62. The Eighteenth Century
At that time the seeds sown by the great Infidels were beginning to bear fruit in France. The people were beginning to think. The Eighteenth Century was crowning its gray hairs with the wreath of Progress. On every hand Science was bearing testimony against the Church. Voltaire had filled Europe with light; D'Holbach was giving to the elite of Paris the principles contained in his "System of Nature." The Encyclopedists had attacked superstition with information for the masses. The foundation of things began to be examined. A few had the courage to keep their shoes on and let the bush burn. Miracles began to get scarce. Everywhere the people began to inquire. America had set an example to the world. The word Liberty was in the mouths of men, and they began to wipe the dust from their knees. The dawn of a new day had appeared.
POLITICAL QUESTIONS
63. Liberty—Fraternity—Equality!
All who stand beneath our banner are free. Ours is the only flag that has in reality written upon it: Liberty, Fraternity, Equality—the three grandest words in all the languages of men. Liberty: Give to every man the fruit of his own labor—the labor of his hand and of his brain. Fraternity: Every man in the right is my brother. Equality: The rights of all are equal. No race, no color, no previous condition, can change the rights of men. The Declaration of Independence has at last been carried out in letter and in spirit. To-day the black man looks upon his child and says: The avenues of distinction are open to you—upon your brow may fall the civic wreath. We are celebrating the courage and wisdom of our fathers, and the glad shout of a free people, the anthem of a grand nation, commencing at the Atlantic, is following the sun to the Pacific, across a continent of happy homes.
64. Liberty!
Is it nothing to free the mind? Is it nothing to civilize mankind? Is it nothing to fill the world with light, with discovery, with science? Is it nothing to dignify man and exalt the intellect? Is it nothing to grope your way into the dreary prisons, the damp and dropping dungeons, the dark and silent cells of superstition, where the souls of men are chained to floors of stone? Is it nothing to conduct these souls gradually into the blessed light of day,—to let them see again the happy fields, the sweet, green earth, and hear the everlasting music of the waves? Is it nothing to make men wipe the dust from their swollen knees, the tears from their blanched and furrowed cheeks? Is it nothing to relieve the heavens of an insatiate monster, and write upon the eternal dome, glittering with stars, the grand word—Liberty?
65. Ingersoll Not a Politician
I want it perfectly understood that I am not a politician. I believe in liberty, and I want to see the time when every man, woman and child will enjoy every human right.
66. Civilization
Civilization is the child of free thought. The new world has drifted away from the rotten wharf of superstition. The politics of this country are being settled by the new ideas of individual liberty, and parties and churches that cannot accept the new truths must perish.
67. Cornell University
With the single exception of Cornell, there is not a college in the United States where truth has ever been a welcome guest. The moment one of the teachers denies the inspiration of the Bible, he is discharged. If he discovers a fact inconsistent with that book, so much the worse for the fact, and especially for the discoverer of the fact. He must not corrupt the minds of his pupils with demonstrations. He must beware of every truth that cannot, in some way, be made to harmonize with the superstitions of the Jews. Science has nothing in common with religion.
68. Church and School Divorced
Our country will never be filled with great institutions of learning until there is an absolute divorce between church and school. As long as the mutilated records of a barbarous people are placed by priest and professor above the reason of mankind, we shall reap but little benefit from church or school.
69. Laws That Want Repealing
All laws defining and punishing blasphemy—making it a crime to give your honest ideas about the Bible, or to laugh at the ignorance of the ancient Jews, or to enjoy yourself on the Sabbath, or to give your opinion of Jehovah, were passed by impudent bigots, and should be at once repealed by honest men.
70. Government Secular
Our government should be entirely and purely secular. The religious views of a candidate should be kept entirely out of sight. He should not be compelled to give his opinion as to the inspiration of the bible, the propriety of infant baptism, or the immaculate conception. All these things are private and personal. He should be allowed to settle such things for himself.
71. 1876! (1776?)
In 1876, our forefathers retired God from politics. They said all power comes from the people. They kept God out of the Constitution, and allowed each State to settle the question for itself.
72. Candidates Made Hypocrites
Candidates are forced to pretend that they are Catholics with Protestant proclivities, or Christians with liberal tendencies, or temperance men who now and then take a glass of wine, or, that although not members of any church their wives are, and that they subscribe liberally to all. The result of all this is that we reward hypocrisy and elect men entirely destitute of real principle; and this will never change until the people become grand enough to allow each other to do their own thinking.
73. The Church and the Throne
So our fathers said: "We shall form a secular government, and under the flag with which we are going to enrich the air, we will allow every man to worship God as he thinks best." They said: "Religion is an individual thing between each man and his Creator, and he can worship as he pleases and as he desires." And why did they do this? The history of the world warned them that the liberty of man was not safe in the clutch and grasp of any church. They had read of and seen the thumbscrews, the racks and the dungeons of the inquisition. They knew all about the hypocrisy of the olden time. They knew that the church had stood side by side with the throne; that the high priests were hypocrites, and that the kings were robbers. They also knew that if they gave to any church power, it would corrupt the best church in the world. And so they said that power must not reside in a church, nor in a sect, but power must be wherever humanity is—in the great body of the people. And the officers and servants of the people must be responsible. And so I say again, as I said in the commencement, this is the wisest, the profoundest, the bravest political document that ever was written and signed by man.
74. The Old Idea
What was the old idea? The old idea was that no political power came from, nor in any manner belonged to, the people. The old idea was that the political power came from the clouds; that the political power came in some miraculous way from heaven; that it came down to kings, and queens, and robbers. That was the old idea. The nobles lived upon the labor of the people; the people had no rights; the nobles stole what they had and divided with the kings, and the kings pretended to divide what they stole with God Almighty. The source, then, of political power was from above. The people were responsible to the nobles, the nobles to the king, and the people had no political rights whatever, no more than the wild beasts of the forest. The kings were responsible to God, not to the people. The kings were responsible to the clouds, not to the toiling millions they robbed and plundered.
75. Liberty for Politicians
I would like also to liberate the politician. At present, the successful office-seeker is a good deal like the centre of the earth; he weighs nothing himself, but draws everything else to him. There are so many societies, so many churches, so many isms, that it is almost impossible for an independent man to succeed in a political career.
76. Tax all Church Property
I am in favor of the taxation of all church property. If that property belongs to God, he is able to pay the tax. If we exempt anything, let us exempt the home of the widow and orphan. The church has to-day $600,000,000 or $700,000,000 of property in this country. It must cost $2,000,000 a week, that is to say $500 a minute to run these churches. You give me this money and if I don't do more good with it than four times as many churches I'll resign. Let them make the churches attractive and they'll get more hearers. They will have less empty pews if they have less empty heads in the pulpit. The time will come when the preacher will become a teacher.
77. The Source of Power
The Declaration of Independence announces the sublime truth, that all power comes from the people. This was a denial, and the first denial of a nation, of the infamous dogma that God confers the right upon one man to govern others. It was the first grand assertion of the dignity of the human race. It declared the governed to be the source of power, and in fact denied the authority of any and all gods.
78. The Best Blood of the Old Word come to the New
The kings of the old world endeavored to parcel out this land to their favorites. But there were too many Indians. There was too much courage required for them to take and keep it, and so men had to come here who were dissatisfied with the old country—who were dissatisfied with England, dissatisfied with France, with Germany, with Ireland and Holland. The king's favorites stayed at home. Men came here for liberty, and on account of certain principles they entertained and held dearer than life. And they were willing to work, willing to fell the forests, to fight the savages, willing to go through all the hardships, perils and dangers of a new country, of a new land; and the consequences was that our country was settled by brave and adventurous spirits, by men who had opinions of their own, and were willing to live in the wild forests for the sake of expressing those opinions, even if they expressed them only to trees, rocks, and savage men. The best blood of the old world came to the new.
79. No State Church
Happily for us, there was no church strong enough to dictate to the rest. Fortunately for us, the colonists not only, but the colonies differed widely in their religious views. There were the Puritans who hated the Episcopalians, and Episcopalians who hated the Catholics, and the Catholics who hated both, while the Quakers held them all in contempt. There they were of every sort, and color, and kind, and how was it that they came together? They had a common aspiration. They wanted to form a new nation. More than that, most of them cordially hated Great Britain; and they pledged each other to forget these religious prejudices, for a time at least, and agreed that there should be only one religion until they got through, and that was the religion of patriotism. They solemnly agreed that the new nation should not belong to any particular church, but that it should secure the rights of all.
80. The Enthusiasts of 1776
These grand men were enthusiasts; and the world has only been raised by enthusiasts. In every country there have been a few who have given a national aspiration to the people. The enthusiasts of 1776 were the builders and framers of this great and splendid government; and they were the men who saw, although others did not, the golden fringe of the mantle of glory, that will finally cover this world. They knew, they felt, they believed they would give a new constellation to the political heavens—that they would make the Americans a grand people—grand as the continent upon which they lived.
81. The Church Must Have no Sword
Our fathers founded the first secular government that was ever founded in this world. Recollect that. The first secular government; the first government that said every church has exactly the same rights and no more. In other words our fathers were the first men who had the sense, had the genius, to know that no church should be allowed to have a sword; that it should be allowed only to exert its moral influence.
82. We are All of Us Kings! I want the power where some one can use
it. As long as a man is responsible to the people there is no fear of despotism. There's no reigning family in this country. We are all of us Kings. We are the reigning family. And when any man talks about despotism, you may be sure he wants to steal or be up to devilment. If we have any sense, we have got to have localization of brain. If we have any power, we must have centralization. We want centralization of the right kind. The man we choose for our head wants the army in one hand, the navy in the other; and to execute the supreme will of the supreme people.
83. Honesty Tells!
In the long run the nation that is honest, the people that are industrious, will pass the people that are dishonest, the people that are idle; no matter what grand ancestry they might have had.
84. Working for Others.
To work for others is, in reality, the only way in which a man can work for himself. Selfishness is ignorance. Speculators cannot make unless somebody loses. In the realm of speculation, every success has at least one victim. The harvest reaped by the farmer benefits all and injures none. For him to succeed, it is not necessary that some one should fail. The same is true of all producers—of all laborers.
85. State Sovereignty
I despise the doctrine of State sovereignty. I believe in the rights of the States, but not in the sovereignty of the States. States are political conveniences. Rising above States as the Alps above valleys are the rights of man. Rising above the rights of the government even in this Nation are the sublime rights of the people. Governments are good only so long as they protect human rights. But the rights of a man never should be sacrificed upon the altar of the State or upon the altar of the Nation.
86. The King of America
I am not only in favor of free speech, but I am also in favor of an absolutely honest ballot. There is one king in this country; there is one emperor; there is one supreme czar; and that is the legally expressed will of the majority of the people. The man who casts an illegal vote, the man who refuses to count a legal vote, poisons the fountain of power, poisons the spring of justice, and is a traitor to the only king in this land. I have always said, and I say again, that the more liberty there is given away the more you have. There is room in this world for us all; there is room enough for all of our thoughts; out upon the intellectual sea there is room for every sail, and in the intellectual air there is space for every wing. A man that exercises a right that he will not give to others is a barbarian. A State that does not allow free speech is uncivilized, and is a disgrace to the American Union.