Oh, whence, oh, where
Is Vanity Fair?
I want to be seen with the somebodies there.
I've money and beauty and college-bred brains;
Though my 'scutcheon's not spotless, who'll mind a few stains?
To caper I wish in the chorus of style,
And wed an aristocrat after a while
So please tell me truly, and please tell me fair,
Just how many miles it's from Madison Square.
It's here, it's there,
Is Vanity Fair.
It's not like a labyrinth, not like a lair.
It's North and it's South, and it's East and it's West;
You can see it, oh, anywhere, quite at its best.
Dame Fashion is queen, Ready Money is king,
You can join it, provided you don't know a thing.
It's miles over here, and it's miles over there;
And it's not seven inches from Madison Square.