Same as first. Yokle and Shwinefelt seated on right. Granny on left. In center, by her side is a small table on which are a cup and saucer. Ike and Abe have books. Frany in an arm-chair with pillows under head on extreme left. Two empty chairs near C. Granny coughs. Shwinefelt rises, and, while talking to Granny, empties a folded paper into her teacup. While so occupied, Gust and Sallie appear at left entrance, stop, and see him do it.
Shwinefelt. Deer seit ols aye zeit wee dee onner. ( Empties paper into cup on the sly. )
Granny. Yaw, und nee net gute. Ich hop evva ols den hushta! ( Coughs. )
Shwine. Sis evva aw so feicht wedder.
Granny. Wos? ( Enter Gust and Sallie and see the act. )
Shwine. So feicht is es drous. ( To Yokle. ) Wos zeit is es shun. Ich denk ich mus bol uf der wake for hame.
Ike. ( Coughing. ) Ich hop aw der hushta. Gust, husht ken lickerish-ball?
Abe. I, drink fon der mommy eererm Awdorn tay.
Frany. Yaw, sell date ich, Ike.
Yokle. Sell is net feel wart. ( Sharply. )
Frany. Yo es is. Ike, drink mole, und no gay in’s bet. Dee Sallie holt der mommy no noch may.
( Ike gets up, takes cup and drinks. )
Yokle. ( Starting up. ) Drink net. ( Excitedly. ) Drink sell net.
Ike. Yaw, ich hop getrunka! ( Spits. ) Wos der difle is do hin in dem tay? ( Spits, etc. )
Yokle. ( Distractedly. ) Gift, mice gift! Grickt millich! ( Runs out for milk. Confusion all around. )
Ike. Gift! Gott im Himmel! Bin ich fergift!
Frany. O, Gott! O, Gott! Wee is don des ny komma?
Ike. O, my! O, my! Macht’s mich dote? Herr Yesses! Es shoft shon. Ooh! Hooo! ( Holds stomach with both hands, bends down, etc. ) Gate ebber for der duckter. Oh! Hooo!—es shoft shon orig. O, ich grick now bol shmartza—won ich—es brent—ach!—ich! Helf mer doch—holed ebber millich—kee warmy millich!
Sallie. ( Goes to him. ) Es war kay gift. Sy yusht ruich. Es war nix os gips.
Ike. We waisht’s, Sallie? O, ich glaub os es gift war. O! was es zuckt! ( More business. )
Shwine. ( Aside. ) Dummer older difle! Olles ferdorwa. ( Attempts to exit when Gust steps before him with a drawn pistol which he holds to Shwinefelt’s head. )
Gust. Net so shtorik. Sits dich noch a wile. Sis noch net so shpote.
Sallie. Sy yusht ruich, Ike, es dute der nix.
Yokle. ( Rushing in with a tin full of milk which he sets down before Granny and shouts. ) Do is seesy millich.
Granny. See is gute. ( Takes it and drinks it. )
Yokle. O, my kindt! my kindt!
Gust. Er is all recht. Es wor gips in sellem bobbeer und shunsht nix. Ich fershtay olles. Do is der kerl wo des ding g’shtart hut, und ich hob’s en sayna in der tay doo. Now, hob ich eem por worta zu sawga. Im ershta blotz, rous mit sella inshurance policies.
Shwine. Do sin see. ( Hands them out. )
Gust. Do, Ike, ferise see. ( Ike does so. ) Now, Shwinefelt, clear the patch! Los dich nimmy in Lebanon Co. sayna, oder ich arrest dich for zu brovera dee grossmommy zu fergifta. Ich kon olles proofa. Now nous mit der. Ike und Abe, geb eem farrywell. ( Ike and Abe kick him out of center entrance. ) Now, dad, horich a mole. Los dy finger ous der inshurance business. Kum in unser cumpeny. Ich und dee Sallie shtarta en cumpany, capital $10,000, ganunk for der old Henner ob zu flicka. Net so, Sallie? ( Sallie takes her place by his side. )
Granny. Des is besser for my hushta os ich noch eppes kot hop.
Frany. Yaw, es cured aw my rummadiz, glaub ich.
Ike. Und my bouch!
Granny. ( Granny rises and stretches out her hands. ) Liebe kinner. Empfongt my säga!
( Tableau. )
IKE. FRANY. YOKLE. GRANNY. GUST. SALLIE. ABE.
CURTAIN.